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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
May182012

From The Baker Formerly Known As "Prince"

I was working part time in a bakery line
My boss was Mr. Wreckie
He told me several times that he didn't like my signs
'Cuz I spelled too "creatively"

 

Soon he had me lookin' for something else to "destroy"
But different from the day before

That's when I saw it - Oooh, I saw it!
I dropped it right on the tile floor (tile floor).

It was a
Raaaaaspberry purée

The kind you grind and then reheat to pour

Raaaaspberry purée

And if it gets warm it starts to look like gore

Raaaspberry purée

I think I loooove you.

 

Mr. Wreckie
Now, had the nerve to ask me
If I planned to do him any harm

I told him, "Look, man,
I was only bakin'
Surely NO cause for alarm!"

I said now, jelly roll cakes never turned me on
But somehow the purée and bread mixed

Eeee-eEEEE-ee! That was a fright!
But I could tell Wreckie missed me;
Soon I was back to my old tricks:

Thanks to the
Raaaaaspberry purée
The kind you grind and then reheat to pour

Raaaaspberry purée
And if it gets warm it starts to look like gore

(EW!)

Raaaspberry purée
I think I loooove you.

 

Thanks to Diana S., Jillian, Katelyn C., Leigh E., Tara S., Jamie B., Renee, Michelle M., Elizabeth C., and Megan P. for showing us what it sounds like when doves cry.

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Reader Comments (132)

That alien chestburster cake was awesome! Not that I'd want to eat it, but it's awesome.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterA.J.

Well, if I'm going to get a song stuck in my head, it may as well be a cool Prince song. This is one of the funniest (and most disturbing) ones you've done.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRamey

I do not know this song. But I know these are JUST. SCARY! (Both academically and wreck-ily.)

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah

First Comment? Wow! I love a Prince tribute. That wee little man in purple. So smexy and pocket sized. Just wanna smear icing all over him and write "Happy Bathday To Mee"!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda G.

Oh my....... The most disgusting series of "cake" photos, ever. Stay away from red, wreckerators, it's gag inducing.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJeffssis

Yes, I'm guessing that No. 7 is supposed to be the chestburster from "Alien", but it does bear an uncomfortable resemblance to something else. Bursting out of a heart too, very Freudian.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDocbanger

Star Trek, red shirt..... chest buster? Aren't we getting our Sci-Fi's mixed up? Yeah, the red shirt guy is gonna die, but seriously????? That was gross and I had a hard time trying NOT to see it as something else from the male anatomy.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharon's Edible Art

That raspberry "star" shape one is a nice double wreck, since the tag clearly says "french bread, hot at 5pm or free". I don't normally frost and glaze my loaves of french bread.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSheri C

Brilliant lyrics/commentary!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLApeep

Oh gosh Jen, that was GREAT!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteremmbeedee

Wow - A Star Trek Uniform chest with a chestbuster... that is so awesome, the only way to ruin it is.... well... raspberry purée...

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFrankN.Stein

It's the parasite from Conspiracy! That's awesome.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMimiheart

For the love of all that's good, what is that last one? I feel light headed.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

I think I'm just a tad too young to really get everything in the post. (I didn't get the song until "Raaaaspberry puree" and even then that's the only part I know.)

The last one is definitely "intestine-y."

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermeeshybee

Pic 3 is certainly a new way to serve French bread. Also not one I'd like to try.

I know I'm not gonna be the only who likes that chestburster cake either! I wonder if it's intentionally bursting from a Trekkie though...hm. I'm sad that I may never know.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterspectacledowl

Bravo! Bravo! Now if only the bakers would act their age & not their shoe size. Then we wouldn't have all these Wrecks & we could party like it's 1999. I get delirious just thinking about it. We should tell those bakers that they don't have to be rich to be our baker. And they don't have to be cool to rule our bakery world, we just want their extra time in our cakes!

(With apologies to the Artist formerly known as Prince, as well as all the Wreckporters out there..)

And who crossed the streams with Star Trek:TNG and Alien? WTF?!? Not to mention the *shape*... I'm sure it's every geek's dream to get a Valentine cake like that - it just *screams* love. Literally.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

I was SO not prepared for picture 7.(At least the shirt is red)

Or 11.

