My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

This Is Why You Always Knock

Remember that time when you were six and you accidentally opened the bathroom door without knocking first and then you saw your grandmother naked and there was lots of screaming and then you whimpered yourself to sleep for the next few weeks?


This is kind of like that.

Now I know what you're thinking: "That looks a little like 'Merry Ghristmas.'"

You're right, and we've trained you well.


There are a few other things worth noting:

Like the empty bottle of XXX booze.

Or the little sack of "toys."

Or Santa rubbing Rudolph's hoof.

Or Rudolph splayed drunkenly across the bed with a towel covering his twigs and berries. His bells and clapper. His partridge in a pear tree? His one horse open sleigh. His...ok, you get the idea.

Or - in case you missed it - Santa rubbing Rudolph's hoof.

Or the fact that Rudolph CLEARLY had a cigarette in his mouth that has since been removed.


Now, originally John and I tried to write some dialogue for this scene, but then the word "coitus" came up and I knew we just couldn't do it, so to speak. So I leave it to you, my sweet, snarky wrecktators: Write us your best caption for this scene and we'll send our top three favorites a signed copy of Wreck The Halls for Christmas. Good luck, and do try to keep it "clean." ;)


Thanks to Lisa D., who will never be able to look my grandmother Santa in the eye again.

Update!  After reading through more than 500 comments, I am now thoroughly uncomfortable.  And I think I need a shower.  Here are the winners:


"And that was when Santa realized that he should probably stop taking his work home with him."

"Santa's 2012 presidential hopes dashed as secret 'reindeer games' are uncovered. 'It was all consensual,' claims Santa."

"Um, Santa? I fly everywhere. So I'm thinking this hoof rubbing is more for your enjoyment than mine?"

Congrats to our winners and thanks for playing!

« Santa Auditions | Main | La La Land »

Reader Comments (525)

When she opened the door Mrs. Santa Claus finally faced facts. Her marriage was a sham, nothing more than a publicity cover. The original "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"... damn those bastards in Hollywood.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberj

'Twas the night after Christmas,
And alone in his house
Santa was missing
His long-wedded spouse.

The red sleigh was parked,
And it's reigns were untied,
So Santa invited
His dear Rudolph inside.

He promised him toys--
If he only would stay.
He whispered visions of sugarplums;
So down Rudolph lay.

Then eggnog was sipped,
Warm blankets were spread,
And needless to say…
Yuletide dignity was shred.

So next Christmas, dear friends
If temptation’s in sight,
Just blow a kiss to your love-
But bid your steer a good night!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterzainah

The only dialogue I can come up with is an incoherent scream, because this is just WRONG.


December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentergothchiq

*said in a deep Dean Martin voice* Aww but's cold outside....

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDina

like the tag suggests -- questionable taste. I like some of your other christmas wrecks better than this one.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenters

'How to Bag a Deer: The Unauthorized Biography of Kris Kringle"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Oh. deer. [shaking head in twitchy wimpering manner...]

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersara

"Santa Got Run Over by a Reindeer"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaria K.

Is it just me or did anyone else notice how uncomfortable Santa looks?

"Si-i-ent Night...."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHerekittykitty

I thought we were going to play REINDEER games... not the CRYING game!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

I think "questionable" is not the right word for the taste that created this!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDorothy

Santa looked up as he heard the phone ringing. It was his lawyer, calling to brainstorm about the upcoming trial.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMary C

Mrs. Claus is just a cover.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWinifred

"Are you sure this is the best way to make your nose so bright?"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMimiheart

Now we know why all the reindeer loved him.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMary B.

T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house
These two creatures were stirring... they woke up the mouse.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIsabella

"This little piggy delivered presents... this little piggy pulled my sleigh..."
"Ohhh Santa, i'm SO glad you invited me to this stag party!"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelvira

Unfortunately the years of neglect by his parents and abuse from his peers meant that Rudolph was completely unprepared for the stresses of stardom. Turning to alcohol and self mutilation, within a few short years and several failed AAA attempts, Stanta was reduced to hauling his smashed lead reindeer into the drunk tank the days leading up to Christmas to sober him up enough to fly.

