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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jan042013

Penal Code Violations

NOTE: These cakes may have been meant for children, but the commentary is not. Double entendres ahead!

 

Do you ever get the feeling that certain bakers are up to some...er...monkey business?

I think this monkey lacks a certain...appeal.

 

I mean, maybe it's just me, but it seems like some of today's wreckerators are getting downright...

...nutty.

(I had two different readers send in two different pictures of this cookie cake, btw. See?)

There's something kind of awesome about having a pair of photos of a pair of...um...pink blobby things.

(Swinging plums? Low riders? Crown jewels? Man tonsils? Pant Potatoes? Scroto Baggins? Ok, internet, you've earned your keep tonight.)

Oh, and I *think* they were going for a heart. Maybe. And before you ask, no, the baker should not be sacked, because this is far too entertaining.

 

I'm sure some of you may think I'm being unfair. Well, not to worry, wreckerators; you'll get your day in court.

Just no dribbling, please.

 

There's a certain bakery chain (which shall continue to Remain Nameless) that has a rather curious carrot cake design. It looks like this:

You guys have sent me a bunch of examples, so I can assure you: this really is how the cake comes:

So my question is this: if we all sat around discussing the failings of this particular design, would that make it a circle jerk?

[Bah-dum-BAH!]

 

And while I'm being inquisitive, bakers, I've got to ask: do your wrecks ALWAYS have to look like dongs?

o.0

Ok, never mind.
Please bring the ding dongs back.

 

Thanks to Carrie C., Beth M., Rachael, Becca S., Nick D., Michelle W., & Richard for enabling me to make it four whole days into the new year before making a wiener joke. NEW RECORD!

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Reader Comments (99)

Haiku Joy had me laughing out loud. Then I read "vagina dentata!" and snorted out loud. Oh, I'm crying over here!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMom A

@zoomom - o.O Just like those annoying songs on the radio, now I've got that rhyme stuck in my head...oh, the travesty!!!! Heehee.

After reading this post, I feel like I've been beat over the head with a...big *st*ick?? Ewww.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTor2ga

ROFL @ zoomom
co-workers are calling for medical assistance.....
must go now

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterColin M.

@ zoomom - That was epic. Epic, I say.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

The "purse" looks like the proverbial hot dog tossed down a hallway...

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShar

@flanigak - it is supposed to be a basketball court. The free throw areas are just crowding central court.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCybrczch

Well, I think the carrots are cute!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEmilie

I think the pink blobby thing is supposed to be Epcot

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjglor

@Andrea I was thinking the same thing...let us in the bunker! Theardare's trigger finger is probably twitching!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEla

Those poor Oompa Loompas...

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBrian

Whew, that last cake is a purse! I was checking all the anatomy textbooks I have here on hand, and none of them had leopard-print pubic areas in their diagrams. I was getting concerned that we all had been cheated out of a pair of handles. So relieved!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

PeepBunny - My sister was bitten by a vagpurse once...

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

thanks for the warning, but I think many of those are SINGLE entendres

I'm also concerned that the candle is backwards on Tyler's cake - it was the second thing I noticed about that cake

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentertoonfan69

@Joni:....Sigh. You don't get it do you? My Dad is the same way.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkelticat

@zoomom ~ o_O I'm pretty sure I just died. I'll let you know when I stop choking...

Where's Craig? Who the heck has keys to the bunker? It's a little cold out here! Just look at what happened to those ummm... carrots.. yeah, that's what they are. Uh huh... suuuuure...

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Can you imagine your tween son coming home and telling you about the cake at the party?? Hey mom, you should have seen "Cadens" birthday cake it had two big penis' on it...it was so cool!!! I have a 14 year old son so don't try and tell me different!! lol And those "carrots"...did the decorator seriously not think they looked like penises when she was done?? Really???

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKim in Park City

@Haiku Joy: You mean I'm not supposed to have handles???


@zoomom: I laughed so hard I got a headache and had to step away from the computer.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Scroto Baggins...<snort />...my new favorite euphemism

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterScarlet

I was trying to look at these without my 7 year old daughter noticing. Unfortunately she caught me at the basketball court cake. Fortunately she thought that it said "DOD"!

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergmarie

Zoomom- Best. Rhyme. EVER. ... EVER.
So many phallic cakes today. And, with V-day (Valentine's, not the "V" word we saw a cake representation of above) just around the corner, I bet we'll see more "heart" jewls-er, I mean gems...

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGenevieve Diggory

The Bunker was locked? It wasn't I. Perhaps someone didn't bring their offering to Theardare.

First, in case no one else has pointed it out yet, that pink blob might be a ribbon.

Second...

Who let the dongs out? (woof woof woof woof)

Ahem.

I know perfectly well these wreckerators are out to see with what they can get away.

#1 "Isn't that '1' backwards?" "Trust me, no one will notice."

