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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Apr182013

10 Hilariously Inappropriate Baby Shower Cakes

 

Let's be honest, ladies: baby showers tend to turn us into cooing idiots. Suddenly EVERYTHING is "precious," and we find ourselves oohing and aahing over things like diaper cakes (two words that should NEVER be used together, btw) and nightmare-inducing sonogram pictures that by rights should have us calling for an old priest and a young priest.

Not everyone has succumbed to the cute mandate, though; some fight back with the most graphic, crass, and undeniably hilarious shower cakes this side of the "Here I Come!" C-section cake.

 

  Now there's a fresh slice of reality for you: Even the tiny elf baby has soiled himself.

 

I'm the kind of person who gets way too distracted wondering if this was actually news to the person who got the cake - and if so, HOW. Seriously, think about it. 

Ok, you can stop thinking about it now.

 No, really. Stop. We have more cakes to look at!

 

Tired of all the cutesy euphemisms for birth? Then let's get physiological, baby!

 Say what you want, but this is STILL less icky than a torso cake.

 

Speaking of which, nothing screams "snack time" like a naked woman mid-birth, amirite?

I still feel partially responsible for these things; I posted The First Censored Cake Wreck a few years back, and then, bam! Suddenly these "push" cakes are EVERYWHERE.

 

And as if that's not bad enough, this baker decided I just don't have enough trauma associated with beloved childhood characters:

NO, CAT IN THE HAT, NOOOOOO!

I've never once wondered what a blow-up doll giving birth would look like, but now I know anyway. THANKS, BAKER. (I also started to wonder what kind of obscene Suessian rhymes she would spout out, and things quickly went from "disturbing" to "I WILL NEVER LEAVE THERAPY.")

 Maybe we should just go back to sperm cakes.

 But supposing you want a sperm cake that's also adorable? What then?

Admit it: at first you were all, "Whatever, Jen, you're just messing with us." But then you were all, "Omigosh that is totally an adorable sperm cake." Right? Right?

 

And if you'd like some cupcakes to go with the adorable bow-tied sperm cake:

Oops. Ok, now we're back to creepy.

 

That was a good run, though. Yep. Remember that cute sperm cake? Yeah. Good times.


 Hey, ever wonder what the most intensely awkward inscription for a baby shower cake could be? Yes? (Me, too!!)

 Well, WONDER NO MORE:

 

No, please, DO GO ON.

I desperately want this to be Part One of the shower desserts, you guys. And then this would be Part Two:

 

 [Psycho Shower Music]

 BWHAHAHAHAA!!

Sorry, sorry; I'm just imagining your reaction over here, and it. is. priceless. Did you notice the chocolate sprinkles up there? Did you?

 

I can't just leave you with that image, though, so allow me to present what I think should immediately become the new gold standard in baby shower congratulations:

 And I thought "handmade" was impressive.

 
Thanks to Maggie S., Jennifer A., Robyn H., Sara R., Katie S., Anony M., Deborah C., Cindy R., Libbie A., & Rachel C. for the inspiration. Assuming you never want to host a baby shower again, of course.

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Reader Comments (134)

So it's 12:30 am and I'm just about to get up and go to bed when I suddenly remember that I have not yet checked out the Cake Wrecks blog today. And I haven't eaten recently so I should be OK, right?

Um. . . . no.

The uterus cake features the most giant ovum ever known to mankind.

Just what is that giant pink thing on the "started with a kiss" cake?

The second to the last cake HAS to be demonstrating the Birth of Chuckie.

And if that cookie saying is a "thing"' I would prefer to remain clueless.

I did like the sperm cake! But the sperm cupcakes gave me the heebie-jeebies.

And now I have to go to bed and try to sleep. O_O Maybe not. . . . .

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Am I the only one who found that second to last cake hilarious? That was some clever use of sprinkles.

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie D

Oh man lol. Just looking at these makes me glad to not have a kid..ever. Especially if I ended up looking like that creepy doll with the poor cat in the hat. Yikes. Now I am aware mothers giving birth are not totally naked lol. I guess wreckerators just didn't get that memo.

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Wow - I believe this is the first post in the past few years of my reading that I've actually gasped with hand over mouth and almost ralfed on my computer... NO other cake on this site has done that to me... I don't think I will be sleeping well tonight. Or eating any cake for that matter. {shudder}

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlaughtercastle

Did you know I let out a tiny scream when I saw the baby head cake? Although really, the very nature of giving birth is quite beautiful (looking past the messy details). It's that cake that's unsightly!

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIzzy

I have my first baby shower this weekend and you guys have me officially FREAKED OUT! I couldn't even look at that next to last cake - had to quickly scroll on by it. Actually, they all made me just a wee bit nauseous,but maybe that's just the pregnancy hormones...

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

To paraphrase Amy Farrah Fowler: Heres a hint, if one cares about sanity one should not depict it in cake.

Now, I must go call my doctor and ask for a higher dose of my meds. I'm losing my happy thoughts.

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterViv

Outstanding job Sharyn! I could hear Dean Martin singing it in my head....

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterColin M

I thought that last one was rather clever.

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Campbell

I know I'm a bit older now and not hip to the latest trends, but isn't it fashionable to get rid of your sprinkles? Oh, they're Brazilian sprinkles? Okay then.

