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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Aug152013

Don't Do Drugs, Kids. Seriously.

So there's a brand new cake design in town, and it's, well...

... confusing.

 

At first I thought it was just some leftover Batman flotsam running wild amongst the New Year's party hats.

 

Then I thought maybe the "party hats" were supposed to be some kind of psychedelic twin sunsets.

 

Then I gave up.

 

You guys kept sending these things in, though, demanding answers - or at least a healthy dose of mockery - which eventually led me to realize that most of you were taking your pictures upside down.

That's when things REALLY started coming together:

See? Now it's so obvious! They're mustachioed garden gnomes in straight jackets! DUH.

Just kidding.

According to my sources, they're actually ice cream cones. Wearing mustaches.

Here's the best example I could find:

(Go ahead, scroll back up and look at those other cakes again. I'll wait.)

[whistling]

(Back with me? Awesome.)

So, in conclusion: Kids, don't do drugs. And kids, don't do drugs and then try to market to hipsters. Seriously. Besides, this whole mustache thing is SO last week, amirite? So you can quit insulting our intelligence, corporate bakery people, and just take your silly little plastic mustaches and twee sense of cuteness and just... just...

[blink blink]

Forget what I just said.

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.

 

Thanks to Lorah W., Melinda M., Megan R., Kimberly S., Emily F., Colleen K., & Angie C., who know puns make everything better. Even hipster mustaches.

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Reader Comments (118)

@Sue Smith: Thanks for the explanation. I now comprehend the mustaches, and the last cake.

However, I still fail to comprehend the blue background, orange border, the green and red squiggle things with the white blobs on top, the circles in the background, or anything else about these cakes.

I also fail to comprehend how someone actually thought out this design, and it obviously ended up in a book of acceptable cake designs for grocery stores and bakeries. My brain cells are whimpering.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

@Jodee: "The bigger they are, the harder they fall"--but HEY! When did I pick a fight with anyone? I think of myself as about as "peacenik-y" as they come. I could've gone to Woodstock, but there were too many people ahead of me and I didn't want to get pushy. =^-.-^=

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@sending ~ "Kinky Bee" made me snort in the most unlady like fashion. And I'm working at the reception desk today.

At the risk of repeating what eleventy billion people have already said, @KinikiBee is/was @Subee's alias because...AMERICA (Thanks Jen!)

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@Sendingtheclowns-You have not lost what I consider to be a fine mind. When I saw the name Kinkini on a recent wreck, I impulsively changed my name. After consulting council at Siouxby, Doobie and Deux LLP, I was informed that I would need to, and I quote, "sign papers and stuff." It was then that I decided to keep my given name and find a new attorney. It saddens me somewhat, as I realize there are absolutely no songs written about muscrats named Kinkini, but I think it's for the best.

@Zoomom-Excellent

@Sue Smith-I think part of that public service campaign should be warning men against eating bright blue, green and/or orange frosting. Also, do you think we might be related? I'm going to go check Ancestry.com.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@BADKarma:
The answer to all of that would depend on several variables, such as: "HUH????"
But, then again, there's always room for "I don't bloody think so!"
Oh, what the heck--let's go with "Win"!
=^~.~^=

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Riiiiiiiiiight. Ice cream cones with mustaches. Because why not?

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSabs

Movember?

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJanice

@sendingtheclowns: It appears I misunderstood your "won't sleep tonight" comment. I didn't make the connection to the "question." I thought you meant you wouldn't sleep after the nightmare-inducing mental images of mustachioed gnomes in sleeping bags. I guess I was still recovering from some of the baby shower cakes I had been looking at. (My sister-in-law had been prepping for a baby shower that's going on right now, and that reminded me of Jen's old post from 2010 about the baby cake being "cut down to size").

