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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Nov162010

I'm Hunting Wreck-Its

Tracy in Washington wrote a while back to request Wrecks with, and I quote, "all manner of dead animals, people with shotguns or rifles, or dogs pointing at birds." Because apparently Fall is hunting season. And she seemed rather happy about it.

And, since I don't generally make it a practice to disappoint people with shotguns: Tracy, this one's for you.

- Shotgun shells?
Check.
- Edible photo of a deceased duck?
Check.
- For a groom's cake?
Check, please.

'Course, the dead duck in that picture IS a little subtle. I mean, he might just be sleeping. How are your guests supposed to know that the duck has, without question, joined the choir invisible?

Fortunately, there's always this option:

Now that's a dead duck.

Also, I've seen a lot of these cakes, and I have to ask: why shotgun shells and chocolate-coated strawberries? Why not shotgun shells and pineapple? Shotgun shells and kiwi? Or, heck, shotgun shells and sprinkles? I mean, so long as you have actual shotgun shells for the groomsmen to pluck off the cake and load their guns with, we're all good, right?

Aw, rats. These shells are edible:

If not recognizable.

Getting back to the deceased fowl, though, here we have a lovely SWEET MERCY WHAT IS HE DOING TO THAT TURKEY?!?

Not cool, man. Not cool.

'Course, when it comes to hunting cakes, most folks prefer a little more bang for their buck:



This is like one of those 20 questions games: there's a dead deer in the middle of a forest, with a Diving flag beside him. Now: How did he die?

Wow. I just realized: there's nothing like a dead deer cake to make you appreciate the ones without gunshot wounds:


Plus I kind of like this guy. He's all, "What? You want a piece of me? Huh, punk? YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?!?"

Or, for a more subtle touch, try just jamming a set of antlers in your cake:

I tried this once with a set of chicken wings. In related news: some people just have no sense of humor.

Well, Tracy, Elmer Fudd, and the rest of you, in conclusion:

May all your Tinsel-Horned Snorkacks* be the stuff of legends.

Thanks, Paula L., Cory & Haley, Ramona S., Hollye S., Carly, Sandy C., Heather F., & Kristen S. I hope these were worth the doe!


*Note from john: If you got this reference, I'm slow clapping in your general direction.

**Note from Jen: If you got the reference *and* understood that we purposely changed "crumple" to "tinsel," then I'm awarding you virtual gold stars.

And there is no hidden meaning to "slow clapping." Honest.

Monday
Nov152010

Clean Out Your Fridge Day

Today is National Clean Out Your Fridge Day! I know, I'm excited, too... mostly because the only things in my fridge are a box of old butter and a half-eaten tube of cookie dough. Still, for those of you who only wish they were so lucky, here are a few handy guidelines:

You might need to clean out your fridge if:

...you're staring at your leftovers and they start staring back.

...last week's pizza is flakier than your Aunt Milda's scalp.


...your lemons and limes are "spreading their seeds."

...last week's spaghetti and meatballs remind you to get your prostate checked.


...your squeaky-clean crisper gets more squeaky than clean.


...the top shelf items band together to form a new life form.

And the kids want to keep it.

And, lastly, if you see this in your fridge:

You should probably move.

Myra T., Eric B., Hillary G., Laura P., Leah C., Rachel P., Sibel D., & Candi S., call me if you find any pudding cups back there. I'll send you my address.