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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Feb232011

Wreck Reaction

Guys, I think the Wreckerators are on to us.

Yep, while we've been focusing on all the actual *cake* wrecks, bakers have been industriously wrecking just about every other item in the bakery, and then some.

How else can you explain "The Brownie Ball?"

It's a giant ball of icing with brownies stuck in it.

I kid thee not.

Now, do I want to eat this?
Of course I do.
Does that make it excusable?
No, it does not.


Hey, just because *I* don't have any self-respect doesn't mean bakers shouldn't.

Or, if you prefer your giant ball of icing rolled in sprinkles and served on a cookie platter:

Perfect for the children of someone you hate.

It's not all sugar and sprinkles, though. Hoooo no. See, unfortunately, the deli guys decided to get in on the "decorating" action, too.

BEHOLD!

Billy Bear Bologna:


And you thought nothing could make chicken mcnuggets look healthy.

The world's cheesiest gingerbread man:

"Oh noooo!"

Yes, that's really a cheese "ball." Decorated with icing.
Because cheddar & buttercream = Gouda upchuckin' fun!

And finally, for that perfect Beetlejuice-inspired treat...

Pineapple upside down shrimp "cake:"

SWEET MERCY I THINK ONE JUST MOVED.

Hey Amanda, Erin M., Zoe R., Nicole B., & Brittany B., daylight come and me wan' go home.

[Update: the final "cake" has sparked a lively debate in the comments, so perhaps this video instructional on making a "Smörgåscake" (submitted by Marcus B.) will help.

Just kidding; it won't. But if you want to see a guy yelling instructions in "Swenglish" and violently throwing ingredients around, then it's pretty funny.]

« You Talkin' To Me? | Main | Bake a Cake, Diss A Vow »

Reader Comments (192)

Billy Bear ham is old school. was a favourite lunchtime 'treat' when I wasa kid. my absolute favourite was the same flavoured stuff but it was a circle with a dinosour instead of the bears face. Those were the best days in the school canteen!

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTarri

I started out at the top of this post laughing at the brownie ball with a huge smile on my face, thinking it's kinda awesome in its own awful way.

As I scrolled down, my :D slowly faded to :| and finally by the bottom got all the way down to D:

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbrandy

No just no, even reading what was in the "Shrimp Cake" made me ill. Liver paté, olives, shrimp, ham, various cold cuts, caviar, cheese and smoked salmon with a mayonaise or egg base all in one? I like the phrase vom-tastic. That said it all.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmerican Momma

What the heck is that last one?! GAG!

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCrazy Lady

Thanks for the warning about putting down my coffee first. The shrimp cake might have triggered a mouthful of coffee wasted on my neighbor's hair.

Jill

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJill M

I am a nurse. I have a stomach made of steel. I literally gagged my way through today's post. Nice job Wreckerators.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That just made me cuss.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRafael

Ha it was only a matter of time. Its comon place for the "bakery" to share workers with the deli. Guess the wreckorator just forgot which department they were in.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdi

"Because cheddar & buttercream = Gouda upchuckin' fun!" LOL!!! Love your posts! Keep 'em coming. =)

Linda K.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Reminds me of The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales by Jon Scieszka. But his looked better.

WV: inattrap = where the wreckerators should be

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Thank God for Cake Wrecks. No matter how much of a wreck my life is, I was still blissfully unaware of cartoon balogna. I knew coming here would save what is left of my sanity. THANK YOU

Rachael
wv Whers - as in Whers the beef? Its in bear shaped bologna in the deli aisle.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Re: The Swedish Chef's special:

Why did I have to look again?! I was rewarded, though, with the realization that there are also mandarin orange slices involved. Look closer -- if you dare. If only we knew what awaits inside, eh?

Remember; according to Wikipedia, the filling has a mayonnaise base. I note that the Wiki entry says nothing about fruit; while Smorgastarta may be "sliced *like* a dessert cake," that doesn't mean it *is* a dessert -- right?

Call me provincial, but I like to have separate courses to my meals, not have appetizer, main course and dessert all in one. Sure, it saves time, but...?

Jen said, "I think one just moved." I'm surprised they *all* didn't move, in an attempt to get away.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Smörgåstårta is Swedish Sandwich Cake. The inside is layers of bread with fillings ( like mayo and mustard or egg salad ) and the outside is decorated with the rest of the sandwich fillings to look like a cake. Think of it as an inside out sandwich. They're popular for picnics!

