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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Jan012014

9 Cakes To Cure That Hangover

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE!!

Now, I know some of you may have overdone it a bit last night, but don't you worry; Auntie Jen is here to help. With her accordion. And her strobe lights.

First things first, though: let's get you a niiiice, stomach-settling breakfast:

[singing] Jen is GREAT! She gives you chocolate CAKE!

 

What, not hungry yet? Oh, but you have to eat something! How 'bout this?

Bet you can really sink your teeth into that, right? Haha!

Still no?

 

Ooh, I know just the thing to get the ol' juices flowing:

Hand me that scalpel, and I'll get ya a middle slice.

No?

Gosh, you sure are a picky eater.

 

Well, I'm determined to find you SOMETHING. How 'bout some world-famous squid corn?

 

Ducky's Sticky Ball Surprise?

 

Log Dump?

 

I don't actually know what this next one is...

[squinting] ... but it appears to be bleeding.

Huh.

 

Whoa there, you're not looking so good, my friend! Maybe a little fresh fruit would help.

***

Ok, so I don't have any fresh fruit. But I think these might be pear slices:

Better?

 

What's that, you say? You want me to "cut it out?"

 

Well, if you insist...

 

Thanks to Kim P., Haines B., Jill S., Laura O., Tristem L., Jo, John A., Theresa S., & Adeline H. for putting her best foot forward for the New Year.

« New Year's Aftermath | Main | Hey, All These Lyrics I Forgot... »

Reader Comments (65)

Oh my, the log dumps and pear slices ... *shudders* What a way to start the year ...

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRianne

Sung to "Be Our Guest"

Be our guest. Be our guest. Giant roaches are the best.
Nothing tastes better than tooth decay -- in case you hadn't guessed.
Here's the cure you deserve, have a slice of spinal nerve
'Cause these aliens are delicious, they're our favorite cosmic dishes
Squid corn thing, take a chance
Even ducky looks askance
And our log dump cake is never second best
Bleeding cake's on the menu
Have some pears and then, ewwww
Get that dressed
It's a mess
Foot distress.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The volcano by the beach I can figure out; it's the strawberries and turds cake that confuses me.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGeorge P. Burdell

Ok, folks! For everyone who is resolved to lose weight this year, *bookmark this page!* You may never eat again... (hurk)

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterScaperMama

[HRK]
What a gross and disgusting way for my eyes to start the year!

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Oh, my eyes!

That roach cake is beautifully made, though that only makes it creepier... (I loved the Bill Cosby reference, btw!)

The Sticky Ball Surprise... oh, my word. A disgruntled kitchen-staff worker and an order of Brussels sprouts? No, it's too painful to contemplate further!

Happy New Year to you, to? {grin}

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGoryDetails

I think those are plum wedges. That is a popular kind of cake in Austria, with many kinds of fruit, but mostly plum and apricot.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

Sharyn, you aren't Weird Al using a pseudonym, are you?

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Ugh, those cakes would put ANYONE off food-though the tooth cake, foot cake and alien cake are all well done, who would eat them D: sharyn HAHAHA as always

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Good grief! I feel queasy now and I didn't even drink last night! *erp*

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteremmbeedee

I indulged in nothing last night (except an attempt to eliminate leftover Christmas chocolate for a healthier new year), but I'm really wishing I had not decided to scan through while eating my cereal.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKim L.

Oh, the Bill Cosby chocolate cake thing is one of my favorites! But I think that roach cake is enough to give anyone a conniption.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Happy Eeeew Year!

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJessica H

At least cake #3 isn't anatomically correct. That's as close as I can come to a compliment for these bakers.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEvie_M

Okay, I think I need an extra Sunday Sweets page this week to get over that. Yuck! Those are disgusting.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

The bloody... thing... That's where the axe-wielding Once-ler got tired of arguing with the Lorax, atop the stump of the Truffula Tree.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

What? No grapefruit juice? ;)

Looks like ol' Gregor was out partying too late as well -- he's lost a leg. Oh, wait, there it is at the end. Whew!

The ducky cake reminds me of a very special "who's your daddy" Donald Duck recording out there (I'll let you brave ones look it up -- don't say I didn't warn you -- NSFW nor kid-friendly).

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

I didn't have a hangover when I started reading this post but now I feel like I do! For the first three cakes I was all, "Oh, Jen, you wacky kid you!" Then the next couple cakes my stomach started to do a few flips and flops. By the time I got to Log Dump cake I was green and nauseous and the "Pear Slices" just pushed me right over the edge. See what I get? Avoid partying New Years Eve and I still feel sick the next morning!

Way to start the new year off, CW!

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersandy

By the way, Jen. Great Bill Cosby reference on the first cake! Since I'm in the middle of a Firefly marathon the first thing I thought was, "Shiny!"

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersandy

WTD-what the Duck?

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

That's it, I'm done checking this blog while I'm eating breakfast.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLupisReapyr

The log dumps are going to give me nightmares. The roach is actually good not that I'd eat it. I'd grab a broom and smash it because I'd be freaked by the ginormous bug on the loose.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

OMG. I nearly destroyed my laptop when I saw that first cake! Roaches are huge here in Florida and I (shudder) haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate them!

I was so relieved to learn it was a cake. Although I wonder who in their right mind would ever want a cake like that??

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKaren in FL

Where is Haiku Joy? I miss her.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTante

I honestly felt my stomach churn at a couple of these.

