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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jan142013

Am I Ready For Some What Now?

As a prefessional blogger/author with a penchant for working odd hours and quoting Ghostbusters at inappropriate moments - ("Ugly little spud, isn't he?" "THAT'S MY NEPHEW.") - I think it's pretty obvious I don't get out much.

That's ok, though, because I have all of your submissions to keep me up to date on current events! In fact, you'd be amazed how much you can learn about the world through cake.

For instance, I can now confidently predict that the world will end...

...last month.

Ok, so maybe I'm a little behind on submissions. Whatever. It's not like it's the end of the world! Haha! ZING!

Also thanks to your submissions, I happen to know that it's currently football season. That, or there's another Saw sequel in theaters:

 

Ick.

 

Well, for our breakfast's sake, let's assume it's football season. And as is our tradition here at CW, I will now give you a quick gameplay overview, so that you, too, can be stared at and admired by your friends and family and that guy at the coffee shop who clearly finds your keen grasp on the inner workings of professional gameplay delightful, and that's why he keeps snickering.

Ok, so. Football. First of all, it's NOT soccer.

 

However, this IS what happens when you get a football and a soccerball drunk.

 

Football is played on a field of green, which is not to be confused with a field of dreams unless Kevin Costner is on it. Shirtless. (Bow chicka WOW WOW.)

Ahem.

The field is divided into forty yard lines on one side and fifty yard lines on the other. Whichever team won last gets to start on the fifty side.

Sometimes the field is sectioned off into a grid so the crowd can play a giant game of lawn checkers during halftime:

 

Other times the field is ditched all together in favor of a handy cow pasture:

[insert "tight end pass" joke here]

 

The football itself is sometimes referred to as the ol' "pigskin," but this is a misnomer, since the ball is actually made from leftover Thanksgiving turkeys:

 

The players, or "idiots" as hardcore fans know them, wear the skulls of candy canes in place of helmets:

This makes it easier for the players to hear all the fans calling them idiots.

 

It's the players' job to kick the ball as high as humanly possible, so that it can climb Jacob's Ladder and land in God's lap:

Since God likes basketball better, though, sometimes they paint a basketball brown to try and trick St. Peter into catching it:

This is known as a "Hail Mary."

 

If you start to find the rules of football confusing, then just study this clearly marked strategy guide until you realize you don't care anymore and just want some more nine-layer-dip and Cheetos, please:

In the end, I'm sure you'll find more cow poop - but you'll probably ALSO agree with me and this baker when we say that Football is Fabulous!

 Go Red Sox!

 

Thanks to Michelle C., Jefferson L., Sarah F., Liz B., Sara S., Donna, Chris B., Anna B., Boni M., Abigail C., Diane B., &Heather D. for being such great team players.

Sunday
Jan132013

Sunday Sweets Gets Fruity!

My New Year's resolution this year is to eat healthier. Like making spinach smoothies or whatever it is all the kids are doing these days. More veggies. Definitely more fruit.

Do you think this would count?

By Planet Cake

Why it's dripping with healthiness!
Ok, fine, so maybe the apples are technically made from fondant, but baby steps, people.

 

How about this?

By Carrie's Cakes

I think these are actually real grapes. I can't tell under that sparkly glaze of sugar, but I'm pretty sure. A slice or two of this for my mid-morning snack, and I'll be in marathon shape in no time!

 

I'm talking about a TV marathon, of course. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, anyone?

By The Cake Whisperer

And here comes my face into this cake, because it looks irresistible. Don't worry though, it's totally healthy. It's probably peach flavored, so that evens everything out.

 

I've also heard that adding lemon slices to your water has some health benefits.

By Miso Bakes

So, the same obviously goes for adding cute fondant lemons to anything. Let's not overlook the tastebud benefits and decorative benefits either.

 

Anyway, I think we all know that the secret is MODERATION. It just takes a little math.

By Ashley Cakes

One bowl of cherries is less than or equal to three tiers of delicious cake. See? It's not that hard.

 

And I'd call this a "well balanced" meal.

By Noah Weston

Amazing!

 

Now, it wouldn't be too hard to convince me to eat fresh strawberries right off the vine.

By Betty's Sugar Dreams

What's that you say? These are fondant too? Impossible! Too incredibly life-like. I will eat them all just to prove you wrong!

 

OK, you were right.
But THESE berries are totally the real deal.

By Truly Custom Cakery

In fact, I love a decadent heap of raspberries on my morning bowl of oatmeal and flaxseed. Minus the oatmeal. And flaxseed. Plus the cake.

 

But look, you can't tell me that there's not some nutritional value here. I see plenty of greenery.

By Sweet Tooth Creations

Not only that, but fondant is made from two simple ingredients, sugar and corn syrup. CORN syrup? Sounds healthy enough to me. (Is it just me, or does it look like those are his-and-hers pears up there? Oh, wait. Pair of pears. I just got it. Nevermind.)

 

Whew, with all this eating right, I think it's time to reward myself.

Baker unknown.

Five layers of pineappley perfection. That should do it.
Yep, I'm feeling really good about this year!

 

Have a Sweet to nominate? Send it to sundaysweets(at)cakewrecks(dot)com.