My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Well Met, Helmet

Apparently, there was a football game over the weekend. Or something. And while I care slightly less about football than I do about squirrel husbandry, I figured now would be a good time to talk to you about protection.

Er, of your heads, I mean. Not my squirrels' nuts. (Those are in the shed. Next to the zippers.)

So...helmets! For your heads! Except the cake ones, of course, which are for your mouth!

It's actually really hard to make a cake that looks like a helmet. There are all the doodads and thingamajigs and whoosywhatsits, and if you're not careful it just looks like a heap a' flimflam jibber jabber!

(Wow. I just turned into my grandfather)

First, let's have Mr. Floopers model a real football helmet for us:

"I hate you."

See? It's simple. Just wrap your cat in a towel, and you can get almost anything on his head.

Oh, and the helmet is pretty easy, too.

In fact, when you break it down artistically, you can see that it's really just a big tombstone with a snail on it:

RIP, Ravens.

Or a one-tentacled jellyfish:

Make sure your helmets are well-rounded, though.

"Comb the dessert!"

A well-executed cupcake cake (hooy-patooty!) is great for crushing the other team's spirit.

"Choppin' broccoli!
I'm choppin' brocolay-hay!
I'm choppin' broccoli!"

Why, just look at the terror in their eyes:

Or you could confuse them with the abstract method:

"And that little pile of poo is a fleur de lis!"

[other team's minds exploding]

You could also try a little more Sparta than Super Bowl:

Hey, a football field is 300 feet.

And remember, when all else fails, try the ultimate offensive play:

Peeping Tom Brady. [shudder]

Thanks to Tim M., Cassidy S., Hunter F., Molly M., Erica B., Dena G., Amy K., & Lisa K., who think someone really should tell Giselle.

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Reader Comments (118)

I must agree with Frank! I read the reference, thought about it, and 'lightbulb' got it! A most definite favorite while growing up!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

And then remember the footballs? How do you make an oblong football out of circular cupcakes? I don't know, but here's an idea: carve an actual cake!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSugarFreeSweety

@ great references today!

"We ain't found s#!%!"

"My lady she went downtown....she bought some broccoli. She brought it ho-home....She's choppin broccoli"

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHalesbales

Thanks for the "Choppin' Broccoli" reference! I laughed hard remembering that!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I thought the "comb the dessert" ones looked like Beaker standing in front of a giant, uh, round headed lizard?

Also, I love that the yellow "fleur de lis" has a sticker on it that says "message cookie". I think the wreckerator's message is the same as your cat's (while wearing the helmet).

Yeah, I didn't get the Broccoli song either, y'all. Or the Nut Zippers. Off to do some "research"!


January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As a football lover I wonder WHO on God's green earth buys these? Or makes them for that matter! And can I just say, I didn't know it was possible for my like for you to grow until you pulled out that Dana Carvey reference and I knew you will always hold a special place in my heart. *Grin*

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy

R.I.P Ravens and terrorized Jets? You know more about football than you're letting on, Jen! Go Steelers!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

I LOVE that someone else (actually, looks like MANY someones!) knows the 'choppin broccoli' song! And toss in a Spaceballs ref?!
WIN! .. unlike those cakes(?). Scary.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

another non-football fan here... at least I got the squirrel nut zippers reference :)

(and the cakes are horrid as always - that's why I love ya!) (in a purely platonic way) (really)

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterT

Okay, I totally thought the first pair of cookies depicted men wearing tall white chef's hats. The second cookie - who knew that pac man played football?

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Obvious which cake tripped me up!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Valinda

I actually kind of like the little round guys on the cookies. If you can't draw a helmet, cute caricatures are better than scary poop blobs any day.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJillian

I love love love that "chopping broccoli" song and no one I know seems to remember it. I can always count on Cake Wrecks to make my day!! xoxo

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeth S

Are you sure the round yellow one isn't a Pacman that is now confused and lost?

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

LOVE the Spaceballs reference :) You two are hilarious!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKENNA KENNA

LOVE the Spaceballs reference!!! Thanks for making me laugh! Cheers!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKENNA KENNA

beaticSucre, a beautiful bakery and confectionery here in New Orleans makes phenomenal helmet cakes. I have seen them in person and they are gorgeous.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think that the broccoli cake must be what happens when you ask Cpt. Picard to order a birthday cake for Barclay's birthday party.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Thanks for putting that song in my head, all day, on repeat! :D I guess he calls it "The Lady I Know." I call it "Choppin' Broccoli." I don't know why it's funny, but it is! I found the Dana Carvey SNL skit here, though, for those who wonder, or just want to see again:

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ha! Now what do you have for Jon Lovitz?

