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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Feb272013

Wedding Is Believing

You all know we have a "professional cakes only" policy here at CW, but when it comes to wedding cakes that can be a tough call. See, apparently most of you wreckporters feel a little awkward accosting the bride and demanding to know if her baker actually considers himself a professional. (Cowards.)

So, today, I'll let you guys decide. These really are all wedding cakes served at actual weddings, and in many cases the photographers claim to believe the baker was paid. For your sanity, though, you may want to go on believing someone's Aunt Sally made them as a last-minute "favor."

Needs more rose petals.

 

Is that...meat? And more importantly: if your cake looks like a giant meat slab, wouldn't you think about maybe slapping some frosting over that sucker?

 

Aw, now that's a shame; if only they had a few more bunches of fake flowers you wouldn't have to see the cake and tinfoil at ALL.

 

Does anyone else get the feeling this should be rotating and spraying water out of the swan's mouths?

 

And speaking of water...

Mmm. Wet tissue paper.

 

Proof that there aren't enough gaussian blurs and hazy vignettes in the world to make a wreck look like a Sweet.

See?

(P.S. OH. MAH. GAWD.)

 

Thanks to Heather H., Michele T., Connie P., AG, Samantha B., Allli B., Jessica H., Zoe H., & Skye C., for providing nightmare fuel for future brides everywhere.

 

PS. Believe it or not, I actually DID wean out a few that were even worse than these, because, for example, the baker put the wedding cake on a rusty pie plate:

So I'm REALLY hoping that means it's homemade.

Still, the important thing to remember is that THIS IS A WEDDING CAKE.

And hey, put it on a regular cake board and I've totally seen worse.

 

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Reader Comments (91)

#2 looks like it may be cheesecakes (which when I say it, sounds really funny to me)

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterB-Jo

My goodness, these are HORRID! I'd like to think that the "professionals" who created these monstrosities would be embarrassed for the cake to even leave the kitchen!

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

If I ever get married my sister already said she would make my cake. I guarantee she won't charge me anything but I also guarantee it will be waaaaaaaaay better than these.
@Haiku Joy ~ I have swedish fish today. Will that help? Or I can still send you that bowl of badly drawn stick people ;-)

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

The last one looks like a Dalek! "Exterminate, exterminate!"

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Oh, that blue one #3 would be so gorgeous if it had a silver doily under it and the flowers were fondant. That's sad.

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergobblergobbler

I think the second one is pineapple upside-down cake. Look at it! I can see pineapple rings in the bottom layer. Everyone knows you don't frost pineapple upside-down cake. In this case they should have bucked tradition though.

To whoever baked that last cake: I want my pizza pan back now. Thank you.

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Sharyn and Suebee hehehehe. As for the cakes, I could do better than that with a f(ern)ing cake mix >:(

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

#3 - I am unsure as to whether the flowers are fake or real. The leaves look awfully wilted. While hydrangea flowers themselves hold up relatively well, the leaves wilt quickly. I'd expect faux flowers, (ones you actually PAY MONEY for, as opposed to flowers you run into the garden and gather an hour before the wedding,) to hold up better.

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNanalettie

FWIW, I had a non-professional cake, and it looked MUCH better than any of these three! Yes, it was listing slightly, but it was lovely and the sweet lady who made it for me would put any of these to shame! My take was (a) she really wanted to do it for us, and (b) it's going to get eaten, so really, who cares?

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharonCville

#4, Call and ambulance the strawberries are bleeding!

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJulse

I'd have to hurt someone. I couldn't stop myself...

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPam

I did a cheesecake wedding cake many moons ago. The non-traditional bride loved my cheesecake and chocolate - so I covered 3 layers of cheesecake with chocolate ganache - it was breathtaking, weighed a TON and served a lot of people. Not on paper plates, not with plastic forks, not with Styrofoam cups,
it was enjoyed by all.

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Annie

My head now hurts from banging it on the keyboard. When will people ever learn to SUPPORT your upper layers!? Seriously, it's not that hard. Put a plate underneath it and stick a few clean candy sticks through the layer below it. When you get to that level, you can pull out the sticks before cutting it up. Oy, seriously, how some people came to be "bakers"...

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAylsa

I just finished reading the comments. I'm not the only one to do a little research! Haha! If it's this easy to find your work online by so many people, CakeWrecks WILL getcha... Still, I feel really bad for oblivious decorators. Or maybe the rest of us are just a bunch of perfectionists?

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCB

That's exactly what happens when everything thinks they can decorate cakes. Honestly it is so annoying when everyone tells me it doesn't look hard. It is really hard if you have no idea what you are doing. Like I am a grocery store cake decorator with good training and I can make a better cake than half these "home bakers". If you want a nice cake you have to pay for it. Plan and simple. Don't trust just anyone who says they do it for fun or a hobby. Make sure they do it for a living.

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCrissy

i couldn't put my finger on what those strawberries reminded me of until i read the comments. thank you.

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjane lewis

Whoa! O.O

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

That last one keeps making me think of Santa Clause...

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca F.

Part of me thinks these are funny, but I always feel sad when I see wrecked wedding cakes. I feel so bad for the bride. :( -

Just the bride? I would hope the groom (and probably other members of the family and/or wedding party) would be upset too. But that leads in to a major pet peeve of mine: the wedding is all about the bride. And I won't get in to that here. ;)

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLizzyBean

I've seen wedding cake without frosting that looked good. The meat/cheesecake one --not so much.

Thanks for the laugh on the swans and strawberries disaster. I've made that color combo and it's horrific in person too. But the idea that it should be spinning and water shooting out of the swans was laugh out loud funny! I can picture that; I wish I could engineer that.

