My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Blandle... OF JOY

You might think with all the wrecks I see each day I'd get a little jaded, but the truth is I'm constantly finding new favorites to show the cats. (And then we laugh and laugh and have a little more of this here happy juice. Good times.)

In fact, this is my new favorite baby shower cake:

Why, you ask?

Well, for a start: "Congratoletionsj." C'mon.

Next, it's painfully obvious that the first baker stopped writing after "blandle," forcing someone else to come along later and write "OF JOY!"

Which is kind of like tripping during a tap dance routine, falling off the stage into the orchestra pit - destroying the entire percussion section in the process - and then, while the audience is still waiting in shell-shocked horror to see if you're still alive, popping up and throwing some frantic jazz hands for the big finish.

Can't you see it?

[jazz hands] "OF JOY!!"


Oh, and did I mention the "blandle" bit? 'Cuz while I'm not sure what that actually is, I'm pretty sure this must be one:

A butt? A belly? A headless, armless infant contortionist?


It's a BLANDLE, bee-yotches. Yep, you heard it here first. Tell your friends. (If only to warn them.)

And while you're at it, tell John I needs me some more happy juice. Ring-a-ding-ding, farm boy!

[dropping mic]

PEACE. I'm out.


Thanks to Erin N., Shelley P., Tonks, Lily, Mr. Snugglypants, Mrs. Whiskertickins, Sir Fuzzyknickerbottoms, & Oosawiddlewoveypiekins for being such a great audience.

« Sunday Sweets: Disney | Main | Let's Play Telephone! »

Reader Comments (87)

I'm also perturbed by the second blandle's upper body. The white hoop to the right and yellow triangle to the left are clearly of inhuman parentage (the rest is merely deformed.) Was the father a teapot? Might this blandle be able to serve 20 cups of piping hot Earl Grey from its own torso. Is its diaper full of used tea bags?

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarkM

Whats with the white goo leaking out of the blandle? Is it that droid on aliens with the white blood/ fluid stuff? I mean, really, pregnant women have some wicked weird dreams already (I did) we don't need extra fodder.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

Funniest. Post. Ever. I henceforth solemnly swear to do Jazz Hands "Of Joy" anytime I do something stupid or clumsy for the rest of my life.

This could be the secret sign of Wreckporters, right here...

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSimone

I heart this write up, I haven't laughed THIS much in a long time.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymousT

Ok, I don't mean to go looking for trouble but I just noticed that next week is Mardi Gras, which means potential mention of the dreaded King Cake. Can we all take a breath early and not get so worked up as last year? Nobody needs that...especially Jen.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGranny K

ty, Granny K, as I wanted to say that myself but didn't want to bring up the Royal kerfuffle from last year. I'll be cleaning out the bunker so it's ready, just in case.

the only problem I have with this post is I've never heard a cat laugh. I've suspected them of it but never caught them in the act. Please either sell this happy juice or post the recipe STAT! I've been nursing a sprained back muscle this week and wasn't willing to read CW due to the pain laughter brings on- now, I'm back and thinking the happy juice is just what I need. Does it still work without a farm boy to serve it to you? I'd need to borrow one from someone, if not. I promise not to harm him- unless he'd get psychologically scarred by me screaming "of Joy" while doing jazz hands and listening at doors for laughing cats. In that case, all bets are off.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

2nd photo---didnt sponge bob come to mind.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertiny p elephant

The post was hysterical! But when I got to the part where you popped up out of the orchestra pit, right next to that in the sidebar was an ad for a hotel that featured King Julian from Madagascar doing "JAZZ HANDS." I almost fell out of my chair!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Jo

@Tina - "Handle OF JOY" indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

Thank you for this post. Hilarious!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

@Barbara Anne -- my cats have never laughed out loud, but I KNOW I've heard them snickering at me when my back was turned...

Hope your back's all better!

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Funny story about jazz hands--at my confirmation, my dad posed everyone for a picture. With our robes, he thought it would look cool if everyone had their arms off to show off the drapery. My pastor was on the end. He looked like he was doing jazz hands excitedly, while everyone else was giving the equivalent of the teenage eye roll.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranon

I read it not as a 'Tap' dance but as 'Lap' dance. I was left imagining the world's classiest gentelman's club, complete with orchestra pit.

And the blandle played on.

