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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
May082012

Hey, Teachers! "THANX."

It's Teacher Appreciation Day!

So if you're reading this right now, you should thank a teacher.  

 

And if you're not reading this right now, then your eyebrows are asymmetrical and you smell like cheese. HA. BURN.

See why you need to learn to read, kids? That's right: so you know when random strangers on the Internet are insulting you. Which is always. But reading will give you the specifics.

Ok, now that I'm done with my inspirational pep talk, let's get down to this "thanking" business.

 

[looking over glasses]

[adopting scholarly tone]

[consulting note cards]

 

As a society, we owe our teachers, like, a LOT. (Not an alot, mind you, but a LOT.) 

 After all, without teachers, who would instruct us in our letters and numbers?  

[starting slideshow]

 

 

Or in proper grammar?

 

Or reading comprehension?

 And then write something witty.

 

We also can't forget proper penmanship:


And, of course, the arts:

 

 ACK! Um...sorry, wrong slide. How did that get in there? Heheh. Whoopsie! 

We must never speak of this again.

 

Moving on... (no pun intended)( 'cuz I'm just that good)...Where was I? 

Oh, right.

The arts:

Curse you, budget cuts. CURSE YOU.

 

So today, I want you all to:

 

By offering a hearty:

 

Because:

 Um...what the cake said.

 

Thanks to Robert L., Brooke M.,  Gerta B., Chana L., Nanak B., Kelly H., Brooke B., Mindy W., Amy S., and teachers everywhere for the education.

Monday
May072012

7 More Things That Should Never Be On Cake

And now, as a service to our readers' dieting endeavors:

7 MORE Things That Should Never Be On Cake

 

7. Anything that looks like a spleen

Also, why is the spleen the go-to organ for icky descriptions? You never hear someone say, "Hey, that organesque thing sure looks like a gallbladder!" Which begs the questions: is "organesque" a word? 'Cuz if not, it totally should be.

 

6. Shrimp

Because shrimp.

 

5. Nipples

Hey, don't get me wrong; nipples are great. Heck, I even have one myself. But cake should not have nipples. It just shouldn't. And the fact that I had to bring that sentence into the world makes me seriously question the direction this country is going.

 

4. Ants

Because anything I spend time and money trying to kill should not be something I have to pick off my cake.

 

3. Actual Feathers Plucked From Actual Birds

Let me get this straight: you jammed real feathers into the icing you expect me to eat?

So how about I fetch a beaver pelt and throw that sucker on there, too? Because if there's one thing we've learned about cake decorating, it's that animal outsides are both appetizing and completely sanitary!

 

2. Mold

BAKERS WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.

 

1. Back hair

Actually, this is kind of hilarious.

Assuming those are chocolate shavings, of course.

***

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME THOSE ARE CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS.

 

Thanks to wreckporters Kathryn B., Kerrigan W., Ashlee, Kelly G., Rocky J., Tami F., & Anony M. for the inspiration to just have a salad today.