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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Sep172010

Internal Wisdom

We here at Cake Wrecks realize that often there are readers who simply. don't. get it. So, in an effort to "bring the funny" to our few humor-challenged readers, we have enlisted the services of our intern, Britnee, to help translate. To our regular readers: please bear with us. We will resume our regular posting tomorrow. And now, take it away, Britnee!


Like, OMG! You're totally gonna laugh. So, there's this cake, right?

See, what happened was, the guy that ordered the cake actually wanted actual FLOWERS on the cake. Like, in icing? And instead the DECORATOR wrote "and flowers." Right? Get it? O. M. G.!

And this is, like, totally hilarious:

LOL So, here, a guy wanted a cake to say "Schwager House" - which is totes redonk - but he wanted it written out in all capital letters. And get this: the decorator wrote "all caps" ON THE CAKE. Right there! In icing! On the cake! See it? HAHAHAHA! OMG, I gotta tell Kristy about this one.

Check this out: so, next, this lady, Madalene, wanted a cake for her son and some junk, and she, like, wanted the cake to say "#1" on it. Well, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!?!

Hi-LAAAAAAAR-ious!!!

See, the cake says "#1 ON IT" ON the cake!!! HE TOTALLY WROTE IT ON THE CAKE!

ROFLMAOOOOOOOOO


And then there was this guy, Dennis? And he wanted a cake, for his mom's birthday? And she was like, turning 89, or whatever? So, he wanted an "89" in the corner? And do you know what happened?!?!??!

{{{dying with laughter}}}

The decorator WROTE OUT "89 IN THE CORNER!!!!!!!"

LOLOLOLOL!!!!

{catching breath...}

Okay, okay... but the most bestest one ever EVER... is when it was Ashlee's birthday, and her boyfriend wanted the cake to say "Happy Birthday Ashlee" and her name has two Es in it and OMG OMG OMG what do you think happened?!?

[hopping up and down] (This is going to be awesome!!! You are SO going to TOTALLY lose it!!!)

Wait.

I don't get it.


....

Well, here's John again.

[Sigh] Um, thanks, Britnee, for that thoughtful and extremely explanatory commentary. I hope all of our humor-challenged readers enjoyed it. And for the rest of you, allow me to end with an obscure math joke: Did you know that 8/5 of Americans aren't good with fractions? [Chortle]

Thanks to Will E., Chris O., Madalene W., Dennis W., and Robert H.

« Err Force | Main | Dueling Disasters »

Reader Comments (110)

My favorite math observation comes from the 2008 Presidential election season. An article in the New Yorker quoted a "retired schoolteacher" as saying she didn't think Barack Obama was trustworthy, because "He claims to be black, but I heard that he's really two-thirds Arab."

Two-thirds.
Think about it.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

That last one was priceless. hell they were all priceless. I'm still laughing.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDazee Dreamer

This was awesome!!!!! So fun, so amazing! So Wreckalicious! Or is Wrecktactular?

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Can I add another obscure math joke which I totally stole from Think Geek?

11 cheers for binary!

wv: quaverin - The decorator was quaverin in her boots when she heard Britnee was reviewing the cakes today!

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm betting that this post was aimed at all the people who said yesterday, "HEY THAT IS NOT A WRECK YUO DO NOT KNO WUT A WRECK IS (even though it is your blog and you came up with the idea)!!!@!!" Kudos.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterzombiekim

I am not sure if I have ever commented here before, but gotta say this is one of the best. You guys brighten my day.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJess

I'm afraid the humor-challenged community isn't going to find this post the least bit funny. (Wait for it...)

In fact, according to a survey I just made up, 50% are offended, 50% were not offended until they thought about it and the remaining 50% don't understand the question?

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I hve been doing cakes for a while now. I actually spelled "congratulations" wrong a few weeks ago (missing the g). I realized it within a few hours and offered to change it, but the woman did not care. I work from home. I do, however, find these cakes HILARIOUS. I mean, we all make mistakes, but writing the instructions on a cake?? Just silly!

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well, I always "get" the stupidity and don't always find it very funny. I only hope this site 'shames the ignorant' and I know that is an oxymoronic expectation. I live in a particulary ignorant area where I constantly hear people defending their incorrect spelling and mispronounciations - in their drunken and drugged stupors. Believe me, that is a significan population of California - just 100 miles from Silicon Valley. And, I, too love your post - especially with the strange and wonderful piles of frosting. Sundays can be a wonder.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

8/5 of Americans? Wow! That's more than all of us!

