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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Mar182011

Fill Me Up, Buttercup.

The great thing about cake is you can make it look like anything. Dead rat? No problem! Broken toe? Gimmie an hour! Dong cake? You want that in chocolate, red velvet, or Funfetti?

The only problem is that many decorators just don't have the "skillz" necessary to pull off a really good dong cake. [smirk] So instead, they make their cakes look like popcorn.

(For what it's worth, that segue made more sense in my head.)

Now, bakers, the first thing to do when making a popcorn cake - and this is very important - is to try to make a cake that looks like popcorn.


Or maybe just label it "popcorn."

As useful as labeling can be, though, there are still times when you want your popcorn cake to kind of look a little bit like actual popcorn:

So I guess this is not one of those times.

Really, though, I think you can do a little better than that. Go on! Give it a try.

Um. Well, I've never seen beige popcorn before...

Maybe you could try for a more "buttery yellow?"


Too much! TOO MUCH!

Those appear to be Bugles.

Cheetos. Definitely Cheetos.

And that's the back of this guy's head:


Ok, obviously this isn't working. Tell you what, bakers: why don't we try something a little more... drastic?

A-ha! Success!

So the moral is: when you can't figure out how to make something in icing, just put the real thing on there instead!

Although I wouldn't suggest it with the Dong cake.

The health inspectors might complain.

Thanks to John B., Mia & Trinh, Melissa S., Dolly N., Chelsea E., Miles J., Amy S., & John M., who think all popcorn should come with a side of icing. Yeah. Just imagine all that soggy, salty, greasy goodness! Mmmmmmmhurk.

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Reader Comments (100)

There's a great technique where you pipe globs of white chocolate into ice water. It comes out looking like pop corn and with a bit of airbrushing, it's pretty believable.

Also, I made a hilarious dong cake last night. The entire time I was making it, I was cracking up laughing and praying to never see it on this site lol

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered Commentergemcitytiffany

Oddly enough, I want actual movie popcorn now. Butter in the middle, butter on top. And extra napkins.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

OMG, I love you guys!! That brought tears to my eyes!

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

:)

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMissNay

I would so eat the last popcorn cake, my siblings however would probably perfer bugles more.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdorably Dead

1st thing hubby asked where's the ding wrecks... no he's not 20-something...

that's awful i too was filled with more questions than answers.. :)

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBJ

I had no idea until the third cake in that those were supposed to be the red and white popcorn boxes. Huh.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Some of those look like someone cut off the butts of marshmallow peeps and stuck them on the cake! Poor butt-less peeps.

Michelle

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Oh heavens, next an extensive post of Lorena Bobbit cakes - but Jen could make even that funny. Sorry, that was sick, you can, of course, not publish that one - I just could not resist. Norine

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Cakes #4 scare me- they look like they might burn your fingers off. As an avid popcorn enthusiast, I take offense at the incredulous work portrayed here. Naruto is probably offended as well; I see a possible copyright infringement in the works-sneaky!!

wv: lackavraety
"Perhaps the reason for the sheer number of these, is the lackavraety in the teaching manuals.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLatinacreativa

Colleen @ 12:41,
I was curious so I checked out your links. Interesting. But what was WAY cooler is that site then recommended other pics I may like, one of them being... (wait for it)... THIS!
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=4rdn5s&s=7
Oh, from popcorn cakes to Ace Ventura! My day is complete!

Evidence I am fasting each Friday of Lent: every single cake that was not a dong looked appetizing.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJohn Daniel

@ Colleen - I would totally buy one of those cherry pie cupcakes. They're just the right combination of odd and adorable.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermin

There are hardly words to describe those images, and even less that so many look exactly like the same disaster. The "popcorn" looks anywhere from a Dragon Ball Z character, to the Jack in the Box cone hat, to a burnt marshmallow disaster; either way, putting "POPCORN" on the front doesn't make it a popcorn cake. What happened to just sticking to flowers? Simple enough!

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterManaged Hosting

Would love to see examples of this actually turning out well for a Sunday Sweet.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered Commentervhamster

Wait -- if you have a dong cake made with Funfetti, wouldn't that be a "spotted dick" cake? <>

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Now I want to see a non-wrecked popcorn cake to know how one should look. I cannot even imagine how it would be done.

WV: comenta

I wanna comenta on da posta.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Now a CrackerJack Cake made with buttered carmel popcorn that I could see....

