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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Feb072011

The Cake Cannibals

Once upon a time, a baker decided to ice a giant baby butt on a cake.

And so she did.

The rest of the bakers gathered round to congratulate her, and before long they'd all agreed: baby butts were surprisingly appetizing. Reeling from this rear realization, the bakers went on to change the face of baby shower cakes forever.


By turning it into a baby butt.

The cake butt phenomenon took off like projectile vomit from a colicky infant. It was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Otherwise rational women dreamed of eating chocolate-filled diapers. Grandmothers sliced up legs with abandon. Little children screamed in glee at the sight of adorably draped half bodies served up on platters. ("Aw, look, she's sobbing with glee!")

After a while, the original bakers got together again to munch on fondant toes and discuss their next "big thing." The vote was unanimous: they needed much larger bodies of work.

Literally.

"If eating baby butt is sweet, then eating mom boobs will be AMAZING," the bakers exclaimed.

And so, they did.


Just about everyone loved the mom boob & belly combo, but there were a few complaints from the moms-to-be. Not that their cake effigies were being eaten, of course, but that their cake effigies weren't sexy enough.

Quickly the bakers arrived at a solution: the cantaloupes would be made much larger than the watermelon ("if you catch our drift"), and mom's cakey doppelgänger would be dressed in only the raciest of lingerie, the better to emphasize how she ended up in her present glowing condition.

And so it was.

And, once again, everyone was happy.

At this point the bakers fell into a deep depression. "We've done it all!" they moaned. "What more can we possibly achieve now that women are eating both baby butts *and* mom torsos?"

Which is when they realized: the only thing better than eating a mom torso or baby toes was eating them both together.

Quickly a new decree went out: push that lingerie aside! It's time to show off the baby inside the belly. And then EAT THEM BOTH. Haha!

Remember to keep that melon ratio, though.

At last, the bakers felt they had arrived at the pinnacle of baby shower cakedom. They would continue to fine-tune, of course: a cherry filling here, a plastic baby fished out with tongs there - but overall, their cannibalistic urges were sated. And all was well.

Until they discovered gelatin.





[ear-splitting scream]

[of glee]

Thanks to Jessica M., Candace G., Jessica T., Germaine, Jessica G., Sarah M., Taylor F., & Ruth T., who think that's one heckuva womb with a view.

« One of These Things is Not Like the Other | Main | The Super Bowl of Sunday Sweets! »

Reader Comments (299)

I wish I could remember the last thing I wanted to unsee to wash away that baby suspended in gelatin. That is revolting!

*shudders*

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFife in AK

I'm in total agreement with the teddy bear on the second cake: clutching at my heart and fainting
(in glee, as you can tell from the slight smile).

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG!! I have not been astounded by a cake post on here in awhile, but that last cake is truly horrifying! I even showed my kids (ages 10 and 8) and they literally jumped back from the computer and screamed. WHAT were they thinking??

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

Okay, these actually make me [i]glad[/i] I didn't have a baby shower! Yeesh.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OH, OH, OH > I have never in all the time I have been reading CW, yelled out loud at a post. This is the first. I think I actually yelped. I will not be sleeping tonight.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPeg

To be honest, until someone mentioned it, I didn't even notice that the "Farewell Baby Noh" cake had pieces cut out of the leg. I think I was staring (in glee!) at the writing and wondering if the stomach was supposed to be saying farewell to the baby in anticipation of its departure from the womb. (I don't know, maybe I'm giving the wreckorator too much credit here. One who would make a cake like that most likely isn't blessed with an overabundance of good sense or logic.)

Loo-E Loo-I: My daughter and I love that quote from CatCF! We use it whenever we can fit it into a conversation, and sometimes even when we can't. :-)

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

Um... thanks for reminding us that once something has been seen, it cannot be un-seen. (shudder)

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChiennoir

Oh.dear.God.
I just really wasnt expecting that last cake.
But its going to take years of therapy or a lot of drugs to get that picture out of my head....

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPilgrim

that last one makes me question the sanity of the baker

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

*closes eyes*

No no no no no!

*whimpers*

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentershewolfe

totally caught off guard with the last one...you've taken me to a place I never wanted to go. I gasped out loud and covered my mouth (just in case). Ick.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

These cakes disturb me. So. Freaking. Much. D:

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterksaldria

holy crap! i don't think i've ever actually screamed while viewing a wreck, but that last gelatin one really threw me! it was seriously one of the scariest things i have ever seen. i think my eyes almost popped out they were so wide with shock. what possesses people to make things like this?!?!?!?! gahh

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarolyn B. Haddad

AAAAHHHH!!!! WTF?! *hurk*

And, I'm also a little freaked out by the one that says "Farewell"... where exactly is the baby going? Wait...I don't want to know.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sigh. So much for evolution. My only thought's were: 1) If it's aspic, I'm gonna hurl; and 2) Bury it in sulfer, dig it up a year later and call it 1000-year old problem child.

