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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jan272014

MEAT WEEK!!

THIS WEEK
IS
MEAT WEEK!

[Kermit flail]
MEAT WEEEEK!!!

 

THE ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT-MEAT-BEEF-TREAT-WEEK!!!

WE HAVE MEAT THAT LOOKS LIKE CAKE!

[whispering]
MEAT WEEK!!!

 

CAKE THAT LOOKS LIKE MEAT!

[singing]
MEEEEEEAT WEE-EEE-EEK!!!

 

AND MEAT THAT LOOKS LIKE MEAT BUT THEY PUT IT IN A CAKE PAN SO YOU MIGHT MISTAKE IT FOR CAKE BUT IT'S REALLY MEAT!

[normal tone]
UM. MEAT WEEK?

THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S A MEAT EXTRAVAGANZAA!!!!!!

LOOK AT THE CUTE LITTLE BEARS!

MEAT!

 

IS THAT JUSTIN BEIBER?!

MEAT!

 

WHO WANTS TO HOLD THE BABY?

MEATY MEAT!!!

 

"BUT WAIT," YOU'RE THINKING, "ISN'T THIS CAKE WRECKS?!"

YES, IT IS!
OH LOOK!
HERE'S A CAKE NOW!

OR IS IT??

HAHA! FOOLED YOU!
IT'S MEAT!

MEAT WEEK, MEAT WEEK, MEEEAT WEEEEK!!!

****

So... anyone else in the mood for a salad?

 

Thanks to Traci C., Debra F., Kathleen, Madlyn D., Zoe R., Jola S., Michelle M., Barbara G., for inspiring us all to become vegetarians.

Note from john- Just to be clear, it is Meat Week. However, we are only honoring this great and glorious tradition today. Partly because we don't have anymore meat photos but also because ew. -john

*****

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Reader Comments (50)

Surely there's not enough material to have a whole week of meat cakes? she asked hesitatingly. *shudder* Bring it on!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVioletRose

Sung to: On Top of Spaghetti

Marie Antoinett-i
All covered with meat
You've finally found some cakes
I don't want to eat

Put Spamloaf on the table
And I'm out the door
Please don't make meat fondant
That's not what it's for

A big heart-shaped ribeye
Just makes me say "ush!"
At least they're bear faces
And not tedddy tush

And Biebs isn't tasty
I think you'll agree
By diapering baby
They've ruined bacon for me

On his 50th birthday
Cody was the boss
But why they made meat cake
Has me at a loss

So, just cause it's meat week
Just have some sense, please
Why not make red velvet
Look like road kill, please?

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Five easy payments
of 29.99
and the mind bleach's free!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I am thankful they don't show us the Beiber and baby cakes after they've been cooked. I can only imagine how horrendous they'd look given how hurk-y they start out!

The baby bear saugage slices are actually kind of cute though.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLady Kal

I'm sure Stephen Sondheim would forgive me if he saw these "cakes."

The Ballad of Sweeney Todd
The Demon Baker of Cake Wrecks.

Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd
Got tired of pies made of men. So odd.
He switched to cakes made of other flesh,
Like lamb, beef and pork that was ever so fresh.
He baked some cakes that few would laude,
Did Sweeney Todd.
The demon baker of Cake Wrecks.

He made a beautiful ladies’ gown
That even the starving just couldn’t get down.
His zombie babe was another treat
That very few people here wanted to eat.
Oh Sweeney.
Poor Sweeney Todd.
The demon baker of Cake Wrecks.

Put that cake pan down, Sweeney.
Lose bologna bears.
No one wants a Beiber head with bacon hairs.

He showed his love. He knew just how,
He put his steak in a big “Pan Wow.”
But no one purchased the cakes of meat,
Though some looked just like a pastry so sweet.
For effort he deserved a nod,
Did Sweeney.
Did Sweeney Todd.
The demon baker of Cake Wrecks.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

No. Just...no.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Ok, I get the idea of a meat cake... but why would you decorate it with poos, and mold, and maggots?
And that Justin Beiber... and baby meat cake... yeah... no words for that.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterthalwen

Well, I'M never eating again...

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

One more reason I'm happy to be a vegetarian.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

MMMMMMEEEEEEAAAAAAATTTTTT WWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!

LOL!!!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Cake that looks like meat has worms......and a cinnamon roll for some reason.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

"In the mood for a salad?" Heck no! I put in an order just this morning to have MEAT delivered tomorrow! And now I know why I want it!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterR3Test

Lady Kal, I was wondering if they might actually look better after they're cooked, like how cooked meatloaf generally looks more appetising than raw?

