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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Sep162011

Market "Shares"

When it comes to advertising their goods, this bakery knows just how to squeak by:

IT'S A TRAP!!


Of course, not every label can be so appetizing:

Because "Ball Sack" was just a little too formal.

 

And speaking of Balzac...

Let's be realistic: It's French. No one will notice.

 

Now here's a place that knows just how to garner the most business with their promotional mailers:

Yep, blurring out their contact information was definitely the right move.

 

And finally, this bakery gets the gold star for truth in advertising:

Hey, you can't say they didn't warn you.

 

Thanks to Michelle M., Julie M., Tiffany H., Naveed & Athena, & Kristen Y. for signing us up.

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Reader Comments (87)

Color me clueless, but what's wrong with the first pic?
Looks like it is from It's a Grind, my fave neighborhood coffee joint.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Hey, I'm "first"! Anyway, I don't really get some of these; hopefully "somebody" will explain more...

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdy

#1 Maybe this one should have received the 'truth in advertising' award.

#2 The physics of 'hole pile' are mind-bending.

#3 If you really want to have fun with these people, ask them how 'croisintis' is pronounced. After they parrot what they have heard other people say, ask how that could possibly be obtained from what is written. Then either duck and run or bask in the blank stare.

Ok, it's seriously early (or late, depending on one's point of view) but do you mean to say that the mailer in #4 went out exactly like that? I see nothing wrong with it apart from the missing contact info (he said, with great trepidation, knowing that if there is the slightest defect, 1,000,000,000 other commenters will see it instantly). I clicked on it -- they even managed to spell 'congratulations' correctly. What is more, I now want donuts, ice cream and yogurt. Did I mention it's still dark out?

#5 What could "free" possibly mean if it isn't literal? Some nefarious agenda, perhaps? Maybe in exchange for it being 'free' you have to put up with them leaving out a random letter.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I almost snorted my milk and cereal out my nose when I read the second one! A good giggle in the morning is such a great way to start the day!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

I can't believe someone decided to call the second offering a "hole pile," then proceeded to write "hole pile" on a little card, then placed the tiny "hole pile" sign in the display case and never once thought to himself, "well, that doesn't sound appealing. I think I need a better name...like 'hole mound' or 'donut dump.'"
Interesting fact:
Croisintis was a great Lithuanian poet of the 17th century.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Well, that's one way to handle mouse droppings. :-O

Re "ball sacks," did you guys hear that Ben & Jerry's just introduced Schweddy Balls Ice Cream, based on the classic SNL skit with Alec Baldwin? I kid you not. Good times, good times.

Re the last cake, besides the missing "r," anyone else bugged by the quotation marks? How about a blog post about quotes on cakes, Jen?

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJ.

We'll "go" somewhere else four hour cakes. Thanks for the warning

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

I died laughing after "Ball Sack".

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

I don't think I really want to try a me cake, even if it is "free."

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMMCQuarterback

They actually put that cake in their AD? Oh my.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNeedSun

I saw potato chip roses on that grad cake. And I use the term cake loosely.

Very loosely.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

"Truth" in advertising...

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCapt Kathy

At $4.25 a slice, I want there to be a rat in my cake, not a measly little mouse.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCeeCee

@ Craig: re #4, read the cake, not the flyer text. Heck, just LOOK at the cake.
@ Anni & Ady: Mouse is a tiny little critter with whiskers that is rumored to like cheese. Mousse is a yummy, fluffy dessert/filling. I think the hole pile has been covered.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKerry

ok, 4th picture down...what in the world is "thrifty ice cream"??? and really (1st pic), "Mouse" cake?? i don't want a cake made out of chocolate mice! c'mon people!!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbecky m

With the crackdown on the excessive use of the letter R, it was either going to be "We Will Personalize You Cake for Free" or "We Will Personalize Your Cake for Fee."
In business, FREE always brings the customers in.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy'sMom

I would so order a hole pile.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRima

Croisintis sounds like a disease....

