Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Feb072011

The Cake Cannibals

Once upon a time, a baker decided to ice a giant baby butt on a cake.

And so she did.

The rest of the bakers gathered round to congratulate her, and before long they'd all agreed: baby butts were surprisingly appetizing. Reeling from this rear realization, the bakers went on to change the face of baby shower cakes forever.


By turning it into a baby butt.

The cake butt phenomenon took off like projectile vomit from a colicky infant. It was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Otherwise rational women dreamed of eating chocolate-filled diapers. Grandmothers sliced up legs with abandon. Little children screamed in glee at the sight of adorably draped half bodies served up on platters. ("Aw, look, she's sobbing with glee!")

After a while, the original bakers got together again to munch on fondant toes and discuss their next "big thing." The vote was unanimous: they needed much larger bodies of work.

Literally.

"If eating baby butt is sweet, then eating mom boobs will be AMAZING," the bakers exclaimed.

And so, they did.


Just about everyone loved the mom boob & belly combo, but there were a few complaints from the moms-to-be. Not that their cake effigies were being eaten, of course, but that their cake effigies weren't sexy enough.

Quickly the bakers arrived at a solution: the cantaloupes would be made much larger than the watermelon ("if you catch our drift"), and mom's cakey doppelgänger would be dressed in only the raciest of lingerie, the better to emphasize how she ended up in her present glowing condition.

And so it was.

And, once again, everyone was happy.

At this point the bakers fell into a deep depression. "We've done it all!" they moaned. "What more can we possibly achieve now that women are eating both baby butts *and* mom torsos?"

Which is when they realized: the only thing better than eating a mom torso or baby toes was eating them both together.

Quickly a new decree went out: push that lingerie aside! It's time to show off the baby inside the belly. And then EAT THEM BOTH. Haha!

Remember to keep that melon ratio, though.

At last, the bakers felt they had arrived at the pinnacle of baby shower cakedom. They would continue to fine-tune, of course: a cherry filling here, a plastic baby fished out with tongs there - but overall, their cannibalistic urges were sated. And all was well.

Until they discovered gelatin.





[ear-splitting scream]

[of glee]

Thanks to Jessica M., Candace G., Jessica T., Germaine, Jessica G., Sarah M., Taylor F., & Ruth T., who think that's one heckuva womb with a view.

« One of These Things is Not Like the Other | Main | The Super Bowl of Sunday Sweets! »

Reader Comments (300)

Oh my gosh, that's horrible! Why, why, WHHHYYYYY????

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy's Cooking Adventures

I've been a stalker for years, but this is the first time I'm commenting - such a horror of nature I've never seen before. This is officially the most wreckiest cake you've ever scouted out for us. I salute you for your courage and determination to truly expose the wreckinators.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFlaky Friends

Glad to see that more people than just me were horrified by the last cake...Bakers of the world: Unite and stop this madness!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Okay. This one wins as my mostest favoritest post of freakiness! Thank you thank you for the laughs and the cries of disgust!
Lauren

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLauren Scheuer

I want to know, not only why that one cake has "farewell" on it, but also who got the crotch piece... at least most of these pregnant belly cakes tend to stop above that point!

As for the last cake... glee is not quite my reaction! It looks more appropriate for a screening of "Alien" than for a baby shower!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterQueen of Chaos

that last one made me throw up in my mouth. that's disgusting!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlice

Oh gods...do not look at Cake Wrecks when suffering from MORNING SICKNESS!

How about a warning next time!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

I think I'd rather see a baby cominging out of the Mom's "private parts" cake than that last one. What a thing to see as my daughter is currently 26 weeks preggo with my first grandbaby. Nightmares for everyone tonight!!!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie In Mich.

Aaaaack! Unbelievable!!!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I really wasn't expecting ... to see the combo cakes as little feet imprinting the side of the belly (considering the last 'combo' mom and baby cakes on CW).

Though, I have to say, I rather liked them, well done. (can't believe I just said that)

Then.. you have to go and give us gelatin... and restore my faithful belief that CW exists to curb my appetite by generally avoiding eating altogether!

That was disgusting, and just what was the mess around the base of the gelatin? Never mind - I don't want to know.

Yugghhh.. shiver of monumental proportions.

~~Di

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermladybright

That last one is the most disgusting thing that I have ever seen. I would be horrified to have that served at my baby shower.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJayde

You people say this is the worst post on cakewrecks ever. Did you miss the meat loaf baby?

The last cake was the second worst though.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The only thing allowing me to hang onto a shred of sanity is knowing I am not the only one that has seen that last cake. I have no words to express the trauma that caused me. Thank you :)

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTanya

I thought I was ready for today's presentation, having seen previous posts of baby butt cakes, fetus feet cakes, pregnant belly cakes, and more.
But no.
I can never unsee that last cake. It will be there, every time I close my eyes, for the rest of my life.

Thanks, Cake Wrecks.