As for the log dumps, I know you can't believe this, but those are probably, and unfortunately, supposed to be chocolate-dipped strawberries. Shary Fitzgerald is certainly shaking in disbelief, and she doesn't even know why!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of my fellow blog-followers! Thank you Jen and John!!!!!

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRadiofiesta

WTD means Win The Day. It's an Oregon Ducks team saying. That's all I can explain about the duck cake. Lol.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjbolling

Although I wonder who in their right mind would ever want a cake like that [roach]?

Perhaps an exterminator?

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine Raymond

I think I can shed some light on the duck cake. The University of Oregon's mascot is a Duck, and the colors are yellow and green. Our football team's moto is Win The Day so you see WTD all over when referencing Ducks football. It's still an awful cake, but hopefully it makes a bit more sense now.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterOregonMum

Do people often put popcorn on a cake? Just asking....

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKnittedbooties

Good Kafka ref, Zippy! (Lovely technique, baaaaad subject for that one.)

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTXRed

There is a CANDLE in te box with that roach cake. Please tell me that was not a BIRTHDAY cake...

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnita

Oh. Wow. Um, anyone else notice the "WTD" on the sticky-ball surprise? Any guesses on what it stands for? Maybe "WHAT THE DUCK??! were they thinking?"

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Why does the tooth cake have worms in it? Ewwwww!

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRoxy Random

I was groaning out loud by the time I got to the log dump. Happy New Year!

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBarb

Such an oozing, dripping, steaming, and fascinating array of grossocities! Crunchy as well as crawly! Slimy along with "Blimey!" This has everything!
1. "A roach by any other name would taste as sweet..." (Mmm, chocolate...)
2. The smiley little worm escapes the Big Bad Tooth....
3. The alien deserter/dessert meets his doom...(I wanted to go on, but I just don't have the stomach for it, and neither did my subject, who, by the way, just happens to BE the Anti-body to our fearless leader's Antigen. (You didn't think that it was mere coincidence that she used the term "Auntie Jen", did you??)
4- 9: I'm already full, so I think I'll pass....out.
(Oh, and "Good Morning, Sunshine" reminded me of "Good Morning Starshine" from "Hair"!)
=^-.-^=

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The bloody root on the tooth is a nice touch. Nothing like authenticity in cake wrecks. O_O

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Happy 2014, everybody! Hope it's a good one!

1) Chocolate cake for breakfast: absolutely, thank you Mr. Cosby. Creepily-realistic cockroach cakes (complete with an interesting number of spiny legs): thanks, but I'll pass.

2) Worms in my teeth don't bear thinking about.

3) @Evie_M - on, but it could be anatomically correct..for an alien.

4) Maybe that yellow stuff is what squid ink looks like out of the water? :p

5) I think this one has a typo: the letter after T should be something else.

6) Strawberries with gyro meat is a slightly more appetizing thought than my initial impression, but not much.

7) "To a life time - Happinen!" Complete with bleeding beachside tree stumps. Gee, thanks.

8) Distresssingly anatomical.

9) Who knew legs looked like liver inside? No bones about it.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

That roach cake was the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. 2014 New Year's Resolution: NEVER look at that roach cake again.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVirginia

Groooooossss!!

So mission accomplished. :)

Usually y'all go from "best" to worst, but it's the first cake that's going to give me nightmares.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErica

Upon seeing the first cake...I thought it was going to be one of Jen's revisit of Japan's chocolate covered bug cake things (EW) which thankfully it wasn't but still most disturbingly accurate *shudder*

Cake #7, the erm..beach cake? Maybe it's too many years of cake decorating and or playing World of Warcraft but I see a dinosaur face smiling at me in those green tree like things to the far right...anyone else?...anyone? Please say yes and tell me it's not the residual of too many tequila shots from last night *groan*

Jen and Sharyn...Fantastic as always!!!! Happy New Year CW and all the bloggers!!! :)

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLise

Thank you, Sharyn, for causing me to burst into what is quite possibly the most disturbing song in a long while!

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H.

"WTD means Win The Day. It's an Oregon Ducks team saying. That's all I can explain about the duck cake. Lol."

WTD? More like WTF! Amiright? Amiright?
...
...
...
...
............................................................................................................I'll be over here...

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJonB

Ok, I really want to know the story behind that severed foot - "I told you not both feet"?? Really? Someone had a horrific accident, lost a foot, and someone made them an "I told you so" cake?

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAA

I seem to have a vague memory that medieval doctors/surgeons/quacks believed that rotting teeth were indeed caused by toothworms. Nothing to do with, oh, not brushing your teeth or anything silly like that.

The beetle cake is very well done. And I am so happy not to be in the same room with it.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermagicdomino

Cake #1- someone asked for 'a giant roach' for their birthday? Bet this was not what they meant!
Cake #5 - glad people explained the football reference. I thought maybe the letters should have been 'WTF'.
Cake #8 - traditional cake given to cosmetic surgeons who have just completed their labiaplasty post-grad certificate?

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMillie P

So gross. What is that next to the corn? The green stuff.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDis fan

I posted specifically to acknowledge the excellent Cosby reference. I'm also glad to see I needn't have bothered.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTim H.

Sharon that parody was hilarious!!!!

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Loved the worm coming out of the tooth. Very creative.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Saxon

GOOD GRIEF! it's almost enough to put one off of cake for life.

January 1, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

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