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

<giggle> I worked for 9 years at the store selling the scroto-blob cake!!!! I may have snorted a little when I saw that... :D

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHermionesMama

Oh My ... that is all ... except after looking a couple times, I finally noticed that the big number 1 is backwards on cake number one ... wonder what I had been stareing at to not notice sooner.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoy

Yeah, I thought Theardare had the key now. That's what *Andrea* claims, anyway. She was having to bribe him with catnip and new laser pistols & whatnot. Haiku Joy's key *mysteriously* disappeared (which figures since it appeared so mysteriously in the first place...) And me? I never had the key in the first place. I only came over when you and/or Andrea were there. (I figured there's safety in numbers, right?) Ya never know when Theardare will want someone to test a new addition to Room 101 and I've done taken *my* turn... <twitch, twitch...shudder, shudder...>

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

The last one isn't a wreck. It was comissioned for a cd launch party for the all-gal punk band Purssycake.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCFC

@ CFC - yeah, the sister band to P*ssyRiot, right?! :-)

@ Craig - well, back to the drawing board. I had to move my horny toads back to Texas - Theardare didn't like 'em too much & I didn't want to take a chance. So no genetics lab in the bunker basement for now (see yesterday's post)...perhaps we should consider a bioelectronics approach instead - we could rebuild Theardare and make him...better than before...;-)

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Isn't there a joke about the wife "keeping it in her purse" and letting him have it back for special occasions?

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAMc

INTO THE EPCOT BUNKER! FOLLOW THE PINK RIBBONS! THEARDARE! Don't stand in the doorway in the dark! You'll get stepped on. Or you'll shoot my ankles.... ☺

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLindarella

Theardare is the Keymaster.

January 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Well scratch eating carrot cake again off my list lol. Wow. And will avoid the place that shall remain nameless in the near future unless they want me to die laughing in their aisles lol. Porn wreckerators what will they think of next?

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Breast cancer and testicular cancer awareness all on one cake, we've got all the bases covered!

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAm

I haven't been following CW for long, and am slowly making my way through the Archives. I understand Epcot, and the bunker, and that only long-time commenters are allowed into the bunker (sob). Can someone please fill me in on Theardare? Context is not enough and I can't find the original post or comment that gve birth to Theardare. Thanks.

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVon

I'm too weak from laughter to type. Maybe later.

zoomom is AWESOME. nothing else could have erased "Porn Free" from my mind...

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

That last one CAN NOT be an accident. The placement of the lipstick is too.... Carefully planned. Right?

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaaike

Those cakes are so very wrong on so many levels, yet all so awesomely hilarious.

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterwafflycat

I'm falling in musical love with Sharyn, honestly.

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChris

my husband was reading over my shoulder- i got to the last image and behind me i heard.. "Spam purse"
sorta perfect.

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterhawkfeather

That last cake is so vagina dentata that it's practically vagina Sarlacc. In its belly, the "lipstick" is finding a new definition of pain and suffering as it is slowly digested over a thousand years.

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterabi

@Von: The original Theardare shows up in http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2012/3/7/theres-a-moral-in-here-somewhere.html
You can also learn a bit about him from The Ballad of Theardare the Cat: http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2012/6/13/when-steampunks-graduate.html#comment18359096

@zoomom: may I add my admiration?

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

@SuBee -- I hope not....
@zoomom -- you take the cake!

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

@Von - and according to Andrea, ..."When you post your first comment, you get a quick tutorial from Craig on Room 101, a lesson in Pig Latin from Sharyn and a kevlar vest made at EPBOT. Don't worry, though. We've never had to use the kevlar vests, what with KarateLady around. You may not see her, but she's here. *whispering* - She's a ninja." (see Andrea's comment under Reading Comprehension 101, posted 06/07/12) :-) <slips stealthily back into the shadows...>

@Sharyn - Hee, hee, hee! I had forgotten that somehow! Jen should bookmark it & the original Theardare and post them under the FAQ, perhaps with some of his ?our escapades...<who was that posting as Theardare, anyway? John(thoj), perhaps?>

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

@Von -- If you understand Epcots, that's more than I've managed. I've always held that bunker admission is a 'whosoever will' sort of thing*, although with recent developments regarding the sudden appearance of a key and Theardare's 'acquisition' of it, one doesn't know...

*The basement door is not obvious, for reasons that may become clearer as you peruse the archives. If you hear 'music' at odd times, pay no attention -- most likely, someone simply questioned whether a wreck is in fact a wreck**. From there, it gets sort of...complicated.

**Been there myself, but with help, I saw the light. Just don't ask me about Lola.

January 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

My goodness! These cakes crack me up!

The carrot cake is epic!

January 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCyberpunk World

Pant potatoes? LMAO I told my hubby that and he didn't get it but it's my new favorite saying.

January 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMary Kirkland

"Cake Purse" is now my new official name for me ladybits. So, thanks for that, my husband will be SO pleased.

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStorm

Well, the "Basketball Court" cake was for my step-son. My mother-in-law picked it up from a pretty large grocery store bakery and didn't really look at it until she got home. Basketball players came along with the cake for my mother-in-law to finish "decorating" it when she got home. By the time the cake was presented it was covered in candles and basketball players. No one was the wiser! She showed us the picture of the cake afterwards!! We couldn't believe it! We did go back to the bakery, showed the manager the picture (who couldn't help but laugh hysterically) and apparently feedback was provided to the new and inexperienced baker!! Sharing this picture with friends has been priceless and well worth the experience!!

January 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCadens Stepmom

Dear Jen,

I laughed SO hard that I literally had tears raining from my eyes in wreck-tastic joy.

You are some kind of Amaze-balls!

January 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCeleste

About that last cake OMG definitely "Vagina Dentata". And, IIRC,"baggage" was an old colloquialism for "woman" and occasionally for what have been getting called "lady bits" around here.


@ diddleymaz

Well, your bollocks didn't get removed, so I'm guessing they're OK.

@Cal331

Does anyone else here remember the "Turnip" gag from "Black Adder"?

@pikkewyntije

Too close to "Dildo Bugger" from "Bored of the Rings"?

January 21, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterrocketride

They have zippers!?! Why wasn't I told?

February 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSvetlana

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