My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Through Sick and Gin

They say you never appreciate your health and home until you're eight hundred miles away from home hacking up a proverbial lung in a not-so-proverbial Microtel with suspicious sheets and a broken A/C unit.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Who are these mysterious "they?" And how do they gain their all-encompassing knowledge? And what, exactly, do sheets have to be suspicious OF?

(Have I mentioned yet that I've been taking a lot of Robitussin? No? Excellent.)

And so, in conclusion, I'm writing myself a Get Well post from all of you. Because I know you care. And I probably won't remember any of this tomorrow anyway. (Another hot toddy? Don't mind if I do!)

Meth? Why, yeth, thith cake ITH a "meth."

Actually it's "Jen."
And hey, I'm right here!
I mean, just because someone is humming the theme song to 2001 while rocking a doll made entirely of used Kleenex doesn't mean she can't hear you.

(Daaaa. Daaaa...DAA DUMMM!!)

Now, maybe this is that last Airborne margarita talking, or the honey-soaked onions, or the Vick's vapor rub squishing between my toes, but... is that a sick Bilbo Baggins wishing me a happy birthday?

(You know, this guy?)

'Cuz I gotta be honest: The implied comparison here isn't making me feel any better.

(For that matter, neither are the Dr. Pepper enemas.)

(In fact, I'm starting to wonder if some of these anonymous chat room doctors might not be entirely trustworthy.)

Well, maybe a nice cookie cake will distract me from all the yucky parts of being sick.

Whoah, whoah, whoah! What's with the needle? Is this some kind of threat? What ever happened to teddy bears and flowers?

Well, I'm pretty sure that's a daisy.

So I guess that's one long shot that paid off in the end.

(Think it's solid buttercream?)

(And syringe cakes: do they really *need* a point?)

('Cuz I'd say that cheeky baker really injected some fun into his bottom line!)

(Something something spankin' new rear view mirror. Or something.)

Aaaand that's a bum wrap.

Thanks to honey buns Ethan O., Joe A., Katy D., Alyssa R., & Laura R. Now, someone pass me the ginger peel gin, will you? I have a sinus spray to make.

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Reader Comments (115)

The used tissue doll nearly made me snort water! Jen on cold medicine is just too much fun, but I do hope you feel better soon!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterphantomessj

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

(Wait, what does she mean by that? Why is the Betty Ford Clinic on the caller ID?)

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

The theme song to 2001 is called "Also Spake Zarathustra," fyi. Hope you feel better!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Nothing says "Get Well Soon" like cake and medical waste.

Feel better, Jen.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Some of those were well-executed wrecks! It's always nice to see a professional bakery that doesn't look like it needs a few more Wilton's classes.

Hope you feel better soon, Jen!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

At the risk of an EPCOT, I think the Bilbo one is supposed to be the "Operation" game dude. Sorry if that freaked you out even more...even if the thermometer looks a little like something else....and why does it say Happy Birlhday?!

Seriously, hope you feel better - get well!

wv: crospora: Yes, I see the crospora "T" in the Happy Birlhday cake :-)

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

Dr. Pepper enema! hahaha, you are hilarious!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah

And I'll go ahead and start what I see as the next possible Epcot situation. That's the sick patient from operation, not Bilbo. :P

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThat Girl

That last one almost made me throw up!

Get well soon!

Haha, already at least two posts about the Operation guy. How many WILL THERE BE?!

Get well soon, Jen!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

No are even funny when you are sick!! Most of us would just crawl under a rock and hope the world goes away.

Those were "stunning" cakes! Hope you feel better soon!

wv:amiciliq Hope the doc prescribes some amiciliq so you can get well soon!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

Get well soon!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertina

So after seeing two people say he was the operation guy? Yeah, I actualy had to go grab the operation game from the shelf, look at that compared to the Bilbo guy on your post, scrolling... back to the cake... back to Bilbo... holding the operation game next to the screen.... scrolling back and forth between cake and Bilbo....

My professional opinion: The resemblence is there, but Operation man has straighter shorter hair, bigger, redder nose, and not as round of a face. After several minutes of intense analyzing because I have nothing better to do with my time apparently.... Yeah, he is surely more of a Bilbo.

Now I can't believe I just wasted a good almost 10 minutes comparing Bilbo Baggins to the Operation dude.

Then called the teacher from the room next door for a second opinion.

What this blog does to me.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterscrapopotamos

Airborne Margarita was my favorite!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterthesacredandtheprofane

Seriously, that syringe just disturbs me... a lot.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

I never thought of the Operation game guy, though once people mentioned it I was like, "Ah, yes, of course!"

I DID appreciate the vintage (sorry Jen, but it's true) animated Hobbit reference--one of the best versions ever! However, my first impression, despite the Bilbo resemblance was Frosty the Snowman with a bad toupee (are there really any GOOD toupees, or do we just say 'bad' because we're still not bold enough to outlaw them permanently?)

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Feel good. As for the cakes all I can say is D:

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

aww get well soon jen eat plenty of cake and Robitussin

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm sick and not at home either, so I feel your pain. I think I need some of those Airborne margaritas.

And yes, the "Bilbo" cake is the guy from Operation.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You forgot to make a rear admiral joke. I'll forgive you this time, due to you being sick and all.

