"Thank you all for coming to the Punxsutawney Mall Santa Auditions! We're here to find a special Santa 'stand-in' [winkwink] to take pictures with the kids this weekend. So, let's bring you in one by one, and have you give us your very best Santa greeting! Ok? Ok!
"First contestant, you're up!"
"ARR! Marrrrry Christmas, ye landlubbers!"
"Um...sorry, but I think we're looking for someone just a little more traditional. Next, please!"
"Bark! Bark bark bark bark!!"
"I'm confused. Are you a dog or a seal?"
"Not really sure, love, but look! I can throw things in the air!"
"Merry frickin' Christmas."
"Oh, my, is that really a proper Santa attitude?"
"Lady, quit screaming. Santa's head is KILLING him."
"How much for the women?"
"Ohhh kaaaay. I'm going to back away slowly now.
"Well, that's everyone, so I guess we'll just have to go with Mrs. Claus again this year. That ok with you, Mrs. Claus?
[ .... ]
"Look, I know you're great with the kids, but maybe you could consider, you know, talking once in a while."
[ .... ]
Thanks to Nick K., Michelle C., Laura C., Kim P., Sarah M., & Katie C. for the Silent Fright.