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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jul072011

Parental Payback

Parents, when it comes to planning your child's birthday party, prepare for a lot of whining, temper tantrums, and willful brattiness.

Plus your kids might be a pain, too.

Well, here's one way to exact a little revenge: your kids' birthday cake.

Can't sleep. Barney will eat me.

Yep, there's something about seeing their favorite lovable character transformed into a homicidal psychopath that could slightly unhinge more impressionable minds.

"To infinity! and killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill."

Hey, whatever doesn't make your children soil themselves in panic-stricken terror only makes them stronger, right?

"Now, don't worry, kids; Elmo's more afraid of you than you are of him!

"Billy, would you like to do the honors? Let's start with a good clean stab through Elmo's eye. Go on.

"Oh, quit crying. Birthday boys *like* eating Muppet eyes! And just look at that face! Elmo wants you to eat him!"

Ok, granted, you'll be the one paying for their therapy sessions later, but in the meantime...

Spongebob No Pants is here to say hello, kids!

Besides, sometimes there are added benefits:


I'm pretty sure your daughter will never ask for a pony again.

Thanks to wreckporters Laurie H., Stephanie L., Kevin H., Fraulein M., & Jennifer S., who think I should totally write parenting books. (Working title: Odds Are, They'll Live.)

« When Cakes Need Copy Editors | Main | Free Throws »

Reader Comments (109)

That's a pony!? I thought it was a female dinosaur.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

Is it just me or does it look like that's blood on the neck of that horse?

Nothing like a bloody horse's head to say Happy Birthday!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

After viewing these wrecks, I think I will have a little trouble sleeping. They all have a sinister look.

Jackie

Elmo's reaction is perfectly understandable - I mean people are coming after him with knives to DISSECT him (probably starting with his eyes) and he has nowhere to run. Who wouldn't look like that?

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEvalis

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday from the Corleones!
Happy Birthday to you.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I really need to remember not to drink coffee while reading this blog. I keep spitting coffee all over the keyboard!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Where's the evil clown cake?

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJ.

That pony is a ccc!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My mother always told me to be sure and give my kids something to tell their therapist about when they grew up......

(That should be a joke but it's the Gods honest truth.)

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMary B

My 5 year old said the last one looks like Chewbacca. LOL

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

The Spongebob cake must be from that X-rated bakery with the plastic half-lady in the window.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

oh god... that "horse" cake ... it's like the godfather horse head crossed with t-rex from Jurassic Park!

-Alli

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlli

Every year for my birthday, I asked for a horse cake. Glad I never got that one!

WV: cuppla. You've posted a cuppla doozies today!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

Of course that horse cake is reduced 40% -- 40% of the horse is missing....but still...an offer you can't refuse....

wv-deduc: (verb) to take away, as in, "Sure we can deduc 40% off that cake."

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

Dear lord! That Buzz Lightyear will haunt me till the end of days!

I'm 40 and I STILL ask for a pony for my birthday. But, not this one. Please! NOT this one!

Heather

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeatherJ

Belated thanks, Mom, for making all my birthday cakes yourself.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I thought Buzz wasn't too bad. The martian guys behind him were cute. And, wrecky as it is, my toddler Mr. NoPants would appreciate the Spongebob one. Not that he'd be allowed to eat it, because I'm a buzzkill kind of mom.

Now if you'll excuse me, I suddenly feel like I need to go hug my horse.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLucky66

That looks less like a pony and more like Frank the Bunny from "Donnie Darko".

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaitlyn

Buzz Lighyear is pretty creepy looking! The sad thing is the alien guys (don't remember what they were called) look pretty good.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Hello Joe! That's my favorite simpson's episode!

Also I think the "pony" cake party sent home fish wrapped in bullet proof vests as party favors.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercreeandme

AUUUGGGHHHHH D:

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I like that pony. Any time there's a reasonable solution to the pony request, it's a good thing, right?

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Clearly Mr. No Pants got a peek at the cake that was removed from yesterday's post....