Pretty mild considering the site I visted before this was Oddee and it was featuring anatomically correct cakes. Talk about vivisection and cannabalism.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

what is seen cannot be unseen, you did warn us, but oh! the humanity!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OK, it may not have been ear-splitting, but I definitely let out a high-pitched exclamation at that last cake. That thing is just plain wrong.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkingshearte

There have been a lot of awful cakes on here, and that was unquestionably the worst one.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHannah

OH MY GOD THE NIGHTMARES

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterelzebrook

That's the last time I read this blog while eating my lunch!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie

I'm a laborist, and once, I swear to cake, the baby slid out of its mother while she was in the wheelchair on her way up to L&D. Without her water breaking. It looked pretty much exactly like that last cake: a baby in a fishbowl. Freaky.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusanlee

The first boob cake almost looks like a face! The gelatin cake *huhh?* is the second worst thing I've seen, worst being "meatloaf baby" :-o love the blog! Caulfield560

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So so so very glad I'm not pregnant right now. Once you put something like that out into the universe it comes back again and again and again.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFrankly

I don't comment here very often, but I have to say this:

OMG

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNikki

yeah, that last one was absolutely awful!!!!!!

but did anyone else notice that one the second cake (the wrinkly baby with mutilated rabbit stuffie beside it)... it says, "congratulation"... no "s" at the end.

which just adds one. more. layer to the horror. LOL

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Why? In the name of all that is good... why?

Gelatin baby is the worst cake I've ever seen. Ever. E V E R

Brain bleach, anyone?

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

OH GOD, WHY????

wv: cutchiza - please don't ever make a cake effigy of my cutchiza

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen

That last one is magically digusting. *Shudder*

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Most scariest post ever @_@ ..

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErdbeermilch

Oh wow, I can't wait to show that last one to my husband, a professional baker. That will make his day...well you know what I mean.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLapsed Pastafarian

I never realized how glad I would be that human bellies are not transparent. Yikes! I was really beginning to think those cakes were extremely unappetizing. And then the Jello! The good news is that I think I can now make it through the day without snacking.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOhmesLand

that last cake is how i imagine the "birthing" scene in the last Twilight movie will look...

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteroffensive

Is it just me, or does that gelatin baby look sort of like it's holding out a fist and giving us the finger?

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So funny yet so gross!
That last one was so wrong. Why would you even eat a cake like that?

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMicalah

Seriously, I think you need to send out a warning before hitting us with that last cake; I had children in the room! "What's that, mommy?" (Quickly Scrolling) "Nothing honey, look at this pretty flag cake!"

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

The only thing that I could imagine being worse would be of a cesarean-section-in-action belly cake. With jello.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDiana J.

Um...wow, no words. I really didn't see that coming.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHannaSolo

I think the farewell cake might have been for an office party on the mom's last day before leave. Or maybe they sold the baby. ;)

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJillian

Oh. My. Gods.

That's it, I got nuthin' else...

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

OMG, that last one! AIEEEEEEEEE!!!

I am sending you the bill for my PTSD therapy.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Luxuries

That last image will stay with me forever.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGlasgow Cakes

It's a Zombie baby and it's hungry for brains!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

YUCK! Enough said! YOU scare me!!!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Loved your storyline for this post. I wondered why you were covering familiar territory-- then I saw that last cake.

Cake #2 is horribly lumpy, and I agree with @Jo about the chocolate-loaded butt.

Cake #3, 4 and 5 are as well done as that style can get, although that "Farewell Baby Noh" IS disconcerting. Unless it's for a young stripper who went by the stage name "Baby No" (but made a bit more subtle by spelling it "Noh") and now that she's pregnant she has to leave her job?

Do I dare ask what mohawk baby is made of? What the oozing white is around the gel base is? or what is happening to the dress in front? And most importantly... did the guests at that party eat that shudder-inducing cake?!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

That was a prime example of exponential growth..of uncomfortableness!!!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentergailmccormick

OMG ... they're bad. My baby shower cake was a plain white-iced cake with a cute little keepsake teddy bear ornament and some sugar-flowers on top. What the hell is wrong with these people that they feel the need to make these unbelievably disturbing cakes???

Also, that last one is like a trainwreck ... don't want to stare, but it's so horriffic you just can't look away. *shudder*

Elizabeth
Sydney, Australia.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

EEEEEKK!!!! That last one is so horrifying! Make it go away!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGretchen

I'm so glad I saw that last one in the afternoon-plenty of time to erase all my memories before bedtime. Yeesh-that one is sure to cause some terrible nightmares!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterstuckinmypedals

Is it just me, or does the "baby" on - or should I say IN - the last one have one huge, muscular arm and one tiny one?

-Jacob

wv: wersc. These are some of the wersc cakes I've ever seen.

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh. my. word! That last one is horrific! Who...WHO in their right mind thinks that's appropriate? As if the torso cakes weren't bad enough!

February 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarnie

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