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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Sep262012

A Cake Wrecks Guide For Nervous Brides

Every time we publish wedding wrecks, we get comments from worried brides afraid their cake will be the next one featured on Cake Wrecks. This is both understandable and terribly selfish, since the rest of us depend on your misfortune for our daily chuckles. HAVE YOU NO HEART?

Ok, ok, fine. I guess I can spare a few pointers.

1) Check your baker's previous work.

Remember, you want a cake pretty enough to move your guests to tears:

...not tiers that move themselves.

Also, let's save the Reddi-Wip for the wedding night, mkay?

 

And the condoms, too.

 

2) Pick a design that isn't too complicated.

For example: "Fuzzy yellow caterpillars, pink sea anemones, and eyeballs"

...is too complicated.

 

On the other hand, bright colors, black vines and listless despair are perfect:

...for arranged marriages in bad gothic romance novels.

So unless your wicked guardian is forcing you to marry a man you don't love so they can bilk you out of a fortune you never knew you had whilst the wind howls mournfully across the tempestuous moors, I'd suggest something a tad more cheerful.

But not this cheerful.

 

3) And finally, make sure your design is appetizing.

After all, no one is going to want to eat a cake that looks like you used it to juice Cookie Monster.

(Ewwww.)

 

Thanks to Holly J., Lorie B., Ben C., Olivia X., and Arielle C. who are probably wondering if that last cake tastes like cookies or sweaty fur. (And if they weren't, I bet they are noo-ooow!)

 

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Hey brides! Use this handy printable checklist to make planning easier!

☐ Well-made.
☐ Contraceptive free.
☐ No eyeballs.
☐ No tempestuous moors.
☐ No dead Muppets.
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Tuesday
Sep252012

"Perfectly" Punctual

Yesterday we covered parentheses and quotation mark. Today, THE WORLD.

Or maybe just some extra apostrophes:

This Beth belongs to Congratutation.

The booties are anyone's guess.

 

 I see lots of apostrophes where quotation marks should be, but I have to admit, this is the first time I've seen it the other way around:

I blame whatever madness drove the baker to add that L.

 

You might think periods would be easy to deal with, but if so, you're obviously a man with a death wish.

Or this baker:

I don't really know who St. David is, but I'm hoping against hope he's the patron saint of punctuation.

 

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the three period run, or if you want to get all technical about it, the ellipsis:

Because nothing conveys sincerity quite like trailing off mid...

 

 With all these confusing options, you might be tempted to skip punctuation entirely, bakers. But that path has its own perils:

Yeah, way to go, Bob. I mean, that was soooo great, that thing you did. Scha.

 

 My personal favorite, though, is the wild card mish-mosh of punctuation patter:

I dare you to do a dramatic reading of this cake.

 

 And finally, the colon cake you've been waiting for:

Come back after we slice it for the semi-colons.

 

 

Thanks to Elizabeth C., Miriam A., Doreen L., Ariel F., Sarah C., Gernez, & Kim T. for the excuse to link to Victor Borge's phonetic punctuation.