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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jan202011

A Day In The Life

Jen and I are often asked what it's like to be "professional" bloggers. How do we spend our days? Do we have a swimming pool filled with gold coins? Are there fantastic parties and gourmet ketchups? The answer to all these questions is yes. Jen even has a green dress. (But not a real green dress. That's cruel.)

That doesn't mean it's all fun and games, though. Sometimes we take naps.

In fact, I think I'll keep a diary for a day, just so you can see firsthand the "glorious life" of the "Professional Blogger." Enjoy!

------------------------------------------

1:00 pm - Woke up to cats hammering on door and yowling. Note to self: get thicker door. Also, new cats.

"Mrow?"

1:35 pm - Cats' yowls going super sonic. Ear plugs ineffective. Time for the Super Soaker.

"Mruh Mroh."

2:10 pm - Jen's awake. Cats are hiding. I ask in my best Kirk impression (complete with hand gestures), "JEN! Are... you... readytobe... funny? We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill!"

Jen:

Note to self: Avoid Kirk impressions before Jen's fully awake.

3:45 pm - Checked on Jen in the office. She has 27 browser tabs open and is humming "Loathing." So far, so good.

5:20 pm - Jen comes out of her office to reheat some "breakfast."

Pizza and Maalox: breakfast of champions.

7:20 pm - A yell from the office: "Oy! What're some puns for 'lactating?'"

7:32 pm - Final tally: Milking it, so cheesy, really sucks, staying abreast of the whole situation, whipped into a frenzy, creamy complexion, skim off the top, nipped a pair of area oreos

8:15 pm - Maniacal laughter coming from office.

8:21 pm
- Loud sobs coming from office.

8:30 pm
- Colorful swearing coming from office. Huh. Rapid mood swings may indicate low blood sugar. I bring Jen a cookie.

Effect is immediate. "Ohh, and also 'eat, drink, and be dairy!'"

10:45 pm - Heading to McDonald's for lunch.

Thank goodness we're not food bloggers. (Oh. Wait...)

12:20 am- Break time. Watching Castle with Jen.

*snorfle*

2:15 am- Jen heads back to the office. I'm off to bed.

(This was supposed to say "Just because." Seriously.)

3:35 am - Woken by a loud yell. Rushed out to find Jen staring horror-struck at a new e-mail:

"Why? WHY?!?"

4:04 am - Convinced Jen to come to bed. She lies in the dark, muttering, "Can't sleep. Lobster in blond wig will eat me."

I think it's going to be another long night.



Thanks to Lyle, James, Alistair, Carissa, Amanda M., Helen W., Elizabeth M., Kristin S., Eilen, Tyler O., Dana S., & Beatrice Y., for helping us avoid "real" jobs. Now: nap time!

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  • Response
    Hi, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam remarks? If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can advise? I get so much lately it's driving me insane ...

Reader Comments (120)

Bj, Not really - Just a Llama and an Emu are fine with me...

My reaction to the lobster thing "Whoa... wow... whoa... Is that lobster in a wig...smoking?... with a matching boa on the Topiary...AND OH MY GAWD THAT'S HINEY-MAN! someone is even pointing at him!!!"

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth C.

What? No llama or emu cakes?

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

As a night owl, I'm jealous that you can shift your "day" like that (sigh)

Your cats flip out after 9 hours of sleep? Yup, you need new cats. Preferably of the stuffed toy variety ;)

#1 could have been cute if the wreckerator had just a little more skill. #2 and #3 are -- are you *sure* that's meant to be a cat?! They're scarily bad even for a monster

#4 this CCC pizza cake is better than most CCCs (patooie)

#5 Why is there a strangely shiny half-naked woman on a cake? Is this a picture of Amber?

#6 Why is there more icing than cookie? Why are there pink, red and green splotches? Sprinkles? Brown icing? None of it makes any sense!

#7 Is sad, but at least recognizable.

#8 a 'castle' without buying a proper bundt pan. But sugar cubes? how disgusting. And I think @Trevor's right-- those aren't dragees.

#9 Maybe that was for Lindsay, who's on a "Bed or" roll? The wreckerator was tired and/or sick and wanted to go home to bed? The person who ordered it was very, very attractive?

#10 That looks like REAL lobsters?! With kale! Are you sure there's cake in there? Or is just meant to horrify us? (It worked).

PS I, too, chuckled over the Barenaked Ladies lyric! Although... I guess we're bringing that old CD into the Epcot bunker?

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

humming "Loathing"...ahahah! now its in MY head :(

-Moochmom

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thaaannkks. Now my waking days are haunted by super-transformer lobster gestalt in a blond wig. And, apparently, smoking.

