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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Dec162011

Mmmm, Crunchy!

Hey, kids! Do you know what day it is?!

It's Chocolate Covered Anything Day!

[Kermit flail]

YAAAAAAAY!

 

Yep, today is the day when you can take anything and everything and cover it in CHOCOLATE!!!

And you thought chocolate-covered bacon was awesome.

 

Caught a fish on your camping trip?

Cover it in chocolate!

 

Wolf Spider crawling on you in the middle of the night?

COVER IT IN CHOCOLATE.

 

There's literally no end to the things you can cover in chocolate!

Right, guys?

Ew.

Um...

Hang on.

Dipped or sculpted?

[grabbing baker by lapels]

DIPPED OR SCULPTED?!

 

Well, whichever it is, you're going to larva this one:

*hurk*

 Okay, seriously. Japan? We need to talk.

[putting arm around Japan]

Look, I get it. You're fun! You're kooky! Hello Kitty and tentacles and all that. But chocolate covered beetles? Really? Is that even a thing?

It is?

*sigh*

Well, could you at least make them a little less creepy?

Apparently not.

 

Thanks to Kristina M., Cattie P., Jessica C., Amy M., & D.L., who will never look at that chocolate fountain in Golden Corral the same way again.

 ---------------------------------------

 

Quick Note: Hiya, guys.  Here at Cake Wrecks, we have right at 600,000 regular visitors.  I've met a lot of you, and I can say with some authority that you are all awesome. Seriously.  

So we're doing this Charity Countdown thing, and we're trying to raise five grand for 8 pretty cool charities. That means, if my math is right, that one out of 600 readers would have to give a buck a day for 8 days and we'd meet our goal.  

One person out of 600.  8 bucks total.  A frozen lasagna is 8 bucks. 

So.  Be the one.  Go here and do it.  It'll make you feel good, and that little will help someone a lot.

And thanks for being awesome.

 - john (the hubby of Jen)

« Sunday Sweets: Totally '80s | Main | Ho Ho Homicides »

Reader Comments (88)

"Kermit flail" had me laughing from the start. Good thing, because I was reaching for the garbage after that.

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAhna

Ok, John, you sold me. I'll go donate now.
I'm proud to be one of the 600,000! I love my daily dose of Cake Wrecks. :D

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRU

In general, the concept of "Chocolate Covered Anything" is totally awesome! Covering beetles and pig's heads in chocolate - not so much.

On the bright side, there was not one chocolate-covered CCC (ptooie!) in the bunch, so we've got that going for us...

Jen and John, thanks for the reminder. I'll get out to your donation pages this weekend - I promise. You guys rock - in so many ways!

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

what do I do after I read a cw post?

two words: kermit + flail.

thanks, cw. you made my day.

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIssie

Bahahaha...Beetles and poo wangs and Kermit Flails, Oh My! Reading all these comments and seeing those "cakes" made me laugh so hard I shot soda out of my nose! Oh sweet baby mowhawk carrot jockeys that was funny! Thanks Y'all! Now if you'll excuse me I need to finish cleaning up my monitor...

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

It's been said already, but "Kermil flail" made my entire month! Smiling!!

--Owner of "The Muppet Movie", the soundtrack to the "The Muppet Movie" on vinyl (yes, vinyl!), 3 seasons of "The Muppet Show", and enthusiastic viewer of the latest Muppet movie.

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSueKuKu

Oh, tsk. I thought the beetle cakes looked great.
That first cake though, all I could think of was, two rats got into the bakery, messed about with the chocolate sauce machine and got trapped in it. Ewww. LOL

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

The bugs are sculpted, you can relax:
http://www.cnngo.com/tokyo/shop/larva-love-komatsuya-hontens-valentines-bugs-769122

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhbickers

Sweet. Zombie. Jesus. Oh chocolate - how could something as wonderful as you go so horribly, terrifyingly bad? Why? Why...!??!!!?

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnne S

Oh, that last one with the pink grub. All I could think was, "Forget the smashing of the pink peppermint pig. I want pink peppermint grubs and a goliath beetle made out of marzipan."

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

I love that you're doing the charity thing again this year, but I liked it better when you highlighted one each day. I get that you wanted people to be able to donate whenever, but maybe you could have them all open the first day and still highlight one each day?? Thanks for all you do for these fabulous charities!!

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJillibean

I can't believe everyone isn't more disturbed by the pig. It can't be a real pig, can it? I'll have nightmares about that for years. Some people actually eat insects, which can't be much different from lobster, so the bugs don't shock me much.

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterandrea

Oh my gosh... That spider gave me chills! I know it looks cartoonish, but still. Ew.

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

Ah, those chocolate bugs ... I have a revelation that might be quite shocking for you. As late as in the 1950s, may bugs (also known as cockchafers) coverd in sugar glaze were sold in bakeries in southwestern Germany. And yes, they were eaten. A traditional treat that went out of fashion at some point. Isn't it sad how streamlined modern culture kills beloved old traditions?

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOliver

Is there a way I can donate using Paypal?

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commentergrammarchick

Thank you for making my day with the kermit flail comment! Do you have any Muppet cakes to share for Sunday Sweets?

