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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Aug252010

A Lesson in Español

Hola! Hello! I'm Dora! Soy Dora! Can you say Dora? Muy bueno! Will you join me on my cake adventure today? Soy un mucho kaka adventuroso el manana? Si! Vamos!


Oh no! Boots has escaped from my backpack and is lost in the woods! El sabatos escapada en la foresta. Will you help me find him?

...

Great! Let's put on our magic masks that will help us find Boots! El findos de monkey!


Perfecto! Can you say "serial killer?" голяма работа! Now we can see through the trees and find Boots! El seeya de fromage en ravioli!

Look! There he is! Vous les vous en la baguette, sil vous plait!

C'mon, Boots! Jump back into my backpack! We can continue our adventure! Donde esta el gato caliente gordita en la bicyclette!

Oh no! Boots got scared and ran further into the woods! We need to find him! Mondo monkey lookey lookey!

Hurry! Que mucha don Toyota Hyundai von Schmellingberg! Senor nacho libre des sombrero el Salma Hayek? Dos frijoles! Mucho grande!  

Hey! There's Boots now! He's made it through the woods and is flying a plane back home! El esta makey no sense at allos! Let's catch a ride!


Thanks for the ride, Boots! It's great to have you back home. Willkommen to los hermana! We wouldn't have found you without the help from our viewers at home! Son tan estupidos!

 

I'm so happy! Feliz cumpleaños!


Come back next week, mi amigos, when Boots and I go to night school! Soy en dos tres dental hygienists! Adios!

 

Por favor don esta el Tori, Lauren H., Rachel W., Kat D., Danielle B., e Dan H. Muy grande el biadorenos le trejamos via monkeytown! (As far as I know, "biadorenos le trejamos" translates into nothing at all... just to save you time on Google translate.)

Update!

John's helpful translation guide.
Hola- I'm pretty sure that means hello.
Backpack- That's a type of sack you wear over your shoulders.
Baguette- A type of bread.
Feliz cumpleaños- Merry Christmas.
Por favor mantenganse alejado de las puertas- No idea.

« Great Wrecks In Store | Main | Here's Your Sprinkles »

Reader Comments (167)

When I first started reading this, as a former Spanish teacher, I thought, "That poor girl used the wrong online translator. How embarassing."

The further along I got, the more the tears ran down my face. Total awesomeness. Makes me wish I taught Spanish still so that I could have my kiddos translate today's post.

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Gee, I wonder what it was that scared Boots back into the jungle? Hmmmm... Sacre diablo blanco! Schnell, schnell!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

Um. Spanish, French, garbled Russian (killer robot?) as well as some of the most exquisite Spanglish ever seen in this Spanglish world? Dora has never been more international!

And scary. Scary Russian Killer Robot Dora.

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPunk

Muy buena, amiga. Vous etes manifique!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

um, jen, i think you're foreign language skills could use some brushing up on...

lol

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

what? No translation? I'm bummed!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

That last cookie cake would give a child nightmares. Her face looks inside out.
Wonderful foreign language lesson, though.

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen B

Amazing!
You got in Eddie Izzard, Captain Jack Sparrow, Nacho Libre and even snuck in some Pennsyvania Dutch (Willlommen!!?!).
Fantastic! :)

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElly

I seriously almost vomited. Not from the grossness of the "cakes" (like usual) but your Spanish! -and german and mexican, and french, and random Jen-ise. Nacho libra! I'm still laughing!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDana

HAHA!! I love linguistic free-styling!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBethany

Por favor mantanegense allejadro de los puertas. :-)

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterL.Jo

I do believe the wreckerator got confused on the last one... the customer wanted Dora, not a blow-up doll.

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

As someone who grew up in a family where most of the jokes were language-based, and "punnishment" was sitting around the family dinner table late at night making multi-lingual hilarities (including but not limited to Latin, Russian, French, German, and Spanish), this post warmed the cockles of my funny bone.

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKittyKat

Oh, thank you so much for this laugh today. It has really perked me up from where I started the morning. The last cookie? Did you see the Dora Food Network Challenge? Totally has the mouth that Vinnie put on his Dora.

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

It's not Russian! It's Bulgarian for "good job".

word verification: purdlywr.. sounds Welsh.

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Glad I was alone when I read this or people would have wondered what the cackling was about. Oddly, though, I understood every word with my high school French and Berlitz Spanish (donde est la taverna). Well done, Number 1.

Memo to Jen and john (the hubby of Jen): Pay raise in order for Number 1. Multilingual, can type and sing. Works well with others.

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Ah, thank you for the flashback to many wonderful trips on the Disney monorail!

Please stand clear of the doors!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJedi Meg

This should be required reading in public schools.

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Your humor never ceases to amaze me! This posts reminds me of the one you wrote using British slang. If I were to ever die from laughter you would be the main suspect in the investigation!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

This was great. These cakes are so scary!
Also, did you see the Food Network cakes challenge where the Dora head fell off the cake? ay ay ay!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

Por favor mantanegense allejadro de los puertas! Now THAT takes me back... not to mention got me in good with my high school spanish teacher who thought my pronunciation was excellent. lol

*sighs* monorails...