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

At least the pink push cake (Shelby's) used the proper punctuation . . . maybe that makes it OK . . . nope. Still disgusting.

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Grammar Belle

Good heavens

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

*takes a stick and jabs it in my eyes*
There's no unseeing that!

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDawne

*do NOT look at baby head covered in goo* * do NOT look* GaaaahhhhhARRRRRRGGHH! :S

But seriously, "congratulations on making a human with your genitals" is now my favorite phrase to say when someone has a baby. Seriously. All these new parents expecting awards and what-not only for making a human, psht! Anyone can do that! (I'm not being sarcastic, it really does annoy me the way people feel so entitled sometimes... *sigh*)

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTess

I'm going against the grain here and stating that the second-from-the-last cake is not the worst baby cake ever. Yes, it is disgusting. Yes, I will never again be able to eat chocolate sprinkles. Cherry pie filling might be okay, but not anytime soon. But the baby head on this one looks like a doll's head. The worst baby cake ever was that one I'm thinking of was one that was way too realistic. It came complete with a bowl of placenta. It is on here someplace, but it grosses me out too much to even search for it. Even worse, there is a gif of either that cake or a similar one where someone is slicing the head. Even though the brain knows that it is cake, the heart is screaming, "You're cutting a baby's head open!" The stomach is just muttering, "So much for lunch."

April 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWaneta

I totally agree with you Waneta. This is not the most disgusting cake I have seen on here. I can't believe everyone's reactions. I thought maybe I have been reading Cakewrecks long enough to not be affected.

April 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLindarella

The scary thing is, an ACTUAL BIRTH is a lot less messy and disturbing than that baby's head cake.

April 20, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterrushgirl2112

I swear, if/when I have children if anyone showed up with anything like those cakes, I would throw it at them.

April 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMadamek

Another long time reader here, and I have to agree that the second to last cake is the most horrifying dessert i've ever seen.
Well played Jen.

April 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKirstie

That giant sperm looks like Casper! I'm not sure if that's a good thing. LOL.

April 22, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEmpress Lockness

"We don't like that Anya, she's newly human and strangely literal".

Anyone else read the cookie in the voice of Anya from 'Buffy'? I want one of my friends to get pregnant just so I can make a cake that says that.

April 22, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBuffy Fan

Oh how I wish I wasn't eating dinner while reading this. Some were funny and some were just Holy Smokes!!

You know...there are many times on here that you warn us about the horrific pictures to come...but THAT truly shocked me. And I am a BIRTH DOULA by trade. Most of time in response to those posts, I softly gasp or chuckle. This time, I slapped my hand over my mouth and my eyebrows bumped into the ceiling. WOW. I just...wow.

April 22, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDee

I know I'm late to this party but am I only the only one who feel the first cake was by far the worst? I totally agree that childbirth should NEVER be represented in cake (and Rosemary must have been the mother of the second to last cake's baby!) BUT the first one? OMG s*** in a sanitary pad? The mind just boggles as to what kind of human being thought this up? And the one who agreed to make it! O.o

April 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMel

Okay, like many others...that next to last cake is going to give me nightmares. I have to admit I find it funny though how all the "push" cakes generate comments talking about what women wear while giving birth. It all depends on your comfort level, where you are, etc. Although I have not had children, I've heard many women who have say that especially after a long labor, they get hot and sweat (I would expect so since it's hard work), but many others are fine wearing clothes, some are fine in a hospital gown, etc. I do think though that a lot more women end up taking off at least some clothing for giving birth than people normally acknowledge, but it's more likely to happen in non-hospital births since you aren't as restricted whereas in a hospital setting there's a likely chance you'll be hooked up to monitors and confined to a bed at a certain point.

May 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie

If I wanted sperm in my mouth...

...never mind

May 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah

Jen, I just love this post. I found it again and hurt myself laughing. Thank you for who you are and what you do.

July 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I am new to this custom cake making stuff and was looking for some ideas for a baby shower custom cakes. I opened your link out of some weird curiosity. Most cakes are horrendous, but the second last cake was an absolute horror! It was like baby exorcist!

July 17, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGauri

Any idea how the little chocolate sperm were made for the sperm cupcakes? I need to know for a babyshower. Thanks!

August 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKara

OMG!!!! Just when I thought I had gotten over my fear of childbirth... I saw the second to the last cake - yup, I'm scarred for life! If I could spell the shivering cringe sound I made when I saw that, I would!

October 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterleelee

Wot a cracker...the bub coming out the vag is priceless!!! Wish i was having another bub...id def get this ...f*@kin hilariously awesome!! Maybe should try for no 6 just to have this cake ;-) people need to have bit of sense of humour....life is too short to be so dramatic & prudish!!!

October 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelisa

Omg, the second to last one, I NEED EYE BLEACH!!!! LOL

Someone has a sick sense of humor, whoever commissioned that cake. Sicker than myself and that is saying something.

November 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRich B

So many of you referred to the '...next to last cake...'
Word for today 'penultimate'; handy for when you need to say, 'the penultimate cake was disgusting'!

November 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Eww. When I saw psycho baby head I did some sort of laugh/gag/puke in mouth sort of thing. But I plan to bookmark this for when my daughter hits her teen years, so I can say "Here's what birth looks like. Minus the whipped topping."

November 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMamatua

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