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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
May052014

Cinco de Mayo Madness

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Or, as it's known in the original Spanish, [rolling Rs dramatically] Cinco de Mayo.

As you may know, Cinco is about celebrating Mexican heritage, culture, and those big yellow hats drunk people wear:

 

What you may not know is that Cinco is also a celebration of drippy cheese volcanoes:

"But it's MY drippy cheese volcano. Nachos."

 

Plus... submarines?

Yeesh, it's like trying to read hieroglyphics. What do you suppose "sperm" "3" "Mayo" means?

Which reminds me: what does happen when a baker can't fit the word "Cinco," and decides to use the number instead?

Well, as Reginald here found out, that depends on if the baker knows how many "Cinco" is:

SO CLOSE.

 

And finally, for your Cinco de Mayo pleasure:

What appears to be angry organ meat...

...on the beach...

...playing maracas.

I am terrified beyond the capability for rational thought.

Olé!

 

Thanks to Colin W., Alicia, Joanna A., Reginald R., & John M. for the real Cinco Swim situation.

*****

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Reader Comments (45)

El submarino de mi padre descansa sobre los pastelitos de celebración. Oui?

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Sung to: Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

Cinco, Cinco, so bizarre
Sombrero or nacho bar?
Submarine code? Tell me why.
Native speakers start to cry.
Cinco, Cinco, so bizarre
Meat lump, tell me what you are.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

According to my
Guide to Cake Hieroglyphics,
"Cinco" means "cha-ching!"

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Maracas? Or greasy moldy turkey legs? Hummmm...

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

For that last cake, "dear God, what is that thing?" is the only thought I could muster.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermelanie sparkles

What the actual hell is that last one s'posed to be?

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDolphin

Today is my birthday. Please, don't give me one of those cakes!...but I will gladly accept tacos and margaritas

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLorie

When it comes to these cakes... Hold de Mayo.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

Bwahahaha Sharyn and Haiku joy :D. If those cakes were any worse, it could cause an invasion by Mexican forces O_o

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Forget the cakes. I'm sitting here trying to roll my Rs dramatically while saying "Cinco de Mayo."

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

I think I can offer some clarity around the seemingly misplaced numerals. The "sperm" "3" "mayo" was clearly intended for my birthday celebration, as my birthday is May 3. The sperm represents my father's contribution to my birth (nine months earlier) (since all he did during the actual birth and 24-hour labor preceding it, according to my mother, was complain about his hunger) (don't worry, 41 years later they're still happily married) (and they had six other children after me, so you see it didn't really destroy the family) (not that I recommend newly becoming fathers complaining about their own discomfort rather than focusing on that of their wife's) (but I digress).

20 de Mayo represents cinco in ternary, only it's actually seis. This is due to everything in Latin America happening "mañana."

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Well to be fair, "cinco" does sound quite a bit like "score" so I think the number 20 on that cake is entirely understandable.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Happy May 20th, the feast day of Saint Lucifer. Am not kidding. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucifer_of_Cagliari

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

It was Cinco, Cinco de Mayo
Big yellow hat on that drunk guy-oh
Cheese volcano? No that's my nachos
Don't matter cause it's 5 de Mayo
Submarine? NO!
It's sperm 3 mayo!
Math is in question and organ meats fashion
for the Cinco...they just got wrecked.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

The peppers on that last cake are actually rather well done. So well done, actually, that I wonder if they're real. Especially considering the apparent skill level of the rest of the cake decorating...

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Ok, I finally figured it out. It is a pink sombrero!

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKay M

Cinco de Mayo is actually a celebration of Mexico,drippy cheese volcanoes,and margaritas. Anyone who mocks this sacred "holiday" is just trying to be El Jerko. The drippy cheese represents our drunkenness and the volcano represents a crappily done up sombrero. We all have that one weird holiday, so let's SHUT UP AND CELEBRATE!

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

You know some thing's wrong when you can't tell if it's supposed to be a sombrero or a placenta. Might be the cake, might be your vision, but SOME THING'S not right.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermryuk

It's been a while since cake made me throw up. After that last mess I can't say that anymore.
@Sharyn ~ A new song to sing to all the new babies being born around here! SCORE!
@Haiku Joy ~ I've missed you my friend!

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I figured it out!!!!! Hunk of meat in the last pic is a pink SOMBRERO decorated with flowers.... a very poorly done one but that's what it is... yes that took like 15 minutes of squinting at the enlarged picture to figure out O.o I have no life.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCat

Let's HOPE those are maracas.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterChris

20 de Mayo is an effort on the part of the baker to save his/her customers money. It can be used for 4 consecutive Cinco de Mayos.

