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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Feb232011

Wreck Reaction

Guys, I think the Wreckerators are on to us.

Yep, while we've been focusing on all the actual *cake* wrecks, bakers have been industriously wrecking just about every other item in the bakery, and then some.

How else can you explain "The Brownie Ball?"

It's a giant ball of icing with brownies stuck in it.

I kid thee not.

Now, do I want to eat this?
Of course I do.
Does that make it excusable?
No, it does not.


Hey, just because *I* don't have any self-respect doesn't mean bakers shouldn't.

Or, if you prefer your giant ball of icing rolled in sprinkles and served on a cookie platter:

Perfect for the children of someone you hate.

It's not all sugar and sprinkles, though. Hoooo no. See, unfortunately, the deli guys decided to get in on the "decorating" action, too.

BEHOLD!

Billy Bear Bologna:


And you thought nothing could make chicken mcnuggets look healthy.

The world's cheesiest gingerbread man:

"Oh noooo!"

Yes, that's really a cheese "ball." Decorated with icing.
Because cheddar & buttercream = Gouda upchuckin' fun!

And finally, for that perfect Beetlejuice-inspired treat...

Pineapple upside down shrimp "cake:"

SWEET MERCY I THINK ONE JUST MOVED.

Hey Amanda, Erin M., Zoe R., Nicole B., & Brittany B., daylight come and me wan' go home.

[Update: the final "cake" has sparked a lively debate in the comments, so perhaps this video instructional on making a "Smörgåscake" (submitted by Marcus B.) will help.

Just kidding; it won't. But if you want to see a guy yelling instructions in "Swenglish" and violently throwing ingredients around, then it's pretty funny.]

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Reader Comments (192)

Why does savory Mr. Bill have a little Christmas-themed decoration in his armpit??

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermartini

Not to continue the epcot on the shrimp "cake," but I don't really care if it is supposed to be like a variation on a sandwich, how do shrimp and pineapple and mandarin oranges (with a cherry on top) possibly taste good together at all, without even considering what's underneath?? And piling the shrimp on top like that does not do anything for the appeal, whether it's sweet or savory because it still looks like grubs or maggots or something nasty! The combination of those two things makes me want to barf regardless of whether it's a cake or a sandwich underneath...

And I'm also with Trevor - I would totally be into the brownie ball or the cookies if it was ice cream and not frosting!

February 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sandra Lee must never, ever, be allowed to make Smorgastarta, even if it requires an act of Congress. Or the New York legislature, as the case may be.

I can see it now, in an upcoming (see what I did, there?) nightmare: "First, take this angel food cake you bought at the store. Next, take this really big thing of mayo and mix in some cinnamon..."

Nooooooo!!!

BTW, I would *so* eat Smorgastarta. Just lose the fruit, and we're good. Ok, leave out the liver pate', too. Apart from that, bring it on.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Being a die hard seafood lover, I'd totally eat that shrimp smorgastarta.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

"Because cheddar & buttercream = Gouda upchuckin' fun!" Oh, lawsy, thank goodness I just finished the last of the gouda in my fridge this weekend...

Dear Caryl, bless you for posting what that shrimp "CAKE" was- I was too skeered to look it up myself. It doesn't sound so bad, actually! I wouldn't buy it or make it but I'd try a bite if someone offered it- only because I now know it's a sandwich, however!! There's an old tradition of "frosting" tea sandwiches with flavored cream cheese here in the South.

-Barbara Anne

P.S. how many more descriptions of what that is before we declare an Epcot? I've missed seeing everyone in the bunker!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Heidi,

The Swedes are MUCH cooler than that. Americans are the only ones who become so offended by a single post that they abandon a blog forever. We're just so... offendable. Ya' know?

The Swedes are like the Canadians: laid back, good natured and generally awesome. Sometimes I feel like we Americans just need to pick a huge, national wedgie.

john

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

Ummm....EWWW!!!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVanilla Mama

Maybe I am the first * or not * to actually say it out loud... but the pineapple cake duo just looks likes a set of a woman's breasts. eeEpp!

Ann

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I won't hear a word against Billy Bear! I had that all the time in my sandwiches when I was a kid! Probably nutritionally horrible, but still fun. :P

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaurence

Oh my.. once I saw the shrimp cake thing I had to look closer to make sure I wasn't imagining it. I would eat that brownie frosting ball though and wouldn't feel a bit guilty about it either lol.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Kari, don't worry, the sandwich cake is definately not a dessert. It's cut like a dessert cake, but definately not served as one. A classic sweet cake could be f.ex. strawberry cake.

Smörgåstårta isn't served at dinner parties or such, it's more a salty snack for graduation parties, funerals, christening party etc.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's the Gingerbread Man of Amigara Fault!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjamoche

People, the "shrimp cake" is a Swedish tradition, Smörgåstårta, which literally means "sandwich cake".
It's not for desert, it's the main course at many Swedish traditional parties (but I find it disgusting: white bread, lots of mayo, some kind of meat and/or fish and/or shellfish, plus some veggies, all in layers).

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLina

We've had Billy Bear ham in England for decades! I used to love that stuff as a kid.

The manufacturing process may well be revolting, but I can't see how it would be any more so than the standard method of producing cheap meat.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPa_Hsia

I too would love to eat the brownies, but it doesn't mean they should have EVER been made to look like a giant ball of brownie chunks. Yikes.
Awesome post!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuper sleuth

Maybe this makes me a bad person, but the Billy Bear Bologna is kind of cool.

