My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Seedy Celebration

It's National Watermelon Day.


And you know what that means, right?

Time to buy a cake.

Do those look like minnows? Just a tad, Pole.

(No, I've never met anyone named "Pole" before, either. But - BUT - John is Polish. I sometimes affectionately refer to him as "Pole," ok? You don't know. Look, bottom line: just WORK WITH THE PUN, people, ok? Work...with the pun.)

So, how can YOU celebrate National Watermelon Day?

With healthy stuff, of course!

You know, like oil-soaked Cheetos:

Erm. Wrong oil.

Or a traditional "ICU" Melon:

Don't make me call Gallagher, punk.

Or perhaps some exotic plant life:


Or, um, vampire ants?

"Vlad! Mortimor! Pull out! Ve've sucked 'er dry!

Teresa, Emily B., Beth, Missy M., & Erica H., I think I'm going to need a "Beware Mortimor the Vampire Ant" t-shirt. Can any of you do something about that?

>:= <--That's my vampire ant emoticon. You like?

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Reader Comments (87)

I WANT a Mortimer the Vampire Ant t-shirt. And I absolutely love the emoticon. I think I"m going to use it for regular vampire stuff, though. Not a huge need for vampire ants.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSariah

I need a "Beware Mortimor the Vampire Ant" t-shirt as well!


August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergigi

how about "just a tad, Paul"?

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterfrugalmom

Does the ICU watermelon remind anyone else of Coco from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends?

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered Commentereinah

This is my husband's "Elvis vampire" emoticon. Don't ask me why Elvis has three fangs... perhaps because he's the king?

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterM. Muenich

yeah I'm not sure how those "seeds" on the second cake look like oily cheetos. They are definitely leaches, which is much worse.
- Syd

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I've been off Cake Wrecks, cold turkey, since last Wednesday due to computer problems. Thanks for serving watermelon for my return. That is watermelon, isn't it? Isn't it?

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

me like vampire ants :-)

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKim

Actually, the 4th cake reminds me of those annoying plants in the Mario games that pop out of the pipes and get you just when you think it's safe.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJuno

Beware Mortimor the Vampire Ant!!!! I would buy that shirt! You would think decorators could make a decent watermelon cake since its such a simple design.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChar

That explains why I've been craving watermelon all day! It makes so much sense that my body just knew it was National Watermelon Day. Either that or it's the fact that I'm 9 months pregnant. It has to be the Watermelon Day thing, though...

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSteph W

Super Ewww. The ants made my skin crawl!!

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSweetie

hehehehhehe good one

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Aw, mitochondria cute.

August 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sperm cake, goat-droppings cake, whale-melon cake, upside-down smiling watermelon cake and a picnic invasion. Well, that's what they look like. Surely a watermelon is not that hard to commit to memory? Even I know what one looks like when cut. duh!

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershikishinobi

Oh my just thinking about what those "seeds" remind me of makes me want seedless watermelons from now on lol. And the vampire ants had me nearly on the floor laughing. I say nearly because if I fell to the floor in the dark I would likely stay there and not bother typing lol. The ants would get me for sure.

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

#1 Is there something in the Wreckerator Code that says that oval objects (watermelon seeds, balloons) must appear to be *swimming*?

#2 Wrong oil? The statement presumes there is a right oil for soaking Cheetos. Well, scratch those off the snack menu. Healthier eating through aversion-producing imagery -- another benefit of reading this blog.

#3 My wife-to-be is a nurse, so to me, 'ICU' automatically means, 'Intensive Care Unit'. That works here, too, for some odd reason.

Do we know what the er, 'accessories' are on #4? They appear to be dead -- I can't decide if that helps or not. Continuing the theme...

#5 Of all the ways to flotsamize a wreck, why ants? Are poo blobs not enough anymore? Is it already time for the gross-out Olympics again?

wv: emonw. A bonus anagram!

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Update on #2: The label reads in part: "Choc. Devil Food".

Knowing the intended recipient helps make some sense of it.

Does "devil food" (or "devil's food" as it used to be known before apostrophes were banned in bakeries) come in a variety of flavors, or did the wreckery match a lack of knowledge of watermelon with a gift for redundancy?

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

The second-to-last one is clearly a rare, Northern South Amsterdamian Venus Watermelon Fly-trap. Those poor ants are about to be lured to their doom. DOOM, I TELL YOU... DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM. (Doomity, doom, DOOM-doom, doom, doom).

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

I just wanted to thank you for providing me (and my friends) with hours and hours of amusement with this blog. :)

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristina


Oh how I laughed and laughed!

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCharly

And here I thought leeches were so 15th century, silly me.

Eyes on a watermelon, I mean we've humanized animals to death, guess we're going after the fruit next. Yes, Ice Age would be a different movie if done from that coconut's point of view, a lot more boring, long periods of laying on the ground and/or floating in water, I wonder, do sharks "taste" ocean going coconuts? But definitely would have been a different movie.

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCan't See Sheep

sensatonal these look great love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlourishing Networks

tee hee-our last name is Pohl and I so wanted to name our son Tad, but sadly, was voted down by the rest of the fam.

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKristi Pohl

Okay, if you spell it "Paule", it is a French name that is pronounced "Pole".

(P.S. I often have to reload the page a few times so that I can see the word verification... the image doesn't show up most of the time. IE 8 with Vista.)

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEponita

Silly me, I ate watermelon for watermelon day (yes, I observed it -- kids with nothing to do for the summer). The one holiday that doesn't already center around eating unhealthy food, we're supposed to buy a cake for?

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterB

I'm sorry, maybe it's just me, but the girl in the first picture - is she an actual child? It looks like a doll. Or was the photo airbrushed? What child has skin that clean, all over? And her nail polish isn't chipped? Really?
Sorry - it's just kinda creeping me out.

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbookette

LMAO at the seymour one. Do people really get cakes for national watermelon day? i guess so... i didn't even know such a day existed lol

check out my blog:

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~Nikki~

But...but.. I've MADE a watermelon cake. It's NOT. THAT. DIFFICULT. I just don't understand how these people get jobs. If you can't execute the watermelon cake or the cheeseburger cake, you shouldn't have the job. Just sayin'.

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjmadison77

@BADKarma!: Ants lured to their doom? I'm totally down with that. How's this for a concept: a 'vortex of doom' cake (one of the wreckier cornucopias should do nicely) with a line of ants marching right into it.

@Bookette, I agree.

What do people eat on National Cake Day?

August 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Gallagher. *gigglesnort*

August 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladyrazorsharp

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love all of your blogs, but this!!!

August 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDebi

I would buy your vampire ant t-shirt! But only if you spelled it "Mortimer," like my last name.

August 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrittney

@Bookette, yes the girl is real. She's my 4 year old and she has beautiful skin and eyes. Totally forgot I had sent this photo in, much less that she was in it. She was excited to see herself on cakewrecks!

August 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTeresa

oh god, "FEED ME SEYMOUR!" was priceless.

August 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ah, the Little Shop of Horrors reference filled me with glee. :)

August 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaz

The girl looks slightly creepy. Anyone agree?

November 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterG

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