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSally

I'm kinda loving the bacon roses. I want a bouquet of bacon roses!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Thoughts on Meat Week

By golly gee, this is really neat,
An entire post devoted to meat,
So let us now do celebrate
The things we’re seeing – really great!
M’lady, she is waiting for her date.
With dress of salami, olive loaf and baloney
It is clear that she’s no phony.
The lettuce is a clever ruffle
(and would be good with oil of truffle.)
I’d love to hear her little saga
Of when she was the designer for Lady Gaga.

Happy Birthday sausage cake,
What a birthday treat you make!
A little cherry on your tip,
Is this perchance a Freudian slip?

Cakery treats that look like meat,
Made for vegetarians to eat,
These contain no muscle matter,
Just butter and sugar to make you fatter.

Boneless ribeye as a heart,
Complete with heart-shaped pan,
Who would give such a romantic treat,
Who would be this man?
With a sudden chill, I sense his specter:
Meat connoisseur, Hannibal Lecter.

Sliced lunch meat – too much to bear.
I wonder what they’re doing there?
It’s five below as I write this,
The wind, on my nerves is grating,
I think that these baloney bears
Should go back to hibernating.

[Interlude: Justin Bieber as ground beef?
I think not.
What kind of meat drives a Lamborghini?
In this case, I think it is a weenie….]

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake baker man,
Bake me a baby as fast as you can,
Looks pretty tasty, what you are makin’,
Cover his loins with some hickory smoked bacon,
Now season it and shape it and mark it with a “B”
And put it in the over for Hannibal and me!

O, poor Cody, is this a prank,
For who would make a cake so rank?
What is that stuff around that bacon?
If you’re happy Cody, you must be fakin’….
O, now I see, it’s really meat,
(Ground up “stuff” that they call Treet?)
In any case, not fit to eat….

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Earl of Sandwich

@SuBee: extraordinaire! My pleasure to bow....

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Midnight Writer

I sincerely hope those "flowers" on the last cake are made out of bacon.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

SueBee, I LOVE YOU! Sweeney Todd is one of my favorite shows, your adaptation is awesome.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Well, keep the news from my Youngest--she ADORES sausage and she doesn't need any encouragement ("But, Moo-OOOMMM--it's Meat WEEK!!!")

Some Random Thoughts: Picture #1 reminds me of Fame Whore Gaga in her Meat Dress (which you would think would started to smell after a few hours at whatever awards show she wore it to. She must have been fun to sit next to. I wonder if she attracted flies?)

(Whispering) Meat Week! reminds me uncontrollably of the character of Brick, the smallest child on the sitcom "The Middle", which if any of you have or know a special-needs kid, is scary-close to reality. My hubby and I watch that show more often than not with our mouths hanging open, saying, "OK, who planted the spy cameras?!?" We don't have teens (yet) and we have two kids, not three, but THAT SHOW IS US.

And lastly, the Bieberloaf looks like if he had crashed drag-racing BEFORE the cops busted his sorry butt. And yes, he WAS on prescription drugs as well as alcohol as well as pot. HE BRAGGED ABOUT IT TO THE COPS. But he's out on bail. $&@?ing IDIOT. And Canada, you're off the hook. You also gave us Michael J. Fox, remember, who we universally CHERISH.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Ok, am I the only one who finds the bacon roses kind of ingenious? Yes? Ok, I'll just go hide in a corner for a while celebrating meat week by eating meat every day this week. Just not in cake form. :)

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

Wow, I finally found something to make me glad I'm on a liquid diet after some dental work!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

but also because ew.

Don't mean ALL BECAUSE OF EW, John? *shudders*

I am suddenly not hungry for lunch anymore. Especially after that layered meat cake. ("Layered meat cake" should not be a thing!!!)

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNoey

The raw Justin Bieber meatloaf is how he looked as a popular teen singer. After cooking, the Bieber beef cake would have looked like him after the fast life of a child star has aged him.

Personally, I like a good meat loaf almost as much as I like cake. As long as you warn me ahead of time that there won't be a mouthfull of sugar, I'll take a slice. Unless that meat loaf cake has a spinach filling. Ick.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermagicdomino

The bloody map (in John's link up there) shows a whopping 14 bloody cities that are "participating" in the bloody Meat Week "festivities". My city isn't one of them. Bloody hell. And I was really looking forward to the meat and greet. By the way, the first cake-lady looks like Marie Antoinette! Wasn't she the one who invented head cheese? =^e.e^=