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJuliana

Maybe I am showing my age, but Moon Unit Zappa was supplying the voice of Britnee in my head.

WV: prome. "Oh, I hope I can get one of those guys from Schwager House to take me to the prome!", says Britnee.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne

So the last part...the last word, actually, was the funniest part. "chortle" Really! it makes me chortle.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

'K, John, so...not good with fractions, you say? Here's a lad after your own heart. And I'm thinkin' the humour on this blog might resonate with you all

www.thesneeze.com/steve-dont-eat-it/

Diane

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercaptive

Well, at least that last one for Ashlee is beautifully done (unlike the #1 cake, which has the strangest mix of upper and lower case letters--and do I see the imprint of some guide lines for writing straight??).

Clearly some of these decorators are paid to be artistic, but not to think, interpret, or do anything other than what is literally on the order form...

Thanks, John, for channeling your inner Britney today
;-)

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Loved it! I think Britnee should be a regular on cake wrecks? Omg totes!

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLola

Like, OMG, I could HEAR Britnee!

Like, did you get it? Oh, and I'll take ANY cake with #1 on it. Then engage.

Sad, sad, sad.... don't wreckerators have enough sense to look at a cake and figure they did something wonky? Imean, c'mon, people! 'Ashley.. with two ee's'....

Cripes.

They just don't get it. And if we use these bakers, neither do we.

~Di

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Urrrgh, one of my pet peeves is people? Who end every phrase? With a question mark? And yes, many times the speaker is a young woman of fashion. Oh well. People still tell me I talk like a Valley Girl (one of the phrases that gives me away is "Oh m'gooosh").

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I thought that these sort of 'literal' wrecks would have gone the way of the Dodo by now (come on, doesn't everyone read CW? *g*). I'm always shocked when I find out that they haven't.

As the prissy manager from 'Chez Qui' in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" said: "I *weep* for the future."

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladyrazorsharp

How does one get to be a Cake Wrecks intern? Are you accepting applications? :)

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKell-Dawg

Like, OMG? Great job Britnee!!!! Sorry you didn't get that last cake tho'? ;-D

The Schwager House cake: Yep. That looks like parsley to me. There are blackberries, blueberries, un-uniformly cut strawberries, kiwi roses(?) that look like bell peppers, and the yellow "roses" look like a rolled up slice of provolone cheese. Yum.

89nd (j/k) birthday girl's cake: I think the technicolor icing is supposed to look like "streamers". If done appropriately, I don't think it looks too bad - makes a cake look festive. But then they go and put curled ribbons on the cake. Yum.

wv: reard - These wreckerators need to reard the instructions more carefully!

Jen & john (hubby of Jen) - you should add a spot on your website dedicated to our word verifications ;-)

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

i actually did laugh! your blog always makes me laugh!! thanks for helping me stay healthy!

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNadia

Adding "totes redonk" to my list of phrases to drop in conversation while driving my teen and his friends somewhere...I will be the coolest mom, evah! ;-)

And I totally heard Moon Unit Zappa in my head while reading the post. Great, now I feel old.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLadybug914

I find it so great that after all the days of wreaks,the whole gang there keeps coming up with these awesome ideas to deliver the laughs.To find the wreaks out there in this big old world appears to be easy, but to have such variety in your ways of making us laugh is the real talent. It keeps the blog fresh and makes one look forward to tomorrow to see what you will do. Is there a Cake Wreaks #2 book out?

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPamela

the schwager house- they totally cut the tops off the strawberries, and inverted them. you have strawberry stems in your cake!!

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNadia

Oh my gawd... I like *totally* get the joke now! Hehehe. It really DOES drive me nuts when people think they have to explain the cakes to all of us in the comments section. Well, cuz, ya know... we're so stupid!

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelvria

I am such an old cow, I just spent 10 minutes googling to try and figure out what "totes redonk" means.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStacy Q

...when did we get transported to 1989 Encino, CA?

....There's not a pay phone in the corner, is there?

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIsabella

"6/5" would have been funnier. Hah.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Yeah! And there are 10 types of people in the world: those who don't know binary, and those who do. Ha!

