My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Ghost Taunters: Friday the 13th Editions

[dramatic voice-over guy]: "Today, on Ghost Taunters International, the team travels to Geneva to investigate an ancient spa slaughterhouse that was also used as an asylum for homicidal clowns."

"Uh...guys? Does the fountain always do that?"


"Where tortured souls, rubber noses, and victims of unspeakable beauty treatments lie in wait..."

"There's something in the water. THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WATER."

[sounds of scuffling]

"Oh, never mind. It's just some disembodied arms. And maybe a child's head."

"PHEW! For a second there, I thought we'd found a cold spot."


"And dark forces seem to be the dark."

"Ok, who brought the dog?"


"Are these wayward spirits trying to break free from their unearthly shackles and actually make contact?"

"Okay, I've got a plan. Stay close...stay close!...and..."



[more scuffling]

"Oh. Sorry, Leslie. But really, you might consider laying off the white powder and mascara."


"What shocking new evidence will be revealed in the team's quest for proof of the supernatural?"


[gasping] "OMIGOSH. Someone said my name. Did you hear that? Something said, 'Leslie.' I swear! Did you hear it?"

"I dunno; sounded more like 'Cream Cheese' to me."

"I heard 'Velveeta.'"

"Anyone else getting hungry?"


"Or could these spirits be up to more serious funny business?"

"The clowns are angry. I can feel it."

"Ok, if there are any clowns down here, could you please give us another sign? Maybe this time without killing our camera man?"


"Will the team find answers in this circus/spa/slaughterhouse?"

"This was the seaweed wrap room, wasn't it?"

"How did you know?"

"Just a hunch."

"Or will they face their greatest challenge yet?"

"Ug. You know, in this infrared your pores look DISGUSTING. Seriously. You should, like, exfoliate or something."


"Find out, on Ghost Taunters, International!"


Thanks to Cynthia C. booturtle, Teri P., Natalie B., Chris C., Lyn W., Diana M., & Anna M. for the MASS HYSTERIA.

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Reader Comments (76)

I cannot figure out what the second one is even supposed to be. Help? :)

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Love it! I admit, Ghost Hunters is my ultimate cheesy TV indulgence, so i could totally hear Zak's voice in my head (yummmmm. lol)

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterquisty0174

Grab your forks, people.
In this spa of horrors, it's
Eat or be eaten.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy more clown cakes. can't..stop...seeing...that...clown...

btw, that spa cake was a win until the face mask went horribly wrong.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlulu

Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMimiheart

Huh, that first cake looks pretty good actually...

Scrolls down...

Oh, the humanity!

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJedi Knight Ivyan

Cake #4 look like a Tammy Faye Baker cake to me!

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSenateurDupont

My first thought was 'why is that first cake peeing blood'?

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

What's that rapping sound? It's getting louder.... Oh, never mind. It's just Lucille Ball spinning in her grave.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

Does anybody else think that Lucy's hair really look like intestines?

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Ghostbusters quotes for the win!

Seriously? That clown cake is SCARY. It looks like Pennywise.


April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSalannB

Sung (loosely) to the tune of Moon River (OK, it’s Ghostbusters)

If there’s something strange in your bakery aisle
Who you gonna call? Wreckporters!
If there’s something weird or it makes you smile
Who you gonna call? Wreckporters!

I ain’t afraid of fondant!
I ain’t afraid of fondant!

If your wedding cake has a UTI
Who you gonna call? Wreckporters!
Random body parts seem to catch your eye
Who you gonna call? Wreckporters!

I ain’t afraid of fondant!
I ain’t afraid of fondant!

Shiny doggie head, with a glassy stare.
Who you gonna call? Wreckporters!
Lucille Ball, with some ground chuck hair
Who you gonna call? Wreckporters!

I ain’t afraid of fondant!
I ain’t afraid of fondant!

If your Spongebob cake took a nasty turn
Who you gonna Call? Wreckporters.
Toilet paper clown. Will they never learn?
Who you gonna call? Wreckporters!

I ain’t afraid of fondant!
I ain’t afraid of fondant!

Random pink critter with a seaweed wrap?
Who you gonna call? Wreckporters!
Are those coffee grounds? Cuz they look like crap.
Who you gonna call? Wreckporters!

I ain’t afraid of fondant!
I ain’t afraid of fondant!

If you’re alone, pick up your phone
And take a some pix! (Wreckporters!)

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

This week has been simply wrecktastic. Everyday was funnier than the day before. You must be exhausted! Your posts were not only funny, but educational. I learned so much today:
1. Bloody fountain is the new white.
2. Never again will I ignore a sign that says "swim at your own risk."
3. Dogs may not be as great as I thought they were
4. I didn't realize they cryogenically froze Lucy's head.
5. The entire population has be hypnotized by Spongebob. What else would explain his popularity.
6. Clowns should be outlawed.
7. Apparently people will buy crap. Just plop down the cash for pure crap. I don't understand it, but now I accept it.
8. Before his long overdue death, Bin Laden gave himself a spa day. I'm sure he looked radiant when he breathed his last.

Thank you Jen and John, for making me a well informed, well rounded (very well rounded,) well done person.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Sharyn-I bow to your greatness (although, at first I did try to sing it to "Moon River." I looove "Moon River!")

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee


April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

Bravo Sharyn, bravo! I could actually "hear" the song, and now I can't STOP it playing in my head. Thanks for that.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBubbe

1) Where are Sam and Dean when you REALLY NEED THEM!??!!