Farewell, Baby Nok, indeed.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I'm so utterly horrified by the last cake, words have failed me. The only words I can croak out as I huddle under my desk, rocking back and forth while hitting my forehead on the wall is "Why . . . why . . . why . . . why . . . why . . ."

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

*Gak*

Well, I was going to make myself some of the coconut jello-custard you can find at a good Dim Sum restaurant, that is, until I saw jello-baby.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Believe it or not, the last cake could've gotten much worse, if the decorator had gone for 'realistic' rather than 'cutesy'....

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy

Dear God, what is with that last cake???? Seriously...

On a lighter note, the next to last cake must be "cold." Nice nips. Someone had some humor going on. LOL

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

To all bakers everywhere:

Vivisection is not a valid cake topic.

Ever.

WV: ailtu. Looking at that last cake will make you ailtu.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

gelatin baby looked like a carrotless naked jockey, that is so disgusting...clear gelatin really looks like something grown in a petri dish ar least strawberry would be more realistic....can;t call it jell-o cause there's always room for jell-o but not like that.
and for those of you who may need to erase that image from your mind i recommend a unicorn chaser (http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/unicorn-chaser.html)

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkmawesome

That last one is just...just...I have no words...wow, I'm actually speechless. O_o

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMary

I know I am in complete agreement with everyone else, that last cake was the stuff of sweat inducing nightmares! I am still shivering in shock after the mere picture of it, imagine the trauma of the poor guests who were at the party where that horror was revealed in person!!!!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMamakitty1978

Sorry I didn't mention it in my prior post but would that baby be smiling if he could see how lopsided Mom's "assets" are?

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie In Mich.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{vomit}

(On another note, the writing was great. What a way to present the cakes. So good.)

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Other posts have warnings of their grossness and never bother me. This one slid under the radar and has greatly disturbed me. LOL =) I love this blog

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie B

I seriously almost puked when I saw the last one. :S

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarisa

Omiflyingsockmonkeys, I LITERALLY jumped backwards when I saw that last one!

EWW, ICK, YUCK and GROSS ME OUT, DUDE! XP

Carmen, the Un-Stalker

WV: "brilas" Even using brilas pads to scrub my eyeballs wouldn't erase the image that has been burned onto them. *hurk*

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Alphabet Gang

that last cake is terrifying! seriously

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

I can't unsee the last one!!!!!

*whimper*

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

gelatin? ... OH! Oh for the love of butter cream what have you done!?

wv: bionabl- I will bionabl to get that image out of my head.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarissa and Aidan

I am speechless at the last cake.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am less than 2 weeks from having a baby, and that gelatin baby cake is going to give me nightmares until this baby is out.
What is wrong with people. I told the girls who were throwing my shower, not baby belly or Baby butt cakes....they creep me out!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlsgal aka Kristy

Obviously you decided today's post would be "to the pain"..."oh, dear g-d, what is that *thing*?!

wv: bowelpha - Mom's got a bowelpha of Jello - and fetus.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLet Them Eat Cake

That last image will be burned into my brain forever. It's like something from a really bad sci-fi flick. I'm still cringing.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Ohmygosh. I choked on my breakfast! You should give us a "empty your mouth" warning!
That last one is just tragic.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSherry

That last one is a shocker to say the least. Eww eww eww eww!

WV: myini. I do NOT want myini depicted in a belly cake ever!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

I actually shrieked at the last one OMG!

~Pho~

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPho Merlin

Just when I thought they couldn't get any worse! I was wrong . . . so, so wrong.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSandi

As a 35 weeks pregnants mom, i will only say:

ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

And that i'm really happy to not have a shower again. (even if my first shower cake was a wreck too..)

WV: Aliti. Those cakes are aliti too much for me today..especially the last one. The horror!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEmmyn

Oh my gosh tht last one is the most disgusting cake I've ever seen!!!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What.the.hell.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Oh, and why the last cake is an horror?

Imagine getting a mommy belly skinned, the water would be clear (like the gelatin) and at 30-38 weeks the baby is white due to duvet and some "cream"....Anatomically correct floating baby in gelatin. Gross. Only missing is the placenta and cordon..which i hope no one will ever attempt to reproduce.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEmmyn

Did...people...actually eat that last cake?! Wouldn't they have seen it and ran in the other direction? I would have! Thanks Jen...I haven't seen a good horror movie in a while...now I will see one every night as I picture people digging in...*shudder* (but with glee).

~Jaclyn

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjebus llama

Did someone actually think that last cake was a good idea? Really? That has to be one of the most unappetizing cakes I've ever seen.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

I have nothing to say, but:
UGH.
And double UGH.
And UGH to the bazillionth degree.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKrys72599

I wish the baby inside was a carrot jockey

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMitchley1

GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG! Echoing your scream now. AAAAAAAAA! D:

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterleorising

omg. O.M.G. The gelatin baby is beyond bad.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well, I just lost about 3 pounds. And I don't think I will ever eat again.
*shudder*

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>