The sequel song, "One good deed doesn't undo a lifetime of abuse" never achieved the success of the first.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessa

You want a job don't you?

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

"Okay. I'll guide your sleigh tonight."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterflying gargoyle

Santa: "Oh poor Rudolph, is that why your nose is so bright?"
Santa: "OMG Rudolph! Christmas Eve....REALLY??? Geez, cover yourself up! Here's my scarf..."
Rudolph: "Why is the room spinning? Think I'm gonna be sic....(blech)"
Rudolph: "Wow Santa baby, you sure hurried down the chimney tonight!"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

I'm with s, as in Sorry, I'm not sure this was such a good idea.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

Remember when "Santa and the roofie" had a completely different meaning?

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

Jolly Old Saint Nick was scarred for life when he Googled himself and accidentally discovered illustrated slash Santa fan fiction.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelleH

"I've got a whole sack full of goodies to make you feel better"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrianne

Rudolph, with your nose so bright. Won't you guide my "sleigh" tonight?

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

The unfortunate product of a phone order for Manda and Adolph's wedding cake.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Santa and Rudolph landed on the naughty list this year...

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

Rudolph resigned himself to the fact that once again it was going to be a long hard christmas

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRick Turner

This is the day we learned Santa has a hoof fetish.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

You know, male reindeer loose their antlers in the late fall so all of Santa's reindeer had to be female so...

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdebcurlydog

What happens at the North Pole, stays at the North Pole.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrenda

"The North Pole. Where men are men and deer are scared."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdrumnate

that's why you're at the top of the naughty list, Rudy, and that's the way I like it.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbetty crocker

'How to Bag a Deer: The Unauthorized Biography of Kris Kringle"

December 20, 2011 | Erin


December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSo wrong but so funny

*Rudolph singing*
"They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said Noooo, Noooo, Nooooo..."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterZoe

Now we know how Rudolph went from reindeer outcast to leader of Santa's sleigh.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLiz D

Joe: Hey Larry, didn't Gary Larson retire?
Larry: Yeah years ago why?
Joe: Well I think he's taken up cake decorating.
Larry: What makes you say...oh!

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

Oh, Rule 34, why must you ruin everything?

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEris

"It looks like even the naughty boys and girls will be getting toys this year."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelodee

Remember, kiddies. Never drink the punch at the office Christmas party. Never (especially if you got carried away when you spiked it).

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

Just how did you think he got so jolly, anyway?
Poor Rudolph. He DID join in some reindeer games. Just not the kind you thought.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

"This is what happens when you don't let them join in the reindeer games."

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCecily

*shudder* There are simply no words! I'm glad my son wasn't looking over my shoulder! lol

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy's Cooking Adventures

There, there... lie down... let Santa show you his favorite reindeer game...

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJohn D

After one too many "take a shot after every house" reindeer drinking games, it was agreed that drinking and flying off roofs would no longer be allowed as it posed a hazzard for all concerned, including all those grandmas.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMark W.

Santa had long suspected how Rudolph got 'lit', but could never prove it -- until now.

"Rudolph, I told you not to go out for the 2011 Reindeer Games because of this hoof of yours. Did you listen? Nooooo! Now you're drunk, besides! You know what this means -- decades of syndication as a character in a stop-motion cartoon based on the world's second-worst earworm of a song, which you'll commission in a sorry effort to explain yourself.

Are you even aware how this little scene we're in right now looks? The wreckerator was so shaken that they wrote what looks like 'Merry Ghristmas'! Jen's having a contest about it over at Cake Wrecks! 'Ho-ho-ho' indeed -- I'm going to start a very different sort of list, and you're at the top of it!"

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Caption (To the tune of the Waitresses' 'Merry Christmas'): "That Christmas magic's brought this tale to a very 'happy ending'. "

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlabgoddess

Well Rudolph, after this I think we both deserve coal in our stockings.

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H

Well, Santa only comes once a year...

(sorry...there's nothing clean that can come out of this)

December 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaitlyn
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