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

ok college frat house (Schwager House) rolled white paper and "parsley"...
fruit and cheese for those beigy flowers on cake....
hmmm....seems to add up.
i'm just saying is all

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

At first I have to say,that I just looove your blog! Everyday I come here to see if there's something new to laugh about :D

These was great "Ashlee with two ee's" :D

-Emilia from Finland-

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmilia

and 9/10 of all statistics are made up on the spot.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

I would actually describe the noise I made after reading the math joke as a chortle.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Like, OH MY GOSH, Britnee was AWESOME. Keep her. :) SO glad she could totally help out with the translations.

(LOVED this post. I am literally laughing out loud. That happens a lot on this blog.)

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSariah

Anon @ 5:03,

I would love to post your comment. I enjoy constructive criticism. However, I am done posting anonymous criticism. If you are courageous enough to write an angry comment, at least be courageous enough to put your name.

That is all.

john

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

That was quite possibly the funniest post I've ever read on this blog. Or, should I say, "OMG, it was, like, THE totally funniest thing I have seen EVAR, and, like, 'totes redonk'." XP

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Waaaahahahahaha! I love you guys.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

The fruit decorations on the Schwager House Cake look like they were done by kids. Haha, great post.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmerican Girl

Classic cakewrecks......
lol

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertiny purple elephant

My current fave...Three statisticians went out hunting and saw a rabbit.

The first one fired and missed it on the left. The second one fired and missed it on the right.

The third statistician cried "We hit it!"

(you may have to think about it).

Love the cakes. I think Britnee is in my class :)

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSimone

haha! my name is ashlee too, and I get that last one ALL the time!

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG!!!!! Now I've got a Julie Brown earworm and find myself humming "Everybody run. The Homecoming Queen's got a gun ..."

Prob 'cuz her grad cake had all these weird spellings and, OMG, the wrong name! WTF, I mean, how hard is it to spell Ashley/Ashleigh/Ashlee/Ashli/Ashelley ...

Yes, all names I've transcribed.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

Seriously! That was like your bestest work EVER! Oops, ha ha, my gum fell out. I'm gonna like ask my mom to get me one of those for my birthday, but like really really big [chomp, chomp] and really pink and stuff. Yeah, so like WHAT-EV-ER? I'm bored. I'm hanging up now. I need new gum.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

For the record, I get it.

And I love it!

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjillb-ilslp

I SOOO love the valley voice, like, totally... I should SO do that some day, ya know?? Like, wear a ponytail and leggins to work, and stuff... Just to, ya know, see if anyone really would, like, get totally annoyed and stuff.

Loved it guys! :)

wv - comere: Comere an read dis ere post! Yu'll wet yer pants laffin'

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

Anyone else wondering if the people who don't get it are actually the sorts of decorators who make these mistakes?
"I fail to see what's so funny. I get these requests at work all the time!"

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBubbles

I don't get it either...
*starts licking screen, gets up walks into wall repeatedly*

explain it to me

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteresther

#1 Icing? Looks more like plaster. I guess I've seen the handwriting on the wall (ba-dup!).

I think of that Zappa tune every time I read an example of Valspeak, but I don't feel old at all. Maybe that's because a merry heart does good like a medicine.

John (thoJ), I total... er, completely agree. It's what the header on the forum says, after all. Wreck on!

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig is my real name

This whole post was laike? Yew knooow? Tewdally aaahsum? I wuz all laike OMG eeewkaaay??? Laike tewdally !!!!!!one!!1!!eleventyone!!! Laike gaag me with an entire place setting eeewkaayyy?

*re-inserts brain cells*

Meanwhile I thought the first cake was quite pretty and understated at first until I zoomed in and the things I thought were little bunches of grapes suddenly looked like giant bird poos with wasabi garnish.

Oh and Anonymous (wow that's a surprise) at 11:05 - yeah I know a heck of a lot of girls that talk like that too. Here in Australia. And I still think it's funny.

September 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWolvie Girl

Not at all shocked by these cakes lol. No longer can a wreckerator shock me with the lack of paying attention to what they are doing. I need to know where the bakeries find these people so we can make sure to run away screaming.. preferably after I get a nice piece of cake.

September 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Chortle and guffaw.

September 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

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