My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Golden Wreckies

Welcome back to the 2011 Golden Wreckies! I'm your host, Nicky Ganache, and for this segment I'll be talking about myself in the third person.

Nicky can hear you booing, everyone. Don't make Nicky get the hand puppets out again.

Okay, our next award is in the category of Best Supporting Role. And the nominees are:

"The Pastor's Podium"
in Falling Down




"The Flower Girl's Chiclets"
in The Abyss




"A Hope and a Prayer"
in Beaches

And the award for Best Supporting Role goes to.... 'The Flower Girl's Chiclets!' Yes, brilliant. I loved them in JAWS.


Now on to our second category, the award for Best Writing in a Comedic Role. (I actually wrote a hilarious cake this year myself, but, surprise surprise, it's not "eligible." Yeah. They even used air quotes.)

Anyway, the nominees are:


"Cowboys Undeafted"


The story of a rowdy group of deaf football players who suddenly regain their hearing after the coach blows his whistle. Starring Will Ferrell.



"Maga Kum Latté"


The story of a group of rowdy sorority girls who work part-time at a coffee shop and fall in love with a nearby football team. Starring Will Ferrell.



"Happy Colleen"


The story of a rowdy teenager who explores life as a sheep-herder in the 1920s. Starring Will Ferrell.


And the award goes to... "Happy Colleen!" Although I still think my cake was better. Anyone want to see it, by the way? I happen to have it right here behind the podium... And, if I may say, it's bloody brilliant! ... No? ... You're missing out! ... You sure? ... Anybody?... FINE.



And finally, it's time for our last category of the evening. Because that's what "finally" means. Hah! See? I AM funny.


The nominees for Best Set Dressing are:


"Shower Horror"


The amount of ribbon on this cake will make your hair curl.




"Choking Hazard"


What it lacks in creativity, it makes up for with explosions and 3D effects.



"Hello Kitschy"
For once in his life, Nicky is actually speechless.



And the award goes to....why, Nicky Ganache! YES! I won! Haha! Suck it, Hollyweirds!!


Um...who are these big burly men coming on stage? What are you...HEY! PUT ME DOWN! And give me back my award! That's mine! MINE, I SAY!! BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!

[announcer] This has been the Golden Wreckies! Thank you for watching, and good night!

Nicky: [voice fading out] MIIIINE!!


I'd like to thank the Academy, Steve, Kathryn B., Deanne M., Karen B., James, Michael, Sandy B., Brenda J., God, my mother and father... [music swelling] Wait! I'm not finished! My dog Boopsy, my hairdresser Leon, that guy from Cheers...



Conversation Starters

Show of hands: who got a box of conversation hearts yesterday? You know, the chalky little candies printed with whimsical messages of friendship and affection? Like "Booty Infl8n?"

Ok, now put your hands down. You're just embarrassing yourself.

I only ask because some lucky individuals received cake or cookie versions of the famous candies yesterday, and I'm wondering if they're all as whimsical as this:

Hey, it's no "huge me," but I'd take it.

Well I'll try, but darned if I know what "MNE" is.

Gosh, I've never been called neck wear before. Um...thank U?

The best part is this doesn't make me want to run away and file a restraining order at all.

If you're asking, then a) Seriously? and b) No.

And you're going to need another your/you're refresher.


No, seriously seriously.

Come over here so I can slap you.

On second thought, stay over there.
Way, way over there.

You know, part of me thinks this simply has to mean "Sun Shine"...
but the other part remembers how to write a capital S.

So I'm torn.

Thanks to wreckporters Mike L., Jennifer M., Erin, Mariel K., Sarah, Noah E., Andrew T., Amy Z., Jacque K., & Susan R., who think we should give 'em something to talk about it: LOVE.

And then maybe a dictionary.