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJake and Me

* I mean everyone.
Also just much sure you do all your research first. If it sounds too good to be true than it is. If it doesn't fit your budget change your idea. If someone says they can't do something believe them and don't just tell them it's okay just do your best

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCrissy

#1 I like the lights in the tree.
#2 Pretty table.
#3 There's blue beads wrapped around the columns- nice touch.
#4 As long as it doesn't spray out their other ends...
#5 The grout in the brickwork is a nice color.
#6 That's a nice champegne bucket.
#7 They blurred the wrong part of the photo.
#8 Nice molding around the mirror.
#P.S. That glass table is so clean!


I'm thinking the meat cake is a pineapple upside down without the red cherries.

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

The "cake" in the second picture is pretty clearly composed of cheesecake.

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersam w

As a photographer...I'd say Belle Famille is very brave even putting their name on the photo of that cake. I wouldn't want my name in any way shape or form associated with that cake. In fact, I think a shot of the bride and groom feeding each other would be about the only shot of the cake I would even do if I was photographing this wedding. It looks like they should just grab it in handfuls and throw it at each other...or better yet at the baker..."food fight!" Could be a fun reception if everyone got in on it! Best use of a wedding wreck that I can think of!

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

The first cake looks like cherry cheesecake if you squint your eyes, which is not wedding cake appropriate. AND...note the paper plates still wrapped in plastic next to cake #2. Hmmmm....

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrish

The third cake with all the fake flowers could have been my sister's cake. When the "friend" brought it to the church I just about choked on the hideousness that he claimed was "his gift to the bride and groom". It was horrid. So, we started throwing flowers all over it. Anything to cover the disaster that was that cake!!

February 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

AJ, I am just as bad at frosting cakes, and that is why I don't offer to make cakes for any occasion. Too bad these bakers didn't follow my example. The last one is just atrocious. Well, they all are.

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdoodlebug

Oh man.. one cake looks like it melted and that meat looking one.. bleh!! Those poor brides. Now I would love to see pictures of them chasing after the wreckerators lol because I sure would help them get their money back.. wow.

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Number 7 is a Photoshop fail as well as a cake fail. I guess the photographers tried to hide the ugliness with as much hazy vignetting as they possibly could, but what really disturbs me is the Gaussian blurred background. Because they failed to select the area inside the ring toppers, that area is not blurry. My immediate surprise was that the cake had a magnifying glass on top! Then I realized that their photographers were as incompetent as their wreckerator. Hard to pick a grand loser, but that made me snicker the loudest. Though the blue cascade was the most perplexing. Did they really think that was pretty? It took effort to arrange all those flowers. This is possibly the ugliest collection of cakes that were trying to be pretty I've ever seen.

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarkinSF

I believe that #2 is a pork pie cake - quite popular in the UK - to see more, search for "pork pie wedding cake"

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCrabby

I keep mistaking the "roses" on the final cake for marshmallows, which then makes me crave s'mores. S'mores would probably be far more appealing than that cake, anyway.

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

The cake top on #4 looks like Johnny and Baby about ready to "Have the time of their lives" also it looks like she is holding a baby...lol....love the comment about #3 being one flower away from hoarders....I would LOVE to are a hoarders themed cakewrecks post...hahaha

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

I absolutely hate those "groom running away - bride grabbing him back" wedding toppers! I find the insulting.

People mention feeling sorry for the bride when they see some of these cakes. Well, the groom was probably disappointed too! That's another thing that bugs me! Weddings are for two people, not just the bride!

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Cake number 3 deserves its own narration: "No, Honey! Don't leave me! My dress is caught on one of the thorns! The alien flower beast of doom is going to eat me!"

PS - my mom (not a professional) made my wedding cake. It was delicious and very simply decorated with plain white frosting, a small icing boarder and live roses. She is still disappointed to this day because someone set it in the sun (outdoor wedding) causing the flowers wilt and the icing to look a bit shiny. I didn't care. It was delicious, it was from her, and it was fifty times better than any of those featured here!

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAron

Take away all the flowers on #3, and there is barely any cake there at all. It's like they crammed an entire bouquet on top just to bulk up the crappy cake.

#4 obviously has store-bought red frosting from the squeeze tube on it. I'd recognize that poisonous shade of red anywhere.

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLois

@MarkinSF - that's what's wrong with it! I kept trying to figure out what was so off, and you explained it so well.

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

the cake third from the bottom looks like it's covered with crappy kid's wall-paper that's being held on by a shoddily done tape job. and they used painter's tape which doesn't work very well xD;;

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKat

is it just me or is the bride on cake #4 holding a baby? goodness, it's hideous!

March 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergreenfairy1

After seeing these, I so wish I had digital photos of my brother's wedding cake from 30 years ago to submit to CW. He and his bride were both elementary school teachers in a very poor school district. One of her class mom's offered (begged) to make the wedding cake. My SIL finally gave in. The wedding was 2 days before Christmas and was just immediate family-only. My SIL's maid of honor picked the cake up and was horrified. She stopped at a local grocery on the way to the wedding and bought a plain white sheet cake, a white cupcake and a can of white icing. As soon as she got to the wedding, she sliced the cupcake in two, arranged the halves on top of the cake like bells and frosted over them with the canned icing.
Meanwhile, my sister in law sat stunned looking at the cake made by her class mom: a virtual forest of evergreen trees and wreaths made of green icing with red bows danced across the top of the cake. We laughed for years about that. We did eat that tree covered cake later that week. It was Christmas, after all...

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterColin M.

Jen -- about #4: Are we talking about some kind of mutant swans with multiple mouths? And which one did you think should be spraying water?
On the other hand, I loved your Grammar Day post.

March 17, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Belle Famille....was that the best angle?? Couldn't they put the whole cake in that oval?

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPaula

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