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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jul262013

The "Danger" Is My Penis

Parental Note: In case the title didn't give it away, today's post is not appropriate for children. It's still safe for work, though.

 

Hallo, my succulent little cyber love bunnies. I... am Carlos Danger. And I have something to show you.

It's my wiener, doing a little dance. IF you know what I mean. [winkwink]

Oh, were you expecting something else? Something more... personal? Well, I'm sorry, my virtual vixens of viscosity, but I don't do that anymore.

That's right, I have changed my nasty, exhibitionist ways! Again! So, no more texted photos of Mr. Nozzle Nose - no sir! Now I will only be sending photos of pure, innocent, everyday smiley things.

Like these turtles:

 

Or these carrots:

 

Or the occasional attentive butterfly:

 

Or Thanksgiving turkey:

 

Or Christmas stocking:

 

Yes, instead of sharing my groinal glory with the world, I've come to appreciate travel:

 

And shooting hoops with the boys:

 

Fishing:

 

And even a little outdoor grilling:

 

Plus I've taken up baseball again:

 

 Have I mentioned I'm a big Star Wars fan?

I tell you all this, my comely constituents, because I want you all to know that, first and foremost, I am a patriot. A huge, upstanding, balls-to-the-wall, letting-it-all-hang-out, PATRIOT.

So, on behalf of both myself and my talented staff, allow me to end with this:

Oh, and if you could all just slip me your phone numbers on the way out, that'd be swell. Thx.

 

Thanks to Annette P., Courtney M., Jimmy L., Bijan P., Heather K., Alison L., C., Shelley C., Anony M., Peace, Trish, Gina S., & Jana C. for sharing phone pics we actually want to see. Mostly.

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Reader Comments (76)

Sung to the Oscar Meyer song:

His persona has a first name: Carlos
His persona has a second name: Danger
Oh, he loves to sext it every day
And if you'd ask me I'd just say:
"Hey, Anthony, you're not OK.
Could you please put that thing away?"

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Wow, Yoda. I did not know you had one of those. Very big it is.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPetra

"attentive butterfly"

I marvel at your word mastery.

And I marvel at the economy of combining Fathers Day, a birthday, and graduation all crammed onto one cake...a cupcake cake (pitooey) at that!

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

Appreciate subtle reference to Captain Hammer.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkdrubbishbin

I think little Yoda found Mommy Yoda's joystick

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Good lord as a NY'er i'm sorry that this is what represents us O_o the jokes must be soo diffucult to resist. Sharyn lol as usual :D

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

The carrots. Really, wreckorators?

Take a break from the supermarket "bakery" and wander over to the produce section. Pay close attention to the carrots in particular. Tell me if they look like penises to you. No? Then WHY?????

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

Ohhhh, the space cake was so close. SO close.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

"Reelin' in the Big One!" How appropriate.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMark

The grill cake reads as fathers butt grad day to me and with the lovely shaped items on that grill it makes me wonder exactly what kind of graduation this cake is for... o.0

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

Um, I'm not sure in what universe you consider that safe for work. I'm glad I didn't look at it there...

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Gee, *thanks*, Sharyn...NOW I'm going to have a wiener stuck in my head all day.....I mean a "jingle" ABOUT a wiener...!
I can see why certain cakes could be considered "not appropriate for children"-- SOME of these offerings might even be hazardous for adults to view (You know, those folks with a strong gag reflex, or individuals who are allergic to ugly.)
=^-.-^= It's 3:00AM somewhere in the world; think I'll go back to bed.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Must...acquire...brain...bleach...

Yikes!

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Yeah, it Yoda had a wang, it would totally be green.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

Giggling and snorting at 10 a.m. is a most excellent way to start my day! Thank you! Much confusion here, though: Since when are turtles yellow with green dots? And that background for the "attentive" butterfly is worse than the cake!

The phrase "groinal glory" has now become a permanent part of my vocabulary. :D

And Sharyn, you've done it again!

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Ok, so the Happy Butt Day cake has what actually looks like a real hotdog. Well done Wreckorator! What is the other thing supposed to be? Is this a Lorena Bobbitt cake????

@Sharyn ~ The Weinermobile came to our town a few years ago and recorded people singing the jingle for commercials they wanted to do. My oldest girl child should have sung your version! I'm sure she would have gotten her big break!

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Good for Carlos! It is always good to see when someone can admit the error of his ways, take matters into his own hand, firmly grasp of the root of his problem and shake it loose. No matter what comes out of this, it is an heroic attempt, and people should stroke him for his efforts. This was clearly a hard decision, and no doubt Carlos was pulled back and forth as he struggled with the huge problem in his hands. And while at this time the final outcome is still on its way and has not been seen and may be a little cloudy, and may call for a photo-finish, let’s hope he remains a firm, stand-up guy! And, if he continues in politics, we hope he’ll be a hands-on kind of fellow, always able to successfully discharge his duties! At least we picture him doing this.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSir Laffsalot

Does your cake hang low?
Does it wobble to and fro?
Can you tie it in a knot?
Can you tie it in a bow?
Can you throw it over your shoulder like a continental soldier?
Does your cake hang low?

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAbby Normal

I believe Mr. Weiner actually does call his penis "Slugger."