*gag*

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

What's with the alien coming out of the chest of a Star Trek uniform? The red shirt gets it again... even in the wrong sci-fi movie! That whole line up has me feeling a bit nauseated. I'll never look at raspberries the same way from now on. *urp*

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

That was mind-blowingly brilliant. (I want the Star Trek/Alien mashup.)

Since we're having a Prince day...

Hurt your Brain (Sung to Purple Rain)

I never meant my cakes to bring you sorrow
I never meant my cakes to bring you pain
I’m awfully tired of hearing screams of laughter
It wasn’t my intention to make cake that hurt your brain

Hurt your brain, hurt your brain
Hurt your brain, hurt your brain
Hurt your brain, hurt your brain
It wasn’t my intention to make cake that hurt your brain

I didn’t want to ruin cakes for your Mother
Seems like I missed some baking trends
Birthday cakes that look like something you should smother
It such a shame my cakes went ‘round the bend

Hurt your brain, hurt your brain
Hurt your brain, hurt your brain
Hurt your brain, hurt your brain
It wasn’t my intention to make cake that hurt your brain

Honey, I know, I know these cakes look mangy
In times we all wreck something new
(That means me too)
Your cake looks like a bleeder
But it wasn’t meant to maim or blind
I think you’re going to lose it
From all these cakes I made that hurt your brain

Hurt your brain, hurt your brain
Hurt your brain, hurt your brain

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The red shirt cake is hilarious! And Raspberry Purée is pretty funny, too! Thanks for the grins!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

I love raspberries, and I love Prince too, but wowzers, these cakes! The last one looks like intestines, and I'm not entirely sure I want to know what that is poking up out of the Star Trek hear-shaped (Pan-Wow, is that you?!) cake.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKelley

I'm pretty sure the Alien chest-burster destroying a red-shirt is not a wreck, but actually the best thing ever. Oh, it is gross, for sure. But hilarious and well executed!

Also, thank you for getting Prince stuck in my head. Today just got a whole lot funkier!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Oh Lord....those two signs are from a Price Chopper store- that means they're some place near me!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEric Stott

Actually, I quite like the Alien/Star Trek TNG mashup cake. It's well executed, if a little gross, and thoroughly geeky! :D

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKim

Oh, where to begin...

Love that those signs got through the wreckerator's printer with that spelling as well.

The label on the pinwheel-ish design says "French Bread: Hot at 5pm or Free." Collaborative wrecking going on there!

The sheet cake with the raspberries flung at will looks like it should be a final exam for a group of crime scene techs finishing with blood spatter studies.

But hey, at least we have another Pan-Wow sighting! Of course, it is in a weird amalgamation of a Star Trek and Alien scene...

The confusingly shiny Charlotte, the chocolate MOUSE cake and the running slime cakes look positively yummy compared to the last one. Holy cats, is that a bowel surgery gone bad replicated on a cake?

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

I LOVE the Alien / Star Trek mash up (literally!) cake. WANT!!!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKathy A.

I just want your extra time and your.....WRECKS!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMac D.

Quite liked the alien/trek crossover cake, I must say.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAddy

Best. Song. Spoof. Ever.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHillary

And that last cake, kids, is why the nice nurse tells you not to drink red Kool-Aid before having your colonoscopy!

Why have I never thought of frosting French bread before? Just leave off the puree…

----

I was dreaming when I wrote this
Forgive me if the spelling's wrong
But when I printed it this morning
Could've sworn it flowed just like a song
The sauce was reddish-purple,
There were berries running everywhere,
Tryin' to run from the destruction,
You know I didn't even care.

'Cause they say 2,000 zero zero party over, oops! Out of time!
So tonight I'm gonna wreck it like it's 1999!

I was dreaming when I wrecked this,
So sue me if this cake is gross.
But life is just a party
And parties need a little fructose.
Wrecks are all around us,
My cake says "Prepare to hurl."
So if I gotta eat it,
I'm gonna give these berries a swirl.

