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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Dec232010

For the Rest of Us

I realized Christmas might have become too commercialized when I sucker-punched that old guy in the Target electronics section. ("Hands off the XBOX KINECT, Gramps!!!!") Sure, he was just buying batteries for his hearing aid, but it made me think: maybe we've all become too materialistic around the holidays.

So, what's a disenfranchised Seinfeld fan to do?
Celebrate Festivus, of course!

 

Yep, I'm ditching my Christmas tree and putting up the ole' Festivus pole, because tinsel is distracting.

 

"Move it, Tinsel! You're blocking my holiday spirit!"

I'll chuck the Christmas ham and replace it with a traditional store-bought Pepperidge Farm cake covered with M&Ms:

 

 

Close enough.

 

 

I will then invite my family over and we will Air our Grievances, meaning we will publicly complain about all the things in the world that disappoint us... which may or may not include my family.

 

 

To which Mom might retaliate:

 

Because of the fishnets I wear over my peg-leg.

(Actually, come to think of it, we've been celebrating the Airing of Grievances for years.)

 

I'm swapping Christmas carols for the annual "Feats of Strength," where my family members will physically fight the head of household until she's been pinned. (Mom's a fighter.)

 

 

Or, in this case, the head of household will have sensual relations with the guy whose butt is falling off.

 

 

Finally, once we're drunken and bruised, we will celebrate the blessed wonders of the day:

It's a Festivus miracle!

 

 

Thanks to Rhiannon R., Anne B., Kristin S., Sue S., Natalie P., & Lauren K. And happy Festivus!

Now, stop crying and fight your father.

 

 

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CCC Day #11

Share Our Strength is a national organization here in the U.S. that works hard to make sure no kid in America grows up hungry.

Please click here to give your dollar.

 

Wednesday
Dec222010

Well, This Is Awkward

We at Cake Wrecks realize that there are some of you who don't celebrate Christmas. Or Hanukkah. Or Kwanzaa. Or any other winter holiday. Heck, you probably don't even like winter all that much. Or snow. Or puppies. Basically, there's just no making you happy. So, in an effort to placate your scrooge-ish sensibilities, today's commentary will be completely made up of awkward, holiday-free small talk. Enjoy.

So... how 'bout this weather, huh?

Yep...I hear it might even hit 20 degrees tonight. Here! In Florida! Crazy.

...

So...

Have you heard if they canceled Castle? 'Cuz that would be a bummer for Nathan Fillion.

You know, the guy from Firefly?

Firefly. C'mon: the Joss Whedon show? Really popular? No? You've...never seen it. Oh. Um. Never mind.

So... [puffing out cheeks]...yeah.



Uh... Chris, right? What do you do again?

Oh, you're an accountant. Great.



You know, my lawn is just completely dead.

...

Probably the cold.



So... how do you know Janet?

Bunko, huh? Huh. I've heard that's...fun.

[checking watch]



Hey, you know what I could use? A beer. [elbowing ribs] Nothing better on a cold night, am I right? Eh? Can I grab you one?

Oh. You don't drink. [nodding] Well, good! Good for you.

[scratching ear]



Now there is a smokin' fine woman. Hoo whee! Get a looksie at that caboose!

....

I'm terribly sorry. I didn't realize you had a daughter.



Do you know where the bathroom is? Over there? Oops, Janet just went in. Guess I'll just wait.

[fidgeting] [sigh] [adjusting cufflinks]




Woo boy. I'm getting kinda hungry... think I'll go check out that cheese platter. Want anything?

Lactose intolerant, huh? Bummer. Well, it was great talking to you... Christine, right? Ok, yeah, I'll talk at you later. You can count on it! Heheh, get it? That's a little number humor for ya.

Oh, and sorry again about the caboose thing. You have a lovely daughter. In fact, I...am leaving now, yes. Sorry. G'night.


Thanks, Tyler L., Vanessa D., Somer P., Reginia B., Rachel H., Jason D., David G., Christina N., & Ashley. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll just be over here sway-dancing in the corner and trying to avoid eye-contact.

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CCC Day #10

Heifer International works to end hunger and poverty and care for the earth by providing gifts of livestock and training so that communities can generate sustainable incomes.

Please click here to donate your dollar.