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterwoodnwheel

@SuBee; Thanks for clearing that up! I thought I'd lost another one or two of my precious-few remaining "brain" cells.(Whew!) I know what you mean about having to "sign papers and stuff." That can be a real pain in the drain--even more so since practically NO ONE uses actual paper anymore. I've had a helluva time trying to sign anything on the computer. The only thing that really works is a Sharpie fine point marker, but it makes one helluva mess on the screen. ;-) Anyhoo--welcome back--even though you were never gone. Which is a really nifty trick, when you think about it....=^~.~^=

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

It's full joke is "I mustache you a question, but I'm shaving it for later."

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAliceBlue

I would have believed Straight-jacketed Garden gnomes over the ice cream cone thing. Really.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

With the new release of Mario and Luigi Dream Team, I thought they were supposed to be representations of the Bros on beds. Heh.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRotochron

I thought it was a horrible attempt at Super Mario Bros!

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentershoecake

Wait! What? I thought it was Dusty and Ripslinger from the new Disney Planes?

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

@Sue Smith, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the explanation about the Cancer Society's connection with the "I moustache you a question" thing. It's a shame that something that is so necessary a subject is somehow not so transparently understood, unlike the pink "Save the TaTas" stickers you see.

I still don't understand that whole hipster moustache thing but I gues I should be glad. That means I'm not a hipster and neither is anyone I know, I guess. Yay!

Hipster ice creams cones. Wow.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

I thought it was obvoiusly a very surreal version of Super Mario Brothers, no? Right......? <crickets>

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRobibnikoff

"Manager's Special" is Kroger speak for "No one wanted this crap at fullprice so we'll try marking it down." So apparently this trend is from Kroger.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

I immediately saw an artistic Mario and Luigi.. you know the Super Mario Brothers?! Maybe ones drawn by a 2 year old? Who knows..

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I so totally thought they were mustached teeth in sleeping bags...

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLexie_Lou

I guessed correctly that they were ice cream cones with mustaches, but - that doesn't even make sense. Why does an ice cream cone have a mustache? I don't think mustaches are cute at all. I think they're gross, and I certainly don't want to eat one. Please, mustache design, just go away, far away, and stay away from my food.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaysie

I was thinking Sharknado. The swirling frosting was the nado and the mustache was the shark's tail.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArtemis

And here, I thought it was rally bad Mario & Luigi. Sorry.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDi F

for those wondering about the "I 'mustache' you a question"... read it in the voice of Sean Connery.... it makes perfect sense!! And I'm really glad they're using orange and green ice cream... shudders to think of what chocolate ice cream would look like...

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

My first thought was, "why do those headless mermaids have such large hairy bikini regions?" I'm not sure the "real" answer is much more logical. LOL

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermiss m. turner

I went right to Hercule Poirot, although he would not be caught dead in a sleeping bag or an ice cream cone..

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVanessa

I thought it was the Mario Brothers

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTracy

Yep. I saw the first one and thought... "it looks sorta like an ice cream cone wearing an upside-down mustache. Or a bat." KNOWING I was just pulling that outta my nethers.

Then I find out that's sort of WHAT IT IS. Except the weird part, for me (aside from these existing at all), is that I assumed the ice cream was the WHITE part. Y'know, vanilla. Who eats sherbet in cones? Plus, the dayglo nastiness is far more cone-shaped than most of the white stuff. Ice cream cones come in a few colors, okay... but NOT white.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChris

@SarahB--My husband had a mustache for years (admittedly not a handlebar one) and neither one of us realized that mustaches need socks! I'm just glad I don't have to knit any for him.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Woah. This is truly priceless. This alone could warrant the publishing of another book to go into your cadre of published books. :) And SPECIAL SNAPS to Sharyn, who re-lyracized the tune "Muskrat Love"!!!!!! I love Cake Wrecks and all the Wreckery fans out there! What a great bunch of groupies! Huzzah! Woot! Whoo-hoo! Whoop-whoop! (Pumps fist in air Arsenio style.)

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie S.

Am I the only one seeing potential upside down Marios & Luigis??? Was seriously the first thing I though of!

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarenB

I thought they were poorly made Marios and Luigis...

