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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Dec212011

Santa Auditions

"Thank you all for coming to the Punxsutawney Mall Santa Auditions! We're here to find a special Santa 'stand-in' [winkwink] to take pictures with the kids this weekend. So, let's bring you in one by one, and have you give us your very best Santa greeting! Ok? Ok!

"First contestant, you're up!"

"ARR! Marrrrry Christmas, ye landlubbers!"

"Um...sorry, but I think we're looking for someone just a little more traditional. Next, please!"

 

"Bark! Bark bark bark bark!!"

"I'm confused. Are you a dog or a seal?"

"Not really sure, love, but look! I can throw things in the air!"

"Next!"

 

"Merry frickin' Christmas."

"Oh, my, is that really a proper Santa attitude?"

"Lady, quit screaming. Santa's head is KILLING him."

"NEXT!!"

 

"How much for the women?"

"NEXT!!"

 

[growling]

"Ohhh kaaaay. I'm going to back away slowly now.

 

"Well, that's everyone, so I guess we'll just have to go with Mrs. Claus again this year. That ok with you, Mrs. Claus?

"Mrs. Claus?"

[ .... ]

"Look, I know you're great with the kids, but maybe you could consider, you know, talking once in a while."

[ .... ]

"Or blinking."

 

Thanks to Nick K., Michelle C., Laura C., Kim P., Sarah M., & Katie C. for the Silent Fright.

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Reader Comments (47)

Who...thinks cakes like these are ok???? O_o

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Wow...I'm pretty sure the growling Santa is Achmed the Dead Terrorist...

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStacie

Is Raggedy Santa the new character in the Raggedy Ann series? #2 has the right legs.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLizziebeth

That first one kind of looks like a pokeball! http://mascot.crystalxp.net/png/kawax-pokeball-3097.png I'm kind of sad that I knew that...

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpickle

At first I thought #1 was a pokeball... then I thought it was a pirate... and then I remembered this was supposed to be about Santas. So now I'm actually impressed that ONE cake could somehow confuse me for all three. So bravo, mastercake of disguise. Bra.vo.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNoon

Ho no!

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJ.

I have to assume the growler is suppose to be the Grinch? Pre-cardiomegaly.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRane

Sadly, each of these bakers did NOT receive the shiny red bicycle they asked Santa for when they were 8 years old. They manage to hide their seething resentment of Mr.Claus most of the year, but it comes out during the holiday baking season.

Mrs. Claus' glassy-eyed stare and valium-induced half-smile reminds me of those poor political wives who have to stand supportively next to their husbands at the press conference called to explain that husband's recent sex-related political scandal. (I guess someone must have leaked pictures of yesterday's little tableau and the North Pole is in damage control...)

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Yum! All those cupcake cakes are made just for SHARING! I'll have one of Pirate Santa and one of growling Santa, please!

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlice the Camel

At first glance I read "Moody Christmas" under the growling Santa cake. It would have been more appropriate than merry at least! lol

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSherri D

Am I the only person who actually kind of likes the grouchy/hungover Santa? I think he's cute! Haha.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenternaomi

Growling Santa reminds me of Futurama!

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCari C.

I thought the first one was supposed to be a pokeball. It took me forever to see a face in that mess.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterUlrike

Somehow, #3 is my favorite.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

#3 has to be Clint Eastwood as Santa, right?!

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRoseAnn

#3 reminds me of Red Foreman as Santa. "Yeah, kid, I wanted a bike at your age, too. But then I grew up and all my dreams were shattered. As yours will be."

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

#2 also looks to be gearing up to do the can-can.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

Mrs. Santa has been that way ever since she saw the photos of Santa with Rudolf

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterms. anthrope

I do have to say, I am really enjoying The Blues Brothers references. :)

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVal

Mrs. Claus is clearly facing down a weeping angel.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea

Punxsutawney! Now I want to watch "Groundhog Day" again. :)
Also, yep, #3 is my favorite, too!

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterzombiekim

First one does look like a santa pokeball pirate.
SANTA PIRATE I CHOOSE YOU! (throws pokeball.)

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMatthew

I thought the first one was a Pokeball too!

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa R

Is it just me, or does Santa Number Four rather resemble Ahmed, the Dead Terrorist?

"SHUT UP, INFIDEL CHILD!!! I <B>KEEL</B> YOU!!!!"

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Yes, BADKarma... that's definitely Achmed The Dead Terrorist dressed up as the Claus.

I KEEL YOU!!!

Bwahahahaha

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChocoMare

Agree with Stacie...the growler has to be Achmed.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKathi

OK - i know what's missing, here............. SPRINKLES!!!!

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermary-anne

I think #2 is actually Pedobear.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPhil

#5 is not Santa, it's Krampus the Christmas Demon.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

OK--the Blues Brothers reference?!? Now I KNOW you are a child of mine--I had a feeling there was another kid in the far corner of the rec room with us...

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCloudy

I was going to say that Santa #1 looked like a pokeball, but I realized that several others beat me to it.
So...
Santa #1 looks like a Voltorb

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjglor

Am I the only one that noticed #1 is marked as CHOCOLATE cupcakes when they are clearly not?

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErica

That first one really does look like a Pokeball..
Most of the others just look maniacal.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLeilani

Staci, BADKarma, ChocoMare, Kathi---

Yes, AhCHGHmed singing "Jingle Bombs, Jinble Bombs..."

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKiwi

Mrs. Claus has listened to the Doctor and knows what happens when you blink - the Angels will get you. So don't blink. If you blink, they can move.

December 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSwell

Ahh scary Santa cakes before Christmas. Next thing you know wreckerators will haunt me with Santa clown cakes. Evil Santa clown cakes that growl at you lol. Back to hiding under the bed for me again if that happens.

December 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Did anyone notice that the pirate/Santa cake had a sell-by date of 10/24/11? I hope someone didn't buy that special cake and has saved it for their Christmas feast.

December 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commentergabsmom

EXCELLENT captioning!!

December 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

But Number Four,
there's all these hidden costs, like
truffles, hairspray, bling . . .

December 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

For #5 I also read it as “Moody Xmas” which really, really fits.

Are we SURE #1 is a pirate? That looks like a fez to me.

December 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I love your american cakes with fondant, frosting and all things nice (like mohawk-baby-carrot-riders). Here in Sweden cake is just cake with a little cream om top and maybe a birthday candle. Not much to wreck. Almost makes me wish I lived in the US. Merry Christmas to all.

December 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLotta in Sweden

Personally I don't care what they look like as long as they taste good because they're all going to look like crap when I'm through with them.

December 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNobodySpecial

Agree that #5 is Acchhmed the Dead Terrorist in his Jingle Bombs getup, but shouldn't the writing read "Silence! I keel you!"

December 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJean

Hahaha Blues Brothers reference!! NIce one!

December 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMizKit

#1 made perfect sense to me. I, um, have a bit of a pirate obsession and one year blurted out "Yo ho ho! Merry Christmas!" It's now become a running joke between me and my husband. We get a lot of strange looks at Christmas time.

December 25, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterprocrastinating

No, the growling Santa is the Bad Santa Robot from "Futurama"!

January 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSassaFrass88

Whew! at least I wasn't thinking I saw achmed the dead terrorist as on of the Santa's. My first thought when I saw it!

March 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermenum

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