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

the buzz lightyear BODY is pretty god, and so is everything else. its just that FACE!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermimi

My 13 year old son says the last one looks like Chewie, too.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterUlrike

I am now too frightened to sleep. These cakes will haunt me. ;^)

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterflying gargoyle

My daughter's already terrified of the horse that eats children in the movie The Brothers Grimm - this cake would be the final nail in the coffin....

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Heh heh...my friend's "working" parenting book is titled: How to Keep Your Children Alive.

WV: warce
I wish I could warce the images of those cakes off my brain.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMay

Has Spongebob got a bone stuck through his err... ?

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDocbanger

Spongebob looks like a brick of cheese (and not Swiss), with his privates covered with a bow.

and that evil pony head reminds me of the Godfather....especially with the red roses where the bloody part is!

warning, graphic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZtyvlzVm7Y

OR

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzlsmSqSqXI&feature=related

Yup. his reaction is what these kids will do when they see these homicidal cakes.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Who wants ponies when you could get dinosaurs on their cakes!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJohnny™

Perhaps the last cake is for a Godfather fan to find in their bed *shudder*

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Nope. I'm sorry, but Spongebob has definitely got a bone stuck through part of his anatomy. Why? I think we should be told.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDocbanger

I wish I could unsee that last photo. Yeesh!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie G. from Iowa

How fitting that Psychotic Caffeine Buzz is followed by Terrified Elmo - that's about what my face looked liked when I scrolled down! Dear Lord, if you are that talented to make all the console panels and buttons on his suit, how much harder is it to make EYELIDS?

Then again, perhaps he's not jazzed up on caffeine after all. Perhaps it's a rendition of what happens to a human body in space when you remove your helmet.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Reluctant Diva

That last one is most definitely the horse's head from The Godfather. I mean, just look at all the blood!

**shudder**

wv: norman - The name of the horse, a la the calf in City Slickers. "Norman, hello???"

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteraep1974

My husband, upon seeing the last cake:

"Oh, that's a PONY. I thought it was a velociraptor at first."

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

Being torn apart
by wee squeaky-voiced monsters:
Elmo's Worst Nightmare

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

"Odds Are, They'll Live" is a brilliant title. My BFF and I decided that our guide to baby showers will be titled "somebody has to buy the rectal thermometer"

Great blog, as always!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCathy O

WV: unplucks

It looks like Buzz likes to unplucks eyeballs from birthday boys when they're not looking.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I thought it was a dinosaur too! But, i don't see blood. I see a ring of supposed-to-be flowers ringing the "pony's" neck, sort of ending the cake with a flourish.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Can't unsee that Buzz, it will follow me in my dreams tonight...o.O

And i would have taken another color of flower..any color, for those flowers for the horse.

People remember: think, then decorate!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVinie

First: If the recipient were named Madeline, at least the color scheme would make more sense.

Last: Awww, it's My Little Dinosaur. Where is Darth Vader?

Or...

"You have asked for a pony for 1,000 days straight. That would be so practical, given that we live in a 5th story apartment in the middle of downtown. However, I decided to grant your wish. Pleasant...dreams?" [Mom sports Buzz Lightyear expression; child decides to save time by entering therapy the following day]

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Sweet Maria! I though that was a severed Tauntaun head.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I audibly gasped when I saw the so-called horse. Way to get me busted at work, guys!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGeeGeeDub

Oooh, where is iMom when we need her?

I can hear it now, "You wanted an Elmo, I got you an Elmo, so you need to eat it. There are starving children in China who just *wish* he could scare them too!"

^_^

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

I refuse to believe that last cake is not a dinosaur head. A decapitated dinosaur head.

At least it's on sale, so if you're going to scar your kids you can do it on the cheap.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErin

I can only assume that the pony cake was inspired by both "Jurassic Park" and "The Godfather".

WV: knimul. This cake does not portray a knimul known to science.

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlice Shortcake

LOL!!! Those are hilarious/awful! Love it!

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

and i thought that i was going to get rid of my insomia...

July 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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