<3 Feel better!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

"pretty sure that's a daisy" did me in.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterZoanna

jen, put a pot of water on the stove to boil, add rock sugar (be generous) and wait until it is fully solved, add slices of unpeeled lemons and oranges (of course you'd want to get those organic ones where the peel is consumable), and last add a few spoons of thyme and ribwort, cook for a couple more minutes and then let it cool and filter it into your tea cup. tastes really great, and is the best cough medicine that i've ever tried. as in: it works.

get well soon!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkatakombe

Awwww! I'm sari your feeling bad. Let me give you a huge.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterstudiorose

A big pink butt in my face... Just what I needed this morning.


April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those cakes are just hilarious! The bum one made me fall out of my chair laughing. AWESOME!

I too am sick. Hope you feel better!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Miller Five

That last cake absolutely takes it for the worst pastry I could ever imagine. I can't decide if it's the delicately placed 'daisy' or the fact that they jammed in a REAL hypodermic needle that makes it worse. I mean, I'll keep checking CW daily like I have been for the last year, but I can't really imagine that anything can top this (or, more appropriately, do a better job bottoming out). Excellent find Jen! Hope you feel better soon!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTel

The Bilbo Baggins one definitely made me think of Operation. I'm not sure why you would want that for a birthday cake, though!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

try a diet dr pepper enema next time!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRobin

on second thought, maybe that's not a sphincter, but a tuft of "grass" on a blond person with sunburn who sunbathes nude. still ick.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

On that last cake... Looks more like yellow hemorrhoids to me....which in either case is just what most people want to see on a butt cake...that is, amongst those who want to see a butt cake at all....

Hope you're feelin' better soon!

wv - ingst: the much more internalized form of angst

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

I love the butt cake! I know several people who I would love to send that too! I know what I'm doing for april fools next year. Hehehehe.

Feel better soon, Jen! Next time you travel, I suggest you and John wear hazmat suits. The world is a evil, germy place full of butt cakes.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJabby

Well, ahem... adjusting geek hat...

In the book "The Hobbit" there was a part where Bilbo had a birthday, and he was sick. They had just escaped from the prison of the Wood-elves deep in Mirkwood, and arrived at the city on the Lake. He was so ill from his cold, all he could manage to say was "Thag you very buch."

It is obvious the Bilbo cake was meant in honor of the most auspicious Hobbit, and his famous Birthday celebrations.

That or it is a really really bad attempt at making the "Operation" guy, because I'm not seeing it.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKittyKat

Get well soon!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

A daisy, indeed. HA! Too funny.

I'll throw in with the Operation crowd. It just made more sense for a Happy Birthday cake than a sick Bilbo, but "sense" has never been too friendly with wreckerators before, so....

I think y'all should never leave your house again. Seems the world wishes you ill. See what I did there?! ;-)

Hope you feel better.

wv: suctilla - I don't know what that means, but it seemed appropriate.


April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I never attended any of the cake wreck book tours, but last night I dreamt I was helping set up for one. I had to use tweezers to stick number stickers on a stack of paper plates for the cupcake entries. Im studing for a final, maybe I need a break.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhmmmm

Hot Calendula tea with Honey will do the trick,Jen, please get her some John!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

You owe me a new keyboard. That daisy comment literally ended with coffee all over the place. Dang, haven't laughed like that in a while!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMama-Beans

Aww, this was hilarious, and feel better soon! (But not too soon -- one more over-medicated post oughta do it.)

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

And now, I shall Google "Dr. Pepper enema" just to see what happens.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersarah

I love your blog!!!! I hope you feel better soon! Also I do wonder how long it will be before people fully understand that you know what/who these cakes are supposed to be (most of the time) and that you reference other things/people for comedic reasons. I know full well that when you really don't have a clue you let it be known. Sometimes I get more of a laugh reading the comments of the know-it-alls.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDaya

FYI: Sick or not, misspelling Dr Pepper by adding in an unnecessary period is an inexcusable horror. The nectar of the gods deserves better!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTony K

Wow, Jen! Even when sick, or maybe especially because you are sick and hyped up on drugs, you are still absolutely hilarious! But still, sure hope you feel better soon!!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

Save me a piece of the bum hole!


April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Come on, people! Okay, so it was originally intended to be the operation guy. But the FUNNY and WRECKY part is that it looks like a scary hobbit and doesn't look like a b-day cake!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well said, Daya!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OK, I finally found out what Epcot is, and I am so, so sorry. I read every. freaking. comment. My head hurts.

wv: droningn - The people just kept droningn on and on about freaking Disney World! No one, ever, needs to know as much about Disney World, Spaceship Earth, and Epcot as I do now.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJanellionaire

You are gonna get so many mad comments today!!!!!!!

Totally worth it, of course, because this is hilarious, buuuuut I am pretty sure I can hear the furious stampede already...

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

I think the daisy should be positioned a bit further up to truly represent a sphincter. Just sayin.

Sorry you're feeling down, Jen. (I think I'm going to try the Airbourne margarita next time I feel poorly!)

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

That last cake is AWESOME! Seriously. I want one. What? (blinkblink)...

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Honey Soaked Onions?!!!! *gag* I hope you feel better fast!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFurry Bottoms

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