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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Sunday
Jan132013

Sunday Sweets Gets Fruity!

My New Year's resolution this year is to eat healthier. Like making spinach smoothies or whatever it is all the kids are doing these days. More veggies. Definitely more fruit.

Do you think this would count?

By Planet Cake

Why it's dripping with healthiness!
Ok, fine, so maybe the apples are technically made from fondant, but baby steps, people.

 

How about this?

By Carrie's Cakes

I think these are actually real grapes. I can't tell under that sparkly glaze of sugar, but I'm pretty sure. A slice or two of this for my mid-morning snack, and I'll be in marathon shape in no time!

 

I'm talking about a TV marathon, of course. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, anyone?

By The Cake Whisperer

And here comes my face into this cake, because it looks irresistible. Don't worry though, it's totally healthy. It's probably peach flavored, so that evens everything out.

 

I've also heard that adding lemon slices to your water has some health benefits.

By Miso Bakes

So, the same obviously goes for adding cute fondant lemons to anything. Let's not overlook the tastebud benefits and decorative benefits either.

 

Anyway, I think we all know that the secret is MODERATION. It just takes a little math.

By Ashley Cakes

One bowl of cherries is less than or equal to three tiers of delicious cake. See? It's not that hard.

 

And I'd call this a "well balanced" meal.

By Noah Weston

Amazing!

 

Now, it wouldn't be too hard to convince me to eat fresh strawberries right off the vine.

By Betty's Sugar Dreams

What's that you say? These are fondant too? Impossible! Too incredibly life-like. I will eat them all just to prove you wrong!

 

OK, you were right.
But THESE berries are totally the real deal.

By Truly Custom Cakery

In fact, I love a decadent heap of raspberries on my morning bowl of oatmeal and flaxseed. Minus the oatmeal. And flaxseed. Plus the cake.

 

But look, you can't tell me that there's not some nutritional value here. I see plenty of greenery.

By Sweet Tooth Creations

Not only that, but fondant is made from two simple ingredients, sugar and corn syrup. CORN syrup? Sounds healthy enough to me. (Is it just me, or does it look like those are his-and-hers pears up there? Oh, wait. Pair of pears. I just got it. Nevermind.)

 

Whew, with all this eating right, I think it's time to reward myself.

Baker unknown.

Five layers of pineappley perfection. That should do it.
Yep, I'm feeling really good about this year!

 

Have a Sweet to nominate? Send it to sundaysweets(at)cakewrecks(dot)com.

Friday
Jan112013

Visual Birth Control

I think I finally figured it out, you guys:

BAKERS WANT US TO STOP HAVING BABIES.

How else do you explain the continuing popularity of chopped up baby halves, despite my many and well-reasoned protests?

(This is from a shop display window. Just once I want to see that ridiculous little drapey bit propped up with a spinal cord sticking out. JUST ONCE.)

And why else do bakers insist on making the most nightmarish pregnant torsos imaginable, which they know the laws of polite manners will force us to eat?

"No, no, YOU make the first cut. We'll just be right over here...across the street."

 

And as if the protruding feet and hands weren't enought, then they go and stick plastic baby dolls inside the limbless torso's cakey love tunnels, because this is EXACTLY the visual you want right before chowing down on tiny sandwiches and fruit punch:

 THE MIRACLE OF LIFE! 

Now, who wants to lick the love tunnel frosting off the newborn?

 

Ah, but you know what? Licking the newborn isn't enough - no sir! 

We need to CARVE UP THE NEWBORN and EAT HIM!

"Slice off the head first, would you? I could swear it's looking at me."

Speaking of which, there's a .gif going around this week of one of the more realistic baby cakes I've featured having its head sliced open. It's more than a little disturbing, as anyone who pauses to think past the initial "Oh what a cute idea!" of the baby cake can no doubt imagine.

Still, what if bakers showed that .gif to every customer trying to order a baby cake? Why, I bet the world would be a slightly more wreck-less place!

Or we'd just give those people more ideas.

"Ok, ok, I've got it. What we need are... BITE-SIZED babies!"

 

 Yeah, never mind. We're doomed.

 

Thanks to Jenny Lee, Mary V., Ann Marie G., Keith & Lorraine C., & Heather G., who all have names that rhyme! Woohoo! (Life's more fun when you're easily amused. Or rockin' a wicked sugar high. Or both!)