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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Sep052013

Name That Wreck!

I think we can all agree that if your name is pronounced "Elizabeth" but spelled with three "I"s and a silent "Q", then you void your right to complain when a baker gets it wrong.

However, there are times when you think the baker might have stopped to question somewhere along the line:

"Jackign?" Is that supposed to be Jacking? And if so, who names their child Jacking??


Never mind.

 

I've seen "Bart" turned to "Brat," "Brian" turned to "Brain," and "Tink" turned to "Fink" - but nothing beats the nickname Chris just picked up:


Words cannot express how much I hope they served this with water.

[That's right, Chris: you just got SUNDAY SCHOOLED.]

 

Of course, Doug's new moniker is slightly less complimentary:

But I'm sure he rose to the occasion anyway.

 

I like to think this is a cake for the Riddler's quintuplets:

But that's a questionable theory.

(In reality, they asked for the name to be written in Cyrillic.)

 

Look, bakers, I know there are lots of unusual spellings and strange name choices out there these days, but just remember:

If at first you don't succeed, 

try it again in cursive directly underneath.

See? Bob's your uncles!

 

Thanks to Rae Lynn, Lizz H., Tom H., Jill C., Joel H., & Stacey T. for leaving out all the silent Qs.

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Reader Comments (91)

I've met a Trivia, and a Latrine. And no one even giggled when Latrine gave her name. She was a grown woman. I think I would change my name.

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmy in Nashville

@Anne:
OH, my God! I can't believe it! Two surprises in one day--both so nostalgic and familiar! I remember cracking up over the Vatican Rag! does that ever take me back to my not-so "wild and crazy", but more sweet and innocent days! Thanks!! *sniff* (Got something in my eye...) =^u.u,^=

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

My first name is spelled C H R Y S-pronounced "Chris". I work at a car dealership-and not a Chrysler dealership, although when most people read my name tag that's what they think.....I have heard my name mangled and mispronounced in a thousand different ways.....before my dad died he confessed it was his fault that my name was spelled that way....Happy Birthday, Daddy!!! Funny these name cakes should be the CakeWrecks for today considering my name is among the mangled & its your birthdate(and your fault!!LOL)

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWildDuck

I've started a list of odd names that I get,
but I think my favorite is la-ia pronounced
Ladashia. I've also written on cakes in Cyrillic,
Chinese, and Sanskrit and never had to resort
to using ??????

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAna

@Amy in Nashville: "Trivia" is bad enough, but "LATRINE"?? Seriously?! I brings to my mind the old (reallly old) book series I read when I was a kid: "Mrs. Piggle Wiggle." Those stories were hilarious, and all of the children had weird, funny names, such as "Calliope Ragbag", "Paraphernalia Grotto", and "Pergola Wingsproggle". Sweetness. =^~.~^=

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

My name is Allyzabethe, pronounced like Elizabeth except the southern pronunciation. Uh lizabeth, if you will. Only two ls, but I have often wanted a silent Q, just to mess with people. I joke that I was hooked on phonics. My boss just writes A in emails, it's easier that way.

And in case anyone is interested, no it is not Shakespearean or anything. When I was 13, I started playing with the spelling. It morphed from Elizabeth to Allyzabethe over a year. My teenage rebellion. Hey, it beats a felony record, rehab or babies.

And I have built in name recognition if I ever run for office. You may not be able to spell it, but you won't forget it.

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAllyzabethe (for real)

I've met a "Lattice" , pronounced "lah-tese". O.O

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

My sister has met a "Corvette" (like the car) and a "Cicada" (like the bug). :P

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

Maybe it's pronounced "FelOhhnie" Kind of like Bologna is BolOhnee? I'll bet her sister is Miss Demeanor? :)

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Oh my. I hope Dough had a happy girthday whatever that means. Maybe certain people celebrate losing weight with a cake. After seeing this I have to say I'm feeling pretty smart since I'm a much better speller. Too bad frosting doesn't come with spell check.

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

I have a friend whose father's name was Balzer Dyck. My dad's name is Kermit. Unusual but not hard to spell.

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEla

@ anony mouse:
Just curious: Would the "Cicada" (like the bug) be 17 years old?
=^>.<^=

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Hi, Chrys! I'm a "Kris"! my parents named me Kristin Erika, after one of the Trapp family daughters ("The Sound of Music" family, who settled in Vermont ~where I am). I like "Cicada" but I wouldn't want to be named after a car. Well, not that I'd want to be named after a bug, per se, but it has a pretty sound to it! You know what I mean. =^~.-^=

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet..."
"What's in a wreck? That which we call a cake by any other name would look as bad..."
=^~.~^=

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I met a Mercedes from South America years ago. She said it was quite a common name down there. She was very surprised when she moved here and everyone asked her if she was named after the car! :-)

My niece currently goes by Liz. Originally she was Elizabeth, and then she wanted to be "Lizzy" - after a popular Disney show @ the time, I think, and then, when she got to college, she wanted something more "mature" so she switched to Liz. Frankly, I'm glad, because all I could think of was patricide/matricide offender Lizzy Borden vs classy (or at least excellent actress) Liz Taylor...reeeaaallllyy tough choice there, yyeeaaahhh.

@ Sharyn - I must be the only person on this list that likes "Horse With No Name" (I used to hate it, though. :-) But I enjoyed your parody just as much!

