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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Mar192012

Another Open Apology to Canada

So last week we had this troll in the comment section who wouldn't go away, forcing me to actually block someone for the first time ever.

(For those who don't know: a "troll" is someone who leaves inflammatory comments just to get a rise out of people. Things like, "Hitler rocked!" or "Grammer is stoopid" or "That poo pile looks scrumptious!")

NOT SCRUMPTIOUS.

So anyway, while I was in the process of blocking the troll, I kinda sorta accidentally blocked most of Canada.

The country.

Bwoops. 

In this context "shool" is Canada. Try to keep up.

Fortunately I noticed my mistake right away... a couple of days later.

 

But all is fixed now and I feel terrible about it so today's post is for you, Canada. Because we love you. And we love beaver tails. And poutine. And learning that pronouncing "poutine" like "poo-TAN" can get you in a lot of trouble. ("Excuse me, do you know where I can get some fresh poo-tan? Miss? What's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that? And what's the pepper spray foOWWWAAUUUGGHHH!!")

(Really, Canada, whoever named your signature foods had their minds seriously close to the gutter.)

Now, where were we?

Oh, right: apologizing.

HIT IT, NON-EXISTENT BOYS!

[tapping mike]
[queuing up a sultry beat]
[giving thumbs up to well-dressed backup singers]
[clearing luscious Barry White voice]

 

Ooooohoohoo!
Canada, baaaaby...
I'm sorry, girl...

Well-dressed back up singers: "Heeeeee's reallyreallysorry SHOOP SHOOP!"

 

I'm sorry for, like, taking away your Cake Wrecks for two full days, baby.

"Neeeearly forty-eight hours SHOOP SHOOP!"

 

I know I work on a computer all day, girl, but sometimes even an expert can make a mistake.

"Heeeee's an expert in cat .gifs SHOOP SHOOP!"

 

But I know you put your trust in me, girl, and I know I can't give you all those hours back.

"Yooooouuu pro'ly got lots of work done SHOOP SHOOP!"

 

But if you give me another chance, Canada, girl, I promise I will wreck your world. Yeah. 'Cuz, Canada, baby?

(You may think it's a lie, but it's not.)

 

Thanks to Ted S., Allison S., Michelle M., Sara B., Ree P., Anony M., & Whitney B. for backing me up on this one. That synchronized snapping was STELLAR, you guys.

« Spring Has Sprung | Main | Sunday Sweets: Play With Your Food! »

Reader Comments (81)

Eh?

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPaula

And as I always think on CW Canadian posts (due to last July 4th): Barenaked Fillion. shoop, shoop

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I went away for two days and missed all the excitement! Anyway, thanks for brightening my other days and keep up the good work!

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarti in Toronto

Is that first cake covered with diarrhea?

THAT'S what I wanna see on my cake....

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterErica

It's REALLY hard for me to believe that first cake is not smeared with real poo. Ew. I could NEVER eat that.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLydia

Poor Poor Canada

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBrett

I totally thought the apology was being given by Betty White, not Barry White. I could not figure out why she had backup singers with the Shoop, Shoops until I got to the comments. Oops.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterelecblueis

Oh man that first cake nearly made me gag. What on earth was it supposed to be? Lol I hope whoever bought it didn't fling it at the wreckerator in anger. Though that might be entertaining the poor cake didn't do it on purpose. Ugh. As for trolls they should hide under bridges where they belong! Is now probably gonna get trolled..eek.

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

oddly enough- Shool IS out for a lot of Canada- it being *March break* and all......

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterhawkfeather

@D, sounds like you experienced a live EPCOT.

Since being preemptively offended on behalf of others is all the rage* these days, I would like to acknowledge the many positive contributions of the troll community by saying something nice about them.

As soon as I think of something, I'll say it. Don't wait up. (Bass-snare!)

*That was unplanned, too. Really. If you believe me, I'll go back under the bridge and let you pass.

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Just brilliant! Unfortunately my laughter at your apology post has now tipped off my manager that i'm not doing work. Thanks, eh!

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterESW

Smothermother: I heard they raised the limit to 14.7 apologies per day. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news!

And still thinking about the funny food names in England, does anyone here remember the Royal Canadian Air Farce's radio sketch about an English pub owner in Montréal being investigated by the language police because his menu isn't in French? "Monsieur, you will have to change the name of your 'toad in ze hole' to 'crapaud dans la cavité'." "But that sounds bloody awful, it does!" "Monsieur, I am not ze one who names dishes so zat zey sound like rare diseases!" *giggle* I strongly suggest you try to find a recording of it online.

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStriderGirl

I think the last cake is my favorite of all time.