Yeah, they say 2,000 zero zero party over, oops! Out of time!
So tonight I'm gonna wreck it like it's 1999!

People, let me tell you somethin'
If you didn't come to puree,
Don't bother knockin' on my door.
I got an alien in my uniform
And, baby, he's ready to roar.
Every cake can be a bomb,
We could all puke any day.
But before I let that happen,
I'll wreck my life away.

Oh, they say 2,000 zero zero party over, oops! Out of time!
(We're runnin' out of raspberries!)
So tonight I'm gonna wreck it like it's 1999!
(We gonna, we gonna, oh!)

Wreck it one more time.
2,000 zero zero party over, oops! Out of time! (No, no)
So tonight I'm gonna wreck it like it's 1999!
(We're gonna, we gonna)

Alright, 1999!
You wreck it, 1999!
1999!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDB

Normally I just lurk, but I had to pop in today to let you know that you're an amazing parody writer. Seriously. This is better than Weird Al!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret Thatcher

*singing*
Wanna put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous then I'm through with you.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCaryol

Number Seven... I cannot believe none of the rest of you picked up on that instantly, it's usually the absolute first thing you would all see...

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBea

Are we SURE that's an alien??? That is SO not what I am seeing ;) Sharyn, funny as always. Raspberry is a yummy flavor for cake, but we have to use sparingly, or it looks like a murder scene D:

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

That first raspberry cake is helpfully labeled "French Bread." I can see how they got confused...

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie

SO very FUNNY!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDena

Holy Crappity, that was funny (and kind of horrifying, sometimes)! Most excellent adaptation of a Prince song!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSue M

I was hungry. Now I'm not. But I am smiling... :)

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

I love that this entire post is tagged only as "Ewww"! Also, that first, um, cake? bloody starfish? seems to think that it is a loaf of french bread. And I'm cool with that. Sometimes denial is a good thing.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKdot

I'm currently speechless with horror from the cakes and admiration for the excellent Prince parody!! Not to mention some of your followers, Jen, created some pretty good parodies as well. Could this be your next book?

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKristi

I think the Trek/Alien mashup is disgustingly brilliant. Using the <3 pan (PanWow?) to showcase the alien spawn bursting from the <3 of the redshirt, with the raspberry puree doing stand-in for bloody gore? My brain is busy playing a scene where Q apparently dies via chest-burster, freaking out assorted crew, only to sit up and say "Oh, your distress at my evident demise is so gratifying. <grabs fake alien> Here, have a bite. Vanilla pound cake with raspberry puree. Quite good, if I say so myself."

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAJ

I don't know whether my sci-fi friends would laugh at the Alien/Star Trek cake, or scream in horror at the mixing of genres.

Did anyone else here start singing along to the post in the tune of Raspberry Beret?

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertheblackdog

Although it's been said 12,000 times already (save me a seat in the bunker, anyone?) I'm going to agree that they shouldn't have crossed the streams with the Alien/Star Trek cake. Or if they had to, at least make the alien a little less....phallic. I didn't realize penile dentata was a thing.

But love the Prince shout out. You make Minneapolis proud! You really do!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelonie

Well hey, I'd sure pay $.## for some merinuge pies! But not a $.@@ more.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterleorising

Eeek! The Star Trek parasite cake just gave me bad flashbacks to that episode. I saw it when it was pretty young and it was so disturbing it is the only ST:TNG episode I will *never* watch again.

The second to last cake looks like a giant gummy worm trying to escape.

I was never much of a raspberry pastry fan. Now I know why.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAllegra

Look, if your man's #7 has little gray teeth and can punch through a sternum, there is something seriously wrong with one or both of you.

We need a word that means "gagging and laughing simultaneously." Gaffing?

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

BRILLIANT. I was singing along the whole time. BRAVO, Jen!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMariela

Almost snorted raisin bran out my nose once the tune started in my head.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercakelady72

Genius! If the writing wasn't so brilliant, I wouldn't check this site every day!

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShelly

Confound Prince for not allowing his songs on YouTube. I never heard (or heard of) "Raspberry Beret," so it was hard for me to find.

May 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

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