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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jan032011

The Cake Wrecks Hangover Cure

[lowering lights]

[tiptoeing closer]

[whispering] Good morning, sunshine! Happy New Year. How's your head?

Oooh, that bad, huh? Well, I know you partied pretty hard this weekend, so we're gonna take today's post nice and slow and easy. Like a peaceful, breezy feeling. A sweet, cool, stomach-calming....


Oh.

Sheesh, what'd they frost that thing with, marshmallows and warm head cheese?

Hm?

OH, right! Sorry, sorry!

Aw, you're looking a little pale. You know what would help? More cake.
[nodding knowingly]


How convenient! The Oreos come pre-chewed!

Whoa, there, pal. You sure are sweating a lot.

Quick, take a look at this:


I'd say the fly died after seeing the moldy strawberry. What do you think?

Wow. I've never actually seen someone turn that shade of green before. Fascinating.

Well, listen. Maybe you shouldn't scroll down any further.

No, really, I mean it.

You really shouldn't be scrolling down here in your condition.

Or any condition, for that matter.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, this last cake is really, really gross.

Like, life-time-trauma level disgusting.

You're still scrolling.

What are you, some kind of sadomasochist?

I'm telling you, this thing is NASTY.

Well...

Ok.

But don't say I didn't warn you.

Last chance to scroll back!

Aaaand...

Prepare to squirm:



[yelling] The bathroom's the first door on your left! Happy New Year!

Anony M., Carissa S., Jessica, & Anony M., thanks for kick-starting my New Year's diet plan.

« Resolution Time | Main | Sunday Sweets: Baby Cakes »

Reader Comments (128)

What is going on with that last cake? Photoshop? A bizarre restaurant? A broken freeser? Whatever the case, I'll pass thanks!!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCatstina

How did they bake that without melting the gummi worms?

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJosin L. McQuein

Oh my... is that last one... real? x.x

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJanett

Oh, dear Lord...please tell me those things are fake...please?

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow... the worm one has got to be the first cake I've ever seen that actually made me react with a gag reflex. Though that marshmallow and heaven-knows-what one is pretty impressive too.

This is the first comment I've posted on your site, but I LOVE the cake wrecks blog, especially the Sunday Sweets! Keep up the awesome, hilarious work. :)

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Is that raw ground beef frosting? And I can't imagine those are anything but real worms.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMamaX5

Wow - that last one was really gross. My 4 YO boy on the other hand, wanted that piece! Boys can be so gross! - Linda

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

Is that...raw beef??? *erp*

WV: reado--I need to reado muh pants after that last cake...

wv:reado--I need to reado muh pants after that last cake!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDD

That is so gross!!! You should have warned me!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWoodElves

Well you've just made my diet SO much easier. Blurgh.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterA.J.

Oh, sweet lord...please tell me the worms are fake. Please? Even if you have to lie.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDori

These cakes are for pigs and birds.
The moldy is for the pig trough.

The nightcrawlers-obviously for the birds.

Love this blog.
mocking

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMFSM. My stomach was making awful gurgly noises right after that first cake ("warm head cheese"? That's the way to start your day, yessiree.) and I almost had to bolt when I saw the moldy strawberry. That last one, though...

[breathes deeply through nose]

NOT cool, man, NOT cool.

Carmiehead, the Un-Stalker
*who could use some Pepto right.about.NOW.*

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Alphabet Gang

So much for eating breakfast! My stomach will be churning for quite some time after that last one! Blechhh!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterstuckinmypedals

That last one is like the Lady Gaga meat dress of cakes.

Barf.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJHill

I really don't understand how that last one can be real. The, er, cake is sliced sharply and cleanly, but none of the worms appear to be harmed...no obviously partial worms to be seen.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBekah

My Eyes! My Eyes! Not to mention my stomach!

Please, please explain the last cake.

It's fake, right? (Please let it be fake, please let it fake.)

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Um, I've seen the whole "dirt and worms" thing in many variations... and those don't look like gummy worms... I thought the dead fly on the furry strawberry was really, really bad. But that last one is .... scary!

What a great way to start the new year. This reinforces why I NEVER purchase pre-made cakes.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSandy also in SoFla

What's worse than earthworms (I'm guessing those are earthworms) in a cake? Maggots in chocolate. Yes, this is real and, fair warning, do not look at the video of this unless you want to avoid chocolate for a week afterwords.

http://www.theorlandoblog.com/kissimmee-target-sells-maggot-filled-choxie-chocolates/1102

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTechyDad

Are those worms real? Please say no.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

No seriously.
Other than actual maggots I can't come up with how they made the last one look like that!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

I'm still traumatized from the nauseating fruitcake post. And now hHamburger filling?

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAuntie Meme

Please please PLEASE tell me that is coconut in the last cake.
Honestly I couldn't stare at it long enough to make my own determination.
*shudder*

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGween

Seriously, what is the deal with that last cake? You're keeping everyone in suspense!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaryl

Could you have warned us first? Maybe with a title, "read this on an empty stomach"? Really Gross.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPeg

At first I thought the last cake looked really yummy and that you were pulling my leg and then I saw the worms, the WORMS, THE WORMS...I've just this minute eaten the last slice of Christmas cake but all I can think of is the WORMS.....

