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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Aug312012

A Mary Sing-Along

(In case you need a refresher:)

 

Iiiiit's....

Stupid-gobs-of-frosting-turned-into-a-scene-of-grossness

Can’t the wreckerators tell when something looks atrocious?



This is not a cake that would be served by any hostess!

Stupid-gobs-of-frosting-turned-into-a-scene-of-grossness!


  So many times when I buy cakes I find it quite absurd


 How often bakery frosting can look like a pile of turds


Or oozing sores…


 or vomit piles… 


or glistening, ruptured spleens

I just want a dessert that won't turn of all of my guests green!

Oh…..

Stupid-gobs-of-frosting-turned-into-a-scene-of-grossness

 


Can’t the wreckerators tell when something looks atrocious?



This is not a cake that would be served by any hostess

 

Stupid-gobs-of-frosting-turned-into-a-scene-of-grossness!


(Move that away a little, I'm gonna die)

(Move that away a little, I'm gonna die)



Thanks to Kelly C., Paul W., Caitlin & Nanoo, Sue W., Jennifer S., Greg K., Dylan W., Lisa T., Heidi B., Jennifer H., and the always-amazing Sharyn for the song re-write!

« Sunday Sweets: Sweet Things In Small Packages | Main | Like Aversion? »

Reader Comments (116)

Yum diddle diddle diddle
Yum diddle die...

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRhissanna

I keep staring at the ruptured spleens cake, trying to imagine What They Were Thinking. Surely, SURELY those weren't meant to be.....balloons? This is going to bug me all day.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDidoCarthage

My three yr old was behind me when I was scrolling through these. His response..."Oh no! What happened to the cake!!" I most heartily concur.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAbbie

Fantastic on the song and the turkey, oh my goodness...in all cake wreckness...it's fabulous! LOL

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

Is that a set of dentures on cake #3?

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternepetacataria

that first one.... what is that goat poop sprinkles? bleck

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLori

Never look at the Cakewrecks site while eating breakfast.......

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCapability Bowes

Very Creative. Thank you for a good morning laugh.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDebby

Loving the colors on the spleen cake :)

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterViiriäinen

Weird Al-worthy. Even down to the 'spleen' inclusion. Excellent.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterheather

Cake # 1 looks like someone with a horrendous cold sneezed on it. Cake #2 looks like, well, #2. And it gets less appetizing from there.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDillTheCat

Carrot Penis for the win!!!!

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHopie

It is fitting that before this Labor Day week-end, we see cakes clearly made with a labor of love. Just a quick look at three of them…

While to the novice, the first cake might look disgusting, it was actually made for the week-end picnic of the Portable Outdoor Outhouse Providers, or, as they are affectionately known, the P.O.O.P. Team. Celebrating all foods and drinks internally recycled, this vivid recreation of those “end products” is used in the picnic’s famous finale where one of the picnic-ers tries to consume the entire cake, playfully taunted by the others as they chant, “I bet you can’t eat the hole thing…"

The second cake celebrates the unique relationship between pumpkins and fertilizer. Many people are unaware of how much manure it actually takes to make one pumpkin, and this cake spatially shows that relationship. Entitled Pumpkins and Poop, this cake won the coveted Brown Ribbon at the annual Labor Day Picnic.

The third cake was made by a little known group that re-enacts events through the use of turtles. While slow to get started, they are a shell of a nice bunch, but shy and rarely stick their necks out. Their picnic this week-end features this stunning cake, a re-enactment of a scene from the rarely seen movie, “Bridge Over the River Koi.” Plans for next year include a unique 30 day event in which a turtle begin a walk while at the same time its owner starts using Rogaine. At the end of the month, they will measure the distance walked and the length of the locks. Not surprisingly, it’s called The Turtle and the Hair.

Happy Labor Day!

Oh, by the way….Pile of Turds, Oozing Sores, Vomit Piles, Ruptured Spleens…aren’t they all punk bands from the 60’s….?

@Sharyn: what is left to say….? My superlatives seem so mediocre…. To paraphrase an old kid’s saying, “The highest compliment in the world and double it on you!”

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

These cakes were hideous! They all made me laugh in disbelief. :) I simply can't fathom that the people turning out any of these cakes think they are shelf-worthy.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndreaB

Anyone else see rotting brown teeth on the bridge in cake number 3????

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterApril Fool

Okay, the ruptured spleen cake has got to be one of the grossest things I've ever seen on here. The colors aren't appealing, the blobs look disgusting- it looks like entrails are coming out of each one. Add to that the speckles of heaven knows what on about half of them. Eww. And the first cake: what on earth are those THINGS on it? The ones that look like blackened pumpkin seeds or beans with a hurl-inducing greenish tint? Yuck.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPeachkins

#3 - I didn't realize Neanderthals even had prosthodontists...

