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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Apr182013

10 Hilariously Inappropriate Baby Shower Cakes

 

Let's be honest, ladies: baby showers tend to turn us into cooing idiots. Suddenly EVERYTHING is "precious," and we find ourselves oohing and aahing over things like diaper cakes (two words that should NEVER be used together, btw) and nightmare-inducing sonogram pictures that by rights should have us calling for an old priest and a young priest.

Not everyone has succumbed to the cute mandate, though; some fight back with the most graphic, crass, and undeniably hilarious shower cakes this side of the "Here I Come!" C-section cake.

 

  Now there's a fresh slice of reality for you: Even the tiny elf baby has soiled himself.

 

I'm the kind of person who gets way too distracted wondering if this was actually news to the person who got the cake - and if so, HOW. Seriously, think about it. 

Ok, you can stop thinking about it now.

 No, really. Stop. We have more cakes to look at!

 

Tired of all the cutesy euphemisms for birth? Then let's get physiological, baby!

 Say what you want, but this is STILL less icky than a torso cake.

 

Speaking of which, nothing screams "snack time" like a naked woman mid-birth, amirite?

I still feel partially responsible for these things; I posted The First Censored Cake Wreck a few years back, and then, bam! Suddenly these "push" cakes are EVERYWHERE.

 

And as if that's not bad enough, this baker decided I just don't have enough trauma associated with beloved childhood characters:

NO, CAT IN THE HAT, NOOOOOO!

I've never once wondered what a blow-up doll giving birth would look like, but now I know anyway. THANKS, BAKER. (I also started to wonder what kind of obscene Suessian rhymes she would spout out, and things quickly went from "disturbing" to "I WILL NEVER LEAVE THERAPY.")

 Maybe we should just go back to sperm cakes.

 But supposing you want a sperm cake that's also adorable? What then?

Admit it: at first you were all, "Whatever, Jen, you're just messing with us." But then you were all, "Omigosh that is totally an adorable sperm cake." Right? Right?

 

And if you'd like some cupcakes to go with the adorable bow-tied sperm cake:

Oops. Ok, now we're back to creepy.

 

That was a good run, though. Yep. Remember that cute sperm cake? Yeah. Good times.


 Hey, ever wonder what the most intensely awkward inscription for a baby shower cake could be? Yes? (Me, too!!)

 Well, WONDER NO MORE:

 

No, please, DO GO ON.

I desperately want this to be Part One of the shower desserts, you guys. And then this would be Part Two:

 

 [Psycho Shower Music]

 BWHAHAHAHAA!!

Sorry, sorry; I'm just imagining your reaction over here, and it. is. priceless. Did you notice the chocolate sprinkles up there? Did you?

 

I can't just leave you with that image, though, so allow me to present what I think should immediately become the new gold standard in baby shower congratulations:

 And I thought "handmade" was impressive.

 
Thanks to Maggie S., Jennifer A., Robyn H., Sara R., Katie S., Anony M., Deborah C., Cindy R., Libbie A., & Rachel C. for the inspiration. Assuming you never want to host a baby shower again, of course.

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Reader Comments (134)

I really thought the poopie diaper cake was revolting. Then I got to the goo-covered baby head...
Note to self: Don't look at Cake Wreck posts right after lunch.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Not sure what hospital doesn't put their mothers to be in some sort of backwards robe, but apparently some hospital somewhere forces the women to be completely nude, which is just weird.

And the second to last picture is just so wrong. Should be used in sex ed classes...that would scare every teenager to never having sex.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJeannie

I'm surprised nobody's mentioned that Gentri's dad seems to have a short... y'know.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRobyn

Those cupcakes look like they have tadpoles on them instead of sperm. Yuck

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersadlerford

The former CB: do you mean the rampaging Big Baby from Action League Now on Kablam? Yes, yes I think it is. And you have watched some great TV in your time!

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercal

someone please explain to me why all the push cake women are totally naked? Not even a gown?

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

@SueBee - Am I the only one grossed out because "Sally" and "I" are brother and sister?

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermissyb

Sadly, I could see my sister-in-law ordering the top cake. One year for Christmas, she made all of the females in the family slippers made out of feminine napkins. Awkward opening those around the teenage boys in the family--I don't think even the adult men were all that thrilled to be there. :P

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelindaB

You could have left out the baby head cake...GAAAGGGG!

