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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Apr052012

Pan-Wow

[adjusting headset mic]
[gelling hair]

Hi, it's john with Pan-Wow. This pan is shaped like a heart but it's also a pan so you can make cakes that are shaped like a heart.

A regular pan can only make cakes that look like a circle or a square, but the Pan-Wow can make a cake that looks like anything. Look at this apple.

You can't get an apple cake out of a round pan. Pan-Wow. It's a heart and it's an apple.

 

Use it at home, in the bakery, in the car or the boat. Going to a Halloween party?

Pan-Wow.

 

Oh, no. Is that a ghost?

No. It's a Pan-Wow.

 

Going tailgating at the football game?

Pan-Wow.

 

When you're done, just throw it in the dishwasher. It's metal. It's shaped like a heart. Look at these balloons:

There's three different colors.  You could use four colors.  Or five.  It doesn't matter.  Pan-Wow.

 

Made in Germany. You know the Germans always make good stuff. Use it for Christmas:

Why not? It's a Pan-Wow. It's a heart and it's Santa Claus.

 

What's that? You're graduating?

Now it's a hat. Amazing.

 

Got a steak? Put it in the Pan-Wow.

It's a heart and it's a steak. It's like a heart steak. But it could also be an apple/scary Halloween/ football/balloon steak. So many uses.

 

Is that the Easter Bunny?

Pan-Wow.

And if you comment within the next five minutes, we'll give you a Pan-Wow absolutely free.* You can't beat that. Order now.

 

Thanks to Lisa S., Erin M., Shelley B., Melissa G., Marie H., Cristina Z., Jyap, Sarah S., and Anna C. who don't mind the three easy payments of $29.95.

 

*Plus shipping and handling. Other charges may apply. Pan-Wow may not be made in Germany. Pan-Wow may not be metal. Pan-Wow may not be shaped like a heart. Pan-Wow may not enjoy being taunted.

Wednesday
Apr042012

Some Bunnies Watching Me

John and I are visiting my parents this week, and each night after they go to bed we work online for a while downstairs. There are only two problems with this:

1) My dad collects old clocks, so we are surrounded by multiple sources of nonstop tic. tic. ticking. Which can be soothing, but when you're facing down a cruel bout of writer's block, it's surprisingly unhelpful. All I hear is, "Aren't. You. Done. Yet. Aren't. You. Done. Yet."

2) One of my parents' two dogs - an old, fat, yippy little thing named Princess - not only appears to be demon possessed, she also sounds and acts it. Meaning at 1:30 in the morning she'll shuffle over to the doorway of the living room where we're working, sit, and stare at us. And because she's mildly asthmatic, she'll be making the most ungodly snuffling gurgly wheezy noises while she's staring at us. Then two or three clocks will all start ominously chiming the hour, and Princess will be staring and wheezing at us there in the shadows, and I'm gamely doing my best to ignore it all and not run screaming for the car when I open the latest batch of submissions and see this:

She's watching you. Aaaalwaaaays waaaaatching.

 

And this:

I never imagined an egghead with a Tom Selleck 'stache could be so terrifying.

 

And then this:

"Ooh, I hated the Colonel, with his wee beany eyes!"

[+10 geek points if you can ID that quote.]

 

Hey, you know what this collection of scary bunny cakes needs?

Scary bunny clowns.

Excellent. Now my nightmares can be extra colorful.

 

I figured it couldn't get much worse, but just now Princess started gurgle-growling in her sleep (I don't dare look to see if her eyes are open), and I see the Easter Bunny's tiny snaggle-toothed minions have arrived to torment me:

Great. And just when I thought I'd successfully blocked out that scene from Young Sherlock Holmes, too.

"Can't sleep. Cupcakes will force-feed themselves to me."

 

Tina N., C. H., Katrina S., Kay S., & Amanda A., as a special thanks for today's nightmare fuel, I'd like to share a message from Princess, who just twitched and growled herself awake:

Sweet dreams.