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDancesWithSpatulas

#1 looks like a bad day at the sewage treatment plant.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWill

This was great! I'm finding it extra funny cuz I'm wearing a shirt that says Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

you know what I think is the most disturbing? someone obviously took a bite of the last one... I'll be in the corner whimpering if you need me

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Apparently I'm masochistic, because I realized I wasn't looking at the cakes as I worked to keep up with the song (which is AWESOME), so I scrolled back to look at them in detail</I>.

I felt particularly sorry for the turtles having to cross the poo-bridge, but then realized since the turtles are made of poo themselves, they're probably don't mind.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

You had me at "glistening ruptured spleens!" Bwahahahaha

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

That was brilliant!!!

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Best. Post. EVER!!!!

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterstacy

I was having a moment of fury, and then I read THIS and now I'm giggling with delight. Thank you, oh thank you for rocking my world yet again!

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

omg omg omg. I love this. Beautiful syllable alignment! Such precision.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaylie

Brilliant! Painfully, disgustingly BRILLIANT!

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

I totally knew that Sharyn wrote those lyrics, before I scrolled down to the end and read it! But now I'm sitting here wondering, is there really a "Sharyn", or is this Weird Al in drag?

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRPainter

when i looked at the one with the yellow thing (a bird?) sitting on that pile of brown, my first thought was "how did that bird have so much (four-letter word beginning with s) in it?".

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjane lewis

The ruptured spleens are apparently supposed to be balloons, but who by the Seven Holy Frosting Spatulas makes balloons that look like those candy rock things? I mean really! And I'm trying to be kind when I compare them to those.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Well, you'll notice they took a forkful of a part that's not contributing to the gross appearance. Though, logically, this just increases the percentage of cake that looks bad.

Assuming that the part that is is actually edible, some partygoer (or the person who bought it) could "take one for the team" and take it into another room, take a picture (as someone did here), scoop the carrot-gone-horribly-wrong into a bowl, leaving as little trace of it as possible, stir it so that it no longer looks like anything other than yummy icing, and bring the rest back.

If anybody wants to know where the decorative icing in a carrot shape is, the person could then say, "It didn't really look like a carrot. If you really want to know what it did look like, I can show you, but I've gotta warn you, it's pretty unappetizing."

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

This post is almost perfect, however the chorus needs another syllable or two! Every time I read it to the song I imagine the word "utter" comes before "grossness"!

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaFern

That last cake ... eww. Just eww.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjules

I love you

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMary P

Whoever made number 5 forgot the white
chocolate. Time to pull out the handy pages
That tell you how to make cakes so they don't
look like oozing sores. It's almost as bad as
the gravy cake version of that cake a co-worker
made

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAna

Shim-shimmery, shim-shimmery, shim-shimmery poo,
The turds will rub off as you cut through the goo.
Or blow me some chunks--'cause that's right to do!

(I love that movie, but I heartily recommend the original P. L. Travers books. Quite surreal.)

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFM

My 18 year old son and I actually sat here and sang your lyrics while the video played. Nice!!

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaaren

#3 looks like it has a colon lying on top. Lol

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKitty

Thank you, Jen and John! I am actually crying, I am laughing so hard. My husband just walked in and is worried I'm going to get dehydrated from reading CW. He's never even SEEN Mary Poppinsl. That must change. (I haven't seen that movie in almost 25 years - way, WAY back when I was in high school it was a favorite of two different families I babysat for, and I saw it - on VHS - a lot).

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Haha! Genious.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTheQueen@TerrorsInTiaras

Brilliant lyrics! I am grinning from ear to ear singing the rewrite. Hard to do because it made me laugh so much.

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarnieB

@FM Well said. Chireee!

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

Thank you so much! I just laughed so hard I cried. :)

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKat W.

Oh my gosh! I LOOOOOVE this post. Favorite in a long long time.

((Move that away a little, I'm gonna die)

August 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

Stupid-gobs-of-frosting-turned-into-a-scene-of-grossness

It may not stump anyone at a spelling bee, but this has to be one of the most perfectly profound lines in all of lyricdom. Well done, Sharyn!

A mystery to ponder: why does anyone feel the need to make a turkey out of cake? Isn't the original delicious enough?

And how can anyone screw up the shape of a carrot?

The spleens . . . The spleens. Run for the hills!

This was such a wonderful post! Thanks for starting the holiday weekend off right!

September 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Oh man.. I will never watch that movie again without your improved lyrics lol. Wow.. just wow at all the disgusting cakes they think customers will buy and often they are correct. Sheesh.

September 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

The one with the ruptured spleens look like (not so) little spermies... No bueno!
These cakes are definitely not a pretty sight.
Now I'm waiting for Sunday Sweets. :)

September 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterrsfinpdx

I was so captivated by the song, that I had to see (and hear in my head) what came next as soon as I could, so I barely looked at the cakes in between. Haha!

September 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKen D

Great song! Disgusting cakes!

September 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCommon Household Mom

Once again, you've amazed me with your brilliance! Bingo cakes and most particularly song!!

September 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWroena

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