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJess

"I am in genuine, hand over mouth, shock. It's one of those posts where every time you scroll down to the next picture, it feels like you're being hit by a fresh tsunami wave of horror."
I completely agree Vicky! Though, yes, that bowtie spermatozoa is super cute. Strangely.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMimi

Oh, my... I actually sat and ate a bowl of chicken noodle soup while looking at this today. I managed to keep it down so far! Then again, I have this knack for eating while gross things are on tv or facebook...

I read through all the comments - Jami was the last one posted when I wrote this, so if your post is between Jami and myself, I am sure your comment was just as wonderful, funny, witty, appropriate, fantastic and worth reading as the rest.

As I sit here, it is snowing AGAIN! here in Minnesota. I live near the big lake (Not Lake Superior, the Other big lake - Mille Lacs). We should be getting 4 - 6 inches of snow. SO, I needed something to cheer me up. Guess I will have to keep looking! lol No, seriously, thank you all so much for making life stuck in a house with no end to Winter in site bearable. Everyone!

Looking forward to more Cakes - wrecks and fantastic ones too.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkimrogue

About the "You're Knocked Up" cake - there's a whole series on Discovery or TLC or something called "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant". Entirely possible the cake was for one of those women.

Oh, and the baby head cake has scarred me for life.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

#1: Accuracy is NOT always the best policy.

#5: Cat in the Hat... NOOOOOOOOOO!!! STAAAAAAAAHHHHHP!!!

#6: Okay, I admit, it's cute. And SO VERY CHEERFUL... O.o

#7: Sperm of Satan?

#9: (blinkblink)... (blink)... (blinkblink)... ... ... Ummm... Apparently, dolls weren't already creepy enough... If the mother-to-be wasn't Pediophobic before, she is now...

#10: MUCH cooler than that thing you used to do with ping pong balls! No, really! (Although it WAS a great party trick, to be sure...).

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Wow, I've cringed and yelled aloud over some of the cakes I've seen on here over the years, but the second-to-last one is the first one to ever make me actually shudder. How could anyone eat that?! Thanks, as always, for the laughs on a trying day.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBeth F.

I have not been to a baby shower in quite awhile but if the games didn't get me running out the door screaming, these cakes would. As I scrolled down I kept saying out loud "WHY???? WHY????" And the other question is who eats something like that???? ew ew ew

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

The sperm cupcakes were hilarious.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Saxon

Help me understand... you feel the need to censor cartoonish lady parts during birth, but then you affront my eyes with a baby head covered in red slime coming out of chocolate-sprinkled lady parts???

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChelsea

That last cookie is impressive, not only for "Congratulations" being correct, but also for "genitals" being correct!

(I can't get the image of the 2nd to last cake out of my mind...it's going to make my afternoon...interesting.)

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAuntie Em

I know everyone has said it but that second to last cake...there really should have been more of a warning before that picture, I almost choked on the goldfish crackers I was eating! That was beyond disturbing! I thought the Fallopian tube, sperm traveling to the egg was a bit much but the horrors of that goo covered nightmare will haunt me for a while!

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSara

No, just no. Someone brings one of these to MY baby shower, someone will be getting a cake squashed in their face.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCristal

At least the future mother can rest assured that the pain of childbirth will be nothing compared to the pain of looking at these cakes. I died laughing -- until the 2nd to last one -- then I was completely flabbergasted -- and grossed out. Whoa. But, as always, you guys gave me the best laugh of my day!

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdebra

In case you want to know how someone could find out a woman is pregnant without her knowing first: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRYZwCJ59KQ ("Scrubs" answers all of life's questions)

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Wow. That second to last cake was pretty.....erm, special!

Am I the only one who is bothered by the push cakes having the babies facing the wrong way?! Most babies are face down, not up. If you're going to go to the trouble of making a full-on childbirth cake, at least be anatomically correct.

I remember the discussion previously about whether women give birth naked or not - depends on the woman, surely? I was in the nude twice, cos I was in a birth pool.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

It seems that I will get these posts by Jen early in the morning as I'm having breakfast (I live in Australia). Luckily I'm a registered nurse by profession and have a cast iron stomach *urk.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlan W

OMG!!! I about died of laughter today. You have no idea how much I really needed that today either! I was in tears over a cake last night (tears of frustration, btw) for a baby shower this weekend and this was exactly what I needed! I may still consider turning myself in on this current cake. The chocolate sprinkles cake had me in tears if laughter. Showed it to half of my co-workers and everyone had a good laugh.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Sharyn thanks for the giggles. It may the bio geek in me, but the sperm cakes were the least offensive to me(cringes) but that second to last one AUUUUGGGHHHH D:

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

GAH!!! All these babies are being born face up!! Sorry but that's distracting me, although I suppose babies face down in frosting would not be appealing. Oh yeah, these cakes are unappealing as they are!!