O-O

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go traumatize my Facebook friends with this.

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChriss

The guy in the background of the lobster tower picture is NOT Jamie Hyneman.

First of all, the beard appears to be the wrong color and too long. The guy in the picture looks like his beard is black/gray and looks like it is covering his neck (albeit that it is hard to tell in the picture). Jamie's beard is reddish and does not go past his chin.

Second, look closely at the hat. The *only hat* Jamie wears is a black *beret*. And the guy in the picture looks like he's wearing some kind of caption's hat.

So, sorry everyone but the guy is NOT Jamie Hyneman.

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG! But not a real green dress - that's cruel! LOL!

You really should get a Mon-key!

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Karkins Family

I think the lobster is actually Lady Gaga...

(and I laughed OUT LOUD at the "green dress" - love it!)

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterT

What are you and that lobster smoking, John? ;-)

Also, cats HATE closed doors. Just open it a crack. They'll come in, take a sniff, then leave you alone. Or not.

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJ.

OMG that was a burger??? *scratching and shaking my head*

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNo Cake Fo' YOU!!!

Oh god. That lobster is something out of MY nightmares. Seriously. When I was about 5 I had a nightmare involving a giant lobster erupting through the floor on my house and sucking people's insides out with its giant claws. (My mother later woke up and found me on the couch, muttering about a lobster in my bed trying to eat my toes).

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkirazi

I agree - that looks like the guy from MythBusters in the background of the last picture. That would explain A LOT.

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Darn you guys and the tricky timing of drinking while reading your blog, just cleaned coffee off the computer monitor...anywhoodle...after nursing 5 children (at different times and different years) I have yet to make whipped cream come from my tata's...someone envisioned talent!!!

PS...my laughter is only further induced by my word verification word for commenting today repasty...ie when you reattach your pasty..hehehehe

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJess

I'm scrolling through these with my husband and we get to "Just Bed" I ask what does that mean?? and he immediately says, "no sex, just bed." LOL

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDemeter

definitely enjoyed the bnl reference :)

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdrienne

Ahhh John, you had me at the Barenaked Ladies song and then had me seal away my soul to the cat's "mrow".

You, my friend, are the cat's "mrow".

Pizza and burger CCW's are just so very wrong. Yuck.

Also?

Mrow.

I bet you have pre-wrapped sausages, but you don't have pre-wrapped bacon.

(Sorry is someone else wrote this since I didn't read all the comments)

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

bWhat interesting works of art!!! (And I'm sure I don't mean Picasso OR Garfunkle...)

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

I cannot believe how in tune I am with this site. Or maybe I can, but I'm trying not to accept it.

Lunch at 10:45 pm -- sounds good.

Castle -- drool.

Does that cake have to say 'oro poop'? In defense, it does look like gold poop from some angles.

Giggle - just bed. Lovely.

I knew there was something wrong about whole lobsters. Lobster mobster's molls in Dolly Parton wigs are just just as bad.

I'm glad to be back home and in connection to a computer, just to come back to CW!!

~~Di

WV - vialaten -- I do believe some of these cakes be vialaten a body.

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermladybright

The intro made my day. Not often you get to use a BNL reference. You guys are so awesome!

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Re: the man behind the lobster cake--It's like he's some sea-faring ghost done in by the wigged lobster. Sort of like the ghost that appears in the window during a scene in "Three Men and a Baby."

It also looks like there is another person pointing at the man from behind the wall. This is creepy.

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDLou

Is number 1 a cross between a cat and HellBoy? Would that be a hellcat?

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, my crackers! You had me at "gourmet crackers"! (love the BNLs)

The lobster thing was horrifying... I can't unsee that, you know...

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermichelej

But not a REAL blond wig,
That's cruel!!
(The technicolor poo on the cookies was pretty cruel, too).

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCutelilsnot

Pizza breakfast and burger lunch. Now that's a good day!

WV: Redairyo - When one runs out of dairy and must run to the store and purchase more... re-dairy yo!

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCatstina

"Theeeeere's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow, there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim!"

When I was growing up, my dad had some tapes of songs played on Dr. Demento. Thanks for the flashback. :^)

BOOT TO THE HEAD

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteraprillikesbikes

OK LOLZ to end a really crappy day, but now lobster...and I live alone *wibble*

WV: ledewearat a rat in lederhosen

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLauren Towers

Great....now I am craving Kraft dinner. Thanks a heap!

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

My 5 year old son was looking at these after I laughed at the lactating jokes (he didn't see the visual). He then asks what the next ones were (heart shaped?). I said "I have no idea" and he said, "Maybe girl chests?".

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKarla

Thanks for the mammaries!