LOL @ J.! I heard that on the news about Schweddy Balls ice cream. Loved that skit. Although I wonder...donut holes...hole pile...maybe they could have been having fun with homophones? Meh, probably not! Still funny!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

I did NOT look at the cake in the ad! So, I totally missed it. I kept wondering what was wrong with the ad. :-)

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTraci

Yes, the cake on that ad is just terrible. But, I am impressed that they properly hyphenated "freshly-made donuts". That's a rarity to be noted and praised. Any cake you order from them may be ugly, but it might just be properly punctuated!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

1. I never understand why people constantly get that one wrong by opting for "mouse" -- based on how it's pronounced, wouldn't they spell it "Moose?" Put it on a plate with a nice spiral of raspberry coulis and it could even be "Moose and Swirl." (Actually, I'd eat at any place that named a dessert "Mousse and Swirl...)

2. That's an oxymoron.

3. OK, that IS an egregious misspelling, but not the way you think. They meant to spell "croisinitis". That's an elbow condition caused by buttering croissants. To avoid croisinitis, buy the garlic texas toast -- it's already buttered.

4. I guess that would be called a "mortar bored."

5." I'd like to pay for me cake's "free" personalization with this $3.00 bill, please. What? Of course, it's "real."

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

100% true story. I had a dream last night that I saw a sign at my grocery store bakery that was so bad I said, "I need to take a picture of this and send it to Jen." Looks like dreams really do come true.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDani

I know someone else has seen it, but "thrifty ice cream"? I'm all for cheap, but is that really the best way to market their product. And to send out the ad with blurred contact info? I assumed you had done that--how could the company miss that? Can you imagine their reaction when they saw it in the paper?


@ Craig--I, too, was trying to figure out how you'd make a pile of holes. Do they collapse onto each other? Create one big hole? If not, how do they stay separate? Mind bending for sure.

Great post today!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarnie

The last one clearly comes from a combination bakery-tattoo parlor offering a two-for-one promotion: "We personalize you; cake for free." Given their poor grasp of punctuation, I'd prefer not to let them write on my body or my cake; but free is free, I guess (except when it's "free").

Add me to the hole pile of people who didn't look at the cake on the flyer at first. That mortarboard is more like a mortarnoodle.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

Other than being poor graphics, they don't know how to use hypens. You do not use a hypen with an "ly" adverb for one thing. The Take-out hypen is more controversial. Usually one would ask for a take-out order, but one might ask for Take Out. So sez Miz Picky

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNorine

And they WANT people to buy those things??? D:

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMINDY1

#4 - Since you could not see the entire top of the cake - I thought they were spelling out "congratulations" and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Of course - it is a pretty ugly ad all on its own, so that maybe the real problem. Am I missing something else?

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoan Crowson

Now I want a donut and some "thrifty ice cream".

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCC

Thrifty's Ice Cream:
Founded 1919
About Home of the cylindrical ice cream scoop!
Company Overview In 1919, brothers Harry and Robert Borun, with brother-in-law Norman Levin founded Borun Brothers a Los Angeles, California drug wholesaler. In 1929, they opened their own retail outlets under the name Thrifty Cut Rate in Los Angeles, California.
By 1942, Thrifty Drug Stores had 58 stores.
Products Thrifty's Ice Cream and the giant Tube Tester

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercc

those croisintis sounds like some sort of inflammation...

and what, pray tell, is "thrifty" ice cream??

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjo

Norine -

Do you mean "hyphen?"

- Miz Picky :)

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMiz Picky

Oh, Norine, I'm hanging my head in shame. I thought they had it right. Though, personally, I still prefer to hyphenate any two words acting as a single modifier, regardless of the "ly" rule. (And this thread just turned into the non-entertaining kind of nerdy for everyone else.)