On the last cake, I believe there is a head in the top corner. If so, it is a cake depicting an amply proportioned woman (with no legs) who passed out while playing maracas during a Cinco de Mayo party. Note the piñatas in the left and right corners as evidence which, I believe, depict the traditional Cinco de Mayo "rojo, amarillo y azul" frilly triceratops.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJane

Apparently Reginald never found out how you get to Sesame Street.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Oh--I almost forgot: Happy Revenge of the Fifth!

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

"angry organ meat"
Bwahahahahahahahaha
@Sharyn and @HaikuJoy -- I am in awe as always ladies
Ole!

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

@Sandy - that made me laugh so loud I disturbed the dog!! I'll be singing it all day now!! :P

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

@Julie: you officially win the award for "most parentheses in a blog comment." Would you like to celebrate with some cake?

On the last cake, is that supposed to be a floppy beach hat? Very poorly colored? If not, then I give up.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

"Or, as it's known in the original Spanish, [rolling Rs dramatically] Cinco de Mayo."

I read this in my brain with Spanish Buzz's voice (from Toy Story 3).

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjobe

The second one is obviously an homage to legend of Xptzlptzltl as it is known in the Mayan language. It erupted in 1543 spewing hot cheese sauce all over the invading Spaniards whose only protection was to cover themselves in tortillas as they pleaded to God for mercy. Later, they found that the cheese-covered tortillas were a tasty snack to sustain them as they buried their dead. A mishearing of "el queso" and "dios" became "quesadillas." So now you know!

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

The sperm is obviously the reaction of someone who REALLY hates mayo (my ex is a prime example) and can wax eloquent on its white, viscous, semen-like properties. Doesn't matter that it's not that kind of Mayo. The damage is already done.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermartinet

@ Sandy, now I have a Copa Cabana ear worm, oh well, before that it was Wrecking Ball, which, if you knew me, would make you shudder as much as I was...so I shall happily be stuck with Barry for the rest of the day...until I can put on some RUSH and rock out.

@ SuBee and Sharyn- witty and clever as always...

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

To me, the last one looks like a baby shower cake, with a shrunken head on the right, immediately above the pair of wonky boobies, next the bump, above splayed feet wearing multicolored shoes. so perhaps it is a cake symbolizing the birth of Mexico?

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

I'm pretty sure in the last wreck they confused a KENTUCKY DERBY HAT with a SOMBRERO!!! Or had a left over Kentucky Derby hat cake and tried to recycle I!!! lol Either option is unacceptable to Mexican culture!! lol Now pass me my Margarita!!!

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJessicalynn

I've been trolling this wonderful site for a while... But today have to tell you all that your comments have made my day... The "organ meat" remark had me in stitches... Thanks for the laughs!!

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl E.

The last cake is scary. My only thought was severed clown head.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

Closing the office early for food and margaritas! Have I mentioned lately how much I love my job?
I wonder if anybody brought cake?

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

That last cake is either an ugly hat, or the plastic vomit creature from "Operation: Annihilate!"

Check Queen Elizabeth's head to decide.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Might be meat, might be cake...it looks....like meat cake. -George Carlin

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJustin Tierney

Yikes to all of these things lol. Especially that last one that looks like an angry octopus with maracas. Scary thing.

May 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

"sperm" "3" "Mayo" means - I have left three sperm in your mayonnaise.

May 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMillie P

I know I'm late to the party but yesterday was actually my birthday and I was busy eating not wrecked chocolate cake! As a May 5th birthday girl, I've gotten a couple themed cakes and I think I know what that last cake is. Sometimes the stars align and calendar days collide as a result, Cinco de Mayo and the Kentucky Derby are the same day. That's a derby hat (maybe) or totally a lump of undigested meat.

May 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTami

TheCreepyTribble,that was beautiful.

May 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I Wasn't Going To Click, But Then I Saw The First Letter Caps And Couldn't Stop Myself!

May 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Hahaha Rolling R's dramatically...

I was like...but there are no r's in...hahaha that's the most I've laughed at the beginning of a post ever ever ever...

That angry organ meat looks like's it's playing its sister angry organ meats, which are distinctly more maraca-shaped Ha!

May 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

These cakes are pretty funny. But, I am sad that there are some commentators who want to stereotype the Mexican Culture as sombreros, tacos and margaritas. There is so much more to it than that. But, I doubt any of them bothered to even look up what Cinco de Mayo is.

May 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRamona

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