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Shrimp cake? HORRIFIC. Also horrific? The "cake" behind the shrimp cake that appears to be covered in pickles and something else unpleasantly... green. :P Ick.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeatherR

The last cake is NOT a "sweet" cake. It's bread, probably some mayonnaise or sour cream, ham, shrimps and -unfortunately- a slice of pineapple. It's called "smörgåstårta" (sandwich cake) and is a Swedish thing ;) You can fill and decorate it with a variety of things and it's supposed to be served as lunch or dinner.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermooogn

Holy Crap! The shrimp strata made me put down my coffee~and run to the bathroom!!! Too Gross!

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterprotojew62

wow, I am so udderly disgusted.

wv: stoning (this is just too easy)... to avoid a public word stoning, wreckies should go to cakery decorating school

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

Those shrimp cakes are the creepiest things I have ever seen.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The gingerbread cheese THING...looks like is was concieved and drawn by my 6 year old! That shrimp 'creation'...PUKE! As for the other items...those are things grandparents give grandkids right before sending them home to mom & dad. (I think I got sugar shock by looking at them. *shudder*) Anyway, thanks for helping me with my weight loss today!!! *grin*

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You couldn't find any pictures of sausage sculpted into a pig? With olives for eyes.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNyx

Haha, I'm so entertained by all these "The shrimp cake makes me puke/gag/throw up in my mouth"-comments that I just have to make one more attempt:

It is not a dessert. It is a sandwich.

It's big and elaborate, but it's basically just a sandwich. Would you be so utterly disgusted if you saw a picture of a shrimp sandwich in the shape of a regular sandwich?

Again, it's not a dessert - it's eaten as a light meal, usually before the actual cake. The only reason that it's called a cake is that it's made of layers of bread and filling, making it look a bit like a typical layered cake.

Is that something that is at all acceptable? Or are all manner of shrimp sandwiches "utterly disgusting"? I thought it was pretty normal to serve shrimp sandwiches in most parts of the world...

[sorry for my long comments, but these discussions here always crack me up - I still cannot fathom why it's so hard to accept the basic concept :) ]

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterZabinatrix

I think the Pineapple Upside Down Shrimp cake is iced in Ham.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThusspeaks

OK ... Some weird error occurred, so I'll try this again ...

WTH ?!! Are those PICKLES on the cake behind the Beetlejuice cake ?

Maybe this shop caters to women "in the family way" ...

Hmmmm ...

:smh:

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterrqw1968

The perfect dessert! Brownies stuck in a large ball of frosting, where can I get one? To heck with the diet.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTina, The Escrow Goddess

Love this blog, not so much loving the shrimp "cake". And I like shrimp. And cake. But not together. And the Billy Bear Bologna? Bologna is hard enough to eat without putting a face on it!

WV: "Alown" No one should be alown to create a cake made of shrimp

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany Fahy

I don't think I'll be eating now. Those things sicken me.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

This post is the funniest ever! Thanks, Jen, for keeping our world laughing!

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPat

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

How could you do that? How could you start us off with a brownie explosion and finish with *gag* that *hack* shrimp thing?!?

You're sick...and that's why we love you so.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlison's Book Marks

To everyone swearing the shrimp .. thing is a sandwich and not a cake?

That mayo on top, under the shrimp sure does look like frosting. Or it's an absurd about of mayo. Also, there's fruit tucked in there, which seems not-sandwich like.

The sides of the 'sandwich' are also pink. I don't think I've ever seen pink bread.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly

I SO agree with the idea of the perfect treat for "...the children of someone you hate". Of course, there's lots of headroom to exploit here... you could spike noisy toys, like mini-vuvuzelas or those tin-toy space zapper guns that sound like the freakin' Apocalypse, into the icing. Get 'em wired on sugar and let them have at it with "noise toys"! Guaranteed to get you deleted from someone's Christmas card list, if not actually hunted down and killed.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGerry

I have never cried out loud reading Cake Wrecks --- until I saw the SHRIMP CAKE!!! My stomach jumped and my diaphragm tightened and I yelled in visceral reaction. (I had to swallow my breakfast again, too...)
Congratulations! You have totally upped the ante!!!

