Search

My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Mar032011

Sorry, Charlie

Warning: Parents, hide your kids. But not necessarily your wives.


There's a lot being said about Charlie Sheen right now - although one could argue that most of it is being said by Charlie Sheen. And while a lot of it might seem a bit crazy, I think you'll find his statements all make perfect sense...when applied to the right cake.

So, in the words of Charlie Sheen, "Just sit back and enjoy the show."

"Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18."

"If people could just read behind the hieroglyphic ... if they could put their cryptology frickin' hat on just for two seconds..."

...then maybe they could tell me what the heck this says.

"I've got tiger blood, man."

I hear it tastes like strawberries.

"Resentments...are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber."

(Aka, "Is that a space shuttle in your pants, or do you need to see a doctor?")

"I've been a veteran of the unspeakable."

"I'm still alive, which is pretty cool."


"I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars."

"They picked a fight with a warlock."

"We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be?"

"I have one speed. I have one gear: Go."



"The only thing I'm addicted to is winning."

"Surprise! That's what winners do."

"I am on a drug. It's called 'Charlie Sheen.'"

By Cake and Art. And go here for the back story.

"Duh! WINNING."

Thanks to Jennifer D., Gideon S., Lauren W., Katie S., Kathryn R., Tosha S., Angela M., Rebecca J., Anthea H., I.W., & Amy H., who are ALL bi-winning.

Update from john: The Hieroglyphic cake apparently says 'Happy Birthday' in Gujarati, a language common in Western India. How it ended up in a display case in a chain store in Maryland, though, is still beyond us.

Wednesday
Mar022011

Let's Get Physiological

Gather 'round, my child, and I'll tell you a tale.

A tale...of where you came from.


Now, there are a lot of theories out there about how new babies get here.

Some say it's a bird:

...in a trippy oil painting from the 70s.

Some say it's a plane:

"Geronimooooo!"

And some say it's Superman:

Which, if you think about it, makes about as much sense as the stork.

These are all lies.

And I think it's high time you learned the truth.

The truth is, you didn't arrive by bird, plane, or Kryptonian. You arrived by:


Ram.

And by "ram" I mean "Mommy's magic baby bag."

See, it all started with these brave little tadpoles:


Er...

It all started with these brave gigantic tadpoles.

Together the tadpoles ventured through the winding Fallopian Forests of Ovarium, fought the wily Va-dragon, and ultimately joined forces with the mighty She-Ra in the magic baby bag.


(This is all true.)

And that was the beginning of you!

At first you were really ugly. Barely even edible, really:


You just floated around, day after day, flicking your fingers.

(*flick flick flick*)

If you're curious where on your mom you were, here's a handy diagram:

So, right armpit during the day, lower hemline at night.

Over time you grew bigger and bigger, and soon your wee little face was scaring the crap out of all our friends:

"Eeeaaaaat meeee."

Finally the emotional day arrived, and your mother and I were simply overcome at the thought of witnessing such a beautiful spectacle of radiant new life. [sigh]

And then a rainbow shot out of your mom's hoo-haw, tossing you a good 10 feet. Haha! You should've seen it, man. It was awesome!

Oh, don't look so worried. You turned out fine.

Thanks to wreckporters Paula L., Elizabeth S., Cariena B., Reed D., Valerie B., Kate M., Ashlee, Amber M., & Anony M., who will never hear "Rainbow Connection" the same way again.