My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

KILL IT WITH FIRE!! (Oh wait, they already did...)

This Wreck is from last year, but since they ran the episode on Food Network recently I've been inundated with requests - nay, demands - that I feature it immediately. (And by the way, you guys are just so cute when you get bossy.)

We're fortunate that CW reader Jason got a hold of the actual episode this week, because he made a quick minute-and-a-half recap that captures the true Wrecktastic essence of this masterpiece. It also had John nearly crying with laughter, so you must watch:

I should mention that the challenge was to create a birthday cake for Kerry Vincent, aka the Simon Cowell of cake competitions. This is not the lady you screw up in front of. Or make towering spikes of cake and fruit and paper lathered up with melted goo and then set aflame in front of.

Yep, there were small bowls of alcohol set in the cake, which the creators lit to simulate birthday candles. Unsurprisingly to everyone except perhaps the bakers themselves, the cake then caught on fire.

Here it is covered with a fine dusting of fire extinguisher foam, which most everyone agreed was a visual improvement:

Now THAT is a Cake Wreck, folks.

Still, before you guys rip on these gals too much, consider how boring the world would be without those daring innovators who are willing to go down in flames [smirk] for the sake of their art. I say we applaud these brave souls, and encourage all the ingenuity, forward-thinking, and pyromania that we can. [nodding seriously] Wreck on, my friends, wreck on.

- Related Wreckage: Sandra Lee Shows Us How It's (Not) Done


Better Dieting Through Cake

NOTE: Now really isn't the time to start eating that bagel - or anything else, for that matter. :D

So, are you ready for swimsuit season? No? Then join the Cake Wrecks Appetite-Suppression Program, and get a thinner you in no time!

Yes, that's right! With a steady "visual diet" of Wrecks like these:

You'll find yourself craving all foods less and less!

For example: Are you having a hard time saying "no" to fatty animal shanks? (Because, really, who isn't?) Well, with our proven "You'll Hope They're Cloves!" model, you're guaranteed to never desire streaky blackened meat-on-the-bone ever again!

You're already reconsidering that lunch order, aren't you? Now imagine the results you'll get with a full 24/7 regimen!

It's so easy! The Cake Wrecks Appetite-Suppression Program contains a heart-healthy sculpted-cake medley of:

Disgusting food products...

(Red meat, green meat, meat that oozes, meat that's rare...)

Enlarged insects...

(Post-stompage for maximum effectiveness)

And of course, plenty of poo-like piles...

(Just a little dab'll do ya!)

All guaranteed to get you the results you want!

And for those dieting emergencies when you need an extra-strength dose of appetite suppressing Wreckage, there's our special "medical specimens" selection:

Filled with jelly, so you won't fill your belly!

Melinda A., Tricia A., Kathleen, Jenn J., Kristin, & Debra F., eat your heart out.

Or don't, 'cuz that's kinda gross.

*Related Wreckage: The Cake Head Diet Aid