My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

This Is Why You Always Knock

Remember that time when you were six and you accidentally opened the bathroom door without knocking first and then you saw your grandmother naked and there was lots of screaming and then you whimpered yourself to sleep for the next few weeks?


This is kind of like that.

Now I know what you're thinking: "That looks a little like 'Merry Ghristmas.'"

You're right, and we've trained you well.


There are a few other things worth noting:

Like the empty bottle of XXX booze.

Or the little sack of "toys."

Or Santa rubbing Rudolph's hoof.

Or Rudolph splayed drunkenly across the bed with a towel covering his twigs and berries. His bells and clapper. His partridge in a pear tree? His one horse open sleigh. His...ok, you get the idea.

Or - in case you missed it - Santa rubbing Rudolph's hoof.

Or the fact that Rudolph CLEARLY had a cigarette in his mouth that has since been removed.


Now, originally John and I tried to write some dialogue for this scene, but then the word "coitus" came up and I knew we just couldn't do it, so to speak. So I leave it to you, my sweet, snarky wrecktators: Write us your best caption for this scene and we'll send our top three favorites a signed copy of Wreck The Halls for Christmas. Good luck, and do try to keep it "clean." ;)


Thanks to Lisa D., who will never be able to look my grandmother Santa in the eye again.

Update!  After reading through more than 500 comments, I am now thoroughly uncomfortable.  And I think I need a shower.  Here are the winners:


"And that was when Santa realized that he should probably stop taking his work home with him."

"Santa's 2012 presidential hopes dashed as secret 'reindeer games' are uncovered. 'It was all consensual,' claims Santa."

"Um, Santa? I fly everywhere. So I'm thinking this hoof rubbing is more for your enjoyment than mine?"

Congrats to our winners and thanks for playing!

« Santa Auditions | Main | La La Land »

Reader Comments (525)

Dude what a night. I can't remember a thing. Hey why are you sitting on my bed rubbing my hoof. You're acting creepy again man. We talked about you not doing this anymore remember.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIda Furtado

Santa finally figured out how Rudolph's nose ended up "lit" at Christmas time.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlly

Santa: Rudolph, you're too stressed out about Christmas this year. Here, just have a sip or two of my "special brew".
<Rudolph takes a sip>
Rudolph: That's strong stuff Santa...Why is the room spinning?
Santa: Just sit back and relax Rudy, I'll rub your hooves for a minute and you'll feel all better...I have some "special" toys in my bag just for you...
Rudolph: Comet said not to accept your "special toys", Santa...
Santa: Comet is just jealous Rudy, he knows that you're my special friend and can't accept that he is yesterday's news. Besides, this is just between you and me...
Rudolph: Ok Santa, if you say so...

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoelle

Now isn’t this much better than reindeer games?
If you turn off the lights, my nose can light your way.
Santa baby, it’s cold outside!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMike

"....Ooooooh Santa baby, you sleigh me!"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTheresa

Christmas is coming, but I'm sure detesting
What Santa's rubbing and the way Rudy's resting
Smoking, drinking and forgetting the toys
Glad I saw this before the girls and boys.

To each their own and some love is beasty
but I find it gross, don't like it in the leasty.
Santa's hoof fetish and Rudolf's drunk nap
have ruined the innocence of Santa's lap!

On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer he may be
but you'll wont find me on that fat, red knee.
I'll give up the presents, I'll give up the magic
to erase the mental image of Santa's bad habit!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJ.Mill

The Hangover 3: Going Down in History

In return for bailing himout of jail after his FUI charge, Rudolph let Santa indulge in his hoof fetish.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHalle

"Dude, I'm sooo wasted..."

I know," said Santa as he made his move.

Suddenly the door swung open as Mrs. Clause entered, looking for the scarf she misplaced.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbrewfun

"Now remember, this is 'our little secret...'"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie

Now we know who put the twinkle in Santa's eye.

(I can't possibly express how glad I am that at least the blanket across Rudolph's lap is laying flat...)

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTeresa

"Prancer, of course ... Dancer, hells yes ... But, you Rudy, made me forget all those other hoofers!"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterReubix

"Santa's 2012 presidential hopes dashed as secret 'reindeer games' are uncovered. 'It was all consensual,' claims Santa."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

Santa comes but once a year...

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenni

Rudolph with your nose so bright won't you ride...I mean guide, I totally ment guide my sleigh tonight!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNGHJ

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Rudolph came to say,
"Santa, I taped our escapades.
"Won't you be my reindeer slave?"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusanna K.

Santa had HIS best holidays when Mrs Claus put on her "special" lingerie and they did it deer-y style!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeth P

"Nature moments we rarely see"

(Gary Larson)


Rudolph wasn't so sure he liked these new reindeer games...


