Weird Ways To Congratulate Someone

Minions, there are a lot of new graduates among you, so let me be the first (or third) to say:

Frankly, most of us didn't even know you could read.

But hey, now that you're slightly more educated and vastly more in debt, there's nothing like a cake to celebrate that thing you dit:


I'm still not hip to all your Gen X'er lingo, so I don't actually know what "dit" means - but It definitely looks less than pleased.


"How dare you"

Still, as any homicidal clown will tell you, there's more than one way to butcher a congratulatory cake.

Like when Victoria's kids tried to get her a cake that said, "To the Best Mom":


Just say she picks you up when you're feeling down, kids. It'll be adorable.

Or tell her she smells like a bus. I dunno. You'll think of something.

Here's a bakery that decided to boldly go where no one had gone before.
 Namely, their display window.

I call this Beethoven's Early Morning Movement.


Although as far as poo cakes go (snerk), that ones's not half bad. In fact my favorite thing about poop emoji cakes is how they look about a hundred times LESS like poop than your average wreckerator's roses:

Great festering fecundity of floral fecality!

Those are some crappy flowers, y'all.

Hang on, there's a joke about poop smelling like roses here somewhere, help me find it...

And finally, you know that Jimi Hendrix song with the line "'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky"- which sounds exactly like, "'Scuse me, while I kiss this guy"? 

At least three of you are nodding. Three of you know what I'm talking about.



That was supposed to say "This guy is on fire," but I'm loving how the baker was like, Oh, an

ominous portend of doom on a graduation cake? AWESOME LET ME TYPE THAT UP.

Thanks to Lisanne B., Kimberly S., Victoria N., Sarah F., Jacqueline D., & Jennifer C., who are also on fire, but in a purely metaphorical sense which requires no kissing. Sorry.


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And from my other blog, Epbot: