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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Mar072013

STAND BACK! I'm About To Make Some Cutting Remarks

I'm sure many of you heard the news yesterday about a Dad finding a paring knife in his young son's birthday cake from Wal-Mart.

 I know, right?!

Fortunately no one was hurt or anything; the family just found the small knife sandwiched between the cake and cakeboard after cutting in a few slices.

Still, this story caught my attention for a few reasons:

1) It involves cake

2) It happened in John's home town of Lewiston, Maine, AKA the place no one has ever heard of 'til now, and I bet the Lewistonians are SO happy that THIS is what's finally put them on the map.

3) Back in 2010 I featured Amy L's cake which had a pair of scissors embedded in it, and THAT never captured national attention:

Maybe it's because Amy didn't think to take a picture before pulling the scissors out of the cake. Or maybe it's because she didn't think to call in the local news crews and start giving interviews on how traumatizing the discovery was.

“People started leaving and the family was pretty upset,” the father, Nathan Bibeau, said. “We’re not ever going to get that second birthday back ever, you know?” (That is an actual quote. I am not making this up.)

Then the father bit his lip and stared despairingly off into the distance while a single tear tracked its way down his excessively traumatized cheek. (Ok, maybe I made that part up.) (OR DID I?)


Anyway, as is the American way, Mr. Bibeau graciously accepted both Wal-Mart's apology and refund and said he was just glad that no one was hurt hired a lawyer.

But that's not the funny part. The FUNNY part is how Wal-Mart has decided to prevent this kind of thing from happening in the future:

They've banned the use of that particular paring knife in all of their bakeries.

 

Yes, really.

Gosh, next they'll be banning customers from taking pictures of their cakes in order to avoid ending up here on Cake Wrecks! Hah!

Anyway, on the very real chance that Mr. Bibeau ends up a millionaire because of this, well first, KILL ME NOW, but second, I'll soon be representing Kaitlin A. in her legal case, because, look! TRAUMATIC SCISSORS!!

 

These were sealed inside the box with the birthday girl's cake, and though she hasn't admitted it yet, I think the shock and trauma have ensured that Kaitlin will never work again. Someone has to pay for that, you guys. And someone has to pay my reasonable 15% representation fee.

I'm also in talks with Stephanie J., because...TRAUMATIC SPOON!!

 

And Xela G. will never get that work anniversary back after finding this life-threateningly stabby TRAUMATIC FORK!!

Never EVER.

 

And finally, I'd ask you all to respect Laura C. in her time of healing, because... TRAUMATIC BIEBER!!

 I'm negotiating the exclusive interview on this myself, TV peeps. And I like whoopie pies. Just sayin'.



Thanks to Caitlin C.,  Rachel S., & Jessica B. for today's traumas, and to Sam's Pizza in Lewiston, Maine, for being the first place to introduce me to whoopie pies. AWWW YEEEAH. (And your pizza's pretty rockin', too.)

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Reader Comments (110)

I worked for a grocery store bakery several years ago and one of the cake decorators was a super messy person. Her work space was actually rather gross. Well, one Saturday afternoon we get a half sheet cake back that has been completely destroyed. We come to find out that the parents demolished this cake because their 4 year old daughter bit into a piece of cake and got a metal grass tip used for decorating. Upon further review the family found a total of 6 different decorating tips embedded in the center of the cake. One of them being a very sharp star tip. The decorator was not fired for this and didn't even really get in that much trouble. Her side of the story was she had cut the cake in half to put in a filling and set the top down on the dirty counter. She said she didn't realize that there were a bunch of tips there when she set the cake down and couldn't figure out where they had all gone when she was looking for them.

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergrnbutterfly

Forget the knife-- now we have *two* cakes with scissors! Exactly what part of cake preparation requires scissors??

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWhirledOne

I was laughing too hard to breathe at Traumatic Bieber.

Now, after reading Sharyn's lyrics, I need CPR!!!

Thanks Cakewrecks, you'll be hearing from my laughers - I mean lawyers!!!

March 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSue

I just wanted John to feel better. I've heard of Lewiston, Maine.

I grew up in Lewiston, Idaho- and I made it a point of looking up (in an old atlas) all the other 'Lewiston's' in this country. I was a weird child.

The first scissors cake was mine! Of course when we saw this story from Maine, the whole family started with the "remember when C.J.'s cake had scissors in it?" We didn't freak, we didn't hire a lawyer, no one left the party, and Hell the cake was finished off...LOL....My mother in law, who bought the cake, called the store and received a refund and a gift card to the store.

And just a side note, I WOULD sue if I found Beiber in my cake...Bleh!

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Lee

Traumatic Spoon is my new favourite exhortation. :D

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTheana

But I don't get it. If they ban the smallest kind of knife, doesn't it increase the chances of a BIGGER knife being found in a cake next time? I think discovering a butcher's knife in my cake would freak me out much more than a paring knife.

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMinatomachi

I started snickering at each iteration of TRAUMATIC UTENSIL!! but it was the TRAUMATIC BIEBER!! that caused one of the cats to look at me funny because I was laughing so hard.

March 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNathan

just moved from lewiston this past weekend but it's nickname is the "dirty Lew". I actually enjoyed living there, well, I was one block from Sabattus but still! the part of the story that just baffled me was how the guy said he'll continue to shop there. so he can sue them and hate them but will keep supporting them?! plus the kid is one, he won't remember the incident and it'll be a fun story for years to come.

March 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

A knife in the cake is no bueno, but using an experience like this to get rich, even worse. Nobody got hurt. In fact, the potential for anyone getting injured, especially a child (who wouldn't be cutting cake anyway) would have been incredibly slim. Rather than being "traumatized" and "extremely disappointed" that they will never get this could-have-been perfect birthday for their baby (note: baby. he's not going to remember it anyway) back, I'm sure he's now filled with glee and the hope that he's going to become an instant millionaire. That's what is really sad about all of this.

Love your commentary.

March 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

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