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTamara

@Sue Smith:("September is National Prostate Health Month. However, we all know that stores try to one-up each other to get their merchandise out first, so the cakes are showing up so early.")
~~~~
Well, I think that has a pinch of ridiculous in it. So, these stores are theoretically sending a "message about September" by tossing it out there in August? (Another question might be "Why am I really not surprised?") Too bad that people can't take the time to stop and smell the crass commercialism...
=^~.-^=

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Thank you, Sue Smith! I couldn't figure out why everyone was "wrecking" cakes this way....

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNew England Flybaby

So clearly it is a kit with instructions. Orange and green triangle thingies. Orange squiggles around the edge. Confetti sprinkles. So what does the label on the kit call it?

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

So clearly it is a kit with instructions. Orange and green triangle thingies. Orange squiggles around the edge. Confetti sprinkles. So what does the label on the kit call it?

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

@SuBee:
"THAT Williamsburg!" Do you mean as in, "A Tree Grows In Brooklyn" Williamsburg?

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I happen to work for one of those corporate bakeries that happens to sell these cakes. At least the cakes already come made like that and we don't have to decorate them with that horrible design. I guess that makes the shame a little more bearable.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterClaire

I happen to work for one of those corporate bakeries that happens to sell these cakes. At least the cakes already come made like that and we don't have to decorate them with that horrible design. I guess that makes the shame a little more bearable.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterClaire

For some more mustachioed fun and a serious ear worm, check out this Taylor Swift parody video. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6Q9e3vhJP2I&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D6Q9e3vhJP2I

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLollyBelle

The funniest part of this whole thing is how you knew EXACTLY what I - along with I'm sure many other folks - was gonna do when you told us what it finally was. That's what made me laugh out loud; the rest just confused me.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlissafaith

The funniest part of this whole thing is how you knew EXACTLY what I - along with I'm sure many other folks - was gonna do when you told us what it finally was. That's what made me laugh out loud; the rest just confused me.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlissafaith

No one else thought to Google image search? This is definitely a thing. I don't know what kind of thing, but a thing.

http://www.google.com/images?q=ice+cream+cone+mustache&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&client=firefox-a&hl=en&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ei=eFkNUv_bL8WqqgHwl4GQCQ&ved=0CBgQsAQ

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlizvocal

There's got to be more to it than just mustachioed ice cream cones - because (1) the cones are all the same unnatural color and (2) the cake fields and borders are all the same. These are not just mustachioed ice cream cones, these are a THEME of some sort.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLeah

@sendingtheclowns - Absolutely! My ancestors settled in Greenpoint (you know, where Francie WISHED she could live,) so that was my favorite book when I was growing up. Williamsburg hadn't made much progress by the time I worked there, but it's a much different story now.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

SuBee: Your "Siouxby, Doobie and Deux LLP" brought to mind (mine) that other thing someone had on here a while back: "Dewey, Cheatum and Howe" --remember that? (It was sooo funny!) WHO brought that one here?? Darn-I can't remember...stupid so-called brain. For two cents I'd trade it in for...well, two cents...!
=^-.-^= (Hey, I didn't say it)

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Hi! I'm from Mexico and I think I resolved the mystery... Tacos al pastor decoration!
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wi14i6aOhQM/T9pYklPAHBI/AAAAAAAABWQ/QTmc1NiVGG0/s1600/tacos-trompo.png

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlejandra

Why would anyone come up with the idea to put mustaches on ice cream cones? I hope I don't have a dream tonight about garden gnomes in straitjackets trying to eat me. Mustaches aren't going to scare me away from cupcakes.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later". Is it just me, or does anyone else get an H. M. Murdock vibe from that?

Why, yes I HAVE been watching A-Team re-runs. Why do you ask?

[It's is one of the few things The Secondborn and I can agree to watch together]

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

On cake with upside down price sticker,the orange cone is smiling.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

I vote for mustachioed hand grenades. In neon colors, of course.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMary Lou

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