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkidsdogscats

Is it just me, or are those Alien sperm on those cupcakes!

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaryc

I absolutely love the sperm cake. I can completely see myself ordering that for a baby shower, telling no-one, and whipping it out at the "right moment." It's well-made, funny, and, here's the key, MILDLY inappropriate.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStorm

How can you censor the breasts and crotches of the "push" cakes but then show us the second-to-last abomination in all its glory? I dislike censorship and would encourage you to abandon it.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStevenHB

My husband 's reaction to the jelly- sprinkle Caesarian was bursting into the Baby Born doll ad jingle. I don't know whether to be proud or face palm....

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHannah

*scrolling down the page, cringing/laughing merrily at all the cakes, then BAM--second to last cake comes along*
An approximation of my reaction at 0:13 seconds: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyophYBP_w4

OH MY GAWWWWWWWWWWDDDD!

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

er, thank you? for these... cakes? which confirm for me precisely why I regard anyone who actually reproduces as far less worthy of serious consideration on any topic as a result of that decision. I don't trust anyone who's stoned or drunk to fly my plane or drive my cab, and parental hormones are clearly FAR more debilitating than either pot or booze (the former I never touch, the latter only sparingly).

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Cakes 1 and 9 will make awesome diet aids.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlex K.

i love the "he shoots, he scores" on the sperm cake - makes it really funny - also true.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjane lewis

The sperm are cute, both the sheet cake and cupcakes. The cookie is cute too. And I appreciate the uterus cake, very accurate. But that psycho one is way bad. There have been some cakes that I wouldn't want to eat, but this one takes....ok, I have to say it...takes the cake. I agree with Jen, never will I see cherry pie filling and chocolate sprinkles in the same light again. Oh, maybe it would be good for school age kids after a safe sex talk.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

GENTRI?! Really? What kind of messed up spelling is that?
That Cat in the Hat is actually quite spot-on!
That sperm cake is kind of amazing. With a little imagination, it could almost be a Casper-like ghost cake!

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTeal

Hannah, that is NOT a c-section....I'll let you figure out what it really is.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoemama

....

Am I the only one who saw the second to last cake and thought "Here comes Johnny!"

I mean, I admit, the kid needs a hammer to completely pull it off...

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIsabella

Sharyn, may I be your minion?

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMovieMom

#6 must be from Canada.

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJay

THE CAT IN THE HAT IS THE FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElphaba Thropp

I understand why the 'baby head' cake is still in the box! No one would dare touch it to take it out!! Besides, think of all the ladies you could have falling to the floor, after they had spit up their tea and pastel mints, just by saying 'Look at this!' and throwing open the lid to the cakebox!

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commentertmk

I don't which I want, a piece of the diaper or that baby's head. /sarc

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlazypadawan

I must be the only one who laughed at the penultimate cake ("alien baby head"). I immediately thought of this scene from Spaceballs.

"Hello my baby,
Hello my honey,
Hello my ragtime gaaaaaaaal..."

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterOtherJim

The first thing my husband said when he saw the Cat in the Hat cake was, "Your mother will not mind at all if you do."

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterroad2vba2c

Why is it that these delivery cakes show a woman having a posterior birth? Sunny side up births HURT! That back labor is a son of a monkey! As if giving birth isn't painful enough!

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKaren O

That second to last cake is just a king cake with a really "easy to find" baby. Right? Riiiggghhhtt?

Hoo-Wheee!

April 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

The second-to-last cake (notice how no one even wants to NAME it) would have made Jan Svankmajer proud. Watch his film "Faust" and you'll see what I mean. There's a still photo of what I mean here:
http://www.thesamecinemaeverynight.net/surreal-september-a-month-of-jan-svankmajer-at-the-cinefamily/
Or maybe the cake is from a film by the Quay brothers.
Or something I would never never never never want to look at, much less eat.
Cake?

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFM

It's almost bedtime.. hope I don't have nightmares after seeing some of these cakes.

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercasual observer

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