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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Mar062012

Naughty Bits

Note to responsible parental units: Hide ya' kids! Hide ya' wife! Today's post is rated PG!

Here's a behind-the-wreckage tidbit for ya: when you send in your submissions, they get labeled according to what you think is wrong with them. So, if you say your cake looks like a poo-covered-patriotic-pirate-cat cake, it goes in the poo-covered-patriotic-pirate-cat cake folder.

(Note to self: write post about poo-covered-patriotic-pirate-cat cakes.)

Now, my favorite to browse is the "suggestive" category, because, frankly, you guys see naughty bits in everything. It's actually kinda cute, in a maturity-of-a twelve-year-old-boy kind of way.

The only problem is you're corrupting my wife. Seriously. For example:

Me: "What's wrong with this one?"

Jen: "Umm...Oh! I see it now. It's boobs. On the face. [head tilt] In fact, if you cross your eyes a little it almost looks like a scruffy guy with his face pressed..."

Me: FORGET I ASKED.

 

Me: What about the cute little babies on clouds?

Jen: Clouds? Really? Is THAT what you see there? REALLY?

Me: What? Hey, you're not the judge of me!!

 

Jen: And I suppose you didn't snicker at ALL over the guy with the giant pole sticking out of his lap.

Me: He's FISHING.

Jen: Well, those fish are definitely getting the shaft, then. HEYOOO! Up high!

Me: YOUR PARENTS READ THIS BLOG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

[pause]

Me: Ok, I'll bite: what's wrong with the gavel?

Jen: Er. Actually, I have no idea. I think some of our readers just have their minds in the gutter.

Me: I know, right?

Jen: Like that bathing suit one. Seriously, what's the problem there?

Me: Yeah, beats me. People are so weird.

"Is nice for you! Not."

 

Thanks to Lindsey W., Leslie W., Deb K., Ashley I., & Jane A. for today's mind-trip. To the gutter.

Monday
Mar052012

Pumpkin Eaters

Remember, kids, cheaters never prosper.

Unless they work at a bakery.

Cheater.

See, the way bakeries see it, replacing a talented baker with giant bits of plastic flotsam a trained monkey could use is good for the bottom line.

Well, until the trained monkey forgets which one is the "bottom:"

I weep for our future.

 

Still, imagine how crappy this cake would look without the plastic:

Haha! Just kidding.

You really don't have to imagine it.

("Whoo? Whooo poooped?")

 

Yessir, decorating with icing is just plain overrated. Giant rubber bands, on the other hand, were on sale yesterday:

(What, no snappy comeback?)

(HEYO!)

 

The most cost-effective bakeries know that technically this qualifies as a "Nascar cake."

So fork over your $34.99 and deal, lady.

 

Also cost-effective? Shaking out the empty Oreo trays and calling it "garnish:"

Not to mention the broken "snow" plaque and single squirt of green icing are truly inspiring, in a post-modern, pre-vomit kind of way.


Although, really, who needs writing or Oreo dust or even colored icing when you've got lots and LOTS of choking hazards?

Go on, pull the other one.

(I'm currently having flashbacks to the midnight vet run when my cat had a pull string - if you catch my drift. And for some reason that's just not making me hungry.)

 

Still, don't let 'em get you down, cake consumers! Just put on a happy face, and...er...

Oh, never mind. We're doomed.

 

Thanks to Steven S., Sara S., M.K., Linda T., Shawn T., Ami S., Elyse M., & Gopi F. for reminding us that, no matter how ugly these are, at least they haven't been peed on.