My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Good Neighbors

Jen and I live in a... diverse neighborhood. Lots of families, a few older folks, the occasional renter and/or drug dealer. Your basic American street. But my favorite has to be the family that lives a few doors down and entertains us each night at the top of their lungs. So today, I give you:


Things I hear while taking out the trash at two in the morning
(I put all the dialogue in extra large bold font to help you really appreciate the experience.)


"Put a diaper on that girl, Jimmie!"




"PRECIOUS! PREEEE-CIOOOOUS! COME INSIDE. HERE BOY. C'MERE. C'MON. C'MERE. C'MERE, BOY." (Stepping just out of the door and raising voice even more) "PRECIOUS! GET IN HERE NOW!"


"You want Cheez-Whiz on your hotdog?"


"So I says to her, hey, for two hundred bucks it had gosh durn BETTER be real yak hair."






Thanks to Elena P., Jill T., Lawanda J., Rahman C., Colleen M., Pamela S., & Hannah C. for being neighborly.

« Zero Craps Given | Main | Sunday Sweets: Boredom Busters »

Reader Comments (81)

As always, thank you for the laughs.

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMadTigerKitty

Well, John(thoJ), at least your neighbors are interesting. It would be a bit harder to match cakes to my neighbors' midnight (or 3am) yammerings - all we get are car doors slamming repeatedly and drunken laughter.

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Because I am always curious about the oddest things, I had to google "uses for yak hair" to see just what your neighbours were up to with this costly yak product. Who knew there were so many uses for yak hair?! It can be used for anything from rope (fFor tying up Precious?) to fly whisks (May work to shoo snakes?) to fake beards (Anybody's guess there.). Thanks again Cake Wrecks for inspiring my continuing education.

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

My only question is why did your neighbors come so close to naming their snake 'Monty' without actually doing so. Is it NOT a python?

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercal

Dear folks: the commenter who commented about tenants and signed as "mel" is not the Mr. Potato, Head Counsel" mel.... Sorry for any confusion....

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel (MP,HC)

Seeing that boa on top of the pile of intestines just constricted my bowels a little. Yikes!

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKatimomkat

@Jodee-- sadly, no, these messterpieces will not be touring.... Someone (wisely) took one look at them and felt it would be better to follow Marie Antoinette's advice: let them eat cake. We are all grateful for this.

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Midnight Writer

@Haiku Joy: in your absence I will try to fill in. May I be worthy...

Ugly stinky fish.
Dead, you float in pool of mud—
I loathe to eat you.

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKatimomkat

As hysterical as all these are, the Yak wool one makes a lot of sense to a person who spins and knits. $200 would be a bargain. It's like cashmere, only nicer.

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterB. Maggie

Spaghetti and hotdogs???

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLindarella

it was all fun and games until that last cake. The smile was wiped off my face and we had a long moment of awkward silence before quickly changing the subject...

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersunbean

*Sigh* I'd prefer Montu to my current neighbours. Boas don't have loud, profane arguments at 2am.

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPrincess Fiona

@john (tho yadda yadda);
WELL!!! I am folding my arms across my chest in a Big Huff! AND sticking my tongue out at the BACK of your HEAD (when you're not looking)!! *pout* *grumble* *whine* You ALWAYS take her side!
*waggles fingers with thumbs in ears*

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I read this and of course the comments while rocking the baby to sleep tonight. Big mistake! I was containi g the giggles nicely until SaraV and the "yipyipyipyip...uhuh" and which point I snorted and woke the baby. Got her back to sleep and then made it to BADkarma. There was no holding back the laughter. Hence why i am just now posting a comment as it took a while to get baby back to sleep yet again. Thanks for the laughs! And yes yes i know better than to read CW with a baby in the same room!.

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentershannon

I love the grill cake. If my boyfriend were not the cake maker, I'd try it for his birthday.

June 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPaula

All I can think is why on earth would someone put snakes on a cake?? If I saw one I would probably return that cake so fast it would fly into the wreckerators face. Yikes. I don't even want to describe what the hot dogs remind me of.. other than nightmares on a plate..yuck.

June 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

First cake...Why are the legs going around the butt cheeks? It looks like it is straddling two balloons. How the heck you gonna get a diaper on that weird a~~ deformed baby?


June 25, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersandy

Regarding the third overheard comment: is your neighbor by any chance Gollum?

June 25, 2013 | Unregistered Commentertardis_stowaway

@TLC - You didn't happen to live on 42nd St in Lincoln, Nebraska, about five years ago? Because...ummm...yeah...about that...*sheepish grin*

@shannon - Glad to make you laugh, but do apologize for the bad timing. ;-/

June 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

John, I must commend you for taking out the trash. That's the best part of today's post. Because those neighbors are all too familiar!

June 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSimply Me

Every time I hear about a dog named 'Precious' I have to fight off the urge to...well, re-enact this scene.

June 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterM

After that last cake . . . I'd move. Only thing worse than finding the snake is NOT finding the snake, if you know what I mean.

June 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEileen

(pokes sending in the manubrium)

Katimomkat - haiku are big enough for everyone to play. I loved yours. :-) If I had haikued yesterday, it would have been over that . . moldy? peppered? . . . fish.

June 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I feel slightly disappointed in my neighbors now...

The best I've ever gotten out of them is their frequently loud and drunken arguments and almost driving through the front of the house...

Oh and that one time prince charming set girlfriend-on-the-side's hair on fire on the front porch.

And the time he got in a fistfight with the tree...

June 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKate

How do I love you? Let me explain- no, there is too much- let me sum up:
Insomniac fish feed your neighbors? Good. (Sharyn)
And don't whiz on my hot dog. (khereva)
5: I've seen expressions like that on real people. Whatever it conveys, it's never good. (sendingtheclowns)
7) Boa vs. Blender: Round One (The Midnight Writer)
or I'll pull this car over, so help me. -john (thoJ)

@craig "he who made kittens put snakes in the grass" is not stuck in my head. gee, ty.
(and 1/2" is juuust right for frosting on a cupcake)

June 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Kate, he should give trees a chance.

June 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

@ SarahD
Just recall that "yak" is also a verb. As in "I think I'm gonna yak."

@ CarolineB
10 stone? (BTW, that's 140lb. for us yanks) Holy crap! Is that apiece, or for the pair?

@ Craig
How about "My Preciousssss"?

June 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterrocketride

I don-t know - someone who'd name their pet serpent after the dynastic god of Middle Period Egypt must be a little bit worth knowing.

June 27, 2013 | Unregistered Commentertwik

Lol!! Love your blog! They probably said real "yaki" hair. Which is a type of human hair that is used for wigs, extensions and sewn in weaves.

June 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLee

I've thought about coming and visiting you from my end of Orlando, but you just scared and scarred me with the thoughts of Montu. And Evelyn .... that was probably 3 different trips, so I'm thinking you're a slow learner. Of course the raccoon and possum were just spooky. The skunk was over the top.

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJeanine

I have been lurking on the fringes of this site for about three months now--usualy I only get to read it between 5pm&6pm on the night I work late, but today being a preholiday screw it day, got to look at it a little longer, and I am glad I did!!!I have not laughed so hard in all my life as I did today-both the pics and all the comments that came with them, plus our beloved friends out in blogland and their thoughts!!! I just had to tell you, John, that this is a classic post....never to be forgotten(some of the images are burned into my retinas). Thanks for making a blah day a great day!!!!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWildDuck

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