But the only thing worse than a regular popcorn cake I can think of is the real stuff with no butter or salt.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

LOL...it's like being in a hall of mirrors!

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDJ Twisted Sister

The other cupcakes are actually brownie bites that I tried to make look like popcorn though the pic doesn't really show them well. I did have a lady who thought they were so cool that she wanted 2 trays (48 total) of them for her movie night.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterColleen

You said dong. THREE times! That takes cojones.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenericFN

"Mmmmmmmhurk" is the best onomatopoeia I have ever heard. I hope the interwebs pick up on that one!

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I wonder if one of those is from a Safeway. I've noticed a popcorn cakes at a few of the local stores. I took a picture and never sent it in too. Oh well.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVikki

Colleen,
I hope you weren't offened by the flamethrower remark that I made earlier. I couldn't tell what they were from the picture. They just looked burnt to me! As a normally polite Canadian, I'm feeling some angst at the thought of hurting your feelings! :)
Karen

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Argh. All three in the second picture look like they were frosted with mashed potatoes. And I'm not okay with that.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAren

Who knew that there was such high demand for cakes to look like a bowl of popcorn....seriously.

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRomaine

I saw a show on food network a while ago where the chef took white chocolate and squirted little globs into ice water. It caused the lump of white chocolate to form in the perfect popped corn shape. Brilliant. Someone needs to tell these bakers...

March 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLarissa

Mmmm popcorn and icing.. oh so tempting. Knowing me I would try it too just to see if it was gross. Where on earth do these bakers buy their popcorn? Most of those looked like marshmallows or white chocolate chip chunks. Someone should toss popcorn at them..

March 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Those aren't Cheetos. They're Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls! Now where's the root beer...

March 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Colleen,

I like the cherry "pie" cupcakes too (even better if they had cherry filling). I think an odd cupcake or brownie has a whole lot more selling appeal than a whole cake. A cupcake is $1-3. A cake can get pricey. I personally can rationalize a cupcake purchase that looks a little off the wall more than I can rationalize a whole cake. But that must be just me, if they're selling.

I lost it the last two lines, too. Genius, Jen!

March 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

The big things don't sell usually, they are just filling for the case. I sell a lot more of the brownie bites than anything else. And these are all made of buttercream and cake. We don't have access to white chocolate or fondant to make cool things. We are expected to follow the instructions for making the cakes, and to do that and nothing more. It kind of sucks but I try to branch out and make something fitting the theme but not the same as the stuff that I'm told to make. I'm such a rebel... ;)

And no worries, I'm not a trained decorator but I try to do my best. I know it's not the most wonderful stuff but I try.

March 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterColleen

Ah hahahahahahahaha!

March 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKim Nath

When you said the top of that cake looks like the back of this guy's head, I was expecting to see a picture of Guy Fieri.

March 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKristy

The first cake looks like a pie with *way* too much meringue.

March 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPeachy

LOL cake naruto

March 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I thought popcorn with icing sounded gross too, until I remembered buttered popcorn jelly belly beans. mmmm . . so good! Buttered toast too. Maybe I'm just a weirdo. :)

March 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRobin

You made my day. Naruto and Cake Wrecks together!

March 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarinan

I wanna see the dong cake. How do I get a copy of the un-smiley'ed version?

March 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Poor Naruto, He can never find any respect. If he isn't being horribly abused and mistreated by the village, people are making terrible cakes reminiscent of him.

March 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJ.Samuel Ross.

I can die a happy man! A cake I submitted appeared on CakeWrecks.com. Dream fullfilled! Winner!

March 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMiles Johnson

i want to get a piece of cake!!!! i love it.

March 20, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterair max

I honestly thought it said "those appear to be Budgies" on first glance. Hey they coulda been!

March 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

actually, those are poopcorn cakes- it's just a spelling issue

-Barbara Anne

March 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

they look like meringues. when they're not so yellow....

March 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm not going to pretend that I wouldn't eat a cake topped with real popcorn...

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarianne

the only thing that comes to mind is the muppets swedish chef making popcorn...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvDvTnTGjgQ

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You know, that last one is pretty awful. But for those of you who haven't tried it, popcorn and chocolate frosting is one of the best bad for you snacks there is.

March 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Secret to *dong* cake...white curly ribbon.

March 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaLanya

Do I want popcorn?
Do I want cake? Confusion!
SafeWay is best way.

November 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

BWAHAHAHA'd at "back of Naruto's head" One of my all time favorite comics in cake form.

March 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

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