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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Mar152012

Jen's Top Ten Sham-Wrecks

This week the world watched in silent horror as bakers everywhere struggled to remember what a three-leaf clover looks like.

This post bears witness to the tragic results.

 

Money may not grow on trees, mom and dad, but I have it on good authority that butts do.

 

"Oscar the Grouch learns to finger paint."

 

This is actually a bird's eye view of a gigantic clover crowd-surfing.

If you're not seeing it, you're just not drunk enough. (Do something about that, won't you?)

 

And this is what happens when someone leaps into a bakery and cries, "Get me three alien bugs on a cookie cake, AND STEP ON IT!"

I know, I know; it's like I was actually there. Like I was a little green squished fly on the wall.

 

It's a tree. Or a keyhole. Or a tree-shaped keyhole.

Or a valid reason to drink another Guinness.

{HUZZAH!}

 

At first I totally thought this was a Canadian maple leaf made by a color-blind decorator.

Then I thought, "Wait, they wouldn't hire a color-blind decorator, would they?"

Then I laughed and laughed and had another Guinness. Because I'm Irish, and that's allowed. Because Guinness isn't just for breakfast anymore, people. It's also for elevensies.

 

[blinking]

Clearly I need more Guinness.

 

When Broccoli has an identity crisis:

"So my therapist's all, 'Try journaling!', and I'm all, 'MY FLORETS CAN'T HOLD A PEN, @$$HOLE.'

 

"Then I went home and vegged in front of the TV all week."

"Cool story, bro."

 

And finally, a personal favorite:

I imagine this cake's design came about something like this:

"What do you mean, clovers aren't yellow?

"Ok, ok, FINE, I'll add a green outline on top.

"What do you mean, it still looks a little plain?

"Ok, ok, FINE, I'll pour a bag of chocolate chips on it."

And you know what? I'm actually having a hard time imagining a situation that couldn't be improved by pouring a bag of chocolate chips on something. Seriously. Try to name one. YOU CAN'T.

[pouring chocolate chips in Guinness]

And so, friends, in conclusion: I actually kind of hate Guinness. Please send piná coladas. Tinted green. 

Thank you.

 

Also thanks to Juliet R., Katey W., Bethany P., Jodee R., Whitney C., Samantha G., Jess L., Lisa B., Bill A., & Jodee R. for sham-rockin' today's sham-wrecks.

Wednesday
Mar142012

Easy As Pi

Happy Pi Day, guys!

Yep, 3/14 is the day a bunch of nutty math nerds decided to celebrate the mathematical constant that is the ratio of any Euclidean circle's circumference to its diameter...

...mostly by doing stuff like this:

Mmmm. Pi pie.

And yes, the baker DID put the 5 on backwards so it looks like a 2. I'm sure s/he was just testing you, though.

What's that? You didn't IMMEDIATELY catch that?! Well, that just means you need to learn pi out to seven decimals, then!

And what better way to do so than with Cake Wrecks visual aids?

LET'S GO!!

 

Three...

Point...

(Thank you, uh thankyouverramuch.)

One...

(I know, I know; you thought that was number two, but no.)

[rim shot!]

Four...

(Yes, I know it's upside down. The question is, why didn't the baker?)

One...

[singing] "I'M lookin' at the NUMBER innn the mirra'! OW! I'M askin' it to MAKE a cha-hange!! HOOO YA! Sha-MOW! Uh-HUH!"

Ahem.

Where were we?

Let's see... 3.141...what's next?

Oh, right:

Five nine two...

No lie, you guys: I'm looking through your submissions for a number five, and I find this random cake someone found in a display case with the number 592 on it, and I check my pi cheat sheet, and the next three digits of pi actually ARE 592!! I mean, WHAT ARE THE ODDS? AND WHY AM I SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS?!

Don't answer that.

We all know why.


Ok, so. 3.141592...

Six!

(Yes, really. It's a six.)

So there you have it: you've learned pi to seven places with Cake Wrecks! Great job! Pocket protectors for everyone!


And for those of you whose day just won't be complete until you see some pie wrecks, a gift from John:

You're welcome.

 

Thanks to wreckporters Rachel W., Nasina G., Grahm, Maggie M., Gin D., Caroline C., Rebecca M., and Mike - and also to John for the most painful pun in the history of crockery. I knew I married that boy for a reason.