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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Jun042013

Sponsored By WebMD (But Not Really)

Attention Cake Wrecks Readers!

The FBA (Food and Blog Administration) has issued strong new warnings for those who view this blog on a regular basis.

Frequent readers may experience one or more of the following:

 

Blurred Vision

 

Confusion

...often combined with squinting and stilted reading aloud.

 

Spontaneous German Utterances (SPU)

Ja, es ist ein Junge mit einer verstopften Eule!
(Yes, it is a boy with a constipated owl!)

 

Drooling

"What? Is there something on my face?"

 

Temporary loss of bowel function

 

And most serious of all:

Despair for the Future of Humanity

*headdesk*

 

*headdeskheaddesk*

 

*headdeskheaddeskheaddesk*

...often followed by a wicked headache.

 

If you, or a member of your family, have experienced any of these symptoms while reading Cake Wrecks...

GOOD!

See you tomorrow!

 

Thanks to Danielle G., Hannah F., Alison U., Karina R., Carly G., Stacey G., Stacey T., Julie G., and Jesse McE. for helping to expose these potential side effects to the public. And, yes, it IS SPU-- Spontane Preußischen Übersprachen. It's a technical term. You don't need to look it up. Really.

« And Now... Gordon Ramsay, Yelling At Cakes | Main | Channel Surfing »

Reader Comments (72)

Who is ordering poop stain cakes, seriously?

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

You got me. I was squinting and stiltedly reading aloud when I gave up and scrolled down. Then I laughed out loud. It's a good thing I'm still alone at work, otherwise they might stop thinking I'm "Always Awesome"

PS. I know there's no punctuation at the end of that last sentence. It's an homage to the wreck. ;)

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLDM

@Jessica: With hairy cracks, at that? >.<

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterUldi

OMG! Not so tidy whities are DISGUSTING! I guess the person ordering didn't want to have to share. :/

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

This explains everything! I just cancelled my appointment with my neurologist. He's going to feel so stupid when I tell him what's REALLY wrong with me.
And yes, I had to look up "Spontane Preußischen Übersprachen." Now I know that Ubersprachen in English is Ubersprachen.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Ok, the last one made me LOL!! EW on the undies!! :(

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

UGH mind readers what will you do next go around diagnosing internet users- oh... ;D hahahaha WebMD really ought to appreciate your talents more!

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

OK, I lol'd at the constipated owl and am always a fan of the *headdesk* cakes but I need more. I want the snarky comment. Please. (Thought the "please" might help.)

[Note from Jen: whoops, I got the posts mixed up. Snarky comment is tomorrow! Stay tuned! :)]

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFobofobiac

Heck that was me before I started looking at daily cakewrecks!

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEla

Cake 7 is a birth announcement: " Hapay (mother's name) birth (ed) Birthdy Gabbie (baby's name)"... at least, that's how I read it.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLorie

The google translator gave me "spontaneus Prussin about languages". Now I am even more confused and I just wasted 5 minutes of precious work time.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

Allow me:

spontane preußische Übersprachen

Ja, es ist ein Junge und die Eule hat Verstopfung!

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKeks

Spontane Preußischen Übersprachen

I'm scared.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBetty Martin

A bunch of us CW readers must be looking up 'Spontane Preußischen Übersprachen' on Google, because this page is at the top of the results list :-D I don't need it translated, I just wanted to see if it WAS a thing...

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSusanD

O...M...G :O I despair of the humainity sometimes

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I want that seventh cake ("Hapay Birth Birthdy Gabby")! I would just scrape off the writing and dig in. It looks yummy!

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPatti

"Please provide plastic knives"
Best.(writing)Wreck.EVER
And that butt crack one is just.... beyond gross. To infinity and beyond.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Oh, you're right, Uldi, it IS a hairy crack! At first look, I took the black curlicues to be a tramp stamp.
I REALLY want to know the story behind why THIS cake was ordered! ...gotta hand it to the baker, though, it was really well executed.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterjenP

Oh. My. Gawd. The butt crack one...

O.o

Where's the eye bleach. I can't undo seeing that.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSalannB

Spontaneous Prussian Überlanguages - it doesn't make much sense in either English or German.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKeks

Oh God, the constipated owl was SO CLOSE to be being a lovely wee cake!

I can't even bear the butt one. Just so, so disgusting.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

Oh, man, I'm wiping tears from my eyes after the plastic knives wreck. That has got to be right up there with "I Want Sprinkles."

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWill

What I want to know is, does that person get an enthusiastic cake for every week he/she finishes in law school? If so, that's either really sweet or slightly insulting--"we didn't think you could make it, but you DID! Two WHOLE WEEKS! So here's cake."

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

According to the Bing Translator "Ja, es ist ein Junge mit einer verstopften Eule" is actually "Yes, there is a boy with a CLOGGED OWL!"

Also, great band name.....

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkmrjo

Good job of replicating Cellulite under those tighty whities, baker.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterwildmaven

#1: This psychedelic artwork was actually designed as cover art for the Beatles album The Yellow Submarine. It was rejected as too "far out", if memory serves. True story (not really).

#2: I squinted, I read aloud stiltedly, I still don't know what it says. OH! That says 'frowns'. I can now say I know what all the words are, but I still don't know what it all MEANS. : - P

#3: D'awwww. Wook at da wittle owl!

#4: It's a little more in that *moves hand around to indicate the whole face* area.

#5: Brides: Never eat chocolate once you've gotten into your wedding dress or you may wind up like this unlucky lady and get chocolate stains all down your front. NO. IT'S CLEAVAGE. I refuse to believe otherwise.

#6: PARYT. *sigh*

#7: The first several read-throughs, I was so caught up with "Birth Birthdy", that I completely missed "Hapay".