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKim

it's the spider that gets me. the fish is sad, the boar's head is fairly well done but the spider isn't so itsy bitsy.

I actually like the beetles. weird. I do hope they're not real ones because of their size but, yes, if they were little beetles covered in chocolate I would try one. I'd try a chocolate covered grasshopper if it were presented to me so I guess a beetle's okay. (I'm a little concerned about the legs as I'm not sure they'd go down easy.)

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Is the fish cake to commemorate the Gulf oil spill?

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRane

Tell me that's not a chocolate covered grasshopper. Please?

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMartha

A kudos for each of the Monty Python references in the comments. And to John(thoJ) for his clever plot to put us all off chocolate. Which might have worked if Sharyn hadn't blown the whistle. DOC is watching. (The other six are still at the mine.)

#1 (Actually, this applies to all of them) Could and should may sound similar, but they are not synonymous.

#2 Chalk up another one for the Boar's Head Carol. This is a still from the little-known finale to the 'Babe' series; 'Babe Meets Willy Wonka'.

#3 A fishcake. The first cake with the great taste of fish!

#4-8 Please don't be real. Please don't be real. Please don't be real... I'm not squeamish, I just like to keep certain categories well separated. Two completely random examples would be 'food' and 'any land critter that has its skeleton on the outside'.

December 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Yea on the Charity countdown again. I was hoping to see this again this year. May I make a request? Could you create a link to to automatically make the $8 payment in one click? Clear as mud, yes? This way the charities can get the most from the credit payments and not have to pay as much in fees. Plus I don't end up with eight different $1 charges. Just a request. Many thanks for all you are doing for kids.

December 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSue B

Oh please tell me that the wolf spider was sculpted out of chocolate and not the real thing..please? Lol you will find me hiding under my bed with a fly swatter and praying the evil chocolate bug things can't find me.

December 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Ughhuhhuh. There are no wolf spiders in my room. There are no wolf spiders in my room. They do not crawl on me while I am asleep. There are no wolf spiders in my room. Thanks Jen and John. Sleeping tonight was overrated anyway. :) Funny post, but chocolate will not make this better. Now I have more time to read through Cakewrecks archives while huddled and rocking back and forth on my bed. There are no wolf spiders in my room. There are no wolf spiders in my room. There are no-ohmygod what was that?! Therearenowolfspidersinmyroomtherearenowolfspidersinmyroom...

December 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJ

What's a "kermitflail"?

December 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

A beetle is a beetle - but a boar's head and horrifying spider are so much worse (please please please don't post a big spider again, please)
*kermit flail*

December 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

From the bulging, 'it could always be worse' file, there is the giant weta. Picture a cricket that works out -- a lot -- and likes to munch on steroids (do a web search if you dare). This thing is seriously large; the largest specimen yet found is the size of a man's hand and is -- get this -- immature because the wings haven't developed yet. If Jiminy had been a giant weta, Pinocchio would never have dared to tell a fib.

From the 'reasons to be thankful' file: The giant weta lives on an island off the coast of New Zealand, it cannot travel long distances (though weta politicians are close to reaching a 'professional courtesy' agreement with TSA) and is a protected species (from what might it need protection?), thus safe from the clutches of wreckerators.

The source of all this comforting imagery is three guys who went forth earlier this month, looking for the largest giant weta they could find. Thankfully, they are entomologists, not chocolatiers.

Pleasant...dreams? Heh heh heh...

December 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Pig head: This reminds me of the U of Arkansas mascot, the Razorback, so I'm cool with it.
Spider: Does not look like real chocolate but real spider--ugh.

Otherwise, as long as something is really chocolate over chocolate cake, I don't really care what the shape is. I will close my eyes and enjoy the chocolate goodness. Ahhhh.

December 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

OK, I give up. What's that first one supposed to be? Besides disgusting, I mean.

December 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFM

A dung beetle. With chocolate. Suggestive...?

December 17, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterchaosc

Diana, this is a Kermit flail

December 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

...I thought the beetles were really cute, especially the 1st and 3rd ones... even the pig one was fine, because it still looked like well-sculpted chocolate! that was happy! the spider just looked a little clumsy. the fish, though? that fish looks like a piscine Carrie. it thought it was going to be pretty. it thought it was going to be loved. but now it is horrified with this world, and it is one knife-slice away from a psychic meltdown.

December 18, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjayyy

>.< poor "Kotarou kun"!

December 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterColoratura

OK. The first one.

WHAT IS UNDER THERE?

Do I want to know, even?

Now I'M gonna have nightmares...

December 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTygrBright

No one quoting The Whizzo Chocolate Company here? Seriously?
OK, here we go:
Milton: We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose.
[...]
Praline: Well don't you even take the bones out?
Milton: If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy would it?

December 19, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteravocadohead

It is now my goal to add "Kermit flail" into a least 3 conversations a day - you guys rock xx

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

thats all you need dung beetles crawling on your food. yuk.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlil fat chef

Umm.....ew. Ew, I say again. I'll eat pretty much anything, but ew. Disgusting. Tell me, where do you peolpe find all this awesome stuff? Seriously!

December 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterleoman6

I think the fish was from the oil spill.

December 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLori

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