My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Birch, Please.



John: What? [seeing cake] What IS that?

Me: [laughing]

John: Is it a cow? Buried face down?

Me: [still laughing]

John: Wait, no, I think it's a tree. A birch tree.

Me: [shrill cackling punctuated by honking, bugle-like snorts]

John: Is there a two-liter in that thing? Seriously, look; I think there's a soda bottle in there! Jen?

Me: [wiping eyes] Oh, so you're saying it's all bark and no bite?

John: Ug, that's terrible. We need some good puns.

Me: Hey, if you don't like my puns, you can make like a tree, and GET OUT OF HERE.

John: That's it. No more Back to the Future marathons for you.

Me: Awww. You are my density, baby.


Thanks to Amanda C. for proving there's nothing shady at all about a tree stump with two limbs.

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Reader Comments (81)

You can tell by the scarf-adorned deer head in the background that this is a classy, classy establishment that hosts only the finest of parties.

*gigglesnort* Dear god, that cake looks like a 3rd-grade papier mache project!!

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Seriously is that a 2 liter in there??

What are the little bottles hanging off of it?

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStephi

Well, it goes well with the deer head mounted on the wall...

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

This is why there are no birch Ents in The Lord of the Rings.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

it looks like a dog stuck in a tire upside down. weird legs tho, lol

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

Looks like it is in Fire Swamp. Look out for rodents of unusual size! Scary.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterspudd

John and I must think alike. The first thing I saw was a branded cow buried upside down. I thought the legs were twisted in some weird dance position

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertina

As soon as I saw it, I was reminded of the "Dead Hand" enemies from Ocarina of Time. I hated those creepy guys.

This is what they looked like:

Sure, I don't know why it would have flowers on it- but I can't see that cake without thinking it's going to try to eat my face.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWhitney

Like John, I thought it was a cow in upside down. Oh dear. I don't think I'd have ever figured out it was a birch tree.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Sung to Monty Python’s “Lumberjack Song”

I’m a lumberjack and that’s my cake
I recycle and then I bake

He’s a lumberjack and that’s his cake
He recycles and then he bakes.

I drink my coke, I rinse it out
Then I roll up my sleeves
Wrap bottles up in fondant
‘Til they look like birch trees

He drinks his coke, rinses it out
Then he rolls up his sleeve
Wraps bottles up in fondant
‘Til they look like birch trees

He’s a lumber jack and that’s his cake
He recycles and then he bakes

Next, buttercream to look like bark
And airbrushed spots in brown
It won’t be done until I hang
Small bottles all around

Next, buttercream to look like bark
And airbrushed spots in brown
It won’t be done until he hangs
Small bottles all around

He’s a lumberjack and that’s his cake
He recycles and then he bakes.

I don’t like your derision
Stop all of those puns, please
Or next time I might make you
Cake with Dutch Elm Disease

He doesn’t like derision
Stop all of those puns, please
Or next time he might make you
Cake with Dutch Elm Disease

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I thought the same as Nancy. Is this actually cake?

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercakeburnette

I think this is what happens when cows breakdance.....although the bottles mystify me.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle P

I wish you guys were on camera. I'd totally DV-R you.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

I've always wondered what happened to cows after they get caught in a tornado. Now we all know.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

That looks more like one of those larger wine bottles that have the short neck. An empty wine bottle would explain the rest. After all, everything looks better through wine goggles.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

Please tell me this isn't for a wedding. Even if it is, tell me it isn't.

I totally see the cow now that John has mentioned it. *snort*

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

I think the cake is the body that goes with the animal head on the wall. The head has a scarf. The body got the frosting and spice jar accessories.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJanice

I'm guessing that it's an anniversary cake for C + N and this cake commemorates their courtship when they had to meet at the birch tree for their rendezvous.

Either that or they love cow tipping. It could go either way, really.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Tree (with apologies to Joyce Kilmer)

I think that I shall never see
A cake as horrid as this “tree.”

A tree whose base is firmly pressed
In Easter grass and a large black mess;

A tree that looks up to the sky
And makes me ask the baker, “Why?”

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of “what-the-heck-are-those-things?” in her hair;

Upon whose bosom frosting’s lain;
Revealing the baker’s inner pain.

Poems are mad by fools like me,
And clearly, only God can make a tree.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

What a horrible depiction of a birch tree. I think the jars might be candle lanterns, like seen at this website. It's common for outdoor parties in some areas.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

I too, thought it was a flailing cow at first.