@Mindy 1- Hi neighbor! Whenever I feel embarrassed by the likes of Carlos Danger and our lady of the night lovin' former governor, I think of all the other fine elected officials across this great land who have "walked the Appalachian Trail" and been misunderstood because of their "wide stance," and I feel better. Not much better, but better nonetheless.
I have a list.
Let me know if you need a copy.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I believe Mr. Weiner actually does call his penis "Slugger."

@Mindy 1- Hi neighbor! Whenever I feel embarrassed by the likes of Carlos Danger and our lady of the night lovin' former governor, I think of all the other fine elected officials across this great land who have "walked the Appalachian Trail" and been misunderstood because of their "wide stance," and I feel better. Not much better, but better nonetheless.
I have a list.
Let me know if you need a copy.

@SirLaffsalot-Thank you for putting things in perspective. I think Weiner might be able to use your post at his next press conference!

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I expected to see the cake celebrating his desire to re-invigorate NASA--especially the space shuttle program.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermajime.koala

Nothing makes me feel like a 10 year old boy again like good ol' fashion penis jokes. Which is really weird, because I am a woman.

Now a visit to pen island!

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

I see it IS possible for a Turdkey to get more inappropriate. How nice!

(On another note, the Turdkey features in the island nation of St. Kawkapuey's OTHER major National Holiday: Thankspooping).

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

LOL! Ah, I love this site - home of the double entendre. Makes me nearly as happy as these cakes.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Well, if the cakes don't make it in the bakery, there's always someplace else to audition...sometimes right around the corner! Perhaps their next stop should be Phalli R Us?
=^o.o^= (Scary thought, that.)

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

These cakes are all awful, but that fishing cake is SO bad I'll need therapy to get that out of my mind. Or maybe I`ll hit myself over the head with a totally un-penis-like baseball bat. Otherwise I don't know what to say next time hubby takes our little son fishing *gaaahh*
P.S. Carlos Danger even managed to hit the news over here in Europe. Not bad for a candidate for a Mayors Office. Already he has left a big impression on everyone...

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Hands down (ahem) the best coverage of the Weiner/Danger affair! Bonus points from the grilling cake (which for a second I read as "Happy Father's Butt Grad.Da[indeterminate smear]").

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergrrljock

That butterfly: Did somebody actually pipe it all over w/ little teeny dots of frosting?? It looks (zoomed-in-on) like it's beaded, almost! Looks very "labor-intensive," and an awful lot of work just to end up being a Pepto-Bismol Delivery System.
And what IS the black & white one supposed to BE--the Eiffel Tower? A rocket?? A glove compartment, "travel size" pocket dildo? And if so, what could POSSIBLY constitute an emergency need??
The "guy" who's "fishing" seems less interested in "reeling" anything in as he is in "letting something go"...if you get what I'm suggesting...just tossing it out there...(Don't MAKE me paint a picture!)
heh...heh.

=^>.<^= ick

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@Abby Normal - thanks for a flashback (sort of) to my childhood & concerns about my siblings ears! Now I'll have an earworm for the rest of the day. Although my australian BIL remembers this as a drinking song expressing concern for his mates balls.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna`

I wonder if bakers do it on purpose, just to see how close they can get to an actual penis without people complaining

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Does that one cake say, "Happy Father's Butt Grad. Day"?

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDanny

Um, is that butterfly wearing a pearl necklace O_o

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSamantha T.

Having the word "penis" in the URL makes it NSFW for me!

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

"Groinal". HAH!

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLeAnn

These actually made me Laugh Out Loud! Your witty comments make the pictures all the more funny. I am already smiling when I see Cakewrecks appear on Facebook. Always good for a laugh.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWynn

I'll take the turtle on the right please. That is all.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAllie

Uncircumcised carrots!

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterApril

The Yoda picture was hilarious.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Saxon

I hope whoever got that first one had some good birth control and a roll of paper towels!!!

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah B.

Oh my. When politics and cake wrecks collide...

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSabs

@Sir Laffsalot ~ For some reason I think I need a shower now. Well done again Sir!

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

i was fine until i got to "talented staff".

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterslartibartfast

Silliness silliness and the best part is that there is a Senator named Weiner. He's the one that got caught sexting people awhile back.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBernadette Sharp

Hooray for the Captain Hammer reference! Nathan Fillion and penis cakes all in one post?? Bravo, cake wrecks...bravo! ;)

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSeeJaneBlog

I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

Thank you so much...I need a good laugh this afternoon.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSherry Webb

To whom it may concern:
I wish to rescind my previous application for registration of the name "Phalli R Us". The store will go forth ass planned, but the "vibe" just wasn't right. I want something that will literally ROLL off my tongue! I now wish to apply for the name "Phalluses Are Us." This is due, clearly, to the fact that the phonetics are much more aesthetically pleasing to the ear (and other places) than the prior submission. It's also more fun to say. Thanks!
=^-.-^= ssss

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Those carrots? That HAD to be on purpose, part of an inside joke. They look WAY too "real" to be inadvertent.

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

@SuBee -- I would offer to sell him the rights to it...but I think I might get stiffed.....
@Jodee -- It's a sad day when politics has become so dirty we feel the need to show after just reading about it!

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSir Laffsalot

I like how the grill cake's inscription isn't even mentioned. What does "Happy Father's Butt Grad" mean?

July 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterchannamasala

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