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterphilip

I have to defend the "shrimp cake" ! It is actually a smörgåstårta (=sandwich cake) a popular and very tasty, I might add, party food in Sweden. It is basically a gigantic sandwich shaped like a cake! What not to love? It is not made of sponge or cream or anything...we are weird but not that weird! Other than that I love reading your blog everyday! // SwedishKajsa

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

For those of you curious about the Billy Bear sausage, from the Tesco web site (http://www.tesco.com/superstore/xpi/9/xpi51559079.htm):

"Slices of cooked sausage made from reformed Turkey and Pork with added water"

So basically they make a lighter sausage base, and a slightly darker sausage base (the image of the "where chicken nuggets come from" slurry keeps popping into my mind), and then form them through a bear-shaped extruder to get the final design.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCybrczch

Wow.

I work in a grocery store deli and man and I so glad we don't try to help out the bakery department....it just doesn't end well!

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersparky_writer

after the initial disgust at the shrimp monstrosity, I think I want to make a ' lunch cake' without shrimp.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

The "gingerbread" man...if you flipped him over I could imagine him as a sidewalk chalk outline of a dead person.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPauline

... I'm amazed people still try to eat while reading this blog. Don't they know better by now? lol

I was okay until the shrimp-cake. That's... There are NO WORDS.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeatherM

I lived in Estonia for a number of years and encountered things like those "Smörgåstårta" or savory tortes. They were always so pretty that whenever you were served "cake," you had to look carefully and size up the cake so that your senses would know whether to expect a mouthful of sweet icing or a mouthful of mayo! That said, the one in the picture must be Swedish. Estonians would not usually combine sweet (pineapple) with savory (shrimp, etc.) That combo would give them pause, too, I think!

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEve

the bear faces reminded me of the smily faced ham my 7 yo son makes me buy him every week, and shrimp cake - YUK, interesting name for it though, SMORGASTARTA

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy A

Just give me a can of frosting & I'll be happy. Skip the brownies--just let me at that ball of icing!

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Shrimp Cake? Are they serious? That is soooo disgusting.

I love shrimp,
I love cake,

But blech...

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIrisFleuron

anyone else finding humor in the shrimp cakes label?
I mean who thought "Smorgastarta" was a good marketing strategy?

Also; billy bear sausage...(insert face-palm here)

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNathan

Why shrimp cake? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

Being of Scandinavian family background, I knew the "shrimp cake" was not shrimp on a cake...lol
I would totally eat the smorgastarta, would be great for an hors d'oeuvres party but that icky lookin' brownie ball would not be served.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

UGH! I didn't think it was possible to make me not want cheese - I'm a Wisconsinite! Can I send a gingerbread cheeseman to our governor? Maybe that will make him think twice about his bill... (evil laugh)

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

The shrimp cake made me throw up in my mouth a little. I have a cup of home made shrimp salad for lunch tomorrow..... may have to go down and make a sandwich.

And this is the Wiki definition of Smorgastarta

mörgåstårta ("sandwich cake") is a Swedish dish that is also popular in Finland and Estonia. Similar to a sandwich, it has such a large amount of filling that it more resembles a cake.
The smörgåstårta is normally made up of several layers of white bread with creamy fillings in between. The fillings and toppings vary, but egg and mayonnaise are often the base, additional filling may vary greatly but often includes one or more of the following: liver paté, olives, shrimp, ham, various cold cuts, caviar, cheese and smoked salmon.
Smörgåstårta is served cold and sliced like a dessert cake.

So it isn't as gross as it could be.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdragonet2

I really hope you're wrong about that being frosting on the gingerbread cheese man. It looks like the cream cheese/sour cream/taco seasoning taco dip base mix. I hope that's what it is.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbeej

The Teddy Bear bologna is scary, but NOT as scary as this CLOWN FACE LUNCH MEAT:

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/05/05/clown-face-pork-lunc.html

I hate clowns. I love bologna. The universe is just cruel for combining the two.

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I don't think I ever want to knowingly eat anything called a "smorgastarta" -- even with a pinapple AND a cherry on top!

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRobyn

And with a single post, CW loses half its Swedish fan base. ROFL

Me personally, I can't imagine consuming a "giant sandwich" loaded with mayonnaise, ham, shrimp, mandarin oranges, pineapple, and maraschino cherries (and those are the ingredients I can see with my own eyes - no telling what's inside). I think it sounded more appetizing as an actual cake ;)

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

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