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCandace

LOL! Reminds me of Pepe Le Pew cartoons...
"Quelle est? Ah, le belle femme skunk fatale."
"Le purrrr."

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

very funny! even my 10 yr. old got it. :) thanks for starting the day with a laugh!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hilarious! I loved it! A great way to start off back to school today! (I'm a Spanish minor, so it was very umm...educational? Yeah, lets just go with that!)

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney C.

Hey, John -

*Everybody* knows that “Por favor mantenganse alejado de las puertas.” means “Epcot”. Duh!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChris Friend

Actually, feliz cumpleanos is "happy birthday". (See, I did retain something from two years of university Spanish!) Love the post, though!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmily the Strange

I've had it in for Dora ever since my son saw the rainbow episode where THE COLORS ON THE RAINBOW WERE IN THE WRONG ORDER. Then my darling child didn't believe me when I tried to explain diffraction and the actual color order. I had to get a prism to prove that mommy is more credible than cartoon characters. Grrrr....

(I have, however, refrained from showing him the double rainbow video.)

So thank you, Wreckerators, for doing far worse to little big head than I ever could have.

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLibby

Wow, I think I was laughing at the post so hard I forgot to look at the wrecks! I had to scroll back and look again. Am I weird that I read the entire post in Eddie Izzard's voice?
WV: nallyzin - yes, I think I do need some zin after that. What? It's still morning? So?

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTracy O

This reminded me of the Dora spoof SNL did. It's called Maraka, and by the time she starts using the tongue clicking language I'm laughing so hard I'm gasping for breath. It's a perfect complement to this linguistic, uh, word journey.

Here's the link: http://www.hulu.com/watch/1610/saturday-night-live-tv-funhouse

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn from Superior

Por favor mantenganse alejado de las puertas. I love it! I can hear the monorail dudes voice in my head. Thanks for putting a smile on my face this morning! :)

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

Good God Jen, that was a struggle to read through without crying from laughter. Totally made my day, particularly the random appearance of cyrillic letters :')
Much love as always xD

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLulu

Yo think I vamos a pass out laughing!! Gracias!!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Nothing says 'Happy Birthday' like a passenger plane crashing into a ball of flames...

WV - bogeness......heeheehee...

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Wow your accent is PERFECT for a gringa (says the super duper white girl)

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDani

I cackled out loud when I read your "Spanish". Thanks for a great early morning laugh! I hate having to learn it in school, I've always found it difficult. If only we could learn this instead!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClara

Technically...though I hate to split hairs after this much needed hilarity...

Feliz cumpleaños - Happy Birthday

Feliz navidad - Merry Christmas

Muy Bueno!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBree

Is that character doing gin ups in that one cake=)

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Ha, I loved that. Too funny. If you still don't know, that last sentence says "Please stay away from the door." I've heard lots of bad Spanish in my time but this was the best I think. I'm still trying to figure it all out.
And I hate Dora. Listening to one of her videos is my idea of torture.

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMercy D'souza

me too tears running down my face, literally crying, from laughter this time not the usual crying from "seriously they thought that would be a pretty cake?"

pass the tissue please,

M

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermartha

As someone who regularly speaks an odd mixture of English, French, Italian and Spanish, I must say I thoroughly enjoyed this post. Language mash-ups FTW! :D

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Bueno Bueno Bueno!!!
Muy bien gracias!
Estoy bebiendo muchas grandes casas de bonita!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Hurry! Que mucha don Toyota Hyundai von Schmellingberg! Senor nacho libre des sombrero el Salma Hayek? Dos frijoles! Mucho grande!"

That pretty much sums it up. XD

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

what an amazing cake story! I wish i could also understand spanish.

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterScolex

as two of the commenters have already said, Feliz cumplean~os is Happy Birthday; Feliz Navidad is for Merry Christmas.
i liked how you managed to incorporate English words and the name of an actress into your *coughs* Spanish.
great post, as per usual.
:)

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSzélsőFa

that last cake is the kind of thing that nightmares are made of. mucho scario! Andele, andele!!!!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

"Vous les vous en la baguette, sil vous plait!"
You the you in the baguette??? The hel...?
Stick to english, you do it so well (You should google "Dona l'educatrice", it's a spoof on Dora by a Quebec comedian and it is hilarious. I'm sure you'll like it).

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCostumeholic

You've done it again...I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying!!!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterConnie Moreno

Yo quiero – no, not Taco Bell! – to know the story behind a birthday cake/cookie that involves a plane crashing into a volcano. Seriously.

Hey, the second word in Cyrillic letters is the third person singular of "to work." So Dora's got that goin' for her. :-)

- DB

wv: hystiver, as in, "This linguistic acid trip was hystiverical!"

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As I just returned from Mexico (moving my mother from Guadalajara to Denver, CO if you can believe it), I appreciate your post more than you could know. Every time I tried to speak Spanish, what came out was a mix of German, English, and Spanish. Without the Spanish. Totally pitiful, but I never learned it in school. Te helados!

Love the monkey cake--the "hang in there" just couldn't, could it?

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKeeley

Maybe you could get a job with the DEA!

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

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