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Fleur-de-lis poo, or yellow smiley after getting punched in the eye?

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaura

a "Spaceballs" reference! yOU ROCK!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKorrie

Show someone one of the pictures without knowing what it is. I did and she didn't know what it was.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMicalah

"Choppin' broccoli!
I'm choppin' brocolay-hay!
I'm choppin' broccoli!"

Yet another person who actually GETS this! I love it!!!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGayle

I like your Squirrel Nut Zippers reference, and I like your taste in music!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered

OMG we do the same thing to our cat with a Michigan helmet.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErin

If that is a real helmet, you have a HUGE CAT!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStar

These are hideous! I'm now officially afraid to EVER make or post a football helmet cake.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEvie

A cat wearing a Pack helmet AND a reference to the Squirrel Nut Zippers? Jen, I am so in crush with you!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Make it stooooopp!!! floopers?!
You named your cat mr floopers?
Please tell me youre kidding.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPilgrim

What a horrible thing to do to a cat! He was obviously rooting for the Bears!

I had to go back to see the Spaceballs reference and, yeah, it was worth it!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

I soooo want to chop through the middle of Tom Brady's helmet! Let me at it!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterReed

The abstract one: Pac-Man. And I completely agree about football being slightly less interesting than squirrel breeding.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

She chop -uuh! Man, I thought I was the only weirdo on Earth who knew the broccoli song. Are we the same people who remember the Jackie Rogers Jr. $100,000 Jackpot Wad?

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHappy Observer

I loved all the references you got into today's post, from SNZ to broccoli!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterladycrim

Thanks, John.

The Mr. Floopers pic -- with caption -- should be a poster. And a t-shirt. And a cake. Ok, maybe not a cake. Who questions the name of the cat? What else could his name possibly be; have you ever seen a more flooperish cat?

I like that "fan of the opposing team" comment, @Aliza. I also support a ban on decorating cookies. And anything else that isn't cake. Ok, frosted brownies do rule. But just frosting -- no writing, flotsam, swimming 'balloons', etc.

What became of the missing globe piece. I would have said, "decorator's bonus" but @Anonymous Becky nailed it: 'watermelon' slice.

If cats have a favorite team (seems like contact sports would be beneath them with all that dirt & sweat), wouldn't it be the Tigers?

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

You guys never fail to crack me up!!!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPriscilla Chuo

I've squinted, turned my head, flipped the laptop around, and thought of taking an extra dose of my meds...but I don't think it would help. How do these look like helmets???

(squirrel nut zippers- freakin' awesome)

I completely love Frank, Fluffy Cow, Craig, and Isolder74 (ST:TNG FTW), in addition to Jen & John!!! (don't worry, I don't stalk- I just ardently admire from an appropriate distance as defined by the court system)

Now, on to watch the Dana Carvey skit. I love this website- screw Word of the Day like most sites- we get Song of the Day here!!

-Barbara Anne

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I lol'd at the squirrel-husbandry line. Seriously, thank you for making me laugh today.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSami

I feel bad for the cat! He's staying still b/c someone's has some powerful arms or legs.

The head in the helmet cakes are freaky, like a disembodied head.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterali

Thank you for the very appropriate Dana Carvey as Derek Stevens broccoli reference! That's one of my all-time favorite SNL sketches. The abstract yellow cake looks like a smiley face by Picasso... Do you think your kitty's expression could be at least partially in response to the hideous cakes you expose him to on a daily basis? I think Mr. Floopers should file for restitution.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

$60 for a creepy peeping Tom Brady cake. Well, what do you say to that?!

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDenise

Geeze... I don't know what to say abotu these. That Ravens 'helmet... is that supposed to be a parody or something of the team?

Googleing for GOOD football helmet cakes... I'll be sure to send you some links.

January 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Aww cute cat. I sure hope the cat didn't get revenge after the helmet came off lol. Now if I were to receive any of those cakes I would promptly chase the bakers with a helmet just to show them what the heck they didn't put on these cakes. Ugh scary.

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Personally, I think that fifth cake is perfect.
Assuming this is the intended result, of course.

Balized: I agree, my lord. These cakes have to be seen to be balized.

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Man, not another Packers helmet!


Should have been Chicago!

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

I'm still giggling at poor Mr. Floopers... and, sadly, wondering where I can find a Bears helmet to fit my Mr. Booty Kazoodie...

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLori

That poor, poor Jet... I wonder what he did to deserve such a fate

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Nice Dana Carvey and Spaceballs references!!! Good laugh today!

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

On the broccoli-thingy, anyone notice the GIANT blob on icing on it? And why, oh why oh why oh WHY, did they put a photo on the last one!? that's worse than a CAKE head!!!

January 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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