I presume it's "birch beer"?

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranonymous

Looks to me like a 3 liter bottle.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCyberjar88

It looks like the tree is saying "Come at me, bro."

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKayla

Sure that's not papier mache?

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

I just realized why this looked so familiar- it's a baobob tree covered in birch bark!

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

Oh dear, and I thought I was the only one who emitted honking bugle-like snorts while laughing hysterically. :)

It does rather look like a cow, doesn't it?

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy H.

I would like to see the "inspriation" cake, though. I bet it was quite nice.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

I thought I had clicked open Regretsy instead of Cakewrecks and it was a paper-mache OOAK centerpiece.

I'm still mystified by the tiny bottles. Is it the moonshine tree?

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCatTrampoline

Maple tree. The bottles are for the syrup.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternepetacataria

the little bottles are for gathering birch sap in springtime.. it think.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMari

Thanks for the giggle @Sharyn :) I missed you yesterday!
As for that thing up there... well... I see the upside down cow for sure. However, we had a birch tree in our yard when I was little and it didn't look like a soda bottle.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Back to the Future references for the win!

Also, ugliest tree ever. I agree with all those "soda bottle" statements. Yikes.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVicky

The first (and second, and third) things I thought were, "Horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE attempt at a cat... A mutilated, mangled, half-buried cat..." I finally saw "tree" and was actually RELIEVED... How sad is that?

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBadKarma

This is one I would really love to know the backstory on. Although lisadh probably guessed it pretty well. Also , just for fun it looks more like an Aspen than a birch too me.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpakajack

looks like sy snoodles, no?

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersmothermother

I'm pretty sure that the little bottles are to hold the tears that must have come to the person who paid money for this.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRixie

Seriously thought it was an upside down cow with deformed legs. And I definitely wouldn't be shocked if it had a bottle inside instead of actual cake filling

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKat

My first thought was wine bottle. Priceless!

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAdria

Oh, I guess it could be a maple tree (the coloring is birch or aspen though), then the bottles would make more sense. I guess the little candies are autumn leaves, they are the colors for it. I knew it was a tree rather than a cow because of the carved initials! Could have been a brand though...
Very odd cake.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

OMGORSH WHAT IS IT EVEN WHERE IS MY BRAIN (btw the face that your conversations with John are so hilariously entertaining make me want to live inside your head and basically account for the success of this website!!! :D hahaha). xoxoxo

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

Still laughing.

Glad no one else is in the office today! I won't bust a rib holding in the cackling!

Everytime I have a break in the laughter and attempt to type something witty or sarcastic, I just start cracking up again!

"Bessy fell head first into that tar pit. Sorry to say she's passed on. We tried to pull her out by the legs, but she won't budge. Should I get the tractor?"

"Nah. Here. Put these jars of fireflies around her. She'll be like a warning beacon."

"Wow. That's almost festive looking. If we throw some holiday confetti on her, we won't even have to buy a tree this year!"

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Oh, zoomom,you crack me up! We seriously need a like button on the comments.

"This is why there are no birch Ents in The Lord of the Rings.
September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenter zoomom"

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterelfmom

Ummmm...I think it's a fire extinguisher under there.. but.... what are those little colored "dots" all over it? im so confused

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commentershortcake

BTTF is the B-O-M-B!!!! Love the puns no matter what anyone tells you... (And it does totally look like it is smuggling a 2-ltr bottle, and it's just bizarre...

You watch all the MJF you need... You are my density, LOVE IT!!!

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterB-Jo

Oh my. WHAT were they thinking??? I think the little jars are either candle lanterns, or firefly lanterns -- you know we used to make them when we camped. I always felt sorry for the little trapped bugs, and preferred to carry a flashlight instead! This cake is sad, on so many levels.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDorene

This reminds me of the hanging tree in The Hunger Games trilogy.

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

So...what is it really? I read all the comments, hoping someone would say what it really is. Jen? What is it really?

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFran_kly

Wait, no one has referenced Barq's root beer yet? There has to be a joke in there somewhere between the two liter and Barq/bark.... Someone who is more awake than I am should be able to figure one out!

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa S.

Jen, you are so awesome. You make me laugh!! you are my density.. *snicker!

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpersephone

When you're alone
And feeling down
And all your hopes are few
remember that the mighty oak
Was once a nut like you

Or in this case...just continuing to be a nut!!

September 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPhil V

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