WV: unced

My comment should have been left unced.

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it.

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDoctor Tarr

Lol, That was a pizza cake! Get it? Pieze o' cake? Haha!

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLydia

Quoting BNL - as if I needed another reason to love you guys!

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCakebuilder

Thanks for the barenaked ladies reference!

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkatiem

You guys are even cooler because you watch Castle.

Rock on.

:) Sara

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Do you also have pre-wrapped bacon?I love the blog, the Barenaked Ladies reference just made me love your blog all the more.

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEmi

O_o to the boob cake. To the rest of them... WTF

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have Star Trekkin' as a favorite on Youtube (shoot to kill, shoot to kill)!!

-Barbara Anne

P.S. feed the cats, silly! no need for new ones

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Please, Please, Please make more Barenaked Ladies references. As many as you can. Although you are at least one up of most sites, and rose quite a bit in my personal standings today.

Thanks.

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmauriel

What's the lobster in the wig holding in its right claw? o_O

January 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterF. Pelayo

Ahaha! I'll have that song stuck in my head through the weekend, craving "Kraft Dinner" all the while.

P.S. Isn't that what Kraft Mac and Cheese boxes actually say on the front in Canada? "Kraft Dinner"? What's that all about?

January 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What boob made the lactation cake? Maybe someone trying to pay their way through nursing school. That cake could be used as a weapon of mast destruction. Bra-vo, wreckerator. Well, anyway, regardless of appearance I would totally engorge myself on that cake. Especially if it was pinipple upside down cake.

January 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

Oh great now I too fear that lobster in a blond wig. If it comes to eat me in my dreams I am bringing you all with me lmao. Seriously just throw water on it and maybe the thing will melt into oblivion where it belongs!

January 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

#1 What on earth is that? To what are the arrows pointing?

#2 A dog wearing a disguise, perhaps? Just looking at all that frosting makes my teeth hurt.

#3 A sloth with a major attitude problem -- almost an oxymoron.

#4 There are no words.

#5 There are no safe words. Except perhaps 'dairy queen'. I don't mean the brand.

#6 This could have been so nice, until it was sucked into the Sandra Lee zone. I have no quarrel with buttercreme, but parts of this look like actual butter -- strike 1. Real bead chains? Yeah, that's safe -- strike 2. The topper looks like two pieces from a Samurai chess set. Why? What does 'seafoop' mean? How did they manage to get artificial flowers to wilt? Strikes 3 through 5.

#7 [The Barry Manilow marathon on the p.a. is interrupted by:] "Dr. Freud to the bakery, Dr. Freud to the bakery, STAT."

#8 I need to know where this occurred so I can be sure never to go there. A lobster with a blond wig & smoking? Really?

I can see college students pulling something like this during a break in an all-night cram session. But to think that actual grown-ups were paid to make a tower of lobsters...

I'm 90% sure that's Jamie Hyneman from 'Mythbusters' in the background -- that might explain this. (You can't go by the color of beard, etc. because like most indoor digital pictures, this photo has color correction issues.) I think this was the episode where they set out to disprove that one must be a rational adult in order to be a caterer. Busted!

January 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

ZOMG. I am just a Barenaked Ladies dork. Thanks for that commentary, as if I didn't love you guys enough already!!!

Jen

January 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWannaBHealthy

Love the BNL reference :)

January 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKrista F.

if i had a million dollars
i'd buy you a monkey
haven't you always wanted a mon-key!

January 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Love that Beatles song!

I read a blog today, oh boy
About a man who gets to grade
A bunch of cakes that are rather sad
Well, I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph
I spewed my coffee out on my screen
I noticed that the spelling had changed
A crowd of people sat and commented
They'd seen this before
Nobody was really sure if it was Spaceship Earth

I saw a video today, oh boy
Someone was trying to return a misspelled cake
The manager turned them away
Falker Satherhood
Doesn't sound too good
I'd love to 'tern u won'

A cake that says "Just Bed"
And another cat with a mis-shaped head
A wreckerator had used a styrofoam cup
I looked up and noticed that pizza cake (eww eww)
John woke up to yowling cats
Jen looked at cakes of phallic bats
I found my way to the end of your day
I will have nightmares of that lobster cake
AHH! AHHHH! AHHHHH! AHHH-AHHHHH!

I read a blog today, oh boy
Four thousand sprinkles on so many cakes this year
And though the sprinkles were rather small
Jen had to comment on them all
Even though "I want sprinkles" there were none at all
I love Cake Wreck blog!

January 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

I think that second one is a polar bear. Am I seeing things?

January 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTexasBlueEyes

Now I can't stop singing "Loathing." Thanks.

January 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMel

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