Hello, and welcome to your virtual color therapy session! As you know, it's national color therapy month, so the results we get here today will be invaluable to researchers everywhere who need a good laugh.
Remember, this IS for posterity, so please, be honest.
How do these colors make you feel?
[scribbling on clipboard] Mmmhmmm, I see. And these?
I'm sorry, it's hard to transcribe those sounds exactly. Could you be more specific? And with less profanity? Thank you.
On a scale of one to ten, how much less violent do you feel towards me now?
Why, or why not?
And would you say that this next example makes you more or less likely to donate a vital organ to a total stranger?
Are you thinking of the food you hate most? Good. Now ... are you going to eat all of those chips? Because I forgot my wallet at home, and ... you know what, we can talk about this later.
And finally, lets try a little behavioral role play. I'm your executioner, and I have two types of rope to make a noose. Which of these options makes you feel happier?
Well, that's everything, so thank you for providing some truly startling results, test subject!
As a reward for successfully completing your therapy session, you get a cake with a beautiful, cheery rainbow. Enjoy.
Just kidding. The cake is, of course, a lie.
(And they said a color-blind baker could never do this job. HA.)
Thanks to Jaemi S., Sam L., Samantha, Katie M., Amanda B., Nicole, John L., & Katherine M. Now, go get some rest. After all, if you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.