2) "Get her", Ray? That was your big plan?!?! "GET HER"?!??!

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

SuBee: I'd love to hear that!

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

OMG!!! I'm getting funny looks from my co-workers... trying (unsuccessfully) to keep the snikering and giggling down.....


April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

That one with the orange hair (third from last) looks like the clown from Stephen King's IT. Just what I want to present to my little nephew on his birthday.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRamey

Dibs on Lucille Ball's left eyeball!


April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

@Sharyn bwahahahaha

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Is that first cake celebrating a young lady's first period?

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermarcoda

I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw raw meat on Lucy's head.

That clown is actually funny to me, possible because it's trying too hard to be scary. Most clowns are scary while they're pretending to be funny (like those boneless floppy ones the other day).

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Now there's something I never thought I'd see: a wedding cake with a urinary tract infection.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusanna K.

Lucille's hair actually made me whimper, and what IS the pink thing wrapped in green bits? Anybody?

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWroena

I actually appreciate both the Lucille Ball cake and the last face-mask spa cake.

And I could totally hear Mike Rowe doing that entire voice-over. :D

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKate the Short

This is the latest show that we're streaming on Netflix, and I did a spit-take when I saw your "EVP."


April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTxtingmrdarcy

I did a cake with a blood fountain once - but it was an Ides of March cake, so the blood was very intentional!

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLadycrim

Chris: (whimpering ad nauseam, every episode) It's freaking me out!

2nd cake: Something scratched me! Get the camera! Look, one, two, three ... Wait. If three's demonic, what's seven?

@Sharyn -- great song to end the week with!

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

Cake #4 is supposed to be Lucille Ball? I think she looks more like the mean lady on The Rescuers.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

Great posts this week from Jen and the fans!!

@Sharyn - I'll never be able to sing the original now!
@SuBee - This is a VERY educational website. It should be its own college course.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh524

#1 If you showed this to some 'baker' and asked the doom-laden question, "can you make this for me?" -- would the result be less wrecky?

#2 "Marco! Marco! Marco? Gaahh!" There's an orb in the lower right.

#3 must have been made for a major Conan Doyle fan -- that's the Hound of the Baskervilles if ever there was. Or else Thelma finally snapped (that bookish persona never fooled me).

#4 I see GagGag decided to go for a reprise of the meat dress, only this time with matching wig. Chuck will be missed, though. "Raw, raw, raw-raw-raw..."

#5 I always wondered why SpongeBob didn't have his thyroid checked -- now we see where it leads.

#6 Charmin'.

#7 It's even worse -- a CCC, and there's a disembodied hand holding it!

#8 You need some more mask -- there's still some face showing. (Ba-dup-dup!) Is that a scalpel in the lower left? Hoppy birthday!

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

So I sat here for like 2 minutes straight staring in to that dog's eyes, thinking the post couldn't get any more disturbing than that. Then I scrolled down. WOW!! I am seriously going to be haunted by this post for a while. Thanks for the nightmares. :)

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

@ Jedi Knight Ivyan: I wish I was that articulate. My reaction was more like *scrolls down* AAAAAAAUGH!

Fourth cake is either the villainess from Disney's The Rescuers, or a tribute to the classic TV sitcom "I Love Lucifer."

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

That first cake looked okay.

And then I scrolled down.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBea

That dog cake looks like the "Dramatic Cupcake Dog" on youtube :)

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMegs

Is it bad that with the last cake I thought it was Osama Bin Laden?

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterparkerxavier

So Lucy wandered into an operating room during an intestine transplant and the nearsighted surgeon placed the new intestines on her head! Gag! Soooooo...where did Lucy's hair end up? Guess some poor soul has a reeeeeeeeeeally itchy gut right about now!

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJune

Oh my God. That swimming pool cake. I just could not stop staring at it. SO disturbing.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLiz in Seattle

There are some lines that just stay with one...."The Clowns are angry. I can feel it" will haunt me for a long time. Or until the post-it note I wrote this FLAWLESS line on, falls off my cubicle wall.
Thank you for a really good chuckle.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSam

The shiny dog scares me but the "red brain hair" cake is *much * scarier. :P The spa facial cake begs the question"WHY?????????"

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

Lucy looks a little bit more like "Large Marge" from "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure"

"And when they finally pulled the driver's body from the twisted burning looked like THIS!"

Sharyn> I bow to your greatness

"Listen! You smell something?"

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

Why is Lucy's left eyeball extending beyond her eyelid?

There is so much else wrong, but I'm stuck on that.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMom A

What amazes me about the last cake is that it truly is well done. Sculpture is proportional, little jars and background is lovely, the cucumbers picture perfect, and then the cake artist stepped out and her three year old daughter painted the green stuff on the cake. That's the only thing I can think of. Yikes!

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVanessa!

How do you decide who gets Spongebob's crotch cupcake?

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaylin

@Sharyn Your song is awesome but I can't get past the line "If your wedding cake has a UTI" because I'm laughing so hard I can't see!!!

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMickey

YES parkerxavier! that's precisely what i saw too! I was wondering why anyone would want a bin Laden cake.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkim

Lucy with red brains spilling around. Nice. What IS cake 2? And, a bleeding cake....i nearly spit.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnn Pryciak

I learned something new. Voice-over guy is actually Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs. Totally cool.

April 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAudrey

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