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMe

oh Gods, you have to stop writing! With that whole performance bit....You not only run away with my imagination, oh no, that's too simple. You ELOPE with it and have the best romance ever! Ah, but I stopped laughing long enough to comment. Stop making me imagine things, it's too painful, laughing hurts XD

February 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGuadalupe

Lol!! Wow either that baby's butt is bigger than its whole body or someone stole his/her head. I am not sure which disturbs me the most though. And that first cake..there are no words that could express how upset I would be if I were the person that got that cake. Someone's blandle would be in big big trouble lol.

February 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Blandles of Joy are what they celebrate on Falker Satherhood.

February 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShauna

I'm thinking a functioning sense of humor would be a good secret sign.

"Smile -- it makes other people wonder what you know."

February 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

We've seen many jaw-dropping neologisms on Cake Wrecks but this is particularly delicious. It's right up there with the 'Happy Falker Satherhood' cake.

February 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAlice Shortcake


February 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTonia

Now THAT'S what I call a FULL DIAPER. Hope it's not chocolate cake...

February 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDiane

There once was a blandle named Randall
Who ordered a nice cake with candles
But the thing that he got
It just wasn't so hot
The poor thing'd been ransacked by vandals.

February 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHowlin' Mad Heather

That blandle is the best blandle. Also, the person who wrote on this cake must have all the brains. All of them.

But not really.

February 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChartreuse

I read it as a caketext simulation of a Chandler line reading. "Congratoletions, Jami, on your blandle... OF joy."

Just me, eh?

February 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDaniel

Blandle.... too funny. Jen i love you. We are having a Birthday Party for my 19 yr old tonite. I plan on making them do Jazz hands if they want to eat. The happy juice will be flowin.( only for the adults of course!) i am toying with writing "hapy Berthday to my Blandle of Joy" on his cake, Just for kicks . Whaddaya think?

February 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeth F

Who is this Jami sitting (or worse!) on their blandle of joy? ("Jami's on your blandle of joy" )

February 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarolin

It's a cake like that first one that makes you wonder how on EARTH they used the correct "your"....

February 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHellTygr

I read Handle too. And if Jamis has a handle of joy, well congratoletionsj indeed

February 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMel

Am I the only one who doesn't see a space, and therefore thinks it says "OFJOY" instead of "OF JOY"?

And I'm impressed that the decorator, unlike most, is meticulous about punctuation: those are two of the most carefully piped, large-enough-to-see-without-bifocals commas I've ever seen on a cake.

February 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSue

Hillarious post!
But you gotta give them points for using the correct "your"

February 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAlex

Due to the um, "creative" handwriting on the first cake, I misread Jamie (or Jami, or Jamis, whatever) as Jamais, which is french for never, thus making this cake into a passive aggressive way to let someone know that under no circumstances are you happy for their little blandle.

February 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCapt.basil

Oh, dear. I'm not entirely sure that congratoletionsj are in order, considering that the blandle is missing its head and arms, and the remainder is questionable at best. Poor Jamig.

February 20, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergothchiq

The whole thing makes me uncomfortable, but I simply must point out that the child's rear end looks like a hassleback potato.

February 20, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjess m

Maybe the parents were big Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tale" fans; Offred, Ofglen, Ofjoy!

February 21, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercheeky monky cakes

Just wanted to remind you of the joy you bring to (probably many, many) people. It is sadly rare for me these days to break out into pure, honest laughter. I won't get into WHY this site does it for me, that's a whole other twisted story. But it does. I treasure it. Thank you!

February 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTanya D.

I once had a baby shower cake wreck that I ordered at a grocery store. I, too, was newly pregnant at the time and when I looked at the cake and saw the name of my best friend going from across the cake to down the far right side, I busted into tears. The woman who did it just could not understand why I was not happy. Looking back on that day, I faintly remember, as she handed me the cake, she smiled and threw her arms in the air, waving Jazz hands at their ends. I admit, they did make me feel just a bit better. Viva "cake wrecks" OF JOY!!!

February 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLee J.

I think this thread should be nominated for a run at The Funniest Thing on the Interet.

If it wins, we'll all make jazz hands OF JOY!!

March 4, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertwik

You write the funniest s**t I have ever read! This is the third time today that I have gone back to this website and I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Yes, the cakes are really great but YOU take the cake! I was a wedding photographer for 25 years and I never saw cakes like you show....NEVER! If I did, I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to finish shooting the reception from tears in my eyes from laughing. And your comments....genius and sick at the same time!

April 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTootie

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>