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

That last one reminds me of an Irish-language movie I saw a few years ago. Two strangers find themselves in the same train compartment on a trip across Ireland, a businesswoman and a garrulous blind man. The man carries on an inane mostly one-sided connversation throughout the trip before unwrapping a slice of cake he had bought before boarding. The cake is pink - I forget if he asks her to confirm that it is pink, because that's what he wanted, or if she lies and tells him it is not pink. But after a few bites, she tells him she sees a worm in it - well, half a worm, since he appears to have eaten the other half. (She may be making this up.) The man has a panic attack, fumbles for his medication, and collapses, possibly dead. The train arrives at its destination and the woman gathers her things and leaves.

WVW: matorti: The act of killing someone with a worm-ridden cake.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterD.B. Echo

Oh, geez. The Irish short film I mentioned above is called "The Cake." The blind man is Brendan Gleeson - Mad-Eye Moody!

WVW: reptorns: Reptilian creatures that will avenge the death of anyone murdered by cake.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterD.B. Echo

OK I was warned, i shouldn't have read this post.

I found out Christmas Eve that our family will be expanding next fall.

This morning my body decided it was time for the nausea to kick in. And then I had to check Cake Wrecks.

I think now would be a good time to go lie down.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKittyKat

It's fake, it's fake, it's GOT to be fake...That's just..omg...I shouldn't have looked at it...I think this post needs to come with an R rating...yech...

WHERE did people find such disgusting cakes? And did they call the health department?

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAileen

Oh man. It took a few seconds to realize that the last cake was not as 'yummy' as it looked. At least you gave us fair warning...

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTriGirl

There was no video at the link that Techydad posted but I found a cached link that worked (in case you really, really want to see maggots coming out of chocolates!).

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:XYHBglJXMt4J:www.theorlandoblog.com/kissimmee-target-sells-maggot-filled-choxie-chocolates/1102+target+sells+chocolate+with+maggots&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

I'm trying to be charitable, and assume that first cake was a lame attempt at a stack of pancakes with syrup and butter, but it's JUST NOT WORKING... (running screaming like a little girl)...

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

id still eat the oreo one.. pre-chewed and all. :P

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFirstblood

I was already sick before reading your post, now, I'm above the toilet !

This is disgusting !!!

And how briliant of you to collect them...

And, like everyone, I would like to know what happened to the last cake !!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSelyn

Dang, girl!!!

Okay, so you DID warn me.

Sick as I am, I had to keep scrolling down. I cannot for the life of me figure out if those are real worms or not. They look far too real to not be. Please.. I have to know!

The gag reflex was working quite well on the first cake.... I do not know why I continued. Is it the same reason why we have to answer the phone at night, or go out of the house, or run down that dark road???

The same reason we go to horror flicks, cover our eyes, but have to peek?

Well, I thought I was going to go have some breakfast after I just checked a few websites. You cured me of that.

~~Di

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermladybright

The last one is NOT full of earthworms people! First of all, what would earthworms be doing in a cake? Maggots I can see but earthworms? Second, its nicely placed next to a bowl of cream, that looks nice and fresh so it's not like the cake was there for ages and then got worms. Cuz there is no way someone found out their cake had worms and still went on to serve a nice slice with a garnish and hope the guys just didn;t notice.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjinglebat

I have a pretty strong visual constitution with most things (except bugs and spiders), but wow, you challenged it today, starting right out of the gate with that head cheese thing. But the worms?! Real or fake, it matters not, the visual is burned into my retinas and I have a sudden urge to watch Pink Floyd's "The Wall" ... waiting for the worms...

Bravo!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSummer S

I've seen some pretty realistic gummy earthworms, so I'm thinking they used those? And just made a frosting that looks like ground beef? I think we'd all love to know the story behind that last one!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The last one reminds me of a worm farm. Must "not be for human consumption" or the loser of a really bad bet!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

I would actually enlarge the photos and try to figure them out if they were not so disgusting. The first one is really the worst. I think I could give a passing glance to the worms on the last one, but what the heck are the lumps on the first one.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Congratulations, those cakes have reached a new all time low...or high...I'm not sure which it is since this IS about cake WRECKS. The warm head cheese was bad enough, but that wormy cake... Oh, my... It is beyond words.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonkaloosa

If you zoom in, the worms are photoshopped in.... thankfully! At first i thought it was an "art" cake, made of dirt. Seems to be a chocolaate cake with lumpy icing....

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Wow. Those cakes were SO bad that my cookies tossed themselves!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGrnEyes

Omigod, for real? Those worms look too flesh to be gummies.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Howard

Did Anyone notice the price on the moldy strawberry one? 12,99 for a moldy cake haha!

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

Dear God. What is that... thing?

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

That last cake, it looks like earth worms coming out the side. It's got to be on purpose, they still put a fancy bowl of whipped cream on the side

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDesiree

I'm thinking the last cake is a) real worms and b) was created via some method other than application of heat to celebrate a happy occasion for some lovely zoo animal (or other wild creature)

So, happy 5th birthday/anniversary/New Years to Tammy the Tasmanian Devil/Willy the Warthog/Gene the Genet, etc.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTreeling

Nice Princess Bride reference Fluffy Cow. To the Pain indeed.

January 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth C.

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