As for those frosting creations, the thought of that much sugar just made my teeth hurt!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

OK, I know it's a smorgastarta, I do! I know they CAN BE yummy, really. But THAT ONE looks Nast-tay. The congealed sheen on those shrimp and the odd combo of colors just make it look like a horrifying diarama of maggots laying seige to some poor cherry taking refuge in its pineapple fortress. So let's review: real, homemade smorgastarta = good. Deli-made horror = bad.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAron

We used to eat that Billy-Bear Bologna! If you were born in England in the 80's too, then you probably share my confusion as to why something that terrible is still around...
(What on earth is Bologna? Do I want to ask?)

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterfreaky_dragonlady

a) As a huge proponent of both frosting AND sprinkles, those chocolate chip cookies looked delicious. Just saying...
b) Not only were those shrimp cakes disgusting, they look rather...ahem, inappropriate...when placed next to each other.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnna K.

Ohhh, Bärchenwurst! I remember that Bear Sausage so well from my childhood: Everytime we went to the supermarket I begged my mother to buy them and everytime they lay in the fridge at home and turned musty because I wouldn't eat them...Mhhh, happy memories :-)

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterZeitlos

OH. MY. That's crazy. Well, that bear sandwich meat is pretty common here in Germany.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKelly's Korner

smörgåstårta-cot!

And Billy Bear does not look like he's smiling to me -- he looks alarmed, as if begging "Please don't eat me!"

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

I'm trying to decide if it makes it any better if the cheese thing is covered in pate/meat spread rather than icing....

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRoomfor2

My mind was too focused on not rushing to the tore to get an icing ball cookie as a late-night binge, that I didn't notice the shrimp cake until I read the comments...

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKristina

A Google search of smorgastarta will show that the poor shrimp cake is not alone in the world. There are actually some edible looking examples out there. Perhaps this deserves a bit more exploration...

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

Ya killed me with the shrimp cake, and then had to go all 'me wan go home'!

Hubby and I laughed so hard we had to hold each other up!

~~Di

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermladybright

Smorgastarta: what happens when you eat too much pineapple upside down shrimp cake.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuperDaisy

Don't worry John (hubby of Jen) we Swedes won't give up on CW! :-)

I do have to defend the smörgåstårta though. It's rare (at least in my family) that you put anything sweet, ie fruit, on it. It's great for more informal parties and receptions (someone mentioned graduations and christenings) and basically you put anything (savoury) you like in it. Some deluxe versions are very elaborate and is made with all sorts of delicacies like löjrom (Swedish version of Russian caviar, fantastic!), Parma ham and hand-peeled shrimp.

/Helena

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I, too, have no shame.
I want that brownie ball!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPuppygirl

The people who did these should be arrested for crimes against food.

February 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hahaha! In Germny where I grew up you would see the teddybear-shaped bologna all the time. They'll give them to the kids for free while the parents are surveying the deli selection ...

February 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBigEyedDC

Um.. How do they make that bear meat? You know like how do they put the eyes and ears and what not in it?

February 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

The Bear Bologna is super cute! :D
But that shrimp cake makes me ill....

February 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDream Awake

I have to admit...I worked in a bakery when I was a teenager and after smelling sweets all day the LAST thing I wanted to eat was anything sweet...except for once a week when I snuck back into the bakers' area and dipped a large chocolate cookie into the huge vats of butter cream icing and sandwiched it together with another large choc chip cookie. Oh...the first two bites were heaven!!! I was skinny as heck then. Now I can't even LOOK at butter cream icing or I gain a pound! Middle age!! :)

February 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBhakti

I've been reading for awhile but this is my first comment.
My 10 yr. old daughter was reading over my shoulder as I read this post. She saw the "brownie ball" and asked, "Did the bakery do that on purpose just to get on Cake Wrecks?"

If only that were the case...

February 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

I like how the Cheezy-bread Man is a sigature desert.

February 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That Smorgastarta sounds ALMOST as good as Rachel's "traditional" English trifle. Hers has ladyfingers, jam, custard (made froms scratch), raspberries, beef sauteed with peas and onions, bananas, and whipped cream....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx5Wpqf4-OM&feature=related

February 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Oh my. I came here because I felt sick and dizzy; I needed a laugh. I ended up getting one, but when I saw the things made out of meat, I think I wanted to throw up and burst out laughing at the same time! Great job, CW.

March 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIca

You think Billy Bear is weird? Check out the 'Fairy Hearts' made by the same company.
I mean, what's cuter than small children devouring fairy heart sandwiches???

http://melindatankardreist.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/pink-sausage-300x206.jpg

March 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMafdet

Just a note, Smörgåstårta/Smorgastarta isn't a dessert, it's a main course served cold so it's easy to make and keep until its time to serve. Just stick it in the fridge until it's time. I've never seen one with pineapple on top though, cucumber, tomatoes and boiled egg-halves is more common. Usually they're basicly drowned in mayo...
The pineapple threw me off too at first, making me question the sanity of it all...
I may be swedish but I don't touch them myself. There is a warm version though, with mushrooms and mince meat mixed into a kind of filling between layers of white bread. Covered with a layer of cheese and then put into the oven for a bit. Served warm it's quite delicious...

April 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Uhh... I think that ball of frosting on the cookie might be a donut covered in frosting. Maybe.

November 13, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHoshi

AAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHhh.. *Thumping noises* *Choking noises* *Screaming noises* *silence*

November 13, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterG (yes, me again)

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