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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jun222012

A Publix Service Announcement

Dear Publix Bakery,

My name is john, and we need to talk.

See, I like you. I really do. Your icing? Awesome. Your cheesecake pies? Beyond nummy. And every time I cruise your aisles at my local store there's nary a wreck to be found.

UNTIL NOW.

Exhibit A: A few weeks ago, I received a picture of your new "Cinnamon Candy Creme Cake":

AKA, "The Sticky Pustule Bundt of DOOOOM! Now with more Herpes!"

 

Now don't get me wrong, PB. (Can I call you PB? 'Cuz I'm gonna call you PB.) Every bakery has an off day. But then I got a few more of these Pustule Poppin' pastries, and I started wondering: is this going to be a "thing?"

A nasty, nasty "thing?"

 

Just to be sure, I went to my local Publix - my own flesh and blood, so to speak - and imagine my horror, PB, when I found this on the featured end cap:

NooOOoooOOoo!

 

So here's what I propose, PB: You stop making the polyp'ed wonder here, and I'll stop thinking how much it reminds me of my dermatoligist's office posters.

Deal?

 

Thanks to Marlissa D. and Amanda G. for reminding to wear sunscreen today. And to always use protection. And to maybe have a salad for lunch.

Thursday
Jun212012

Sometimes You Really Have To Go-Go

(Note: In case your Wham's a little rusty, I've embedded the music video at the bottom of today's post.)

(Also, "Rusty Wham" is the name of my Peter Gabriel cover band.)

 

You caught me off guard right from the start

You got me all fired up with your bean pop tarts


My colon's not been the same

Goes a-Bang-Bang-Bang 'til I start to strain

 


But something's wrong here

Something ain't right

My roommate told me what you did last night

Left a "present" in my bed

 

 I was sleepin',  but the smell could've raised the dead!


Wake me up before you go-go

'Cuz poopin' in a girl's bed's a no-no


Wake me up before you go-go

I don't want to be here when you need two-ply


Wake me up before you go-go

I think this date has just reached a new low

Wake me up before you go-go

Better yet, take a hike


 I really do not liiiiike 

(yeah, yeah!)

 

You left your skid marks on my duvet


 And if they don't wash out then you're gonna pay

What the heck, man, have you no shame? 

 

The term "crappy date"'ll never be the same.


'Cuz you're so crazy, I'm a fool 

Shoulda known better when you peed the pool


Get out, baby, this ain't right

 'Scuse my British, but you're so full of shite!

 

Wake me up before you go-go

I think this date has just reached a new low

Wake me up before you go-go

Better yet, take a hike


I really do not liiiiike!

 

 

(No, no, no!)


Thanks to Jennifer G., Erin S., Kathy B., R.W., Kylie N., Becki N., Marisa F.,  Jamie G., Colleen C., Leigh B., Chelsea H., & Lisa R., for helping me get that out of my system.