Mrs. Claus was becoming increasingly suspicious of Rudolph's repetitive strain injury.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

hee hee hee, ho, ho, ho, hee, hee, hee...

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPeg D.

"There, there Rudolph. Don't listen to those other reindeer. You are very special. Let me show you just how special you are...he he."

Que the Barry White music...

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDNAMom

Ever since that stupid song came out, Rudolph has been such a DIVA!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNGHJ

"Rudolph only needed a little R&R after a long day at work. Little did he realize that it would land both him and Santa on the naughty list for next year."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

I tried to come up with a caption, but I'm too busy SCREAMING IN HORROR. What the heck?

Brain bleach, stat! D:

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterleorising

Of course you'll still be on the good list in the morning, Rudolph.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJanice

One cold and blustery night, while Mrs. Claus was visiting her sister in Palm Springs, Santa and Rudolph made up some "reindeer games" of their own.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKristen C

"Was it good for you, deer?"

(I think the cake is in questionable taste, i.e. inappropriate for some audiences, a hoot for others. It's very well-executed.)

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

"Wow, Santa! I'll never think of 'hoof and mouth' the same way again...."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

"No wonder all of the reindeer love you. That was GOOD, for goodness sake!"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Rudolph: "Oh, yeah. A few more hours of that kind of hoof work and I may be good to go. And some more booze. And give me back my cigarette! And maybe..."
Santa: "If I knew I'd have to do this every year, I'd have WALKED the globe that night."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDillon P.

"There there Rudolph. It's ok, you didn't do anything wrong. It didn't feel wrong, right? Now the important thing is that we can't tell anyone about this..."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDark Lord of Marketing

And this is why Rudolph never got invited to the reindeer games... Hint hint, it had nothing to do with his nose... Or did it?

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoe

Not wanting to divulge the truth to why his nose glows red. Rudolph opted for the dare....

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Tonight will be anything but a Silent Night.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRoos

Santa: So, Rudolph, is your nose the only red thing about you?

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Mrs. Claus was devastated when she was diagnosed with a bad case of hoof-in-mouth disease. She simply didn't spend that much time with the reindeer.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

"Now Rudolph, I TOLD you something like this would happen if you went drinking before the Reindeer Games. Now you've gone and sprained your ankle right before Christmas! You're just lucky I took that online athletic training course!"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

"come on Deer! The others are off playing their reindeer games, Mrs Clause is busy with those damn elves again . . .Whadaya say, Deer? "
"Santa, it's been a long night. My hooves are killing me. That sleigh gets gets heavier every year, you really really need to lay off the egg nog!"
"I'm going to pretend i didn't hear that, Deer. Now finish that bottle of XXX, I wanna play some reindeer games of my own! Wink Wink!"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMel

And that was when Santa realized that he should probably stop taking his work home with him.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterelliespen

1. I'm scarred for life,
2. "Oh, don't worry, you'll be going on the nice list, Rudolph...the very, very nice list!"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWhitney

"Rudolph, if you weren't drunk all the time I wouldn't get to spend this 'quality time' with you"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

How Rudolph got his Red Nose.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRabbiconqueso

Run, Run, Rudolph!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeth S.

Rudolph murmuring "here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, right down santa paws lane..."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberj

On further reflection, maybe it's funnier the other way...
"I wish I knew how to quit you, Rudolf."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentererin k

"Look, Rudolph. I know this is hard for you, but it's what you agreed to when Santa paid off your gambling debts. Here. Have another shot of whiskey."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

what happens in the north pole, stays in the north pole

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPookie

Rudolph: *drunk voice* Awww, sir why the unhappy face? I've only drank 1000000000 or 100 beers-
Santa: Well than, how come I had to help you like this? Do me once I've changed and don't start filming, the kids might be...
Mrs. Santa: *Walks in room* Santa honey- O_o - WHAT WERE YOU DOING???
* Violent screaming, pattering hooves, glass shattering, furniture cracking on those two unfortunante males*
How could I resist?

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentergigglemaster

"Yes Rudolph, this is how Blitzen got his name." Santa murmurs softly.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberj

I'm stuck on your closing injunction to "keep it clean."
How do we make THIS clean?
Anyone? Anyone at all have an answer to that?

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

'Oh Santa, now you'll have to put yourself on the Naughty List.....'


Santa wondered how his invitation for Rudolph to meet him by the Christmas tree for a kiss under the balls could have been so badly misconstrued....


Rudolph wasn't sure this was what Santa meant when he asked for help emptying his sack...

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Christmas isn't the only thing that comes just once a year!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEppie
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