@mel - Brilliant! Loved it! (like everyone else said! :-)

@ Diane (& several others, but Diane said it best) - yes, very tragic that such a cute, beautiful, non-offensive, non-horrifying, non-gag inducing, un-nauseating *baby shower* cake would have a silly spelling error! AAAAAARRGGHHH!!! :-/

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

For those of you following fondant baby updates - ate my first one in front of students this week. Several of them clustered around my desk to ask disbelievingly what was "in the jar," so after class I allowed them to open the jar, handled them, and choose which one would succumb to the gnashing of my teeth. And so it was.

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

@Laura: Thanks! And, while Sharyn is the master, all are welcome, so jump in! (And yes, poor Marty and Chuck….)
@sendingtheclowns: :-)
@Sharyn: well…sorry you’re exhausted – due to today’s cakes, I had to modify the song…I twerked a little…I mean, I tweaked a little…I’m just hoping you’re not horse (a clever, yet subtle – almost obscure – reference to your own masterpiece – and I agree with Laura – you are the master!)
@Jodee: sorry about your head – some think that’s my forte – giving people headaches…
@Laxmom: Thanks; glad you liked it! We all have fun here!

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

The weirdest name I've come across was Ph'antayzia. Yes, pronounced like the Disney movie.

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Jen,
Brilliant as always! Am hoping that the "Felony" cake was the wreckerator's fault and that the baby has a real - and better - name. Does anyone know? At least she could get a correction like Robert did (kinda). . . . .

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAngelic mischief

@KarateLady: Oh, no you're not! I love "Horse With No Name" ! As a matter of fact, I YouTubed it very recently--along with a slew of other 70's & 80's favorites--Steely Dan (Hey, 19)! Don't make 'em like that anymore! ((sigh)) =^u.u^= sweetness!

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Ok, "Sharyn", Theardare put you up to 'Horse With No Name', didn't he. One of the all time worst great ear worms, it has little paw prints all over it.

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterQraig

Dyslexia: you can never see a mistake, ever! Your's or anyone elses.
Seriously, I did not see the Dough/Doug thing. My mind auto-corrected it (yes, that is a dyslexic thing, why do you think we can't see mistakes...) I have to wonder if some of these BAKERS are dyslexic- I mean, one letter off is so easy to make, so hard to see... your mind wanders off onto other paths and you start writing something different from what yout sinking.

But, that does beg an obvious question: who hired them without checking this?!

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWildstar

This reminds me of why I was so wary of ordering a cake for our anniversary. My husband and I play in a Medieval recreation group and are know by 12th century Anglo-Norman-Irish names Meadhbha and Earc. I was worried that the bakers might not get them right. I ordered from Costco and clearly printed the names on the form and when I picked up the cake the names were exactly as I spelled them. Sometimes they get it right.=)

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah M.

@Haiku Joy ~ You're my hero!

September 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I love this blog, and I love all the song paradies!!! People excel at messing up names; I can't tell you how many times I've had someone spell my name Aaron.

@Amy In Nashville: Maybe Latrine's parents were fans of Robin Hood: Men in Tights, and thought it was a better choice than sh**house! Lol!

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterErin =)

@Wildstar; Dyslexic? Nah~doubt it. My completely non-judgmental opinion is that these wreckorators are simply idiots. But, to be absolutely fair, I'd like to add that they are unqualified idiots. Lastly, (and barring any unforeseen circumstances and/or natural disasters) they're idiots.
=^-.-^=

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I'm not sure if it was the reference Jen was going for but "silent Q" is what youngsters say when a phase comes out sounding innuendo gay. As in "The guys were climbing all over each other to get it". Snarky reply..."there's a silent Q in that"

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrasawee

...again: "Qraig"?? =^-.-^= ("HelloHelloHello, is there anybody OUT there?")

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@Trasawee: So, the "silent Q" is for "queer", right? (Color me denser than a black hole in space! )
=^e.e^=

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

"You just got Sunday Schooled" Ha! Must find a way to work that into a conversation soon!

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterErica

"You just got Sunday Schooled" Ha! Must find a way to work that into a conversation soon!

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterErica

@Haiku Joy: I love you so, so much. Also, I need to find a baby mold...did you, perchance, write a recipe -50 Shades of Fondant Babies- that you could share?

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

@KarateLady: Thanks! And, for the record (no pun intended ((as if...))) I also like "The Horse With No Name"....and a lot of their other stuff...

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

When I saw that last cake, I initially read the cursive name as "Rodent".

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

Some people seem confused by Jen's "silent Q" comments...I believe she's referencing Monty Python's "bookshop sketch". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p62uutgNN4c
"'Farles Wickens', with four M's & a silent Q..."

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

@Nerfbomb;
Oh!!! THANK YOU for that! I just watched it and was nearly killed! I laughed SO HARD!! I'd forgotten how wickedly funny that stuff is!! Thank you X infinity! =^~.~,^=

September 6, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Well, there is an adult film actress who performs under the name "Felony"...odd choice to name your kid after.

September 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCedar

A woman named "Fellony" was arrested, according to this news item at
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/fellony-arrested-for-felony-879213

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDaniel Kim

Christ (pronounced with a short I sound) is a name I have seen as a given name more than once. The two Christs I know are both Mexican. And Jesus is also a popular name there...

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKiara b

"We need more Bort license plates in the Gift Shop. Repeat, we are sold out of Bort license plates."

September 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterReggie

Maybe the second cake was supposed to be Melody?

April 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

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