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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Aug152013

Don't Do Drugs, Kids. Seriously.

So there's a brand new cake design in town, and it's, well...

... confusing.

 

At first I thought it was just some leftover Batman flotsam running wild amongst the New Year's party hats.

 

Then I thought maybe the "party hats" were supposed to be some kind of psychedelic twin sunsets.

 

Then I gave up.

 

You guys kept sending these things in, though, demanding answers - or at least a healthy dose of mockery - which eventually led me to realize that most of you were taking your pictures upside down.

That's when things REALLY started coming together:

See? Now it's so obvious! They're mustachioed garden gnomes in straight jackets! DUH.

Just kidding.

According to my sources, they're actually ice cream cones. Wearing mustaches.

Here's the best example I could find:

(Go ahead, scroll back up and look at those other cakes again. I'll wait.)

[whistling]

(Back with me? Awesome.)

So, in conclusion: Kids, don't do drugs. And kids, don't do drugs and then try to market to hipsters. Seriously. Besides, this whole mustache thing is SO last week, amirite? So you can quit insulting our intelligence, corporate bakery people, and just take your silly little plastic mustaches and twee sense of cuteness and just... just...

[blink blink]

Forget what I just said.

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.

 

Thanks to Lorah W., Melinda M., Megan R., Kimberly S., Emily F., Colleen K., & Angie C., who know puns make everything better. Even hipster mustaches.

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Reader Comments (118)

@Vanessa: "I went right to Hercule Poirot, although he would not be caught dead in a sleeping bag or an ice cream cone.."
~~~~
Au contraire, mon ami-- I rather think that "dead" is in fact the ONLY way he'd be caught in a sleeping bag (or an ice cream cone).
=^-.-^=

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I have wept copious tears of joy- a plethora of them, actually- what with zoomom's awesomeness, the debauching of a much detested 70s song and the realization, once again, that only here am I truly among my people: so few understand the appeal of something so hipster. I don't even feel obsolete here. ;)

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

After ALL of this time, I just noticed that some of the crapcakes are price-marked $7.99, and some are marked $7.79. There's no discernible difference in "quality" between the two styles (at least, not that I can see with my untrained but nevertheless disgusted eyes). But hey--a "bargain" is a "bargain"(and I already paid extra for the quotation marks), so I know where I'm going the next time I need a colonoscopy. Eat some of those babies and you can skip the entire usual prep regimen.
=^>.<^=

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

My first thought was also mustaches in sleeping bags, so I consulted with my eight year old daughters. One of them said IMMEDIATELY, "It's an ice cream cone with a mustache." This gave me two things to ponder: 1) Is my daughter a future wreckorator???? B) Could this have been designed by a child, hence my daughter's ability to recognize it so easily?

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

@SuBee: "Tree" is still one of my favorites, even now. I don't know why, really; but it's almost like an old friend, or a "comfort food" or something. I think on some level, no matter how scary the world gets, it seems like, well, as long as Francie is in it (still gathering stuff for the junk man's pennies), everything will be okay (more or less). I know--I'm nuts...but it's a "nice" kind of nuts...Then again-I also love the really weird stuff like Roald Dahl and the grittiness of Steinbeck and the whateverness of Capote. Guess I should find my way back to CAKES before I get kicked out, y'know? (Giggle.)
=^~.~^=

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

"Manager's Special" at Kroger (where I think these are) means "marked down because they are on or near the 'sell by' date".

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGeorge P. Burdell

I thought you were going to tell me they were pale frosting abstractions of Cheech and Chong wearing beanies ... Ice Cream Cones wearing mustaches makes WAY more sense...

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRandix

Nothing makes more sense than mustaches on ice cream. Now I will begin my diet lmao. Sheesh and the colors make me fear what flavor ice cream those would be. At least they weren't spiders thank goodness for that.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Movember cake!! Why ice cream?? Mo Bros need ice cream after their prostate exam?

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I'm a little scared - but is it supposed to be Mario and Luigi!!!!

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl C

I mustache you a question about these cakes....dumb ded dumb dumb...

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

Whoa. I don't know where this whole Prostate Campaign thing came from, but "I mustache you a question" has been a twee pun for a while now. On tshirts, etc... Given all the pink and hearts and stuff I assumed it was a hipster engagement cake.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterASillyMuffin

The fact that they're all red and green makes me think they were going for an avant-garde Mario & Luigi.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDavid

Looks like an upside down Mario and Luigi.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterReed

I thought they were devils in sleeping bags. Like, with horns? Having a slumber party? Which is weird, but whatever. People are weird. 'Nuff said.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersapphireduck

There mario and luigi turned into carrots and then topped with whipping cream... duh:)

August 22, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThecommentfairy

I volunteer to talk to people about registering to be an eye,organ, and tissue donor. We've been using "I < mustache > you a question" for quite a while. It tends to break the tension a little more than just saying, "Are you a registered organ and tissue donor?"

August 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSonja

You guys I really think I know the answer!!! They are Ninjago characters doing Spinjitsu. It is a Lego thing, very popular with the elementary school crowd. Seriously, this is what they are, right?

December 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlthaea

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