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

"Croisintis", whew! I thought they wrote "Croisinitis". That extra "i" makes all the difference. I met a woman in a bar who gave me croisinitis. I took three different antibiotics and a hyperbaric chamber to clear it up.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbillsbayou

Aside from the genius move of removing their own contact info, that is the cake they choose to put on the flier?? It looks like the baker was drunk!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJanellionaire

I could go for a chocolate mouse with some peanut butter, or some mousse with chocolate chips. meanwhile, Thrifty Ice Cream comes in Medieval Madness flavor. what could THAT be? (I'm an East Coaster so I never heard of them until today).

and if you try to google "Croisintis", links for croissants DO come up. but such a sad butchering of the name.

meanwhile. hole pile is most definitely an abbreviation of "donut hole pile." however, it still sounds terrible, and nothing sounds appealing when describes as a "pile." not even chocolate chips!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhungry for chocolate

I know, I know!! In #3, it is missing an apostrophe. It is actually featuring Garlic Texas Toast made by someone named Croisinti.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBTaylor

The obvious way to request the first cake: "I'll have a slice without so much mouse in it." I wonder if they do anything with Spam...

On further examination, that cake in #4 is rather bogus. As I looked at the ad, I kept thinking, "they have donuts." Donuts forgive a multitude of sins.

"Mousse and Swirl" needs to be made and sold. Now.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Well I came back to it a few hours later and my brain didn't auto correct the mouse into mousse. Don't I feel silly.
BTW, Thrifty ice cream is delicious. I grew up in Southern California, and we would head to the drug store when we wanted ice cream. They had the coolest scooper-it was cylindrical shaped.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

I think that Hole Pile should have been Whole Pile. This would indicate you get the whole pile o' stuff. Kind of like "a mess" of something, which is a good Southern term. Or, maybe donut hole was too hard to spell?

Whatever they meant, your comment on that one made me laugh out loud, Jen. Thanks for another good post!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKayT

I love the research (ie. Google searches) Cake Wrecks leads to. I always learn so much, um, truly necessary information.

Now I'm jealous I didn't grow up with 10 cent Thrifty ice cream in CA. And the cylindrical ice cream scoop totally looks like it should be the base for a steampunk gun!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Sharyn-- "Mousse and Swirl" is genious! :D

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKiwi

"Mousse and Swirl" for the win!!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Mousse and caramel swirl. Darn. Now I want ice cream and it's not even lunchtime yet. As for the chocolate mouse cake, has Ratatouille started a bakery in addition to a restaurant?

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

First comment ever, but I HAD to let you know how much I laughed at Croisintis and the comments about it. There is NO other blog (and commentators) as funny and witty as this one!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHKfan

I still don't get what is wrong with the ad. Everything looks properly spelled. The cake looks a little hand-made, but still far beyond my own abilities, much better than a boring but perfect sheet cake, and not what I would consider wreck-tastic. It doesn't look phallic or scatalogical in any way. There are no half-eaten babies. I'm assuming that Jen grayed out the contact info and then joked about it.

What am I not seeing here? I feel like everyone's in on the joke but me.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdigitalin

For the advertising, at least we know we'll get a wreck. That cake is definitely sub par for a bakery cake. I can do better than that and I never took any baking or decorating class.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnouk

I think "hole pile" is a play on words. It's a pile of donut holes so it's a hole pile. Get a set amount (however many are in the pile) for one price. I'll pass on the mouse, thank you.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLeigh Ann

I LOVED Thrifty ice cream! We had Thriftys in AZ, too, and as a kid I would always beg my mom for some ice cream when we shopped there. Their mint chocolate was perfection.

To this day, I will stop and drool any time I see a sign proclaiming, "We have Thrifty ice cream."

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMin

"Moose and swirl" *snort* HA! Good times. Good times.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElisabeth

I had to do a double take on the croissant sign. My brain automatically filled in the correct spelling, so I was a little confused about what the issue was. I think they bought a few too many vowels.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBlooferlady

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