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

#1.) Marie Antoinette meats Lady Gaga (meats...giggle.)
#2.) Meat that looks like a cake. Why? Inquiring minds want to know.
#3.) Cake that looks like meat. -suppressing gag reflex- WHY?! Oh dear God, WHY?!
#4.) Pan Wow! really is the most amazing, versatile pan ever invented isn't it? It sells itself, really.
#5.) Bologna Bears...I'm wondering what kind of "meat" was used in the processing of this "treat".
#6.) The eyes and the teeth -suppressing gag reflex- shudders - Please pass the eye bleach!
#7.) the eyes and the loin cloth -gag reflex not responding well to being suppressed- Please, somebody for the love of God, pass me the eye bleach!
#8.) Crispy bacon roses, and strained peas spelling Happy Birthday on a meat cake that, frankly, I didn't need to see inside. Really. Can't unsee that hot mess. Although it appears to be stone cold so hot mess may not be the best description. Somebody REALLY must have "loved" Cody to give them such a beaut...i...ful...gag reflex taking over...gotta run!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Let them eat pimento loaf!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

Meat Week! Wow! I never sausage cakes as these! Any way you slice it, there’s no baloney here. And I’d steak my reputation on this: not a loser in the bunch – these are all wieners! (And I’m not ribbin’ you!) Don’t chuck these aside because they’re different or try to skirt the issue: if you get a round much you know these are sharp, definitely top blade. You’ll love ‘em, or I’ll give you my shoulder to cry on. Have it any way you like, but I like the Beach Boys cut – I get it ground, ground, ground, I get it ground…. And when I dine I love to listen to T-Bone Burnett!

Remember…Beef-cake….it’s what’s for dinner!

Hope you don’t have a bone to pick with this. Enjoy today and see you to-marrow….

(In memory of a friend who died in prison: some bad guys came up on his flank and gave him the shank….)

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSir Loin

LOL@sharyn and haiku joy :D those cakes make me want to be vegan-almost D:

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

'Kermit flail' made me really laugh out loud. I have to remember that.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

Meat "Week" is actually 8 nights long. I can only assume that stuffing that much meat down your gullet leads to a small stroke in the part of your brain that deals with math. (Or language. Or both.)

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPuppygirl

As George Carlin once observed, "Is it meat, or is it cake? It's meatcake!" (from his riff "The Icebox Man". He was referring to something that had been in the fridge so long, you couldn't tell the difference.)

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRobin

The bears are adorable. It has been a lifelong dream of mine to have a meat birthday cake.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

I want to know how that ribeye in the heart-shaped pan is a product of the USA, Canada, y México all at the same time.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRay

I'm strongly reminded of George Carlin's Icebox Man routine.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

After looking at the link for Meat Week, I'm all in! It's all about the barbeque, baby! And I'm guessing none, I say NONE, of the offerings of Meat Week will remotely resemble a cake or other bakery products.

As for the examples set forth by John today - blech. Why, oh why, would someone go to all the trouble of making that nice "cake" for Cody, only to turn out to be layered meat??? So mean, and not funny. Cody, you owe someone big-time!

That meat baby still gives me the creeps...

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-Marie

You just can't beat meat!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterrocketride

I'm not sure which is more horrifying - Meat Baby or Meat Beiber.

The bacon roses are a bit of awesomeness, but the rest of that monstrosity is very, very wrong. There are starving children in Africa, for meat's sake!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPFlamingo

I guess if Discovery Channel can have Shark Week, CW can have Meat Week. Cue the Jaws theme!

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSue W.

@Earl and @Sir Loin... I'm so glad I remembered to put the coffee down! Well done! (Hah!)

@The Midnight Writer ~ In reference to yesterday, you've got time on the collaboration. The right mister hasn't found me yet. ;-)

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@Sharyn: I started cracking up after the first two lines! Well done!

Er, am I the only one who thinks Cake #2 kind of looks like Lorena Bobbit decorated it?

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterE.Anne

So, Justin Bieber is a Meathead? Who knew?

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbrian t

"Let zhem eet Meat!"

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

This is disgusting and wonderful and I love you.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMel

I once made meatloaf "cupcakes" with mashed potato "frosting" and cherry tomatoes on top for April Fool's Day. It went over pretty well. I never tried to serve my family other humans, though.

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Eew is right! (Says the Fluffy Cow)

January 27, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Meat Cakes would be a great name for a heavy metal band. And bacon roses are a good thing. Yes, a very good thing.

January 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheEconProf

@Earl-Bravo, my dear BRAVO!!!!!!!!! I'll take bacon roses anyday!!!Everything else-well-is there some eyebleach left for me?

January 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWildDuck

FLUFFY COW! You're so fluffy I'm gonna die! (I have missed you.)

January 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

The doll in that first "cake" looks like The Wire off of a Dr. Who episode. "Hun-greeeeee!! FEEEEEED MEEEEEE!!!

Run away!!

January 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFuchsia70

NOOOOOO! THE NIGHTMARE BABY HAS RETURNED TO HAUNT MY DREAMS. WHY, JOHN?!?! WHYYYYYY?!?!?!

January 28, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

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