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBigMomma

LOVED the post about Canada. On behalf of Canada --- sorry for the troll!
I also love your site/facebook/twitter - it is such great materials
You rock!

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer Baker

Beer, eh.

I thought trolls were the sort who attacked fellow commenters or who clearly are making contrary comments just for fun. It can be hard sometimes I guess to tell when someone is just honestly disagreeing.

But here it would be obvious. Why troll CW unless there's something ... wrong ... with you ... geez... anyway, sigh.

I visit every day I can, you two run a swell site.

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIgnatius

Just to throw a wrench in there:
There are 2 kinds of poutine (poo-teen)

1) Quebec poutine with fries, cheese curds and gravy and;
2) Acadian poutine which is a grey ball of potato with smoked pork inside which you eat with maple syrup. It really is delicious, even though it looks like a nasty grey snowball.

So happy to have wrecks back on this side of the border! Thanks, eh!

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermothemama

As a blogger who's just getting started, I'd like to know how you blocked an entire country? I'd like to avoid that...I'm hoping I haven't done it already. I mean, if cakewrecks could accidentally block Canada, I'm sure I could have easily blocked an entire hemisphere by now...

[Editor's note- Hi Rachel, Actually our host, Squarespace, has a feature where we can block a specific IP address which is what I tried to do. I believe the problem had to do with the internals at Rogers but suffice it to say that that one IP address blocked a whole bunch of people. No fun. Just goes to show you don't play with technical stuff you don't understand. -john]

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRachel Meeks

I was starting to freak out too!

Glad this was all a misunderstanding. On behalf of the noble nation of Canada, APOLOGY ACCEPTED!

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndreaofCanada

It just occurred to me that "Butter-tart" would make an okay stripper name. (IMO Canada's most delicious dessert!)

March 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPetraStrider

"but it's not" That was quite a blow.

My favorite Canadian food doesn't lend itself to suggestive interpretation, but it does make a nice light snack.

March 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGeorge P

As a long time fan, and a Canadian, apology accepted... We still love you Jen & John!! Please keep up the great work! <3

March 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

I'm glad I was distracted and missed the outage. Otherwise I would have been traumatized. TRAUMATIZED, i say :)

Sharyn-- brilliant country fact sheet.
StriderGirl-- excellent point. Although I do notice that the French province of this former British colony is the one with the "best" suggestive food name!
TheOneonTheRight-- so that rather well done flag is in honour of us Canadian Jews?

Gravy on fries is great, cheese curds are amusing (squeak!), but I never have been able to stomach the idea of all three at once. However, Beaver Tails, smoked meat, Montreal bagels and tortiere? yum! Hmm... I do notice that classically Canadian foods aren't exactly healthy :S

SuBee-- Bieber: you can have him. PLEASE! I'd rather take credit for Canadians inventing the zipper, Pablum, discovering insulin, the IMAX, the blackberry, lightbulb.... google canadian inventions and you'll get more :)

PS Melissa-- the regular Canadian teasing is actually CW's display of affection. Akin to an 11-year-old boy teasing a cute female classmate :)

March 22, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

This reminds me of the o.b. (tampons) apology given to Canada a few weeks back, also in song form. Hi-lar-i-ous! The Canadians really must be such a nice people if they prompt such apologies!
http://consumerist.com/2011/12/ob-tampons-apologizes-to-canadian-customers-in-song-form.html

March 22, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRima

Now I kinda wish I twere Canadian.

March 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Baah!!! I was wondering what happened to you!!!! I even started checking wikipedia and other sites to see if you had, for some strange reason, shut down the site! I'm so glad to see we are back in your good graces! Apology accepted!

April 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterhypatia

:D :D :D
I SENT IN THE SORRY I'M SO STUPID CAKE!!!!
YES!!!!!!

December 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJo

@Jo - So, then, what's the story behind it?! Spill, girl, SPILL!!! :-)

December 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

lol @ sharyn

January 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMooseluver

This is the funniest site, all this ............... I dont what to call it but now its funny stuff!XD

January 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMacy

I'm sorry, Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. Troll. But that poo cake does NOT look scrumptious.
Oh, and Jen: Yay for you! Trolls are [un-scrumptious] poopooheads and you have every right in the world to block them. Unless it's illegal by freedom of speech (I absolutely HATE that kind of troll, like commenter #1 on "It's just a LITTLE soap box...")... in which case they are usually just full of it.

February 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWreckophile #1

Love your website and love this particular one about Canada especially as I live outside it. Poutine started up after I moved to Europe; I don't see the appeal either. Cake wrecks makes me smile and I am genuinely glad you are fond of Canadians.

July 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarianna

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