#8: Really, with all the headdesking that goes on around here, I'm sure glad I never learned the art of Karate. It would be hard to explain why I need a new desk every week...and how my desk suddenly split in two. @KarateLady: How do you manage?

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

"Please provide plastic knives" made me lose it. THAT they spell correctly....

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

I'm sitting here at home, working with my laptop. The movie "Visioneers" is on. Description: "A strange epidemic causes stressed-out people to explode."

Hmmmmmmm. . . . . . . . I think that epidemic could reach Cake Wrecks readers if we keep seeing this stupidity. Or else we'll die laughing!

@Maureen, I agree: Best incoherent writing on a cake or pastry. Ever.

I need to know: Does the recipient of the sixth cake and its co-celebrants know how to PARYT HARYD ???

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Was it such an unknown that they would finish the 2nd week of law school? Is it the toughest week?

Jen -You are "always awesome"

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Somehow, my two-year-old son realized that these were cakes and is valiantly trying to blow out all the candles...or is expressing his distaste by blowing raspberries--it's hard to tell.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterrushingtoread

This is so wrong. So wrong. And the only thing that has made me laugh hard in days. Except for prancercise. :-)

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPaula Kiger

Other side effects may include damage to keyboard (due to the spewing of coffee), strange looks from coworkers and mild to severe jophaboia (fear of cake).

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

"Übersprachen." Literally, "over-speech."

I'm guessing it means "voice-over." "Spontaneous German voice-over?" That works for me.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBob

Come to think of it, I *am* starting to feel a little Spontane Preußischen in my Übersprachen.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTaffy Cake

WHY is Please Provide Plastic Knives so darn funny? It belongs in the Cakewrecks Secret Society Code Book right after With Sprinkles and (name) In Blue. And BYOB - bring your own baker.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergobblergobbler

I see poop pushing over the top of my toddler's underwear enough, thanks. Blech.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMrs Pine Nut

"stilted reading aloud" Damn, how did you know?

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPaula

Everyone is being so mean!! Today, I am being NICE (if it KILLS me).
1st cake: It has beautiful, BRIGHT colors! Probably would still be as colorful even if vomited!
2nd: Shows amazing self-confidence. I was *going*to say that "self-confidence can be overdone", but I won't.
3rd: Just take the "a" OFF! It will read"1st boy". (Too BAD if they already HAVE a boy.)
4th: Nothing like a lovely sunset on the water...(even it "appears" to be "IN" the water)...
5th: Turn the picture upside-down and JUST PRETEND that it's a HAT that's been pulled down over TWO HEADS. And someone threw a mud ball.
6th: It's NOT a mistake.That's the person's NAME. Really!! I know LOTS of people named "Paryt"! REALLY!!
((pant,pant...two more to go...))
Oh, forget it.
=^>.<^=

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Patty, you took that cake right out of my mouth. Hope you'll share...

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah B.

My theory on the tightie whitie cake is that the person who ordered it called the bakery and asked for a bundt cake, but the wreckerator heard "butt cake". The rest is history.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

I was just checking in to see if any progress had been made on the "Spontaneous Prussian Überlanguages" front. I don't want to misuse the phrase in any conversations I may have this afternoon.

@rushingtoread-You made my day. The thought of your son blowing out the candles will keep me smiling until tomorrow!

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

The constipated owl cake is so cute I can overlook its "typo".

The PARYT cake looks radioactive.

Butt cake - clearly someone has laundry issues. Those tighty-whities are awfully gray. Plus the wearer seems to have decided to get a second day's wearing by turning them inside out. Blech. I'm not going to mention the crack hair because lots of people suffer from that and it's really not nice to make fun of us.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteressjaytee

@ jenP
"...gotta hand it to the baker, though, it was really well executed."

Okaaay....only, are you seeing the same cake that I am? 'Cause to me, it looks like either a hairy butt-crack OR some seriously lumpy,"something-went-terribly-wrong-with-the-implants" boobs.
The only thing I'd like to see "well-executed" would be the baker/decorator ("OFF with his/her head!!!").

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

"often combined with squinting and stilted reading aloud."

I had to click that photo in hopes of deciphering the the words, but still couldn't manage it.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeidiL

I am glad I'm not invited to Gabby's Birth Birthdy Paryt.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMichelaine

The blurred vision one makes my eyes hurt. No amount of squinting and stilted reading aloud is going to help me translate that second one. No, really...I just lost 5 minutes of my life trying to figure it out.

That butt cake... I just have no words for that. Maybe I can borrow some extra words from the confusion wreck?
I think I need to go lay down now. Right after I go hunt down the portable un-see machine.
@Just Andrea, my desk is made of marble. Pretty sure I have the worst headache in the world from all the **headdeskheaddeskheaddesk** happening around here. o.O

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Cake #5 - @Just Andrea, because hairy cleavage is so much better, right? :p

Cake #7 - @ Patti, it probably does taste good, but chocolate sprinkles always look like some sort of critter droppings to me. Also, @Lorie: you may be on to something. In Hawaiian, "hapai" means pregnant. Perhaps the cake is telling a story: first comes the pregnancy (unsurprisingly misspelled), then the birth, then the "birthdy".

Cake #8 - @ Maureen: agreed, "Please Provıde Plastıc Knıves" is pretty classic, dotless "ı"s and all.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

Hey. I just found out that "Ist a boy" for me too today! Ist boy number 3! I am now going to "P.A.R.Y.T? Because I've GOT TO mister!". Wait, that doesn't work as well as the original.

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoemama

At least #6 was not a Dead Paryt". (Just kippin')

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Aww, I missed National Repeat Day!

June 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPinkie Pie

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